Universalism: How these three have inspired me

I’m going to begin with something I first heard when I was training for the ministry. It was written as the author was dying and this and much of his work have inspired my ministry. It is titled “The Cathedral of the World: A twenty-first-century theology, based on the concept of one light and many windows” by Forrest Church

Imagine awakening one morning from a deep and dreamless sleep to find yourself in the nave of a vast cathedral. Like a child newborn, untutored save to moisture, nurture, rhythm, and the profound comforts at the heart of darkness, you open your eyes onto a world unseen, indeed unimaginable, before. It is a world of light and dancing shadow, stone and glass, life and death. This second birth, at once miraculous and natural, is in some ways not unlike the first. A new awakening, it consecrates your life with sacraments of pain you do not understand and promised joy you will never fully call your own.

Such awakenings may happen only once in a lifetime or many times. But when they do, what before you took for granted is presented as a gift: difficult, yet precious and good. Not that you know what to do with your gift, or even what it really means, only how much it matters. Awakening to the call stirring deep within you, the call of life itself—the call of God—you begin your pilgrimage.

Before you do, look about you. Contemplate the mystery and contemplate with awe. This cathedral is as ancient as humankind, its cornerstone the first altar, marked with the tincture of blood and blessed by tears. Search for a lifetime—which is all you are surely given—and you shall never know its limits, visit all its transepts, worship at its myriad shrines, nor span its celestial ceiling with your gaze. The builders have worked from time immemorial, destroying and creating, confounding and perfecting, tearing down and raising up arches in this cathedral, buttresses and chapels, organs, theaters and chancels, gargoyles, idols and icons. Not a moment passes without work being begun that shall not be finished in the lifetime of the architects who planned it, the patrons who paid for it, the builders who construct it, or the expectant worshipers. Throughout human history, one generation after another has labored lovingly, sometimes fearfully, crafting memorials and consecrating shrines. Untold numbers of these today collect dust in long undisturbed chambers; others (cast centuries or eons ago from their once respected places) lie shattered in shards or ground into dust on the cathedral floor. Not a moment passes without the dreams of long-dead dreamers being outstripped, crushed, or abandoned, giving way to new visions, each immortal in reach, ephemeral in grasp.

Welcome to the Cathedral of the World.

Above all else, contemplate the windows. In the Cathedral of the World there are windows beyond number, some long forgotten, covered with many patinas of dust, others revered by millions, the most sacred of shrines. Each in its own way is beautiful. Some are abstract, others representational; some dark and meditative, others bright and dazzling. Each tells a story about the creation of the world, the meaning of history, the purpose of life, the nature of humankind, the mystery of death. The windows of the cathedral are where the light shines through.

As with all extended meta­phors for meaning, this one is imperfect. The Light of God (or Truth or Being Itself, call it what you will) shines not only upon us, but out from within us as well. Together with the windows, we are part of the Cathedral, not apart from it. Together we comprise an interdependent web of being. The Cathedral is constructed out of star stuff, and so are we. We are that part (that known part) of the creation that contemplates itself, part of the poem that we ponder. Because the Cathedral is so vast, our life so short and our vision so dim, we are able to contemplate only a tiny part of the cathedral, explore a few apses, reflect upon the play of light and darkness through a few of its myriad windows. Yet, since the whole (holographically or organically) is contained in each of the parts, as we ponder and act on the insight from our ruminations, we may discover insights that will invest our days with meaning and our lives with purpose.

A twenty-first-century theology based on the concept of one Light and many windows offers to its adherents both breadth and focus. Honoring many different religious approaches, it only excludes the truth-claims of absolutists. That is because fundamentalists claim that the Light shines through their window only. Some go so far as to beseech their followers to throw stones through other people’s windows.

Skeptics draw the opposite conclusion. Seeing the bewildering variety of windows and observing the folly of the worshipers, they conclude that there is no Light. But the windows are not the Light. They are where the Light shines through.

We shall never see the Light directly, only as refracted through the windows of the Cathedral. Prompting humility, life’s mystery lies hidden, beyond knowledge’s most ample ken. The Light (God, Truth) is veiled. Yet, that we can encompass with our minds the universe that encompasses us is a cause for great wonder. I humbly stand in the Cathedral of the World trembling with awe.

Some people have trouble believing in a God who looks into any eyes but theirs. Others have trouble believing in a God they cannot see. But that none of us can look directly into God’s eyes certainly doesn’t mean God isn’t there, mysterious, unknowable, gazing into ours, gazing through the windows of the Cathedral of the World.

Get’s me every time.

I been given the honour and great responsibility to lecture at Unitarian Academy Prague Educational retreat from 14th until 18th October and lead worship at the International Unitarian Church on the Sunday. I was invited to attend in 2020 but obviously could not physically attend as we were in lockdown. So, I delivered the lectures online, but didn’t get to visit Prague

I have been asked to speak on several subject. One being to pick three Unitarian personalities who have inspired me and describe what I believe their significant contributions are. It took me a while, but I have come up with three. One is Joseph Priestley, another Dilworth Lupton and the third Forrest Church. Now those who know me well will not be surprised to hear me speak of Priestley and Forrest Church, but I would be surprised if any listening to this will have heard of Rev Dilworth Lupton.

I will begin with Joseph Priestley, perhaps the most significant figure in the development of the Unitarian tradition. I have a personal affection and connection to Priestley. We come from the same place, Birstall in West Yorkshire. We went to the same school Batley Grammar School. There is a huge statue of Priestly in Birstall market Place, he dominates it. Growing up it was Priestley the scientist that we heard about, not the radical minister. I have no recollection of this ever being mentioned. As we used to say, half joking “he was the man who invented oxygen”. Yes, I know that is silly, he invented carbonated water and isolated and understood what oxygen was. Discoveries he made during his spare time whilst minister at Mill Hill Chapel in Leeds.

Priestley was the classic Enlightenment polymath. He published almost two hundred works on natural philosophy, theology, metaphysics, political philosophy, politics, education, history and linguistics. Despite his scientific discoveries he viewed himself primarily as a minister, theologian and teacher. Priestely was central to the development and promotion of Unitarian theology in the UK and to a degree the USA too. He had to flee there from England. It is his view of human nature and sin that is key for me. From a young age he had serious theological doubts about his Calvinist upbringing particularly around the concept of the “Original Sin” of Adam and new life and salvation through Jesus. Priestley proposed a new translation of scripture he believed that human attainment of truth was gradual and fluid, that knowledge ought never be allowed to stagnate. At the heart of his theological understanding was that human beings were capable of reaching the perfect understanding attained by Christ. This is because Jesus was wholly human. That although we didn’t achieve this, it is within our capacity. Due to this understanding reason led him to rejecting both the Trinity and Substitutional Atonement.

It is this idea of human capacity that is key for me. I have always been concerned with the struggle so many experience and the view that at the heart of them there is something wrong, I have suffered with this for large parts of my life. Priestley reasoned that we have the capacity to change and that we are not fallen in nature.

I believe that there is that Divine light within each of us and that it is our task to bring this to life and to inspire others to do the same. This is a salvation if you like. Not so much to the next life, but this life. In many ways this is central to my view of ministry., to encourage folk to be all that they are capable of being, not merely for themselves, but for the good of all.

A few years ago, a friend in Alcoholics Anonymous sent me a sermon preached on November 26, 1939 by Rev Dilworth Lupton at the First Unitarian Church, Cleveland, Ohio. Rev Joe Cherry, who spent a short time in Manchester when we were both training for the ministry, was minister there for several years. He told me that Alcoholics Anonymous began there. Now this is not actually true, although the locals do claim it. The history is a little more complex than that. The sermon was made into an early AA pamphlet in the area and was published along with others in the local newspapers. Dilworth Lupton played a major role in AA’s early acceptance and incredible expansion in the area. Lupton had originally been reluctant to become involved as there had been a connection to the Oxford Groups of the day, but the alcoholics removed themselves and once this happened he was on board, certainly in Cleveland.

