The Growing Edge of the Serenity Prayer

A friend posted a “Meme” the other day. It was a cartoon illustration of two characters on the end of the year. One is standing looking anxious and the other on their knees gardening. The character standing asks “Why are you so optimistic about the New Year? What do you think it will bring?” while the kneeling character replies “I think it will bring flowers.” The first character then asks “Yeah? How come?” to which the kneeler replies “Because! I’m planting flowers.”

The kneeling character is planting flowers, an act of faith in action I would say.

Life can feel completely out of control at times. It can feel uncertain, like we are being battered around. We can feel powerless over what might happen. This can cause anxiety and lead us to cling more tightly to things. The truth is we do not know for certain what is coming. If the last two years have taught us anything, then surely this is so. That said there is much we can do; there is much that we have a great big say in. While we are not God’s, we cannot control the spheres, we play a role. By planting our own versions of the cartoon characters flowers, we can be pretty sure that we will bring flowers. The seeds we sow make a whole lot of difference in life. Not only for ourselves but for others too. Never think that you are insignificant, that you do not matter. You do, you really do. Please believe that. While we cannot shape the oceans, we can impact on the little bit of space in which we live and breath and share our being. What we do and what we do not really matters, it really does. So go plant some flowers if flowers are what you want 2022 to bring.

Now as anyone who knows me will testify, I am no gardener. That said I do love a good gardening metaphor; gardening is full of metaphors of the things we must do in order to live well. We must prepare the soil and enrich it; we must plant and tend to the seeds; we must weed out whatever it is that stifles the flowers form growing; to enjoy a rich harvest we must give our whole selves to the process without being sure what will come. We cannot guarantee the weather or other influential conditions, but we must give ourselves wholeheartedly. Not only for ourselves, but for others, for such planting and growing is for others to enjoy also.

Isn’t this life. We do what we can and in so doing we create something. That said sometimes even if we give everything there can be a bad harvest. Does this mean we give up? No of course not. There is such joy in planting and sharing and mostly we create something beautiful and wonderful if we give our whole hearts to our endeavours and do so not only for ourselves alone.

We cannot predict the future, but what we do in the present matters, it really does. It is easy to think that everything that we say, do and think has little or no meaning. That how we are has no real impact on the world in which we live. Is this true? Is what we do insignificant?

It is easy to say that we are powerless, but is that entirely true? While we as individuals are not masters of the universe, we are not the Prime Mover, what we do or do not do matters. We each and every one of us leaves an impact of some sort on this world of ours. It matters what we feel, think, say and do or for that matter do not do. It really does matter what we do and what we do not do. No, we are not the ocean, but we are a part of what makes up the seas.

Yes of course we have to accept reality as it is, but that is not the whole answer. It is just an element in the process. It really depends what we do from there.

This brings to mind that wonderful universal prayer “The Serenity Prayer” of which there are many versions. The following short one is probably the best know “God grant we the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference”

The “Serenity Prayer” is one of the great prayers, simple, practical and beautifully universal. It speaks powerfully to the heart and soul of so many people and has been doing so ever since it was first written by Reinhold Niebhur in the 1930’s. I even got into a conversation about it in a remote village in Transylvania when I went on a trip there a few years, an experience that is etched on my heart and soul and will be forever.

One day I visited a small community, a village called Icland - there is no other settlement in the region whose name ends in land, the story goes that it was originally settled by people from Ireland or England – I walked up the hill towards the parish house and settled into a little schoolroom with a few adults and two teenage girls. For some reason I had images of Thomas Hardy or even Dickens in my mind as I walked up to the house and looked at the village. None of the houses had running water, everyone had a well. The minister led a short religious education class and I was deeply moved by the conversation which she translated for me. It was a conversation about struggles with the current economic climate and the importance of letting go of control and not becoming blocked off from God. The words of the serenity prayer came to my mind as we spoke “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference” – if only we could all find that wisdom to know the difference. I mentioned this and then a few moments later one of the women present produce a copy of the prayer from her purse. We then continued with the conversation which was one of the most beautifully moving and connective ones I have ever had. We spoke deep into one another's hearts. I left these people knowing I will probably never see them again, but also knowing that this conversation would be etched on my soul for a long time to come. During the conversation I had felt the presence of the spirit that I call God powerfully. I can picture the woman Elizabeth in my mind’s eye as she talked openly and eloquently of her struggles with life and faith. I can picture her now.

As “The Serenity Prayer” teaches, the key to life is always finding the wisdom to know the difference; the key is discernment. We need to be able to discern, to sift out, what needs to be let go of what needs to be accepted and what needs to change either internally or externally for this to happen.

