Pay It Forward: We Can Become the Blessings We Have Been Waiting For

A friend of mine, named Ronnie, no not Molly’s friend Ronnie the cross between a Jack Russel and a Border Collie, but a human also called Ronnie. Ronnie has been on a bit of a spiritual journey recently. He was away this weekend and was trying to put in practice things he has been learning. One was to do one good deed of generosity each day. He told me he was in the hairdressers the other day. Whilst there he noticed a couple, the man was also having a haircut. When he was finished he offered to pay for the man’s haircut as well as his own. The couple said that they couldn’t let him do that, it just didn’t seem right. Ronnie insisted and told them that he had to do so as he had to do a good deed each day and this was it. That by letting him pay, they were actually doing him a favour. Eventually they relented and let him pay for the haircut, as a favour to him.

It was a lovely tale and its great to see Ronnie progressing. Afterwards I suggested that the next time he finds himself in a similar situation that instead of asking recipients to do him a favour that he could ask them to pass the favour on, to pay it forward for someone else. He seemed to like the idea. I wonder how he has gone about his daily deed doing these last few days.

I shared the story with Annette who told me the following:

“Your friend Ronnie reminds me of two people. (Rev) Dick Boeke who believed in doing a good deed everyday. I was the recipient of lunch on a number of occasions. And also my Dad who did good deeds and when people said "How can I repay you?" always said "Don't repay me, help someone else when they need it."

Funnily enough one of the people who my Dad helped most often was our next door neighbour who had an antiques shop at the top of Stamford Road in Bowdon. The neighbour had a very old Rolls Royce and was always running out of petrol. My Dad would go off to wherever the neighbour needed him with a can of petrol. The antique dealer was also a verger at the parish church in Bowdon and our family always used to refer to him rather naughtily as "the foolish verger"”

Lovely stories that you Annette

The reason Ronnie shared the story with me was in response to myself sharing the wonderful “Love and the Cabbie” by Art Buchwald, which we heard earlier. A tale of hope and love that involves passing on blessings and compliments to others in the hope that they will do the same and thus lift the spirits of all that they meet. Yes, many may reject the good blessing, but others will respond positively and pass it on to others, thus spreading the joy and love. Doesn’t the world need this right now.

Here is the wonderful tale. The language probably seems a little dated now, but I hope you understand the spirit.

“Love and the Cabbie” by Art Buchwald

“I was in New York the other day and rode with a friend in a taxi. When we got out, my friend said to the driver, “Thank you for the ride. You did a superb job of driving.”

The taxi driver was stunned for a second. Then he said, “Are you a wise guy or something?”

“No, my dear man, and I’m not putting you on. I admire the way you keep cool in heavy traffic.”

“Yeah,” the driver said and drove off.

“What was that all about?” I asked.

I am trying to bring love back to New York,” he said. “I believe it’s the only thing that can save the city.”

“How can one man save New York?”

“It’s not one man. I believe I have made that taxi driver’s day. Suppose he has 20 fares. He’s going to be nice to those 20 fares because someone was nice to him. Those fares in turn will be kinder to their employees or shopkeepers or waiters or even their own families. Eventually the goodwill could spread to at least 1,000 people. Now that isn’t bad, is it?”

“But you’re depending on that taxi driver to pass your goodwill to others.”

“I’m not depending on it,” my friend said. “I’m aware that the system isn’t foolproof so I might deal with ten different people today. If out of ten I can make three happy, then eventually I can indirectly influence the attitudes of 3,000 more.”

“It sounds good on paper,” I admitted, “but I’m not sure it words in practice.”

“Nothing is lost if it doesn’t. It didn’t take any of my time to tell that man he was doing a good job. He neither received a larger tip nor a smaller tip. If it fell on deaf ears, so what? Tomorrow there will be another taxi driver I can try to make happy.”

“You’re some kind of a nut,” I said.

“That shows how cynical you have become. I have made a study of this. The thing that seems to be lacking, besides money of course, for our postal employees, is that no one tells people who work for the post office what a good job they’re doing.”

“But they’re not doing a good job.”

“They’re not doing a good job because they feel no one cares if they do or not. Why shouldn’t someone say a kind word to them?”

We were walking past a structure in the process of being built and passed five workmen eating their lunch. My friend stopped. “That’s a magnificent job you men have done. It must be difficult and dangerous work.”

The workmen eyed my friend suspiciously.

“When will it be finished?”

“June, a man grunted.

“Ah. That really is impressive. You must all be very proud.”

We walked away. I said to him, “I haven’t seen anyone like you since The Man From LaMancha.”

“When those men digest my words, they will feel better for it. Somehow the city will benefit from their happiness.”

“But you can’t do this all alone!” I protested. “You’re just one man.”

“The most important thing is not to get discouraged. Making people in the city become kind again is not an easy job, but if I can enlist other people in my campaign. . .”