Dilworth Lupton noted four principle aspects of the fellowship and their members. the first being spiritual dependence on something beyond their mere human will. Now what impressed Lupton was this was not prescribed to them, but for each individual to make sense of themselves. The second being “Universality”, that the groups were open to anyone regardless of background or of belief or lack of. The third being “Mutual Aid” That they truly were a fellowship of people who gave of themselves to help one another and those who still struggled. Finally, the principle of transformation” That something was happening in the lives of these people that was not only dispelling their alcoholic obsession, but transforming their lives. They were saved, found salvation, in this life, not the next.

Towards the end of the sermon Rev Lupton offered the following advice to Alcoholics Anonymous:

“One final word to the members of Alcoholics Anonymous. Go back to your synagogues and churches; they need you and you need them. Preserve your principle of Universality, your faith that all religion is one. Never allow yourselves to be absorbed by any single church or sect. Keep your movement what you call it now, a “layman’s outfit.” Avoid over-organization for religious organizations always tend to follow the letter rather than the spirit, finally crushing the spirit. Remember that early Christianity was promoted not by highly involved organization, but by the contagion of souls fired with enthusiasm for their cause. And keep your sense of humor! So far you do not seem afflicted with the curse of over-seriousness.”

It seems that they continued to follow his advice, for they have remained this way.

I love the way that Dilworth Lupton highlights the openness and modern day Universalism at the heart of the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Something I found myself. I began my own spiritual journey nearly a quarter of a century ago there. This led me on a journey of exploration that eventually led me to Unitarianism and then ministry. Without realising it at the time that early promotion of AA by Rev Lupton played a role in so much good.

Whilst I was training for the Unitarian ministry I heard Forrest Church’s “Cathedral of the World”. It is the introduction to his book, by the same title, written as he was dying from esophageal cancer. This and another he wrote at the same time “Love and Death: My Journey Through the Valley of the Shadow” were central to my formation into Unitarian ministry. It was coming to terms with a heartbreaking grief that drew me into ministry, Grief and the love we leave behind has been central to my faith and service these past 16 years. It is also key to my concept of salvation in this life, that all life is sacred, that everything we do and everything we do not do really matters. As Forrest Church wrote himself:

“What I'm talking about here, by the way, is salvation. The latin root, salve, means 'health.' The Teutonic cognates 'health' and 'holy' share the same root. Being agnostic about the afterlife, I look for salvation here - not to be saved from life, but to be saved by life, in life, for life…”

And later on “About life after death, no-one knows. But about this we surely know: there is love after death... Centuries from now, the last tracings of our being will yet express themselves in little works of love that follow bead by bead in a luminous catena extending from our dear ones out into their world and then on into the next, strung by our own loving hands.”

It was though his vision of a 21st Century Universalism, that caught my imagination.

Forrest asks us to imagine the whole of humanity standing under the ceiling of the cathedral of the world. Around this cathedral are millions of stained glass windows. There is a light outside of the cathedral shining through all of the windows; this is the light of truth, the light of God. No one inside is able to stare at the light directly, we all see it passing through a stained glass window. Each of the windows distorts the light in some way; they only allow some of the light to pass through. Sometimes the light is refracted, by the tinted windows and occasionally it is blocked by the opaque aspects of each window. In some places the light is almost completely obscured. Just as importantly though he also says that the light shines out from us, this links me right back to Priestley and what I understand as finding that of the Divine within each of us. That we do not need to go out to connect to Divinity, that we are not awaiting salvation. His Universalism also links me back to Rev Lupton’s understanding at what was at the heart of the spirituality of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The Cathedral of the world metaphor is an attempt to describe a 21st century Universalist theology, one that speaks powerfully to me. There is one light but there are many windows through which we can get a glimpse of the light. Each window is unique in its own way; each window is different; but none gives us a perfect image of the light. Each window is representing different religions, different ideologies, different philosophies, different dogmas, different views about life, the universe, everything. The key is to understand that each window has been fashioned by human hands, often with great skill, imagination, beauty, intelligence and artfulness that said through no one window is the light seen perfectly.

Now the danger is that from where we view our particular perspective on the light we can begin to believe that what we see is the absolute truth and that the light only shines through our window. That only our window offers the true representation of the light. That what others see through their window is false, even stupid and irrational. Forrest Church’s Universalism though is saying something very different. He is saying that each window conveys part of the truth and that no one window has a monopoly on the truth. He is echoing the words of the great twentieth century liberal theologian Paul Tillich who said “That which reveals also hides”.

I love Forrest vision of a 21st Century Universalist theology.

The light of Universalism continues to speak powerfully to me. I remember once describing myself as a Universalist to a friend, they asked me “What kind of Universalist I was?” I paused and thought for a moment and then I answered “I am a Universalist, Universalist”. I remembered at the time they looked at me as if I were a little mad, this is not the first time this has happened. So, I explained that I was a Universalist in the old sense. I do not believe in hell and damnation. That the God of my limited understanding would never condemn anyone to an eternity in Hell; I do not believe that some are saved and others are unsaved. I believe that God has an intimate love for all, that if there is a hell it is a state of being that can be experienced within life. I talked about the "Prodigal Son" parable, and I also spoke of my belief that this love is always there waiting for us. I also said that I was a universalist in a more modern understanding too in that I see truth in so many other traditions. That none can reveal the whole truth, that they are windows that let some of the light through. I also talked of a belief in the interconnectedness of all life and that all that happens and does not happen matters. That divinity is present within everything, a kind of Universal Love I suppose. So, I am a Universalist in three senses at least. I am actually a Universalist, Universalist, Universalist, I believe in a Hope that helps.

I can see how my present faith has been shaped in different and complimentary ways by the three figures Joseph Priestley, Dilworth Lupton and Forrest Church. They have helped form my spiritual understanding. They were also highly influential in their own right both within the Unitarian tradition, but also beyond. I hope they speak to you as they have spoken to me.

Please find below a video devotion based on the material in this "Blog Spot"

Pay It Forward: We Can Become the Blessings We Have Been Waiting For

A friend of mine, named Ronnie, no not Molly’s friend Ronnie the cross between a Jack Russel and a Border Collie, but a human also called Ronnie. Ronnie has been on a bit of a spiritual journey recently. He was away this weekend and was trying to put in practice things he has been learning. One was to do one good deed of generosity each day. He told me he was in the hairdressers the other day. Whilst there he noticed a couple, the man was also having a haircut. When he was finished he offered to pay for the man’s haircut as well as his own. The couple said that they couldn’t let him do that, it just didn’t seem right. Ronnie insisted and told them that he had to do so as he had to do a good deed each day and this was it. That by letting him pay, they were actually doing him a favour. Eventually they relented and let him pay for the haircut, as a favour to him.

It was a lovely tale and its great to see Ronnie progressing. Afterwards I suggested that the next time he finds himself in a similar situation that instead of asking recipients to do him a favour that he could ask them to pass the favour on, to pay it forward for someone else. He seemed to like the idea. I wonder how he has gone about his daily deed doing these last few days.

I shared the story with Annette who told me the following:

“Your friend Ronnie reminds me of two people. (Rev) Dick Boeke who believed in doing a good deed everyday. I was the recipient of lunch on a number of occasions. And also my Dad who did good deeds and when people said "How can I repay you?" always said "Don't repay me, help someone else when they need it."

Funnily enough one of the people who my Dad helped most often was our next door neighbour who had an antiques shop at the top of Stamford Road in Bowdon. The neighbour had a very old Rolls Royce and was always running out of petrol. My Dad would go off to wherever the neighbour needed him with a can of petrol. The antique dealer was also a verger at the parish church in Bowdon and our family always used to refer to him rather naughtily as "the foolish verger"”

Lovely stories that you Annette

The reason Ronnie shared the story with me was in response to myself sharing the wonderful “Love and the Cabbie” by Art Buchwald, which we heard earlier. A tale of hope and love that involves passing on blessings and compliments to others in the hope that they will do the same and thus lift the spirits of all that they meet. Yes, many may reject the good blessing, but others will respond positively and pass it on to others, thus spreading the joy and love. Doesn’t the world need this right now.

Here is the wonderful tale. The language probably seems a little dated now, but I hope you understand the spirit.

“Love and the Cabbie” by Art Buchwald

“I was in New York the other day and rode with a friend in a taxi. When we got out, my friend said to the driver, “Thank you for the ride. You did a superb job of driving.”