I love the serenity prayer for many reasons, but primarily because it is humble, honest and open. It is not a petition demanding that the universe conform to our will, instead it is asking for guidance and strength to do our part and to see what our part is, while also accepting the realities of the world in which we live. Finally, it also points to the fact that we need to discover the wisdom to know what our stuff is, what our stuff is not and what is in our power to change.

It is not a passive prayer about simply accepting the status quo, quite the opposite. I see a lot of faith and works in these words. It is a prayer about seeking out what we can do and doing it. “Why are you so optimistic about the New Year? What do you think it will bring?” “I think it will bring flowers.” “Yeah? How come?” “Because! I’m planting flowers.” If no one plants flowers, there will be no flowers.

Planting those flowers brings some other wisdom to my mind Howard Thurman’s concept of “The Growing Edge” here he describes it:

“The Growing Edge” by Howard Thurman

“Look well to the growing edge. All around us worlds are dying and new worlds are being born; all around us life is dying and life is being born. The fruit ripens on the tree, the roots are silently at work in the darkness of the earth against a time when there shall be new leaves, fresh blossoms, green fruit.

Such is the growing edge. It is the extra breath from the exhausted lung, the one more thing to try when all else has failed, the upward reach of life when weariness closes in upon all endeavor. This is the basis of hope in moments of despair, the incentive to carry on when times are out of joint and men and women have lost their reason, the source of confidence when worlds crash and dreams whiten into ash. Such is the growing edge incarnate. Look well to the growing edge.”

The call to “look well to the growing edge” is the call of courage, of hope, rather than fear and despair, despite the very real troubles present in life. Yes, it does seem, to quote Howard Thurman, that the “times are out of joint and (people) have lost their reason” while “worlds crash and dreams whiten into ash.” That said instead of descending into despair, lets plant some flowers, as a commitment to life and living and in so doing we will “Look well to the growing edge!” This “the basis of hope in moments of despair, the incentive to carry on”. Let’s carry on.

Carrying on is not hopeless idealism by the way; Thurman certainly was not some hopeless idealist. He was a black man born into a culture of white supremacy, just one generation from his grandmother’s experience of enslavement. He knew from experience, real lived experience, that new life is born even in the midst of horror. It is easy, it is lazy, it is cowardly to indulge in cynicism and fatalism and to claim that we are powerless in the midst of life, to give up and not plant flowers. This is not life, if it was nothing would ever have changed. The growing edge is about accepting reality as it is and then doing what you can with you have, it is about planting the seeds of hope.

Yes, we need to accept reality as it is right here, right now. That said we also need to find the courage to plant our flowers, to live on the growing edge, to discover the wisdom to know the difference and to do what is not only in our power, but what is our responsibility to ourselves, humanity, to life.

So, I am going to end this devotion with a question. What is your growing edge? What is it that you want to grow? What is yours to bring to life in this our shared world? What is your responsibility?

Whatever it is will not come to fruition instantly. It is not a sudden quick fix. It will grow slowly, almost imperceptibly, but it will grow all the same. Rather like the plants and flowers grow, that require patient care and attention, but they will only grow if we plant them and do our part in nurturing them.

So you may well ask:

“Why are you so optimistic about the New Year? What do you think it will bring?” “I think it will bring flowers.” “Yeah? How come?” “Because! I’m planting flowers.”

Below is a video devotion based

 on the material in this "blogspot"

Harvest: Wisdom to Know the Difference

“Harvest” is a time for reaping, but it is also a time for reflection; “Harvest” is a time just before Autumn sets in and all around us slows down; “Harvest is a time to gather in all that has occurred in our lives; “Harvest” is a time to feast on the good and perhaps chuck out what is of no use.

We will, before we are probably aware of it, soon enter into the winter of the year. Let us hope we have gathered enough to see us through the darkness of winter; let us hope we have planted enough, and cared for what we have planted, so that our harvest will be plentiful, that it will leave us fulfilled.

It is said that we reap what we so, but I'm not sure this is entirely true. There are after all other forces at work. We cannot control every element of life; there are powers at work other than our own. Sometimes everything can be destroyed, can be blown away by forces way beyond ourselves. This can lead us to believe that all is lost, but this is not necessarily so. We can begin again at any time. Seeds can begin to grow again, even after utter devastation.

“Harvest” is a time to reflect on what has been and to plan for times ahead. How is your harvest this year? Have the seeds you planted failed to grow? Are you been left with a bad harvest? Is this because you have not nurtured and cared for your crop as you should have or is it due to forces way beyond your control? Either way do not despair, hope springs eternal, even in the Autumn and the winter. There is always time for new beginnings. Let’s gather in the harvests of our lives and lets offer thanks and praise for all that we have been given, even if it’s a hard lesson, let’s give thanks for the lesson.

For tomorrow is another day and we can begin again in love.

I recently came across the following meditation "The Wisdom to Know the Difference" by Sarah York, it really touched me as I reflected on some of the people I serve and how they live with growing older...