You just winked at a very plain-looking woman,” I said.

“Yes, I know,” he replied. “And if she’s a schoolteacher, her class will be in for a fantastic day.”

I first heard this story maybe 20 years ago at Cross Street Chapel. I do like it, even if the language might be challenged a little today. What matters is its spirit, its heart. It challenges us to truly pay attention, something I’ve been going on about recently and to act in this world. It teaches how important connection is. How we interact with one another really matters and has an impact. In a world in which we can feel so powerless at times, it is important to understand that what do and do not do matters, they key is in knowing what we can and cannot do in any given situation. I am sure we can all think of interactions that have led to positive change and interaction in our lives. Spiritual living is about bringing these memories alive in our lives. It matters what we do and do not do, it really does. We are not God, but we can make a difference. We can be catalysts of change; all we have to do is accept the gift.

It is easy to look at our world and despair and give up and say “what’s the point? Everyone is out for themselves. If I go out of my way to help another, they’ll just take advantage and what will I ever get back in return?

There is though another way; the way that Ronnie is attempting. The principles found in the “Pay it Forward” concept; the way that Art Buchwald suggested in “Love and the Cabbie”. We can change our world, one act at a time. This is religion in its deepest and simplest form, binding up the broken, and manifesting God’s love in life. At its core is this life affirming principle that in spite of a great deal of evidence to the contrary faith, hope and love do in fact still remain. You see these ripples touch everybody both the giver and receiver and all who are eventually touched by them; both the giver and receiver are transformed by the experience; both giver and receiver are blessed abundantly.

Pay it forward is an interesting term, one of disputed origin. Some say it began with the ancient Greeks. Luminaries such as Benjamin Franklin and Ralph Waldo Emerson made reference to the principle. In his essay “Compensation” Emerson wrote: “In the order of nature we cannot render benefits to those whom we receive them, or only seldom. But the benefit we receive must be rendered again, line for line, deed for deed, cent for cent, to somebody.”

During the 1950’s the phrase “Pay it Forward” was popularised by Robert A Heinlein, initially by being referenced in his book “Between Planets.” Heinlein preached and practised this principle in his daily life and this led to the formation of the Heinlein society, a humanitarian organisation based on this principle.

In the year 2000 Catherine Ryan Hyde published the novel “Pay it Forward” which became a best seller and was soon made into a film by the same title. This led in time to the formation of the “Pay if Forward Foundation.” It even has its own day. Did you know that April 26th is “International Pay It Forward Day”. This is a day when millions of people intentionally commit to acts of kindness and caring.

Pay it forward is based on what is known today as the “ripple effect”, which is really based on Confucius concept of “Concentric Circles of Compassion”. Like a pebble dropped into a pond, our actions create ripples that go out and affect others beyond what we can imagine. It works on the premise that we can make our world a better place if we share, if we care as much for others as we do for ourselves. It is firmly grounded in the ethos of the “Golden Rule of Compassions” a concept found at the core of every single one of the world’s great religious traditions. It is an effort to change the world one small act at a time. Everything we do and everything we do not do really does matter. We affect our world, for good or for ill, with every feeling, every thought, word and or deed.

One of the great movements for social good of the twentieth century is enshrined in the concept of “paying it forward”. Alcoholics Anonymous and the near two hundred other fellowships that have sprung from its principles have brought about recovery for millions of people from all manners of addiction. When a person is released from their destructive addiction they are not asked to pay back what was freely given to them, instead they are asked to pass on what has been given to others in desperate need and when doing so to also pass on that they do not have to pay back what has been given to them, instead they too must pass it forward. This is the basis of the simple movement that has saved millions of lives.

When I look back at my life it blows my mind to think of all the good that people have done for me. I cannot pay them back, but then I do not have to. Instead what is required is live my life in remembrance by paying it forward.

To bless the world all we have to do is remember those wonderful examples that have touched our lives and blessed us with their loving example. No, we cannot pay back to them what they so freely gave to us, but then we don’t have to, all we have to do is pay it forward and become the blessing that we have all been waiting for.

It is easy to look at our world and despair and give up and say “what’s the point? Everyone is out for themselves. If I go out of my way to help another, they’ll just keep on taking advantage and what will I ever get back in return?

There is another way; this other way is the purpose of the “Pay it Forward” movement. We can change our world, one act at a time. This is religion in its deepest and simplest form, binding up the broken manifesting God’s love in life. At its core is this life affirming principle that in spite of a great deal of evidence to the contrary faith, hope and love do in fact still remain. You see these ripples touch everybody both the giver and receiver and all who are eventually touched by them; both the giver and receiver are transformed by the experience; both giver and receiver are blessed abundantly.

So let’s become the blessings we have all been searching for; let’s remember all those times in our lives when someone has gone out of their way to help us with no expectation of anything in return; whether they have helped us materially, intellectually, emotionally, or spirituality; let’s re-feel these occasions and to meditate on them and to come up with ways that we can pay these debts forward; let’s think of ways we can give back to our world; let’s create ripple effects that can impact in our shared world in ways we perhaps can’t even begin to dream of.