The taxi driver was stunned for a second. Then he said, “Are you a wise guy or something?”

“No, my dear man, and I’m not putting you on. I admire the way you keep cool in heavy traffic.”

“Yeah,” the driver said and drove off.

“What was that all about?” I asked.

I am trying to bring love back to New York,” he said. “I believe it’s the only thing that can save the city.”

“How can one man save New York?”

“It’s not one man. I believe I have made that taxi driver’s day. Suppose he has 20 fares. He’s going to be nice to those 20 fares because someone was nice to him. Those fares in turn will be kinder to their employees or shopkeepers or waiters or even their own families. Eventually the goodwill could spread to at least 1,000 people. Now that isn’t bad, is it?”

“But you’re depending on that taxi driver to pass your goodwill to others.”

“I’m not depending on it,” my friend said. “I’m aware that the system isn’t foolproof so I might deal with ten different people today. If out of ten I can make three happy, then eventually I can indirectly influence the attitudes of 3,000 more.”

“It sounds good on paper,” I admitted, “but I’m not sure it words in practice.”

“Nothing is lost if it doesn’t. It didn’t take any of my time to tell that man he was doing a good job. He neither received a larger tip nor a smaller tip. If it fell on deaf ears, so what? Tomorrow there will be another taxi driver I can try to make happy.”

“You’re some kind of a nut,” I said.

“That shows how cynical you have become. I have made a study of this. The thing that seems to be lacking, besides money of course, for our postal employees, is that no one tells people who work for the post office what a good job they’re doing.”

“But they’re not doing a good job.”

“They’re not doing a good job because they feel no one cares if they do or not. Why shouldn’t someone say a kind word to them?”

We were walking past a structure in the process of being built and passed five workmen eating their lunch. My friend stopped. “That’s a magnificent job you men have done. It must be difficult and dangerous work.”

The workmen eyed my friend suspiciously.

“When will it be finished?”

“June, a man grunted.

“Ah. That really is impressive. You must all be very proud.”

We walked away. I said to him, “I haven’t seen anyone like you since The Man From LaMancha.”

“When those men digest my words, they will feel better for it. Somehow the city will benefit from their happiness.”

“But you can’t do this all alone!” I protested. “You’re just one man.”

“The most important thing is not to get discouraged. Making people in the city become kind again is not an easy job, but if I can enlist other people in my campaign. . .”

You just winked at a very plain-looking woman,” I said.

“Yes, I know,” he replied. “And if she’s a schoolteacher, her class will be in for a fantastic day.”

I first heard this story maybe 20 years ago at Cross Street Chapel. I do like it, even if the language might be challenged a little today. What matters is its spirit, its heart. It challenges us to truly pay attention, something I’ve been going on about recently and to act in this world. It teaches how important connection is. How we interact with one another really matters and has an impact. In a world in which we can feel so powerless at times, it is important to understand that what do and do not do matters, they key is in knowing what we can and cannot do in any given situation. I am sure we can all think of interactions that have led to positive change and interaction in our lives. Spiritual living is about bringing these memories alive in our lives. It matters what we do and do not do, it really does. We are not God, but we can make a difference. We can be catalysts of change; all we have to do is accept the gift.

It is easy to look at our world and despair and give up and say “what’s the point? Everyone is out for themselves. If I go out of my way to help another, they’ll just take advantage and what will I ever get back in return?

There is though another way; the way that Ronnie is attempting. The principles found in the “Pay it Forward” concept; the way that Art Buchwald suggested in “Love and the Cabbie”. We can change our world, one act at a time. This is religion in its deepest and simplest form, binding up the broken, and manifesting God’s love in life. At its core is this life affirming principle that in spite of a great deal of evidence to the contrary faith, hope and love do in fact still remain. You see these ripples touch everybody both the giver and receiver and all who are eventually touched by them; both the giver and receiver are transformed by the experience; both giver and receiver are blessed abundantly.

Pay it forward is an interesting term, one of disputed origin. Some say it began with the ancient Greeks. Luminaries such as Benjamin Franklin and Ralph Waldo Emerson made reference to the principle. In his essay “Compensation” Emerson wrote: “In the order of nature we cannot render benefits to those whom we receive them, or only seldom. But the benefit we receive must be rendered again, line for line, deed for deed, cent for cent, to somebody.”

During the 1950’s the phrase “Pay it Forward” was popularised by Robert A Heinlein, initially by being referenced in his book “Between Planets.” Heinlein preached and practised this principle in his daily life and this led to the formation of the Heinlein society, a humanitarian organisation based on this principle.

In the year 2000 Catherine Ryan Hyde published the novel “Pay it Forward” which became a best seller and was soon made into a film by the same title. This led in time to the formation of the “Pay if Forward Foundation.” It even has its own day. Did you know that April 26th is “International Pay It Forward Day”. This is a day when millions of people intentionally commit to acts of kindness and caring.

Pay it forward is based on what is known today as the “ripple effect”, which is really based on Confucius concept of “Concentric Circles of Compassion”. Like a pebble dropped into a pond, our actions create ripples that go out and affect others beyond what we can imagine. It works on the premise that we can make our world a better place if we share, if we care as much for others as we do for ourselves. It is firmly grounded in the ethos of the “Golden Rule of Compassions” a concept found at the core of every single one of the world’s great religious traditions. It is an effort to change the world one small act at a time. Everything we do and everything we do not do really does matter. We affect our world, for good or for ill, with every feeling, every thought, word and or deed.

One of the great movements for social good of the twentieth century is enshrined in the concept of “paying it forward”. Alcoholics Anonymous and the near two hundred other fellowships that have sprung from its principles have brought about recovery for millions of people from all manners of addiction. When a person is released from their destructive addiction they are not asked to pay back what was freely given to them, instead they are asked to pass on what has been given to others in desperate need and when doing so to also pass on that they do not have to pay back what has been given to them, instead they too must pass it forward. This is the basis of the simple movement that has saved millions of lives.

When I look back at my life it blows my mind to think of all the good that people have done for me. I cannot pay them back, but then I do not have to. Instead what is required is live my life in remembrance by paying it forward.

To bless the world all we have to do is remember those wonderful examples that have touched our lives and blessed us with their loving example. No, we cannot pay back to them what they so freely gave to us, but then we don’t have to, all we have to do is pay it forward and become the blessing that we have all been waiting for.

It is easy to look at our world and despair and give up and say “what’s the point? Everyone is out for themselves. If I go out of my way to help another, they’ll just keep on taking advantage and what will I ever get back in return?

There is another way; this other way is the purpose of the “Pay it Forward” movement. We can change our world, one act at a time. This is religion in its deepest and simplest form, binding up the broken manifesting God’s love in life. At its core is this life affirming principle that in spite of a great deal of evidence to the contrary faith, hope and love do in fact still remain. You see these ripples touch everybody both the giver and receiver and all who are eventually touched by them; both the giver and receiver are transformed by the experience; both giver and receiver are blessed abundantly.

So let’s become the blessings we have all been searching for; let’s remember all those times in our lives when someone has gone out of their way to help us with no expectation of anything in return; whether they have helped us materially, intellectually, emotionally, or spirituality; let’s re-feel these occasions and to meditate on them and to come up with ways that we can pay these debts forward; let’s think of ways we can give back to our world; let’s create ripple effects that can impact in our shared world in ways we perhaps can’t even begin to dream of.

We can change our world today; we can become the blessing that we have all been waiting for.

Please find below a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"

  

Wanted, Needed, Loved

“A Prayer Addressing All Hungers” by Debra Smith

We are hungry

We are eating our daily bread
and bowing our heads
and yet we are hungry

We are thanking the farmer
and the farm worker
and yet we are hungry

We are speaking in spaces
for food that is healthy
and still we are hungry

We are tiring of slogans that say
Feed the Children
and mean feed the children
leftovers

We are hungry for something
that feeds more than bodies

We are hungry for help
Help us oh you who apportion the funds
Find in your hearts the child who you were
who would share with a friend
free and friendly
Lead us not into meanness

For we are the hungry
We want the loaves
and the fishes
the water
and the wine
of sweet justice for all

We are hungry

Whenever I log onto “Facebook” it asks me “What is on your mind Danny”. On Monday morning I replied “There’s absolutely nothing on my mind. This would be good except I need to think of something to explore this week…Any ideas?”