“The Wisdom to Know the Difference” by Sarah York

My colleague Harry Meserve described as a pleasant surprise of advancing years the discovery of areas of knowledge, activity, and enjoyment that he had never before had time for or even considered. “This discovery,” he writes, “reminds one that no matter how distinguished, competent, and successful we may have been…we are now as little children who must be taught from the start how to make our way in other fields of knowledge and activity. Such experience is good for the soul.”

Aging is a lifelong process of adjustment to change. The people who age the best are those who are granted serenity – as the famous prayer puts it – the serenity to accept the things they cannot change, the courage to change the things they can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Getting older is one of those things that cannot be changed. The losses are different for different people. Sometimes the loss means giving up possessions to move to a smaller home, or giving up independence to move in with a family member. Or it may be the loss of physical abilities – hearing, walking, seeing. Gradually, age reminds us that we can’t do things we used to do. Age forces us to redefine ourselves in terms of what we can do. It is an art to be able to grow through the losses and accept the process without giving in to a spirit of decline.

Aging is a process of growth, not of decline. I admire people who age well more than those who remain youthful. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference, for both may appear vital and alert. But one avoids the realities of the autumn season of life by pretending that it’s still summer, while the other enjoys the brilliant colours.

...I love the final paragraph, especially the short sentence that opens it, "Aging is a process of growth, not of decline.". It also got me thinking about "The Serenity Prayer" in relation to "Harvest"...

The word Harvest is derived from the Anglo-Saxon haerfest, meaning “Autumn”. Autumn is always the reflective season. A time to gather in all that our lives have produced and then to separate what is of no use, to let it go and to store up what is of good use. It also got me thinking of the following parable from Matthew's Gospel Ch 13 vv 24 - 30

24 He put before them another parable: ‘The kingdom of heaven may be compared to someone who sowed good seed in his field; 25but while everybody was asleep, an enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and then went away. 26So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared as well. 27And the slaves of the householder came and said to him, “Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where, then, did these weeds come from?” 28He answered, “An enemy has done this.” The slaves said to him, “Then do you want us to go and gather them?” 29But he replied, “No; for in gathering the weeds you would uproot the wheat along with them. 30Let both of them grow together until the harvest; and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Collect the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.” ’

This parable got me thinking about what "Harvest" is really about and I believe it is two very important things. "Harvest is about storing up what is of value and good to us and offering thanks and praise for this and letting go of what is not. This time of year is very much about preparing for the future, making best use of what we gather in but also about acknowledging the power of letting go of what is not. For by doing so we are making room for more of what is of good use.

Now of course not everything can simply be let go of, life just isn’t like that. There are aspects of our lives and who we are as people that no matter how much we may wish them away will always remain. That said how we live with them will make all the difference. In fact we may even be able to make good use of these perceived problems. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to adopt a different attitude towards these problems in our lives; sometimes this is all that we need to do.

Now isn't this the wisdom of "The Serenity Prayer” “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And wisdom to know the difference”

The “Serenity Prayer” is one of the great prayers, simple, practical and beautifully universal. It speaks powerfully to the heart and soul of so many people and has been doing so ever since it was first written by Reinhold Niebhur in the 1930’s. I even got into a conversation about it in a remote village in Transylvania when I went on a trip there a few years.

Several years ago I visited Unitarians in Transylvania. One day I visited a small community a village called Icland - there is no other settlement in the region whose name ends in land, the story goes that it was originally settled by people from Ireland or England – I walked up the hill towards the parish house and settled into a little schoolroom with a few adults and two teenage girls. For some reason I had images of Thomas Hardy or even Dickens in my mind as I walked up to the house and looked at the village. None of the houses had running water, everyone had a well. The minister led a short religious education class and I was deeply moved by the conversation which she translated for me. It was a conversation about struggles with the current economic climate and the importance of letting go of control and not becoming blocked off from God. The words of the serenity prayer came to my mind as we spoke “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference” – if only we could all find that wisdom to know the difference. I mentioned this and then a few moments later one of the women present produced a copy of the prayer from her purse. We then continued with the conversation which was one of the most beautifully moving and connective ones I have ever had. We spoke deep into one another's hearts. I left these people knowing I will probably never see them again, but also knowing that this conversation would be etched on my soul for a long time to come. During the conversation I had felt the presence of the spirit that I call God powerfully. I can picture the woman Elizabeth in my mind’s eye as she talked openly and eloquently of her struggles with life and faith. I can picture her now.

The key to this time of year and every time of year is in finding the wisdom to know the difference. The key to this of course is discernment. We need to be able to discern, to sift out, what needs to be let go of, what needs to be accepted and what needs to change either internally or externally for this to happen.