We can change our world today; we can become the blessing that we have all been waiting for.

Please find below a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"

  

Pay it Forward

"Do all the good you can

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

In all the places you can,

At all the times you can,

As long as ever you can "

Words of John Wesley the father of Methodism.

A week last Friday I drove up to Keswick to conduct the funeral of Bill Molyneux. I set off very early in the morning and decided to call in at Stretford cemetery on the way. The date was 23rd of August (2013), it would have been Ethan’s 13th birthday. Unfortunately I had not really thought ahead and had assumed that the gates would be open, they were of course locked at that hour, 6 o'clock in the morning. I left feeling annoyed and frustrated and somewhat tired, with a little trapped in emotion. Thankfully as I drove I was able to connect to my purpose that day.

It was a beautiful journey through the Lake District and a deeply moving day. I was able to get back in time, before it turned dark and visit the cemetery to leave my card, to talk with him at the side of the grave and to offer thanks and praise for all that Ethan gave in his short but rich life.

Following Bill’s funeral we shared a lovely tea at a local hotel and his friends, family and former colleague Bob shared some beautiful memories about his life. It is obvious he was a greatly loved man. I sat next to Bob who shared many tales about Bill and few other stories too. Bill used to run a jam making factory and Bob recounted a tale when they had run out of supplies of damsons. He had noted I was from Yorkshire and said that this type of jam was very popular there. Bob recounted how he began the round of calls all over the north of England in a desperate search for extra supplies. Eventually he got through to a firm in Yorkshire who had plenty extra. Bob thanked the man at the end of the phone adding “I don’t know how or when we will be able to pay you back for this.” To which the man replied, “Nah then lad, thas no need to pay us back, there’s no debt. What I’d like thee to do is pay it forward.”

Bill’s business partner explained to me that what the man had wanted him to do was to remember this favour and to pass it on when someone else was in trouble and needs a favour too. He didn’t want him to pay it back, he wanted him to pay it forward.

This really got me thinking. First of all it exploded one of those myths about Yorkshire folk and especially one of those awful clichés that are said of us. You have no doubt heard this one “Ear all, see all, say nowt; eyt all, sup all, pay nowt; and if ivver tha does owt fer nowt allus do it fer thissen.” Which roughly translates as “Hear all, see all, say nothing; eat all, drink all, pay nothing; and if ever you do anything for nothing always do it for yourself.”

The man on the other end of the phone certainly exploded that myth. He didn’t want the favour to be paid back, instead it wanted it to be paid forward, to be passed on to the next person in need.

Pay it forward is an interesting term, don’t you think?

There are disagreements over its origins, which may well go back to the ancient Greeks. Luminaries such as Benjamin Franklin and Ralph Waldo Emerson made reference to the principle. In a letter to Benjamin Webb in 1784 Franklin wrote “I do not pretend to give such a sum; I only lend it to you. When you...meet with another honest man in similar distress, you must pay me by lending this sum to him; enjoining him to discharge the debt by a like operation, when he shall be able, and shall meet with another opportunity. I hope it may thus go thro’ many hands, before it meets with a knave that will stop its progress. This is a trick of mine for doing a deal of good with a little money.”

In his essay “Compensation” Emerson wrote: “In the order of nature we cannot render benefits to those whom we receive them, or only seldom. But the benefit we receive must be rendered again, line for line, deed for deed, cent for cent, to somebody.”

During the 1950’s the phrase “Pay it Forward” was popularised by Robert A Heinlein, initially by being referenced in his book “Between Planets.” Heinlein preached and practised this principle in his daily life and this led to the formation of the Heinlein society, a humanitarian organisation based on this principle.

In the year 2000 Catherine Ryan Hyde published the novel “Pay it Forward” which became a best seller and was soon made into a film by the same title. This led in time to the formation of the “Pay if Forward Foundation.” It even has its own day. Did you know that April 26th is “International Pay It Forward Day”. This is a day when millions of people intentionally commit to acts of kindness and caring.

Pay it forward is based on what is known today as the “ripple effect”, which has its roots in Confucius's concept of “Concentric Circles of Compassion”. Like a pebble dropped into a pond, our actions create ripples that go out and affect others beyond what we can imagine. It works on the premise that we can make our world a better place if we share, if we care as much for others as we do for ourselves. It is firmly grounded in the ethos of the “Golden Rule of Compassion” a concept found at the core of every single one of the world’s great religious traditions. It is an effort to change the world one small act at a time. Everything we do and everything we do not do really does matter. We affect our world, for good or for ill, by every thought, word and or deed.