Well, I was amazed by the response. I know some wonderful and interesting people. I spent Monday working on a funeral and a few other things. At the end of the day I read what had been posted and I just marvelled at the responses. They offered me such fruits for after all it is by our fruits that we are known.” By Tuesday the phrases “To be wanted, needed and loved” was singing in my heart. What are our wants and needs? How do we respond to them and those of others? Is it from fear or love? For it matters as it from these that the world will see us and recognize.

In recent days we have seen a response to perceived needs in a less than healthy and dare I say sane manner. Chaos and panic buying at our petrol stations, for fear that petrol is about to run out. There have been similar reactions over the last 18 months. There is much anxiety around, people feel uncertain and insecure. I was talking with a woman at the gym the other morning. We often talk, she knows I am a minister. She has trouble with anxiety and that morning everything was irritating her, every sound was splitting right through her head. At least she spoke and as she did you could see her anxiety easing. The admittance there was a problem and the connection helped her. Another friend has also been struggling with anxiety these last few days, brought on by concerns for both of her parents. She is doing all she can, but it is not easy. There is a great deal of anxiety around at this time of uncertainty.

This all got me thinking about our human needs. I don’t just mean what we want as individuals, but our actual needs. How we fulfill and realise them. I’m not just thinking as individuals but as people who live in community with one another. I suspect that our most basic need might be this. So often people feel isolated and disconnected and the last 18 months has not helped with this.

Exploring our human needs is not a new subject. There are many theories as to what they are and how we feed them. During the middle years of the 20th century American psychologist Abraham Maslow suggested a hierarchy of needs which he illustrated as a kind of pyramid of needs.

At the bottom of the pyramid are our basic physiological needs for food, water, rest. At the next level are safety needs for security and shelter. After that come our needs for belonging and love, intimacy and friendship. The need for sex, as most of us know, comes only after we’ve eaten and rested and are in a warm, dry, safe place. Nearing the top of the pyramid come our esteem needs: finding self-worth through our external accomplishments and the affirmation of others. At the very top of the pyramid is self-actualisation, or reaching our full creative potential. That’s the part of our lives, after we’ve taken care of all of our other needs, in which we can begin to make meaning of our lives, find our place in the universe, and understand the impact we’ve had on the world and the people we love. Maslow later expanded on this suggesting that we also have a need beyond self-actualisation. Recognising a need that transcends the confines of self, reaching a stage beyond in which we seek the fulfilment of others, we an acknowledge our responsibilities to help others.

I think Maslow’s pyramid is helpful, but a bit like the stages of grief it does seem somewhat simplistic and life just aint like that. We all thirst and yearn and hunger for things in life, including spiritually. We are not merely physical beings who need our physical, psychological and emotional needs met. In some ways the spiritual hunger and yearning can be the primary one. I have a friend who wrote a PHD on the Irish in Manchester. It was an attempt to explode a few myths and he did. One thing that stands about the Irish and particular Catholic communities in the nineteenth century was that despite the incredible levels of poverty they were able to raise incredible amounts of money to build beautiful ornate churches. It seems that their spiritual needs were important to them, along with other needs of the wider community. They did not see their needs as being purely individualistic, which is perhaps the curse of the current age.

Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung also recognise deep more spiritual needs. It took an interesting view on addiction and human desire suggesting that they are ultimately a spiritual yearning, a longing for another dimension beyond the material plane. In a letter to Bill W, one of the founders of AA, just before Jung died he wrote about a client, who was a part of the Alcoholics Anonymous story, stating that "His craving for alcohol was the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: the union with God." Interestingly salvation for the alcoholic is not purely an individual thing.

So many folk are thirsting for wholeness Perhaps our yearning, our wants, our needs are an expression of a perceived lack of something; a sense that something is missing, that we are experiencing an emptiness. And that there is a possibility for fulfilment if only we can become clear what the lack is really all about. This is hunger so many feel, wherever they are Maslow’s perceived pyramid. Those who hunger for food hunger for wholeness just as much as those who feel they are achieved their physical and emotional needs.

In “The Book of Awakenings” Mark Nepo seems to agree, he writes “I believe there is a dimension of the inner life that is as imperative and equivalent as food and shelter. Without the fulfillment of these basic inner needs, we are just fed and sheltered bodies void of life. Without love, truth, and compassion, all the comforts of modern life don’t matter, because we are simply reduced to biological machines, not even as present as animals.”

If we only live a life where our basic needs are met first, we will never take the risk to live the best life we can. We will certainly not live from love. We will feel we need to eliminate all the external troubles before we can truly live our lives. Well, there will always be external troubles. Perhaps not a world wide pandemic and all kinds of shortages, but other troubles, that stop us being what we can be in this world and giving what we have for the good of all. We will not live in and from love, we will live from fear until the day comes when we do not live at all.

This is not to say that the basic needs aren’t vitally important. Of course they are. Without basic shelter and food, there is no security. There are enough people in this world struggling just to survive. That said just because they are struggling to survive it does not mean that they are not living the lives that they can, living spiritually alive.

Besides which if we live lives aiming at material security first we may find that this is another hunger, another addiction, that can never be satisfied. We might start to believe that we can never have enough petrol, or toilet paper, or shoes, or cars or holidays in the sun, or whatever it is that we think makes our lives worth living.

We can begin to live from love right now, whether our other needs have been fully met or not. As Nepo writes: “Spend whatever you can afford on making love work, bringing true into being, and allow generosity and compassion to flourish. This is more altruistic. It is necessary to be fully alive. It’s part of the wood that keeps that inner fire burning.”

So what is that really need in life? Well I suspect it is a sense that we are wanted need and loved. The problem is that if we simply go seeking that, it is another feeling that can never satisfied, not wholly. Instead what I suspect is needed is for us to become people who invite others to realise that they are wanted, needed and loved as they, exactly as they are in this moment. What the world needs is more people who instead of grasping at everything for fear that someone else will get it; become people who will give of themselves, who will offer the hand of acceptance and love and invite the other as they are, exactly as they. You do not need to be the perfect self actualised individual to achieve this. It can begin right here right now, you can offer such love, before you reach any summit.

We seem so focused on reaching some imagined place or idealised state. We do not need to wait until we have reached Maslow’s self-actualised state before going beyond the limitations of self, to that to a stage in which we seek the fulfilment of others and finally acknowledgement of our responsibilities to help others. We will never reach that stage if all we are seeking is self-actualisation, why because it will still be all about us.

The journey is the gift, there is no real end, this gift is in living this way now. If we live with love in our hearts we might just find our most basic needs being met and those of others too. We might just begin to live a life where we truly realise that we are wanted, needed and loved as we are, exactly as we are in this moment.

Below is a video devotion based on the material in this "Blogspot"

Boomerang Spirituality: A True Realist Has to be an Idealist

I recently found something unexpected in the small schoolroom at the chapel. There on the windowsill was a boomerang. At the time I had no idea where it had come from and I spent the next week asking everyone I saw there, from a variety of groups, if they knew anything about it. In the end I did discover who it belonged to. It had been left there by someone attending one of the variety of 12 Step Recovery groups who use the small schoolroom throughout the week for meetings. He had brought the boomerang for his sponsor as it seems Bill Wilson, one of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, had an obsession with the boomerang. It is regarded as a deeply symbolic implement in a variety of spiritual circles.

I was thinking about the boomerang as I drove to Sue’s the other evening. As I was doing so I looked up and noticed a small flock of Canada Geese flying in their usual V formation. Anyone who knows me will be aware that I have a fascination with Canada Geese. Of all the animals I regard them as my spiritual totem. It was a small group of geese and I thought to myself it seems a bit early for geese to flying to Europe for the winter. I had noticed far more Canada geese in the last few days swimming along the canal while out walking the dogs with Sue.

It took me some time but eventually I made sense of this. The geese that were flying above me were from the one family of geese, the young geese were the gosling of the gaggle who were now fully grown and taking to flight. It is the same with the small groups I had observed on the canal. They were no longer goslings. These geese were not native Canadian Geese, they were born here. Canada geese were first introduced to Britain in the seventeenth century and there are many to be found amongst the waters of the north of England and Scotland. So any that we see before the autumn, have not flown in from Canada, but are Canada Geese that are native to this land.