Now the word discernment comes from the Latin “discernere” which means to separate, to distinguish, to sort out. Just think of prospectors panning for gold or sifting through rocks and dirt in search of gem stones. They are separating, they are sorting through the muck for what is precious, they are distinguishing, they are discerning.

Discernment is the key to more fruitful harvests in our future. We need to discover what is of value and what needs to be discarded from our hearts, our minds and our lives. We need to do this in order to live fully and experience all that life has to offer. We need to discard the dirt and muck in order to discover all that is precious in life; we need to do this in order to be fully aware not only of our own lives, but the lives of those around us.

So how do we clear our minds so that we can discern, so that we can sift through the muck of life? Well I believe that we need to create space and we need silence. Our lives, our minds are so full of stuff that it is really difficult to discern what is right and healthy sometimes. This makes it difficult to make wise choices about life. In order to make those wise decisions we need to be still, we need to be silent, we need to connect to our bodies, to our breathing. We need to prepare ourselves for what life has to offer us. If we do we may just hear that still small voice of calm; that voice that is less than a whisper and yet so much more than silence. That voice that will grant us the wisdom to know the difference.

I will end this little chip of a blog with following “Autumns Arrival” by the late Simon John Barlow.

"Autumn's Arrival"

The chill in the air of mists and rain,
The grey and blue of sky meeting the reds and golds of leaves
Announce that autumn has arrived.
A feast for the seasons.
The fruit-laden branches of tree and the berry festooned bushes,
The bare fields now reaped of grain and vegetables,
Announce that harvest has arrived –
A feast for the body.
But what of the feast of the soul?
What have we gathered from our lives?
What of the harvest of experience?
The words of Julian of Norwich remind us that
“Peace and love are always alive in us,
but we are not always alive to peace and love”.
And so beloved,
In this season of ingathering and feasting, let us remember
The harvest for the senses,
The harvest for the body,
And the harvest of the soul
- lessons learned, peace sensed and love felt –
- the ingathering of Commonwealth of God.
God of Creation,
We give thanks for the bounty of our harvest of senses, body and soul
We hold in compassion those whose harvest is not yet ready,
Or seems too difficult to reap:
Guide us to use our blessings to bring a brighter harvest for all beings:
And grant us the wisdom to be alive to the harvest of peace and love.





Simon J Barlow

More lessons from Transylvania: Symbols

Transylvanian Unitarian Symbol

During my recent visit to Transylvania I was invited to preach at the anniversary service of our sister congregation of Maros St George. While preparing I was asked to wear a badge depicting the symbol of the Transylvania Unitarians. Tamas, the minister explained to meaning of the images  on the badge. They are deeply symbolic it would seem.

There are four distinct features to the symbol: a dove, a serpent, a mountain and a golden crown. The dove symbolises peace; the serpent symbolises wisdom; the mountain symbolises height; the crown symbolises kingship. It is inspired by a passage from Matthew's Gospel chapter 10 v 16 “Behold I am sending you forward as sheep in the midst of wolves. Be therefore wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” In this passage Jesus is warning his disciples of the dangers that they will face in carrying their message of radical love, to a wounded world. He is saying that they will be no safer than lambs amongst wolves; he is saying that they must employ wisdom in the way they impart this message, in a hostile world.

The Transylvania Unitarians have adopted this symbol because they have needed to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves. Throughout their history they have always been a minority group and have faced persecution, from both religious and secular sources because of this. During the sixteenth century the threat came from many sides. Other none trinitarian thinkers of the time, such as Michael Servetus, were burned at the stake for proclaiming their heresy. Somehow the Unitarians in Transylvania survived, some might say miraculously. How did they survive? Well probably because they took head of this simple message, they were as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves. A message that they still need to take heed of today.

At the centre of their symbol is a dove, an important image in the Judeo-Christian tradition. It makes its first appearance in the story of Noah’s Arc. Noah sends out a dove to find land, eventually it returns with an olive branch. This symbolises the re-birth of life, something very important to Transylvanian Unitarians. They are very much tied to the ground, to the soil and the cycles of life.

The dove of course is the symbol of peace. A dove is gentle, but only when it is free, when it can fly as it is meant to. A dove can become aggressive if enclosed in a cage. The dove symbolises the soul, our essence, our being. The dove symbolises our soul's need to remain open to all that life offers. We all need the openness of innocence in order to live peaceful, harmless and gentle lives. The dove is standing on a mountain, on solid rock. This symbolises the ethical heights that we need to reach in order fulfil our human potential and appreciate the earth on which we all stand. The rock is also symbolic of stability. To reach our potential we need to stand on solid ground.