One of the great movements for social good of the twentieth century is enshrined in the concept of “paying it forward”. Alcoholics Anonymous and the near two hundred other fellowships that have sprung from its principles have brought about recovery for millions of people from all manners of addiction. When a person is released from their destructive addiction they are not asked to pay back what was freely given to them, instead they are asked to pass on what has been given to others in desperate need and when doing so to also pass on that they do not have to pay back what has been given to them, instead they too must pass it forward. The principle of "Paying it Forward" is at the root of this simple movement that has saved millions of lives.

When I look back at my life it blows my mind to think of all the good that people have done for me. Two of those people I have remembered with tears of grief over the last week. One of course was Ethan who revealed God’s love to me and other was Enid Johnson whose funeral I conducted last Wednesday. Enid was a member at Cross Street Chapel when I began attending 10 years ago. Enid was one of the many people who welcomed me with open arms into the community and who also supported me when Ethan was killed, further she was another who supported me as I took the first tentative steps into ministry and I know her love and support has remained ever since. I cannot directly pay back Enid, Ethan or the countless other people who have helped me over the years, but then again I don’t have I just have to keep on “Paying It Forward”. I just need to keep on passing on to others what was so freely given to me.

It is easy to look at our world and despair and give up and say “what’s the point? Everyone is out for themselves. If I go out of my way to help another, they’ll just keep on taking advantage and what will I ever get back in return? It's easy to follow the selfish rule, “If tha gunna do owt for nowt, do fir thee sen”

I believe there is another way; I believe there is a better way. This other way is the purpose of the “Pay it Forward” movement. I like them believe that we can change our world, one act at a time. This is religion in its deepest and simplest form, binding up the broken manifesting God’s love in life. At its core is this life affirming principle that in spite of a great deal of evidence to the contrary faith, hope and love do in fact still remain. You see these ripples touch everybody both the giver and receiver and all who are eventually touched by them; both the giver and receiver are transformed by the experience; both giver and receiver are blessed abundantly.

I’d like you who read this to do something for me, “for thee sen”, for your world. I’d like you to remember all those times in your life when someone has gone out of their way to help you with no expectation of anything in return; whether they have helped you materially, intellectually, emotionally, or spirituality. I’d like you re-feel these occasions and to meditate on them and to come up with ways that you can pay these debts forward. I’d like you to think of ways that you can give back to your world; how you can create ripple effects that can impact in our shared world in ways we perhaps can’t even begin to dream of.

We can change our world today; it begins with thee and me. If you can’t do it for me, then "do it for thee sen."

I’d like to end this blog with this lovely tale by David J. Wolpe

"There is a marvelous story of a man who once stood before God, his heart breaking from the pain and injustice in the world. "Dear God." he cried out, "look at all the suffering, the anguish and distress in your world. Why don't you send help?" God responded,"I did send help. I sent you." When we tell our children that story, we must tell them that each one of them was sent to help repair the broken world-and that it is not the task of an instant or of a year, but of a lifetime."

The Religion of Christmas

Below is a copy of a piece I wrote for December edition of "The Unitarian" magazine.

Christmas is the season for giving and for getting, but surely this ought not to be limited to the material life. It is not only about what we get from others or what we give to them. It is also about forgiving and forgetting. It is a time of reconciliation and not merely a time for giving and getting goodies, a time of wanton materialism. There is a bigger difference between "for giving and for getting" and forgiving and forgetting" than the space between the "r" and the "g".

Christmas is a time to put aside past differences and to let bygones be bygones; a time to heal old wounds and of course new ones too. Radical inclusion and acceptance is the true message of Christmas. To me this is what religion is all about. Religion is about how we live in community with others and not merely an idea or belief system. 

Radical inclusion and acceptance is the true spirit of Christmas. 

How though do we bring this spirit, of radical inclusion and acceptance, into our lives, right here right now? How do we bring the spirit of Christmas into our homes and communities today and for that matter every day? How do we create a Christmas religion? Where is Christmas hidden under all those ribbons and bows and songs and merriments?

Well I believe it is still to be found in that story of the ordinary boy, born in that lowly stable. The message of radical inclusion and forgiveness has survived the centuries. The message that Jesus brought to us has survived all that we have done to it over the last two thousand years.

Jesus in his short life taught only love, Agape, spiritual love. By the way he was not unique in teaching this, it is a universal principle found in all the great faith traditions. It is this love that is there within each and every one of us that has the power to transform our hearts and souls and brings us into harmony with all creation and that power that runs through all of life, that I call God.

This is the message of Christmas, the religion of Christmas, the expression of faith, hope, love and of course joy. These are the qualities that need to be brought into this day and every day in order to bring to life the Christmas magic.  If we feel, think, speak and act through these qualities we can connect heart to heart and break down those old cold barriers. I discovered some time ago that the language of the heart is universal and that it breaks through any barrier, created by fear and resentment. This is the religion of Christmas.