Now even these native Canada Geese do return to their homes, it’s just that they don’t travel as far as the ones that were born in Canada. They are like the boomerang in that they do in fact come back home, they return. They are deeply symbolic of the spiritual life in that they move in circles rather than in straight lines from A to B.

Now all this brought me back to the boomerang, I came back to my original thoughts. Did you know that modern day competitive Boomerang throwers have a special greeting. They say to each another “Full circles to you.” They are wishing one another that, whatever good they do in the world, that it returns back to them in full, if not more. The saying brings to mind some of the teachings of Jesus, from Luke’s Gospel (Ch 6 v 38) “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you” Echoed in Paul’s writing (2 Corinthians 9 v 6) “But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully” and “It is more blessed to give than receive”(Acts 20:35). These are principles at the core of 12 step spirituality along with the idea of returning home having come through a great hardship, something else that is shared with the boomerang, isn’t this the “Prodigal Son.” As they say "Keep coming back."

For many years there have been boomerang throwing contests. One of the greats was Barnaby Ruhe, who is best known for his "William Tell Trick". To perform his "William Tell Trick", Barnaby would toss on a cape and cap, attaching an apple to his cap through the use of a wooden peg. He would then throw his knife-like boomerang, slicing the apple in half on top of his own head. An incredible feet don’t you think?

These thoughts on "Boomerang Spirituality" bring to mind a story based partially on an Ancient Greek Mythos, a re-telling of the story of “Echo”, symbolizing what we give off we get back in return.

A man and his son were walking in the forest.
Suddenly the boy trips and feeling a sharp pain he screams, “Ahhhhh.”
Surprised, he hears a voice coming from the mountain, “Ahhhhh!”
Filled with curiosity, he screams:
“Who are you?”,
but the only answer he receives is:
“Who are you?”

This makes him angry, so he screams:
“You are a coward!”,
and the voice answers:
“You are a coward!”

He looks at his father, asking,
“Dad, what is going on?”
“Son,” the man replies, “pay attention!”
Then he screams, “I admire you!”
The voice answers: “I admire you!”

The father shouts, “You are wonderful!”,
and the voice answers:
“You are wonderful!”

The boy is surprised, but still can’t understand what is going on.
Then the father explains,
“People call this ‘ECHO’,
but truly it is ‘LIFE!’ Life always gives you back what you give out!
Life is a mirror of your actions.
If you want more love, give more love!
If you want more kindness, give more kindness!
If you want understanding and respect, give understanding and respect!
If you want people to be patient and respectful to you, give patience and respect!
This rule of nature applies to every aspect of our lives.”

I have found that generally speaking this is true, although not absolutely, or at least not immediately. Generally speaking though I have found that the more love I give out the more it returns back to me.

I live with a genuine love for life and people and take a fairly positive view of most things. I am an idealist and I live in hope for humanity. This is why Universalism speaks to me; it is a hope filled faith. Yes it recognises the despair in life, but it also points to the hope that is rooted in this very despair. We do have choices in life. We can either live in fear or in faith that life has so much to offer us. There are many unanswerable questions re the nature of life and the nature of humanity, why wonderful things happen and why the most dreadful can happen. I am not sure that we will ever find the answers in the whys and wherefores.

I have discovered that meaning always emerges if we live with hope and courage; it does not come in getting bogged down within our individual suffering. By saying “yes to life” in answer to “no’s” fear, we manifest the courage to be, to live. This comes in those simple acts of self giving love; those acts that fill our cup with love as we empty it in service to and for others. Meaning comes as we give from our own cup of suffering in an attempt to help another in their hour of need.

The other morning I was chatting with a guy called Nick. He is a personal trainer at the gym I attend. He was apologizing to me as he had not responded when I said hello to him earlier. He said his mind was elsewhere. He is about to become a father for the first time and was worrying about how best to bring up his child in this world. Nick is originally from Iran and grew up under a repressive theocracy. He talked about not wanting to impose any religion on his son but to let him choose for himself. He knows I am a minister but doesn’t know much about the free tradition I am a part of. I listened and said I think that the key is to bring your son up with morals and respect, a love for life, a love for others and a love for himself. The key is to see the sacredness of life and to love it. We then went about our business with enthusiasm. Its funny but that morning I really pushed myself on the weights, I seemed to find more energy following the conversation. I had received far more than I had given.

The conversation brought to mind my favourite film on YouTube, the grainy old video clip of Viktor Frankl above. In it he says “We have to be idealists, in a way, because then we wind up as the true, the real realists. And so you know who has said this? If we take man as he is, we make him worse, but if we take man as he should be, we make him capable of becoming what he can be. This was Goethe. He said this verbally. Now you will understand: this is the most apt maxim and motto for any psychotherapeutic activity.

So if you don't recognize a young man's will to meaning, man's search for meaning, you make him worse: you make him dull, you make him frustrated. While if you presuppose in this man, there must a spark for meaning. Let's presuppose it and then you will elicit it from him, you will make him capable of becoming what he in principal is capable of becoming.”

I love Viktor Frankl. Of all the great 20th century thinkers he may well be my favourite. I love the twinkle in his eye that is so evident in this clip, as well as his obvious humour. He takes what he does seriously without taking himself too seriously. In this wonderful little clip he makes an argument for the idealist in all of us, as he points to what we are all capable of being, if we could just tap into our God given human potential.

As he says by definition the idealist always overestimates what is possible. Where as a realist will only estimate exactly what is possible and no more. In fact perhaps a realist will ever so slightly underestimate what is possible, just to be on the safe side. Just to ensure that they don’t over estimate things and aim too high. Just to avoid disappointment.

Is this truly realistic though?

Frankl suggest by aiming at a realistic level we always fall short of the mark. By taking a realistic view of people we are setting them up to fall way short of what they are capable of achieving. Where as if we aim high and become idealists about human nature we can lift people up to where they are capable of reaching and thus if they fall short of this mark, they fall to a"true" realistic level. For Frankl a true realist, must be an idealist. To achieve what we are capable of we must overestimate what is possible. To become our true selves we must be optimistic. To achieve what we are capable of achieving we must believe that we are capable of more than we actually are. And by giving out more than we think we are receiving we will receive back far more than we thought was possible. In so doing we will encourage others to do the same.

This is the strange mathematics of giving, classic uncommon sense. By giving out more than we receive; by overestimating what is possible, we encourage others to do the same and thus they will give out more and thus we will receive even more that we give. Love will somehow become multiplied by subtraction. All we have to do is take the risk. This is the beauty of the interconnected life.

Life is echo; life is a boomerang; life is like those Canada Geese. What we give out we get back in abundance, as that strange mathematics of giving begins to multiply by subtraction.

If we want to know love, we need to give out love into this our world, we need to risk our hearts to that love. We need to be true realists by being idealists about ourselves and humanity and life itself. This is not to ignore the darker side of life, far from it. We need to acknowledge what is wrong with the world, without becoming weighed down by it.

The Kin-dom of Love is truly within us and amongst us. It is our task to bring it alive through our lives. It is up to us to raise one another up, to aim as high as we can and become the people we never knew we were capable of becoming.

Pass it on, pay it forward

I recently spent a beautiful week at Great Hucklow, attending and participating in the annual summer school. The subject this year was “How then shall we live?” We were exploring how we live with the fact that we will inevitably die; we were looking at grief, love, loss and legacy. The legacies of those who have touched our lives and are now gone as well as what might be our legacy when our time comes, perhaps the ultimate question. It was said that the panel had been brave in choosing the subject. I agree with this sentiment, it was very brave indeed.

Forrest Church said that “Religion is our human response to being alive and having to die.” Surely the ultimate question for all of us. That said I would add a little more, the theme of the week, knowing this…then how shall we live?

