The language of friendship: The language of love

I’m sure you’ve heard me badly misquote good old Moses many times “Choose Life, Blessings and Curses”. The phrase says to me that in life you don’t get the good without the bad and the bad without the good, you get life though and we are here to live it. The blessing is in being here and being alive.

I am enjoying the blessing of spring time. I am loving the colour of the blossoms and the songs of the birds. It is a delight, especially for my eyes and my ears. That said it isn’t all blessings. There is a negative to all this new life and it is one also for my eyes and my ears. My eyes and ears, my nose and my throat are being badly affected by the pollen. It is my ears that are frustrating me as I am not hearing people when they speak as well as I would like.

I can still hear the birds though and their beautiful spring songs. The birds are telling many things.

Another favourite phrase of mine is “a little bird told me”. I loved it as a child; there was something enchanting about it. I love it equally as an adult. It is a cute way of relaying information about people, sharing good news, like birthdays or small achievements. Little birds telling me things is basically half of my life; I spend half my life listening to folk tell me stories, sharing and caring. Lots of little birds have been whispering in my ear recently. It seems that my purpose in life is primarily to be a friend, to live as a friend to many. I suspect that my primary role as a minister of religion is to be a good friend, this I am discovering is what it means to live spiritually alive. Maybe this is the whole of the spiritual life, the love that we are supposed to live by. Maybe we are here to be friends to one another sharing and caring, telling our tales. I love funny little phrases, and I love language, how it changes, how it develops. It speaks so much about time and place, past, present and even future.

You can tell a lot about a culture by its language. The English language has many words for different types of rain, probably because it rains a lot. Iceland has about forty words for snow and the ancient Greeks had at least six words for love. These were “Eros”, primarily romantic, sexual or passionate desire. “Philia” which was a deep bond that was formed through friendship and or comradeship. Think of the city of Philadelphia, the city of “brotherly love. Another was “Storge” which was a kind of familial love. “Ludus” which was a kind of playful or flirtatious love. “Pragma” or longstanding love. This was a form of mature love that developed over long-term relationships, say between married couples. “Agape” love, this was a love without prejudice, a selfless love, some call it religious love. Finally, “Philautia”, self-love. This had a light and shadow side. Its shadow manifested in Narcissism, but its light was seen as vital in order to offer all the other forms of love in a healthy way.

Two of these forms of love seem to be vital to living in spiritual community with others. These being “Philia” and “Agape”. As I’ve been wandering around walking and talking with folk in recent times these are the two forms I’ve been experiencing. I feel that these loves are at the heart of true friendship. We need these loves right now, as we live through these difficult and sometime disturbing times, as we look at our wider world. “Agape” and “Philia” love are the two types that I am often aware of when I live with my senses open to those I interact with. These two types that truly bring the blessings and curses of choosing life. They are vital to living spiritually alive.

I engaged in all kinds of conversations with folk at our recent General Assembly meetings. It was lovely catching up with old friends. People tell me many things. Yes, they share their many and varied troubles, but also share other wonderful stories too. I am blessed by what people choose to share with me. One thing I particularly enjoyed this year was a conversation I was invited to participate in with other regular writers for “The Inquirer”, our denominational magazine. We were asked to talk about how we write, what inspires us, our whole process as well as questions about the things we ought to be exploring. It was really an attempt to encourage others to give writing a go. It was interesting listening to the other contributors and comparing their processes with my own. We are so different. They seem far more deliberate and structured, whereas my inspirations seems to blow in the wind. A bit like this conversation really. There is structure and purpose though, it is perhaps just less obvious than others. I see everything that I create as a kind of conversation between friends and for friends, some of whom I am yet to meet and yet perhaps already know and are known. Speaking and hearing the language of love.

During the “Inquirer Panel” there was an interesting conversation about the use of Artificial Intelligence (AI). Something none of us felt we would want to use in our own work. I am not against the use of AI in terms of discovering information. It also seems to help people who have limited writing skills or lack confidence in this area. I know it has helped friends of mine to build confidence. So, like most things AI has its place. It just doesn’t have a place in my creativity. I want to speak through the spirit, the language of the heart. A conversation based on love. It seems to me that A.I. is a soulless product. When I read things created by it, it does not touch my soul at least.

Language and words used in my line of work ought to be formed by love and creativity, of that spirit, formed from agapeic and philia love. They should be about creativity and connection. I recently had a powerful experience around forgiveness, a beautiful example of how Agape can work its magic in bringing repair to “Philia Love” and restoring a once broken friendship. I recently reacquainted myself with someone I was close to many years ago. I had once said something that had unintentionally hurt them. I was speaking from a place of arrogance and perhaps hubris, getting a bit too big for my boots, to use another wonderful old phrase. The words I used were not personal, but they hurt the person. It broke a friendship. One that no matter what I said and did seemed like it would never be healed. Well recently it has been. It just took some humility and truth speaking. It took the practice of Agapeic love to heal a friendship and rekindle a form of damaged Philia Love. It was a lovely experience and led to the most amazing and moving conversation as we shared loving words. We both levelled our pride, gave something of ourselves, recognised one another’s humanity and rekindled a friendship. Agapeic love healed a relationship, it reformed a Philia love.