 There have been times in my life when I have been cut off from those I have loved and those who have loved me. Today I do as much as I can to ensure that this is no longer the case. I will travel to Yorkshire after leading worship on Christmas morning and visit several family members and old friends too. I will no doubt travel to and from Yorkshire several times over the Christmas period as I try to take care of those connections, those lifelines that support me. If I have learnt anything in my life I have learnt that I need loving connection. This is the Christmas message, the building and development of compassionate connection. This is the religion of Christmas.

It is a message of hope that is found there in the Christmas stable in that ordinary boy born from an ordinary family who did extraordinary things in his short life. This is surely an inspiration to us all, for we all possess within us, what was also in that boy. All that we have to do to incarnate that reality is to bring that love into our daily lives; we can bring that hope found in the stable into our daily lives. This is a message of hope that does indeed bring glad tidings of comfort and joy. This is the religion of Christmas.

Love begins within our own hearts and incarnates through our thoughts words and deeds, until it touches others. It spreads to our friends and families, our communities, our countries and throughout our world. These concentric circles of compassion are the religion of Christmas. This message pre-dates the Christmas story; a message spoken of by Confucius two and half thousand years ago; a message of loving compassion expressed by all the great sages of human history. To bring it to life all that we need do is remember that we have that love within us and that it can be developed if we would only nurture it. This is the religion of Christmas.

Listening: Making Space for the Other

A man approached Nasrudin and asked him, “how does one become wise?”. To which Nasrudin replied: “listen attentively to wise people when they speak. And when someone is listening to you, listening attentively to what you are saying!”

Ah Mulla Nasrudin, the wise fool. The “Holy Fool”. We can learn so much from listening; we can learn so much from really listening; we can learn so much from really listening not only to others, but to ourselves too.

Listening is about invitation. It is about inviting the other into our lives; it is about making space for the other. This is not always easy to do especially when engaging in conversation.

“Listen with the ear of your heart”, has become one of my mantras. It comes from “The Rule of Benedict” a set of ancient principles for monastic orders. The foundation of the rule is listening, deep attentive listening. It begins, “listen carefully, my child, to the instructions...and attend to them with the ear of your heart “.

This is no easy task. It is so easy to get wrapped up in so many other things. That said in order to make space for the other we do need to learn to listen; to listen “with the ear of our hearts”.

Ernest Hemingway once said "When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen."

How many of us can really say that we listen to one another? When we begin to converse do we take time to truly listen to what the other person is saying? Or are we merely waiting for our turn to make our point? When we engage with one another are we really attempting to make space for them or is it all about us? Is it about our need to be heard? Are we engaging with others in the hope that they will agree with us?

In “Forgotten Art of Deep Listening” Kay Lindahl asks us to:

“Think of the difference it would make if each of us felt really listened to when we spoke. Imagine the time it would save to be heard the first time around, instead of having to repeat ourselves over and over again. Envision a conversation in which each person is listened to with respect, even those whose views are different from ours. This is all possible in conversations of the heart, when we practice the sacred art of listening. It takes intention and commitment. We need to slow down to expand our awareness of the possibilities of deep listening. The simple act of listening to each other can transform all of our relationships. Indeed, it can transform the world, as we practice being the change we wish to see in the world.”

By listening we can begin to transform the world; by listening we begin to practise being the change we wish to see in the world.

 There is an old Buddhist proverb that roughly translates as “when the pupil is ready the teacher will appear”. I can vouch for the truth in this statement. That said I can’t always vouch for another well known cliché “first impressions count”. Looking back at my life there have been times when first impressions really got in the way. My first impressions have proved to be way wide of the mark at times.

I often talk of this wise man I met in Oldham eight or nine years ago. Now when I first met him I did not like him at all. I certainly didn’t want to listen to what he had to say. I quickly built some barriers between us, barriers based purely on unfounded fear. I’m extremely grateful that those barriers came a tumbling down because I am pretty sure that if I hadn’t learnt to listen to what he had to say, I might not be here today. I am not understating things when I say that he saved my life.

Of the many things that he taught me one of the greatest was how to listen. This all began by practising and noticing when I wasn’t listening, especially when others were talking. He taught me to observe when my mind wandered off or to notice when I was listening how much of my time was spent on working out what “brilliant” response I was going to make, in an attempt to refute what the other person was saying. He taught me that when we are listening to another we are extending ourselves to that person, we are giving them a gift; a gift that we can both share in. In making space for the other, we create a sacred space, we make space for God and we get a taste of heaven.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “There is guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening, we shall hear the right word”

When we listen to others and when we truly listen to ourselves when others speak, as the “Holy Fool” Nasruddin suggests, we may just uncover what the root of the things that are troubling ourselves are and even better what the solution to these troubles might be. As that wise man in Oldham taught me we can uncover what the problem is, we can discover its root cause and we can cut it out and discard it and move on with our lives. We can remove the barriers that are blocking us from living the lives we would like to lead.