Now the week did not go exactly as planned. We were given a big dose of the ups and downs of life. The troubles started before I’d even set off. I was to be co-facilitating a group exploring grief and our legacies of love and loss. I had spent some time with the co-facilitator preparing the group we would lead throughout the week. On the morning I was setting off I received a message telling me he was unwell and would not be travelling that day. I received news the next day informing me he would not be coming at all. So I had to quickly make adjustments and do things alone. People were very supportive and the group was a truly moving experience. More beautiful than I could ever have dreamed possible; a beautifully deep and engaging experience that I was blessed with leading and experiencing. Thank you.

Now this was not the end of the challenging experiences. Early in the week trouble began to strike. First all the water went off in the whole village. As this occurred people began to be struck down with what we used to call sickness and diarrhoea but is now called the norovirus. Each day three or four would go down with it and would have to quarantined for 48 hours as all kinds of measures were put in place. The quarantine room became known as the leper colony as they were fed and socialised together until they were deemed fit enough to join the rest of us as they were no longer infectious.

Great Hucklow is only three miles from Eyam, something that was not lost on any of us. Now for those who don’t know Eyam is known as the “plague village”. It was the village that basically quarantined itself during the plague of the seventeenth century. It cut itself off from all the surrounding villages so as not the spread the plague that had arrived on cloth from London. Of the 350 village inhabitants only 83 survived. Incredibly one of the survivors was the grave digger.

Sue and I decided to pay Eyam a visit one afternoon. As we drove towards it there were signs saying the village was cut off, due to roadworks, it gave us a deeply earie feeling. A local told us to ignore the signs and to just drive through, which we did. We walked around for a couple of hours and took in the sights and sounds, visiting the church yard and reading the history of the place which was sign posted everywhere. I was particularly moved by the list of dead outside each little cottage, I felt the pain and grief that they must have experienced as one after one family members died. Whole families were wiped or just one or two survived. I also noticed that commemorative service which was to be held in open at near by at Cucklet Delph. The church services were held in the open air at the time of the plague to stop the spreading of infection.

As we left Eyam and returned to Hucklow I thought how incredibly faithful these people must have been and how willing they were to sacrifice for a greater good. A wonderful and beautiful example to us all as to how we might want to live. The village is a beautiful example to humanity of how we can be at our best. By isolating themselves they protected others, by not infecting others with the illness they had passed on something beautiful, a legacy of love and self-sacrifice, an example that still lives on today many centuries later. Just a beautiful counter to the selfish and self-centred ways in which so many of us live today.

Now this sounds like the kind of infectious disease that ought to be passed on; the kind I would love to see grow and pass on throughout the whole world. A kind of blessing to humanity that could spread through us all.

It brings to mind the old nursery rhyme “ring a ring o’ roses”

Ring-a-ring o' roses,
A pocket full of posies,
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
We all fall down.

Cows in the meadows
Eating buttercups
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
We all jump up.

It used to be thought that this is about the Great Plague, although folklore scholars do dispute this, some suggest that its origins maybe the spreading of disease amongst the early American settlers in New England. Who knows, certainly not I.

The reason it came to mind is the A-tishoo! As I’m one of life’s great sneezers. Oddly one of the things that Sue first noticed about me was my unapologetic sneeze. Now whenever anyone sneezes don’t we all say “bless you”, we wish one another well for the sneeze may be a sign of impending illness. We pass on a simple blessing, gosh don’t we all need more blessings.

As the week at Summer School went on and we explored “How then shall we live?” I thought a lot of all the wonderful people who have blessed me with their loving presence. I thought of how I could possible pay them back, to give back to them the blessings that they had so freely given me. And then it came to me. I don’t need to pay it back, in order to live out the legacy, what I need to do is “pay it forward”

Pay it forward is an interesting term. It is a phrase I have heard many times before. Now just like there are disputes as to the origin of ‘ring a ring o’roses’, there are also disputes about the origin of “pay it forward”

Some say it began with the ancient Greeks. Luminaries such as Benjamin Franklin and Ralph Waldo Emerson made reference to the principle. In a letter to Benjamin Webb in 1784 Franklin wrote “I do not pretend to give such a sum; I only lend it to you. When you...meet with another honest man in similar distress, you must pay me by lending this sum to him; enjoining him to discharge the debt by a like operation, when he shall be able, and shall meet with another opportunity. I hope it may thus go thro’ many hands, before it meets with a knave that will stop its progress. This is a trick of mine for doing a deal of good with a little money.”

In his essay “Compensation” Emerson wrote: “In the order of nature we cannot render benefits to those whom we receive them, or only seldom. But the benefit we receive must be rendered again, line for line, deed for deed, cent for cent, to somebody.”

During the 1950’s the phrase “Pay it Forward” was popularised by Robert A Heinlein, initially by being referenced in his book “Between Planets.” Heinlein preached and practised this principle in his daily life and this led to the formation of the Heinlein society, a humanitarian organisation based on this principle.

In the year 2000 Catherine Ryan Hyde published the novel “Pay it Forward” which became a best seller and was soon made into a film by the same title. This led in time to the formation of the “Pay if Forward Foundation.” It even has its own day. Did you know that April 26th is “International Pay It Forward Day”. This is a day when millions of people intentionally commit to acts of kindness and caring.

Pay it forward is based on what is known today as the “ripple effect”, which is really based on Confucius concept of “Concentric Circles of Compassion”. Like a pebble dropped into a pond, our actions create ripples that go out and affect others beyond what we can imagine. It works on the premise that we can make our world a better place if we share, if we care as much for others as we do for ourselves. It is firmly grounded in the ethos of the “Golden Rule of Compassions” a concept found at the core of every single one of the world’s great religious traditions. It is an effort to change the world one small act at a time. Everything we do and everything we do not do really does matter. We affect our world, for good or for ill, with every feeling, every thought, word and or deed.

One of the great movements for social good of the twentieth century is enshrined in the concept of “paying it forward”. Alcoholics Anonymous and the near two hundred other fellowships that have sprung from its principles have brought about recovery for millions of people from all manners of addiction. When a person is released from their destructive addiction they are not asked to pay back what was freely given to them, instead they are asked to pass on what has been given to others in desperate need and when doing so to also pass on that they do not have to pay back what has been given to them, instead they too must pass it forward. This is the basis of the simple movement that has saved millions of lives.

When I look back at my life it blows my mind to think of all the good that people have done for me. During the group, I had the privilege of leading at Hucklow, we spent time remembering the gifts that had been given to us the blessings of the lives that had touched and inspired ours, that deep love that had turned to grief when those lives ended. As we considered how we should now live, the conclusion that we came too is that surely what we need to do is to make of these lives acts of remembrance by passing on these beautiful examples to others, in the hope that they would be caught up in the love and pass it on also. This is the kind of infection that does not want to be quarantined, this is the kind of blessing that the whole world needs and is a true antidote to the disease of selfishness and cynicism that seems to be taking hold in humanity these days.

To bless the world all we have to do is remember those wonderful examples that have touched our lives and blessed us with their loving example. No we cannot pay back to them what they so freely gave to us, but then we don’t have to, all we have to do is pay it forward and become the blessing that we have all been waiting for.

It is easy to look at our world and despair and give up and say “what’s the point? Everyone is out for themselves. If I go out of my way to help another, they’ll just keep on taking advantage and what will I ever get back in return?

There is though another way; this other way is the purpose of the “Pay it Forward” movement. We can change our world, one act at a time. This is religion in its deepest and simplest form, binding up the broken manifesting God’s love in life. At its core is this life affirming principle that in spite of a great deal of evidence to the contrary faith, hope and love do in fact still remain. You see these ripples touch everybody both the giver and receiver and all who are eventually touched by them; both the giver and receiver are transformed by the experience; both giver and receiver are blessed abundantly.

So let’s become the blessings we have all been searching for; let’s remember all those times in our lives when someone has gone out of their way to help us with no expectation of anything in return; whether they have helped us materially, intellectually, emotionally, or spirituality; let’s re-feel these occasions and to meditate on them and to come up with ways that we can pay these debts forward; let’s think of ways we can give back to our world; let’s create ripple effects that can impact in our shared world in ways we perhaps can’t even begin to dream of.