I see parallels between the soaring of the dove to the top of the solid mountain and the chalice symbol, that identifies Unitarians globally. The flames of the chalice reach out beyond the cup of love in which the fire is set. This reminds me of the words from that beautiful Unitarian hymn "Spirit of Life"

The serpent symbolises wisdom. In the bible it first appears in the story of Adam and Eve. It reveals the forbidden knowledge of life and death. For this the serpent is cursed to sneak around on its belly near to the rocks. The wise serpent lives close to the water, the source of life and for this it is respected by people of desert cultures. They consider the serpent to be very wise indeed.


When we think of serpents or snakes we think of danger. Some can be venomous and can kill, but their venom can also heal. The serpent is indeed a source of life and death; it does carry the knowledge of life and death and it is of course the gaining of this knowledge that leads to the loss of innocence.

In the Transylvanian symbol the serpent is in a cirlce, a ring. This symbolises eternity, and the continual rebirth of life. As they say in Transylvania “life is eternal and the soul is invincible, we can be reborn every day” The dove stands within the circle. The wisdom of the circle protects the innocence of the dove. The message is to remain wise and innocent in order to live a full life.

There is a golden crown at the top of the Transylvanian symbol. This is the crown of the only Unitarian king in history John Sigismund, who by signing “The Edit of Toleration” in Torda in 1568, gave Unitarians protection. This meant that they were not wiped out as they were in other parts of Europe.

The crown is no ordinary crown, it is golden, it symbolises the God or Goddess, the creator of the universe. It also carries the message of infinite and perfect happiness, a goal worth striving for; it is a source of aspiration for the Transylvanian Unitarians. They believe that we can all be kings and queens, that we can all wear the crowns.

What a powerful image this Transylvanian Unitarian symbol is. It teaches that we can all reach the summit of the mountain and wear the crown of happiness. A difficult journey no doubt, but one worthy of taking. It also teaches that we can attain this if we are wise enough to remain innocent and aspire to that perfect happiness.

I learnt a lot in Transylvania

.

Our lives are surrounded by symbols. Symbols are far more than pictures; they carry a story within them that is bursting to be let out. The great twentieth century theologian Paul Tillich talked extensively about symbols. He believed that they were more than simply signs pointing somewhere; they also possessed, within them, an element of qualities that they were pointing to. The purpose of the symbol is to open us up to deeper levels of reality that cannot be grasped by other forms of communication. They therefore reach the parts that words alone cannot. They enable us to connect to an ultimate reality (his name for what religions call God). They are seen as a window to a transcendent reality, rarely touched. The symbols are of course not the reality itself, just as the word describing it is not the reality either. They do though reveal something of this greater reality, that is called God.

The Transylvanian Unitarian symbol describes almost perfectly the soul of those beautiful people that I spent a short time with, last Autumn.

As a student minister I spent a year at the Unitarian Chapel and One World Centre in Oldham. Outside the chapel is a sign. It reads, “open to all who wish to worship with an open mind, in a spirit of freedom, reason and tolerance. We do not hold the same beliefs; rather each person is encouraged to develop his or her faith in a continuing search for truth.” I believe that this speaks powerfully and coherently to the Unitarian tradition that I am a part of.

The Unitarian faith is ever evolving, as all life is evolving. It has its roots in the Liberal Christian Tradition, inspired by the life and teachings of Jesus. Our symbol, the chalice exemplifies this perfectly. It is a kind of cross, but an evolving one, with the flames reaching out much further to a place way beyond our imaginations. So while we are rooted in the Liberal Christian tradition we have evolved beyond this starting point and embrace truth from a myriad of sources. 

A flame burning in the cup of love is deeply symbolic of the roots from which we were formed, but the flames seem to indicate something more, something eternal, something way beyond the limits of human vision. I see parallels with both the dove and the serpent and that golden crown of the Transylvanian symbol here. There is freedom in the flames, there is wisdom yet to be unearthed in those flames and there is that crown that we can all aspire to. I also see the rock on which all this stands; the solid base that sustains us as we reach further, to who knows where.

This is religion in its truest sense, this searching together, this working together, and this giving together. Each individual Unitarian adds to that flame and also takes from it. It is this continual communal search and struggle that is the rock, or the cup on which the Unitarian free religious faith is built. Where this leads, no one can know, certainly not I.

Empathy: by breath, by blood, by body, by spirit we are all one

During my recent trip to Transylvania I enjoyed many moments of genuine connection; when my heart and mind connected with the people I met; people who offered me genuine love and hospitality. Perhaps the greatest gift of the whole trip occurred in a cold, dark, broken down building in the village of Icland. Here I was invited to participate in a religious education class, with half a dozen adults and two teenage girls. Now of course it was difficult to understand what was being said and to participate as the class was taken in Hungarian. That said the minister Anna Maria translated the conversation from Hungarian into English and vice versa. We talked about keeping faith in difficult times, learning to let go of what is out of our control and do what we can in areas that we can. Something I am sure all human beings can relate to. During the conversation the “Serenity Prayer” came to mind “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”

The whole world is going through a difficult time at the moment. Things are hard enough here in England, but they are even harder in less developed and more economically disadvantaged countries such as Romania. The trip has shown to me, just how fortunate I am to have been born and brought up in England, at least with regard to material wealth.