He taught me that when we listen to another we truly give of ourselves. Whereas when we only appear to be listening and are in fact judging or comparing ourselves to them we are in actual fact judging ourselves. He taught me that if we learn to listen to others, without judgement, we can begin to learn to accept them for who they truly are. By doing so we are learning to love them; by doing so we give them the dignity to be themselves; by doing so we dignify ourselves. We create a sacred space in that relationship between one another.

Now of course not all the great sages come from Oldham. Those of ancient times taught similar lessons to this ordinary man. That said I am not sure that I could have accessed what they taught eight or nine years ago. It required simple language from an   ordinary man. He spoke the language of the heart and I was prepared to listen. I learnt a valuable lesson that day; I learnt that the language of the heart is universal, it can break down any barrier.

Karen Armstrong has highlighted that human dialogue has tended “...to be aggressive, a tradition we inherited from the ancient Greeks.” If we look at our world today we tend to debate competitively whether we are public figures or just talking in the playground, the pub or through social media. Often when we are engaging in conversation we are trying to trip one another up, or prove one another wrong. How many of us can truly say that we are truly listening to one another?

Since ancient times the great sages have offered solutions to this competitive and aggressive way of communicating, but I’m not sure they have ever won out.

As Armstrong has highlighted:

“The Socratic dialogue was a spiritual exercise designed to produce a profound psychological change in the participants - and because its purpose was that everybody should understand the depth of his ignorance, there was no way that anybody could win.” The key as Plato highlighted “...is to ‘make place for the other’ in his mind and to listen intently and sympathetically to the ideas of his partners in dialogue...” Can you imagine this happening during Prime Minister’s Question Time?

Other great sages such as the Buddha and Confucius conducted discussions in a similar manner. Confucius always developed his ideas in conversation. He did this because he felt that in order for anyone to achieve ‘maturity’ required this kind of friendly interaction. The Buddha taught his monks to converse kindly and courteously with one another. His lay disciple King Pasenadi of Kosla observed the contrast between his Royal Courts and the Buddha’s communities. In the courts everybody seemed to be looking out for themselves and were always quarrelsome. Where as he observed the monks were “...living together as uncontentiously as milk with water and looking at one another with kind eyes...smiling, courteous, sincerely happy...their minds remaining as gentle as wild dear.” They were showing reverence to one another.

Listening is about making space for the other, it is an invitation; an invitation to create true spiritual intimacy. Listening is one way to release ourselves from the treadmill of own ego centric little worlds. It can release us from hell.

Listening is a loving practise and as such it requires discipline, it requires spirit and it requires devotion. It begins by being aware, mindful, of when we do not listen and re-committing to listening once again. It is one step towards living more empathically, more compassionately with one another. This is a lifetime’s project. As Karen Armstrong herself says “...the attempt to become a compassionate human being is a lifelong project. It is not achieved in an hour or a day - or even in twelve steps. It is a struggle that will last until our dying hour.”

It begins with us listening, by us attempting to be the change we want to see in the world. We can turn away from judgement toward empathy and understanding, we can truly invite the other into our lives.

Here is a link to a "Talking Head" reflection I recently recorded based on these ideas

New Years Day: Holding on to what is Good

Look to this day!

For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course lie all the verities and realities of existence:
The bliss of growth, the glory of action, the splendour of beauty;
For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision
But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

words attributed to Kalidasa, a 3rd century Indian author.

New Years Day is a time for new beginnings, a time for hope of what might be and a time to reflect on what has been before us. And yet it is just a day, much like any other day really. The sun has risen, as it has always risen and in a few hours time it will set, as it has always set.

As we look out into the unknown future, it has become our custom, on this day, to resolve to do things differently than we have in the past. We make New Year’s resolutions and begin to practise them, on this day. The problem is of course that we rarely keep them up; we quickly slip back into those old habits.

I wonder if this will ever work. I suspect the reason it doesn’t is that we focus too much of our attention on the negative, on what is wrong. Perhaps what we ought to be doing is focusing on what is healthy and good and actually work and practise these habits. Maybe by focusing on what is wrong all that we end up doing is actually strengthening these weaknesses and give them more power.  Perhaps the problem is that we spend too much time living in our problems, as opposed to living in the solutions to our problems. By doing so are we actually strengthening the destructive aspects of ourselves as opposed to our compassionate sides? As I keep reminding myself - the wolf that wins is the one that we feed.

Life is constantly changing, nothing ever stays exactly the same, and no moment is like any other. Each of us experience these moments differently too; we each bring our pasts with us to each moment and this always impacts on the present. We cannot completely let go, nor should we. Yes we need to let go of what stops us living as best we can, but we also need to hold on to what is healthy, that which feeds and nurtures us. We need these lifelines to live happily and healthily.

But what is it that we need to develop? What should we hold on to? What do we need to nurture in order to live healthy and happy lives? And what are the lifelines that sustain us, when life seems really tough?