We can change our world today; we can become the blessing that we have all been waiting for… Atishoo…Bless you…

Restraint of Pen, tongue, fingers and thumb

"There is a Hasidic story about a town gossip. This fellow thoughtlessly told and retold stories about others that brought them shame. The town's rabbi met with the man and confronted him with his words. The man was stunned. He had no idea he was spreading such hurt. He broke into tears and begged the rabbi for help. 'There must be something I can do to atone for the wickedness I have done.'

"The rabbi instructed the man to take four pillows out into a field. Once there he was to slice open each pillow with a knife and shake its feathers into the wind. The man thanked the rabbi and rushed off to do as he was told. He purchased four fine feather pillows and cut them open in the field, watching as the feathers scattered in every direction.

"He returned to the rabbi to let him know he had completed his penance. 'Not quite,' said the rabbi. 'Now go back to the field and retrieve the feathers.'

“'But that is impossible,' said the man. 'The winds have taken them everywhere.'

" 'It is the same with your words,' the rabbi said gravely. 'Just as you cannot retrieve the feathers once spilled, so you cannot withdraw words once spoken. No matter how sincerely you desire to undo what you have done, the harm caused by thoughtless speech cannot be rectified.' "

To Practice: Monitor your words so that they do not set in motion harmful things. And when they do, ask for forgiveness.

From “Minyan: Ten Principles for Living a Life of Integrity” by Rami Shapiro

I wonder how many times I’ve said the wrong thing and lived to regret it? Sometimes immediately and sometimes later as I have realised that what I have said was wrong or perhaps worse hurtful?

There is a wonderful phrase in recovery circles, I recently saw reference to it on the cover of a magazine at a friend’s house. The phrase is “Restraint of tongue and pen”. It comes from an essay on the 10th step of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. The 10th step reads “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Here is the extract that includes the phrase:

“Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven arguments. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the traps. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. For we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic. -pg. 91, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

These days when I say or do the wrong thing I tend to admit it quickly and try to put right what is wrong. That said sometimes it is still too late, the damage is done and some people just won’t forgive, my all too human frailties. As the Rabbi taught in the earlier story:

" 'It is the same with your words,' the rabbi said gravely. 'Just as you cannot retrieve the feathers once spilled, so you cannot withdraw words once spoken. No matter how sincerely you desire to undo what you have done, the harm caused by thoughtless speech cannot be rectified.' "

Mostly I practise restraint of pen, tongue, fingers and thumb these days, fingers and thumb refers to comments on social media. I don’t always get it right though. Sometimes I fail to pause and respond from self-centred fear. When I do there is usually a price to pay.

That said when I am wrong I do admit and usually promptly these days. This, I have come to believe, is a sign of spiritual maturity. The spiritual immature cannot admit fault, they cannot appear weak, and they cannot lose face. We see examples of this constantly. I suspect that most of us have witnessed this several time in recent months, particularly the last week or so and from the most powerful man on the planet, who would rather bully and harass than admit that he may just well have made a human error. Apparently apology is a sign of weakness. Nonesense. Apology is a sign of strength and faith in life itself.

I know well the damage that such behaviour can bring as I was brought up by such a man. These days I just smile at such memories but I do remember well the pain of fearing to disagree especially if I came across as clever or insolent.

We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded by all kinds of opinion, from many sources of media. It comes at us from all directions. Not just the radio, television and press, but many forms of social media too. That said not only are we bombarded by news outlets but also a million and one opinions, often formed from that fear based reptilian mind that we all possess.

Just think about how we take in and respond to the constant bombardment of news, always bad news stirring up fear and separation, from all sides. Now in days gone by most people would just shout at the television or radio, nowadays though people respond through social media and often the responses are not thought out at all, they can be quite viscious. Yes it’s not just restraint of pen and tongue we need these days, its more restraint of fingers and thumb. Once said those feathers are spread all over the world.

This is why it is so important to pause in life, to take stock and to sit in silence. This is not easy in a world that demands our attention and instant response, in a world that is terrified of silence. Yet silence is so vital, it is said it is golden, it is also true humility. It is ok to have nothing to say, to just bear witness to life, whatever is happening. There are at least five occasions in my immensely busy week where I humble myself in silence with other people and many occasions when I pause and humble myself in silence when I am all alone. I pause in silence many times each day.

The problem is that so many of us are talking and not enough of us are listening. It is another sign of our modern hubris, our view that we are all knowing and all powerful, when the truth is we are finite human beings, with our all too human failings, whatever happened to true humility…The recognition of our human finiteness.

Silence though frightens us. How often in life do we have to fill the space we are in with noise, even if it just senseless babble? I remember as a young man how much I treasured the sanctuary of silence I would love to wander off alone in my own silent protective bubble, this though faded as I entered into adulthood. By the time I was in my late twenties I could not even sleep without the radio on. These days silence and space is once again a dear treasure.

Before breaking silence, before filling it with noise, with our words, we really ought to check ourselves, so as not to cast those feathers. But how do we do this? Well there is a test that has been around for a long time. It is referred to as the “Three Fold Test” for right speech. According to this test there are three things that we ought to ask ourselves before speaking:

Is it kind?

Is it true?

Is it necessary?

Apparently It dates back to 1835 and a poem by Beth Day, titled “Three Gates of Gold”.

"Three Gates of Gold" by Beth Day

If you are tempted to reveal
A tale to you someone has told
About another, make it pass,
Before you speak, three gates of gold;
These narrow gates. First, “Is it true?”
Then, “Is it needful?” In your mind
Give truthful answer. And the next
Is last and narrowest, “Is it kind?”
And if to reach your lips at last
It passes through these gateways three,
Then you may tell the tale, nor fear
What the result of speech may be.

Now no doubt this poem was influenced by an old Sufi tradition which suggests that we should only speak after our words have managed to pass through four gates.

At the first gate we should ask ourselves “Are these words true?” If so then we let them pass through; if not, then back they must go. At the second gate we ask; “Are these words necessary?” At the third we ask; “Are these words beneficial?” At the fourth gate we ask, “Are they kind?” If we answer no to any of these questions, then what we are about to say ought to be left unsaid.

Luminaries from Sai Baba to Eleanor Roosevelt have offered variations on the same theme over the years “Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary”. There is also the “Triple Filter Test”, usually attributed to Socrates which asked if it is “true, good or useful.”

Right speech seems so be central to all traditions. I suspect that this is because of our own too human capacity to put our foot in in...

Right Speech is central to both Christian and Buddhist morality.

“Samma Vaca” is the third aspect of “The Noble Eightfold Path”, in Buddhism. It is basically abstinence from gossip, slander, lying, maliciousness and hate speech. So to speak wisely or rightly is to do so truthfully with kindness, purpose and meaning.

There are many passage in both the Old and New Testament that refer to “Right Speech. Many preachers in the Christian tradition will offer the following words from Psalm 19 before preaching a sermon “Let the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O God." In the New Testament the book of James makes reference to how a person should use their mouth “With it we bless God, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing.”

The Sufi, Christian and Buddhist traditions as well as other ancient and contemporary ones are saying similar things about how we ought to conduct ourselves with our brothers and sisters. They are saying how damaging wrong speech can be to both our neighbours and ourselves, you sense the essence of the “Golden Rule of Compassion” running through them all in they way that they teach about right speech.

How we communicate is so important. We may not have control over what goes on in the world all around us, but how we act towards others really matters. We need to be mindful in how we speak because what we say and do and what we do not say and do not do has an impact on all around us. As the old saying goes, if you haven’t got anything good to say then its best to probably keep your mouth shut.

It is ok to have nothing to say. It’s ok to not have answer to the question of others. It might not be your question, it might be there’s. Give up on other people’s questions, ask your own.

Words have the power to cause the utmost damage. That said they also have the power to heal. A word rightly spoken can also heal deep wounds, reconcile former enemies and save countless souls. It is amazing how a few words of kindness can lead to a tidal wave of love, another example of that chaos theory of compassion.

The key is to give words their proper respect. They say a person ought to be judged by their deeds and not their words, but I see words as deeds myself. The action of our tongues can have a much bigger impact than those of our hands, unless of course it is our hands with which we are speaking.

I jnow I need to keep on practising restraint of pen, tongue, fingers and thumb.

When we are about to speak we need to ask ourselves.

Is it kind?

Is it true?

Is it necessary?