I connected deeply with the people I met, in that religious education class; I will probably never meet them again. I empathised; I felt what they were feeling. Life is an uncertain experience for all of us and we all worry about those we love and care for. One woman, Elizabeth has been haunting me ever since, her face is etched deep into my soul. I can picture her now as she spoke of her struggles to accept the uncertainty of the current situation, but also as she spoke of her faith and of course her struggles with that too. I am sure we can all relate to this, especially when life is not seemingly going the way we would like it to.

I, like most people I suspect, find it difficult to be with people who seem utterly absorbed by their pain. This is especially true the closer I am to a person. I recently spent time with someone I profess to love dearly, someone I have known all my life, who has been struggling. I found it difficult being in their company as there really was not much that I could do to help. Well actually there was an awful lot I could do; I just needed to sit with them and listen. To feel their pain and to know their pain, without getting swallowed up in it. The problem was that I kept being asked what they needed to do to get out the situation they had found themselves, what tips I had to offer. The truth is of course that there is no magic wand, or at least I’ve not found one as of yet. For me the solution is always to surrender to what is and to slowly build from there. The road to wholeness and fulfilment is a slow steady walk. a trudge; there is no short cut or magic carpet, not in my experience. Yes there are moments of sudden revelation and even grace, but they usually come after the hardest of times.

It is never easy to see others in pain, I believe it is even harder if it is someone close to you. Karen Armstrong in “12 Steps to a Compassionate Life” “Step 4 “Empathy” says that “The Tibetans call this quality shen dug ngal wa la mi so pa, which means ‘the inability to bear the sight of another’s sorrow.”

To live more compassionately we need to learn to bear the sight of another’s sorrow. She says that “The suffering we have experienced in our own life can help us to appreciate the depths of other people’s unhappiness.” She gives several examples where the great sages of human history were able to look into their own experiences of suffering in order to help the people of their time and place.

She states “The dynamic of the Golden Rule is beautifully expressed in an early Surah of the Qur’an in which God (referring to himself in the third person) asks Muhammad to remember the sorrows of his childhood – he had been orphaned as a small child, parcelled out to relatives , and for years  was a marginalised  member of his family and tribe – and to make sure that nobody else  in his community  would endure this deprivation.”

She highlights the example of Gandhi, who much like the Buddha before him was born into privilege; he only became aware of the plight of Indians in South Africa after being thrown off a train, for sitting in carriage reserved only for white people. Within a week he had summoned all the Indians to a meeting in Pretoria and began a lifetime’s campaign of non-violent opposition to oppression.

Our own pain can indeed become an education in empathy. 12 step fellowships such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) talk about the former sufferer’s past being their greatest asset. Those who have recovered can help the sufferer who is seeking a way out. They can truly empathise with their plight; they understand the illness of addiction in a way that none sufferers cannot and can therefore offer true hope to the seemingly hopeless one. One of the promises of the AA program is “We do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it”. Their painful pasts can be brought to good use in carrying a message of hope to those who still suffer.


Empathy is at the centre of Albert Schweitzer’s concept of “Reverence for Life”, which he extended beyond the confines of humanity to incorporate all living things. He stated:

 "Reverence for Life” gives us something more profound and mightier than the idea of humanism. It includes all living beings. We reject the idea that man is 'Master' of other creatures, 'Lord' above all others. We must realize that all life is valuable and that we are united to all life. By ethical conduct toward all creatures, we enter into a spiritual relationship with the Universe."

Schweitzer's "spiritual relationship with the Universe" grew from his understanding that religion balanced the spiritual with the practical. For him “Faith without works” was indeed dead. True religion demanded the kind of ethical activity that Jesus called for in the Sermon on the Mount. He was critical of the church for failing to follow Christ’s "great commandment of love and mercy”. He believed that whatever path we choose compassion and concern for all living things must be incorporated into that service; that “Reverence for Life” leaves no breeding ground for cruelty; that it is a "boundless ethic" which includes all beings regardless of race, religion, or species.

Karen Armstrong highlights the importance of art and creativity in helping us to enter into the lives of others, to know their pain. In the 21^st century cinema seems to have the ability to help us empathise with the plight of people we normally would never consider. It opens our hearts in a way that a news item could perhaps never do. This is because we begin to empathise with the characters involved we feel with our emotions what they are experiencing. This is because we share a common humanity, a common life, we are made from the same stuff. She says “The big screen can bring us close to the characters; we can find ourselves moved to tears, our mirror neurons firing as we witness their pain, even though our rational minds tell us that their suffering is entirely fictional.” The Ancient Greeks understood this and portrayed it in their epic plays; Shakespeare understood this too as have most creative’s, throughout human history, who have brought a deeper understanding to us all. They have helped us walk in one another’s shoes. The point is to see another’s pain as also being our own. After all we are all made of the same stuff.