Paul of Tarsus, in the 13^th Chapter of his first letter to the Corinthians names three truths that can hold us through any of the storms of life. These truths are secured, they are rock solid, they are eternal and they are of course universal. We can hold on and depend on these three, but only if we nurture and strengthen them. Something we will find difficult if we focus all are energy on what is wrong with us on what we must let go of. Actually we may well find that our troubles begin to disappear as we develop these three.

And what are these three? 

They are faith, hope and love.

And what do these three mean?

Faith is about trusting in life itself; it is about living as openly and honestly as possible; it is about accepting that there is pain in life, but that there is also so much joy; it is realising that the mere fact that we exist at all is life’s greatest gift. This allows us to sing the joy of living, in all its mystery. It is also about seeing that we are all in this together and that we need to connect as much as possible to the life in which we share. We need to ensure that this lifeline is secure and not worn or frayed at the edges. This is something we need to hold onto and not let go of. Why, you may well ask? Well because it sustains us through the vicissitudes of life. Life does not offer much certainty, but we need not despair at this. Again you may ask why? Well because from despair grows hope.

Hope is the second of those eternal, universal truths. Hope is rooted in despair; it grows from the same place. To live in hope is to believe that if we live with conviction and compassion that we can effect positive change in our world, even if we ourselves do not get to see its full fruition. Hope is about planting those seeds when and where ever we can. This is why I committed to leading the 12 Steps to a Compassionate Life Reading groups in the congregations I serve. It was an attempt to develop the connection to our compassionate natures and therefore improve our own lives and those around us.  I have faith in the hope that Confucius’s concentric circles of compassion can bear fruit in our age and that by developing our compassionate natures we can go out into our communities, our regions, our countries and even our world and be the change we want to see.

To live with hope is to live with the attitude that the future is genuinely open. The God of my understanding works with us and guides us but leaves life open, it is not pre-ordained. “The Lure of Divine Love” draws us out of ourselves, but it also allows life to develop freely. I accept that the past does have power, I have a strong sense of history, this is very important. That said I do not believe that the past defines the future, not everything is inevitable. The future is unwritten.

Life is definitely a journey worth taking, even during its toughest moments. Yes we all despair at times and we all live with uncertainty, but the beacon of hope is always there. This brings to mind a line in from "Proverbs" “Where there is no vision (no hope) the people perish.” Hope is a vital lifeline it both holds and sustains us. It is an eternal and universal principle and one that requires nurture. It is all about love.

But what is love? How can it sustain us? By the way I am not talking of romance here; I am talking of spiritual love, self giving love. Spiritual love is that power that connects us to our true selves, one another, the life we share and whatever it is that connects all life. What I myself call God; that power that is greater than all and yet present in each. Love is about caring deeply and passionately about life itself. This of course requires attention; it is a life line that requires nurture. Love reminds me that we do not live for ourselves alone or by ourselves alone. “no man is an island” or as Kurt Vonnegut once put it “one human being is no human being”. The universal and eternal truth is that we need the love, the care, the companionship of others in order to fully experience what it is to be alive. By ourselves we are never fully alive.

So my New Year’s message this year is not really about letting go, it’s actually about holding and developing those lifelines that sustain and nurture us. Instead of focusing on the problem, let’s focus on the solution. Remember the wolf that wins is the one that we feed. Therefore if we spend our time focusing on the problem we may well end up making it bigger than it actually is; where as if we simply feed and develop our compassionate sides, thereby feeding the solution, the problem will simply wither away and die.

Whatever this year brings us, let us resolve to develop lives of faith, hope and love and be the change that we want to see. The future truly is unwritten, no one knows what tomorrow will bring.

Lao Tzu once said:

If there is to be peace in the world,

There must be peace in the nations.

If there is to be peace in the nations,

There must be peace in the cities.

If there is to be peace in the cities,

There must be peace between neighbours.

If there is to be peace between neighbours,

There must be peace in the home.

If there is to be peace in the home,

There must be peace in the heart.

The Snobbish Ox and a Question: What is the Christmas Religion?

“The Snobbish Ox” by Albert Q Perry

 “My favourite Christmas story concerns the rather snobbish ox who shared the stable with the family from Nazareth.  With considerable amazement he witnessed the visits of shepherds and the strangers from the East: heard all the talk about stars and angelic choruses; and finally watched Mary and Joseph flee with their son.

For days the other animals could talk of nothing but their human guests while the ox silently chewed his cud over in a dark corner.  Finally he reproved his companions with this reflection:  “I don’t know why they are so interested in this vagabond family.  If they had been anybody worth knowing, they would never have stayed in this broken down shack.  As for the baby,--it was very like any other baby I ever saw. They were ordinary people, I would say. Very ordinary people indeed!”