If what we are about to say fails this test, then it probably best to remain silent. That said, if we do speak and say the wrong thing then the mature thing to do would be to apologise immediately. Apology is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength and spiritual maturity.

So may what we say be kind, true, and necessary. And when we are not, lets us be humble enough to recognise this and make amends quickly. In so doing we may just be able to catch one or two of those feathers.

“Patience and Silence” by Charles A Gaines

How quiet it is when we have the patience to be silent
How much we can learn in moments like these.
We can learn to have patience with ourselves,
to better understand and like who and what
we are.
We can learn to have patience with others,
to better listen to what they say and how they
feel.
We can learn to have patience with life,
to better work with it, rather than against it.
How much do we need silence:
Silence for truth so that we may learn wisdom.
Silence for wisdom so that we may love,
Silence for love so that we may be just,
Silence for justice so that we may live fully.
May we be more patient and more silent,
so that we may proceed with courage and
compassion.

What would you have me "Be"?

During a recent conversation with colleagues there was much talk about what it means to be a minister. Not so much the specific aspects of our role, more the way that we should “Be” in the world. It got me thinking about how I am in the world. How I should be in the world? During the conversation there was also talk about what it meant to be a “Holy Presence”. We were asked to ponder the following quote:

“Whenever I meet a Buddhist I meet a holy man. Whenever I meet a Christian leader – I meet a manager.”

We were then asked to substitute the word “Unitarian” into the quotation and asked which one rings truest?

It really got me thinking about my role as a minister and how I am in the world. What presence do I project into the world? What do people experience in my company. While I may not be a holy man I hope to goodness I do not come across as a manager.

I am a minister and I know that to minister is to serve. This is not only a physical duty, the things I do. It is as much the way that these very things are done. It is about bringing the holy into the things I do.

It is not just about what I do singularly though. It is about what the communities I serve do together. For I do not minister alone. In my eyes a Unitarian community serves together as a whole. Ministry is something that the community does together.

The key I suspect is how we are in the world, actually it’s probably more about how we “Be”. I suspect it begins by being an authentic presence in the world in which we live. By being “Who” we really are. By doing so we become a source of light in our world.

Now being “Who” we really are is about authenticity. It’s about avoiding pretence, dropping the masks and being sincere. It’s not just about doing the right thing, but being the right thing. It’s not just about what we do, but how we “Be”.

Parker Palmer captures what I am trying to say near perfectly in the following quotation.

“Our deepest calling is to grow into our authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks; we will also find our path of authentic service in the world.”

This got me thinking about a prayer that I use constantly throughout my daily life. It is a prayer associated with Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 step fellowships. It is known as “The Fear Prayer” and goes as follows.

“We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.”

Now I adapt the wording to fit with my own theology and the situation I find myself in during the day. The key to it for me is that it is not so much seeking what I ought to be doing in a given situation, but how I should “Be”. The person I ought to “Be” in life. I do not personally believe that God maps out every intricate detail of life and will direct me to what I should do in every tiny situation of life. That said I have found that if and when I open myself up in any given situation I know exactly how I should “Be”. I believe that this applies to all of us. We can all be the open, loving, authentic, holy presence in life. In so doing we will serve life and the people around us. I believe that this is our gift to the world. which we can give and share in the way that we “Be”. In so doing we do indeed become holy men and women.

Now of course some of you who are reading this are doubt feeling uncomfortable with the thought of being holy, or being a holy person. You may well be asking what it means to be holy. You may feel deeply uncomfortable. Well please do not be. We can indeed all “Be” holy if we live authentic and open lives. We sanctify life and the people we share life with when we do so.

The word “Holy”, rather like the word “Salvation” and many others are often misunderstood. They are both linked to health and wholeness, they are really about how we live in the world, in the real world in which we find ourselves and not some distant realm or a way of being that is beyond humanity. At least it is if we explore the etymology of these words.

The Latin root “Salve” from which Salvation is formed means health. The Teutonic cognates (shared roots) for health, hale, whole and holy are the same. All these words share the same roots.

For me holiness is about salvation in the here and now, it is about being truly whole in the way that we live and breathe and share our being. It is about the way that we “Be”. It is about living with integrity and in so doing we will serve the world simply in the way that we “Be” It is the way that leads to authentic service in the world. It is the way to minister to ourselves, one another and the world around us. In so doing we become holy and we sanctify life.

During our recent denomination annual meetings at Birmingham many people spoke to me about my column in the “Inquirer”, which goes by the title “From Nothing to Everything”. I was deeply moved by what everyone said to me about how it touched them deeply. I do not seek approval in my writing but it is encouraging to be told by so many people that you have a positive impact on their lives. Several people mentioned their admiration for my openness. This led to several conversations about openness and wholeness actually. I suspect that the key to being whole and therefore holy is openness.

Openness is no easy thing. It truly is a process. I am far more open than I ever was and I am becoming more open as time goes by. That said there is always room for improvement. After all isn’t the “room for improvement” the largest room in our lives. Another subject of conversation were the physical changes in me. Now one rather astute person commented on the changes in the way I am, in my being. I have to say that this comment touched me the most deeply. They noticed that my persona was more open than it had been in the past.

This is so true and is something I am becoming increasingly aware of. It is something I’ve been working on these last few months. How we are, how we “Be” is not just about the words we speak or the spirit in which we live, it shows in our deportment too, in how we carry ourselves. Yes there has been many physical changes in my life this last year, but it is not just about the weight loss. I am working on becoming more physically open. I am learning to become freer in my physical being. It is helping me to become all that I can “Be”.

Oscar Wilde said, “Be who you are (because) everyone else is already taken”. If only it was as easy as it appears to simply be, in this quotation. How many of us waste so much of our lives trying to be something we are not, instead of trying to “Be” who we truly are. Now all this brought to mind a poem that recently came to my attention by May Sarton "Now I Become Myself”.

“Now I Become Myself” by May Sarton

Now I become myself. It's taken
Time, many years and places;
I have been dissolved and shaken,
Worn other people's faces,
Run madly, as if Time were there,
Terribly old, crying a warning,
"Hurry, you will be dead before—"
(What? Before you reach the morning?
Or the end of the poem is clear?
Or love safe in the walled city?)
Now to stand still, to be here,
Feel my own weight and density!
The black shadow on the paper
Is my hand; the shadow of a word
As thought shapes the shaper
Falls heavy on the page, is heard.
All fuses now, falls into place
From wish to action, word to silence,
My work, my love, my time, my face
Gathered into one intense
Gesture of growing like a plant.
As slowly as the ripening fruit
Fertile, detached, and always spent,
Falls but does not exhaust the root,
So all the poem is, can give,
Grows in me to become the song,
Made so and rooted by love.
Now there is time and Time is young.
O, in this single hour I live
All of myself and do not move.
I, the pursued, who madly ran,
Stand still, stand still, and stop the sun!

To “Be” who we truly are, who we were born to be, is no easy task. Sarton wrote this poem when she was 83 years old. It would seem that it took her a long time to truly “Be” who she really was, something she wrote of in her memoirs and journals. I commend them to you, they are worthy of exploration.

It is no easy task to “Be” who we truly are, to live openly, to live whole and holy lives. To “find our path of authentic service in the world.” You see we learn by following others from the day we are born. We learn to “Be Like” rather than to simply “Be”. It takes a long time to let go of the stabilisers of others and become wholly ourselves. For May Sarton it only really began after the death of her parents during middle age, actually about the age I am now.

Forrest Church had similar experiences it was only when he stopped living in his father’s shadow that he found the courage to truly “Be”. As he said:

"I found my calling. I answered a call that was mine, and not someone else’s." And went on to say "To envy another’s skills, looks, or gifts rather than embracing your own nature and call is to fail in two respects. In trying unsuccessfully to be who we aren’t, we fail to become who we are."

The key he said of course was to always “be who you are.”

This is the key of course. This is what it means to live holy lives. This is how we become a holy, an authentic presence in the world. This is how we serve the world by our presence and you know what it is never too later. It can begin right here right now. May Sarton was 83 years old when she wrote “Now I become myself”. Maybe, we only truly become our true selves at the end of our physical being. That said we need to begin some where and the only place to begin is right here right now. Right here, right now is the only place we can “Be”