Of course this begs the question, how do we bring this about?

Well Armstrong offers a meditative practise as a starting point. It begins by imagining Confucius’ “Concentric Circles of Compassion”, beginning within ourselves and then moving out in ever widening circles until it touches the whole world.

The meditation suggests that we turn our attention to three individuals that we know. The three being an acquaintance we are not too closely connected to, someone we hold dear to our hearts and finally someone to whom we bear a grudge or hold resentment against. She suggests that we bring each one to our mind, to picture them and to name them. To bring to mind their good points; to look into their hearts and see their pain and to desire for each of them to be free of their pain and finally to resolve to help them in any way that we can; to wish for them whatever it is we desire for ourselves; to live by the Golden Rule. The purpose of the meditation is to develop upeksha ‘equanimity, which will allow us to relate to people with equanimity. Of course this is difficult to practice, but if stuck with, over a period of time, results are sure to follow.

Through developing empathy we will truly be able to practise compassion in our daily lives. Practise does indeed make perfect. Opera singers have to train for years, as do dancers and even ministers for that matter, doctors are not made overnight and neither are decent spin bowlers. All these crafts take time, dedication and consistent effort. It is worth it though.

Through the practise of empathy and compassion we can live truly connected lives and we will no longer feel that sense of separation and aloneness that so many people in the materially rich west seem to suffer from. Through practise we can grow into what Schweitzer described as a "spiritual relationship with the Universe" and we will develop reverence for all life, including our own.

I will never forget that conversation we shared in the village of Icland, in that run down house in the Transylvanian countryside. I will never forget Elizabeth’s face. She is permanently etched onto my soul...I felt with her and she helped bring down some barriers that were around me...and helped me to glimpse that something in the corner of all our lives, that we cannot quite see.

Karen Armstrong being interviewed about "12 Steps to a Compassionate Life"

There's no place like home

Sitting opposite me on the flight into Transylvania there was a young family who were obviously returning home. The daughter and the mother spent quite a lot of the flight teasing the dad, this both amused and delighted me as we passed over Europe. I had noticed that the little girl was wearing ruby slippers, like those worn by Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. This amused me also, it put the broadest grin on my face.

On both the flight into Transylvania and the flight back we were, just by chance of course, sat with the same young woman. Interestingly she was also wearing red footwear, but of a more adult version. She was wearing red knee length boots. I was wearing red shoes too, trainers in my case. Now this may well mean nothing, but as I have reflected on the last week of my life meaning appears to have emerged.

As we came into land and looked down at the Transylvania countryside there was something very familiar looking about it. It reminded me of home, of some parts of the Yorkshire countryside. There is no place like home.

A sense of belonging is so important to a happy and stable life. I know this from painful personal experience. For much of my life I felt the ache of not belonging. Not that this was imposed from the outside, this really was an internal problem, people have always made me feel welcome where ever I have been. I know today that I did this to myself, the rest of the world and humanity always seemed a little alien to me. There was always a sense of distance, something I have to keep an eye on even today.

I got the sense that many of the Unitarians in Transylvania have this sense of not quite belonging. They are a minority within a minority, within a minority it would seem. First of all by being a religious community, however liberal, in an increasingly secular world; secondly by being Hungarian speakers in Romania; thirdly by their approach to religion and understanding of the bible, Unitarianism is a heresy after all. There may well be many Unitarians in Transylvania but they are still to some degree outside of the gate.

They are beautiful people and the most hospitable and loving you could ever wish to meet. They welcomed myself and Carolyn warmly into their lives. You could tell that it meant a lot to them that we had come to visit. I know that Carolyn was overwhelmed by the love shown to us throughout the trip. She was particularly touched by Mrs Abraham, the wife of the congregation’s Lay President. She held her hand during the service. Mrs Abraham could obviously sense that Carolyn was nervous as she had to deliver a speech. I have spent a few days with some of the world’s most beautiful people. They have permanently etched that love upon my soul.

Since I returned I have taken it very easy. I will not be returning to work until the morning (Yes I know I should not have written this or the other blog). I was at home yesterday visiting in Yorkshire. I love driving on the M62, through the Pennines, even if it is a little crazy at times. The weather was terrible yesterday. Wild! On the way back the rain was coming down harder than I have ever known. I was loving the drive though, I felt so free and alive. As I passed the farm that that sits as an island between the east and west bound lanes I was listening and singing along to a song I love “What a Wonderful Way to Go” by New Model Army. I was screaming it out loud with tears rolling down my cheeks, just grateful for being alive and being able to experience love. I have never felt so free in all my life. The last notes of the song ended as we passed a sign saying this was the highest motorway point in England, strangely the weather calmed down soon after.