Oxen are long lived creatures, and this one proved to be the Methuselah of his kind.  He was still around thirty odd years later to witness the dismal end of the stable-born child.  He then remarked to his companions, “I knew it at the time.  That chap was of no account.  He was the ordinary son of some ordinary people.”

Then it was the donkey who had carried Jesus many interesting miles spoke up to say:  “Perhaps you are right.  This man may have had a humble birth and a humiliating death; an ordinary birth and an ordinary death for such people, but he certainly led an extraordinary life.”

Regardless of how we react to this story, it contains a hint as to how our Christmas may become significant.  Most of us can confess to being even more ‘ordinary’ than the family from Nazareth, but our Christmas season may be a time of extraordinary living.  Unusual neighbourliness, unusual generosity, unusual expressions of love, and unusual attention to things of the spirit are all fitting tribute to bring to the stable-born one, who became the spiritual guide to many.  May the Christmas season thereby, bring extra-ordinary grandeur to our otherwise ordinary lives.”


I recently came across the above meditation by Albert Q Perry, I do love it...it got me thinking about Christmas and what the message of that baby born in ordinary circumstances, but who lived an extraordinary life, is all about and what it could possible mean to us living 2,000 years later. It's not the virgin birth or whether he was the one and only Immanuel that matters to me. What I  I am interested in is what lies there beneath the story and what his life and teachings can offer to us. I am interested in looking at a different religion of Christmas.

Happy Christmas by the way...hope you’ll enjoy a wonderful and wonder filled day.

Christmas is the season for giving and for getting, but surely this ought not to be limited to the material life. It is not only about what we get from others or what we give to them. It is also about forgiving and forgetting. It is a time of reconciliation and not merely a time for giving and getting goodies, a time of wanton materialism. There is a bigger difference between "for giving and for getting" and forgiving and forgetting" than the space between the "r" and the "g".

Christmas is a time to put aside past differences and to let bygones be bygones; a time to heal old wounds and of course new ones too. Radical inclusion and acceptance is the true message of Christmas. To me this is what religion is all about. Religion is about how we live in community with others and not merely an idea or belief system. 

Radical inclusion and acceptance is the true spirit of Christmas. 

How though do we bring this spirit, of radical inclusion and acceptance, into our lives, right here right now? How do we bring the spirit of Christmas into our homes and communities today and for that matter every day? How do we create a Christmas religion? Where is Christmas hidden under all those ribbons and bows and songs and merriments?

Well I believe it is still to be found in that story of the ordinary boy, born in that lowly stable. The message of radical inclusion and forgiveness has survived the centuries. The message that Jesus brought to us has survived all that we have done to it over the last two thousand years.

Jesus in his short life taught only love, Agape, spiritual love. By the way he was not unique in teaching this, it is a universal principle found in all the great faith traditions. It is this love, that is there within each and every one of us, that has the power to transform our hearts and souls and brings us into harmony with all creation and that power that runs through all of life, that I call God.

This is the message of Christmas, the religion of Christmas, the expression of faith, hope, love and of course joy. These are the qualities that need to be brought into this day and every day in order to bring to life the Christmas magic.  If we feel, think, speak and act through these qualities we can connect heart to heart and break down those old cold barriers. I discovered some time ago that this universal language of the heart can break through any barrier, created by fear and resentment. This is the religion of Christmas.

There have been times in my life when I have been cut off from those I have loved and those who have loved me. Today I do as much as I can to ensure that this is no longer the case. I will travel to Yorkshire after leading worship on Christmas morning and visit several family members and old friends too. I will no doubt travel to and from Yorkshire several times over the next few days as I try to take care of those connections, those lifelines that support me. If I have learnt anything in my life I have learnt that I need loving connection. This is the Christmas message, the building and development of compassionate connection. This is the religion of Christmas.

It is a message of hope that is found there in the Christmas stable in that ordinary boy born from an ordinary family who did extraordinary things in his short life. This is surely an inspiration to us all, for we all possess within us, what was also in that boy. All that we have to do to incarnate that reality is to bring that love into our daily lives; we can bring that hope found in the stable into our daily lives. This is a message of hope that does indeed bring glad tidings of comfort and joy. This is the religion of Christmas?

Love begins within our own hearts and incarnates through our thoughts words and deeds, until it touches others. It spreads to our friends and families, our communities, our countries and throughout our world. These concentric circles of compassion are the religion of Christmas. This message pre-dates the Christmas story; a message spoken of by Confucius two and half thousand years ago; a message of loving compassion expressed by all the great sages of human history. To bring it to life all that we need do is remember that we have that love within us and that it can be developed if we would only nurture it. This is the religion of Christmas.

My simple Christmas message to myself and anyone who cares to listen is to let the religion of Christmas be at the centre of all we do this day and in all the days yet to come. Let us bring this love into all that we feel and all that we think and all that we do from this day forward and in all our days to come.

I wish you a joy filled Christmas and a New Year full of love.