The song "Wonderful Way to Go" is about a near death experience that Justin Sullivan, the bands singer song writer had on stage. He was electrocuted and seemingly died. After a few minutes he was revived. He says that he experienced all the classic symptoms of a near death experience and that people said that it changed him. This has often been the case for many folk who have had such experiences.

Now I have not experienced any quite as dramatic as a near death experience although there have been moments where I have felt touched by the presence of God, usually in my darkest hours and been changed as a result of them. I cannot offer a truly rational explanation for these expereinces but I know that they were real and each time have led me to a greater freedom and belonging. 

Driving back in the pouring rain last night screaming out loud “what a wonderful way to go” I felt that once again something had shifted within me. Last night, in the middle of a deep sleep, I felt touched by the presence of God.

Yes there really is no place like home and home is anywhere where you no longer feel alone.

Isten aldjo

Transylvania and the Serenity Prayer: Lessons in love

Once again I have learnt how vital being able to communicate is. I have been reminded that this takes time and effort and a little acceptance. To speak the language of the heart you must first of all listen with the ears of the heart. I know that fear and a sense of vulnerability often block me from this. When I am in fear of vulnerability I do not have ears to hear: my ears are blocked, my heart is blocked, my soul is blocked and I feel alone once again. In such a state I cannot hear the language of the heart as it speaks to me...less than a whisper, but more than silence...

I have just returned from a wonderful and wonder filled trip to Transylvania, spending time with Unitarian brothers and sisters there. I had been invited to participate in the 16^th anniversary celebration of the Unitarian church of Maros St George which is the sister church to one of the two congregations I serve, Dunham Road Altrincham. This first reflection will not go into detail about the trip, I will instead talk about three moments that opened my heart.

The first moment came towards the end of the day visiting several Unitarian communities in the region. It was in a small village called Icland - there is no other settlement in the region whose name ends in land, the story goes that it was originally settled by people from Ireland or England – I walked up the hill towards the parish house and settled into a little schoolroom with a few adults and two teenage girls. For some reason I had images of Thomas Hardy or even Dickens in my mind as I walked up to house and looked at the village, none of the houses had running water, every one had a well. The minister lead a short religious education class and I was deeply moved by the conversation which she translated for me. It was a conversation about struggles with the current economic climate and the importance of letting go of control and not becoming blocked off from God. The words of the serenity prayer came to my mind “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference” – if only we could all find that wisdom to know the difference.  I was able to participate in the conversation, we spoke deep into one another's hearts. I left these people knowing I will probably never see them again, but also knowing that this conversation would be etched on my soul for a long time to come. During the conversation I had felt the presence of the spirit that I call God powerfully. I can picture the woman Elizabeth in my mind’s eye as she talked openly and eloquently of her struggles with life and faith...I had ears that could hear the language that she spoke, the language of the heart.

The next day we visited some local sites and spent some time in the Cultural Palace. I had noticed that I had struggled a little due to lack of space as I was staying with my host family. I am someone who is use to a lot of time and space alone. I live a very busy life but do connect and reconnect alone, throughout the day. I could feel that I was missing this. I was able to sit quietly in the cultural palace, in the main auditorium. I looked up at the ceiling which was incredible and the space below in silence. After a while I began to hear the sounds of an orchestra and choir practising. I began to feel the beauty of the place and in the space and quietness I felt some barriers drop...it opened my heart and I was then able to connect to the heart of the place throughout the rest of the day...I can feel the gentle music now, it was barely a sound but a little more than silence.

On the Saturday I was invited to preach and participate in Maros St George's anniversary service. Press had been invited. There was apparently a great deal of talk about mine and Caroline’s visits. By now I was feeling a part of everything. I had got a real feel for the spirit of the place. It was beginning to speak to me and I was able to hear what it was saying. I had learnt an important phrase for the Translvanian’s this is Ishtan Adjah (not spelt correctly), which means God bless. It is both a greeting and a farewell. I decided as people arrived I would greet them at the door, with these words. I was told afterwards that they thought that they had been greeted by a Hungarian and not an Englishman, as I spoke like a Hungarian. This meant a lot to me as I felt that I had now truly got into the spirit of the place. It was wonderful to participate in the service, to sing hymns in Hungarian and to be invited to preach, along with Tamas, the minister, translating. I opened up my heart and I felt their love too. I also felt and witnessed the spirit that I know as God, flowing through all of this.

This has been a wonderful trip and no doubt I will reflect on it a lot over the next few weeks. The language of the heart is a universal language that can break through any barrier, even fear and self protection. All that it requires is a little bit of faith and a whole lotta love; all that is required are ears that can listen and that wisdom to know the difference...I’ve had a wonderful reminder these past few days.