The reconciliation brought to my mind the following from John’s Gospel Ch21 vv 15-19

15 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 16 A second time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” And he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly, I tell you, when you were younger, you used to fasten your own belt and to go wherever you wished. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will fasten a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go.” 19 (He said this to indicate the kind of death by which he would glorify God.) After this he said to him, “Follow me.”

This conversation between Jesus and Peter comes later in the Gospel, after the “Resurrection” It is a fascinating piece, mirroring Peter’s denial of Jesus three times. What is interesting to me is the use of the word “Love”. The first two times when Jesus asks Peter if he loves him, he is using the word Agape, while Peter responds with the word Philia. On the third occasion Jesus then reverts to the word Philia. Now both words are used interchangeably in John’s account and much has been discussed by theologians as to the meaning of this passage. To me it is about reconciliation, forgiveness and moving forward as Jesus is asking Peter to take care of his “sheep, lambs”, his people and what he is prepared to sacrifice. For me it is about how vital both forms of love are to living spiritually alive in this world. If I have learnt anything, it is that I need to live by both Philia love and Agape love in order to live alive in this world, to choose life. In so doing the Kin-dom of Love, begins to be brought to life.

We all need “Philia” love, for we are relational beings. Everyone needs friends, to experience that deep loving care that is not connected by blood, by family and romantic feelings, a love for those we share our time and space with. This is the love that spiritual community is built upon, actually all forms of community.

Aristotle said, “What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”

Emerson wrote, “Let us approach our friend with an audacious trust in the truth of his heart.”

A friend is someone you can trust, you can rely upon, someone who will be there for you. I have been blessed with such friendships throughout my life. Some have been there for decades and others for shorter periods of time, but we have touched one another’s lives in deep and meaningful ways. We have laughed and we have cried together. We have enjoyed some wild and crazy times together and we have grieved as we have lost one of our number. I have lost a lot of friends over the years, far too many. Each loss breaks my heart; each loss takes a little piece of my heart. Love hurts. It was the first anniversary of the loss of one my oldest and dearest friends this week. The very next day I heard of the loss of another mutual friend. Gone far too soon.

A friend helps you become a better person, certainly my friends have helped me to do so, they have spurred me on by their example and encouragement and occasional criticism. This was a central claim of Aristotle’s “Ethics” who envisioned an escalating competition in goodness. He suggested that people try to do their best so as to be valued and respected by their friends thus inspiring them to do likewise. This is the power of “Philia” Love.

Friendship is a key component of Buddhism. This is illustrated in the following tale:

One day while the Buddha was out walking with his attendant Ananda, Ananda declared, “Teacher, to have companions and comrades on the great way is so amazing! I have come to realize that friendship is fully half of an authentic spiritual life.” They continued walking in silence when eventually the Buddha responded. “No, dear one. Without companions and comrades, no one can live into the deep, finding the true harmonies of life, to achieve authentic wisdom. To say it simply, friendship is the whole of the spiritual life.”

Could this be true? Is friendship the whole of the spiritual life?

Jesus said to his disciples, in John’s Gospel “I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything.” To me this is what a true relationship with God is about, friendship. Something that we are meant to mirror in our lives. This if you like is the Kin-dom coming alive in our lives. We gain knowledge of the spiritual life through living in such an intimate relationship with God, with life and with one another.

I’m with the Buddha and Jesus; I believe that friendship is the whole of the spiritual life. In fact, to live spiritually is to truly be a friend to life. This is how knowledge is truly revealed. This is the kin-dom of love, coming alive in our lives. This is how we make our lives a scared space. This is how we manifest love in our lives, by being a friend to life. This is what being a part of a spiritual community is about, becoming a friend to life and to all we meet. Friendship is those little birds whispering in my ear, sharing deep concern.

It begins with radical acceptance. It requires Agape Love, to accept those we meet as they are, exactly as they are. This does not mean we don’t point out when someone is in the wrong, no it just means we love and accept them right or wrong. It’s also about raising one another up through our example. You see by being the best we can be, in loving friendship, we automatically encourage our friends to be the best version of themselves that they too can be.

Friendships are relationships born from love; they speak the language of love. They are mirrors of the spiritual life for they are about both philia and at times agape love.

Life is all about relationships; the spiritual life is all about relationships. Relationships with life, with each other, with ourselves and with God, whatever we understand God to be. And how do relationships develop? Well through conversation, through sharing ourselves with each other, not by losing ourselves, but becoming ourselves through our conversations with the other, lower and upper case. We relate through conversation and thus we grow spiritually, through relationship.

Relationships speak the language love. Friendships being one of the most powerful, deep and meaningful. They must be formed and sustained by both “Philia” and “Agape” Love.

For love will bring us together again.

Please find below a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"

Tell me your story and I will tell you mine: Good speech, Godsibb and Gossip

Last Monday 2^nd February was “Groundhog Day”. Sorry, but it is bad news, “Punxsutawney Phil” saw his shadow. This means 6 more weeks of winter. Do not worry this is Pennsylvania, so it may not apply to we in the North West of England. We shall see.

Last Monday morning was a bit like Groundhog Day the movie as I went through many usual Monday activities. There was a slight twist as I met with a couple who are getting married at Dunham Road. We talked through the service, which is fairly traditional with one or two twists, just to make it personal. It was a wonderful conversation, getting to know these two wonderful people, there was much humour shared. I also went through one or two or my usual Monday rituals. After catching up with emails and posting my blog etc I took Molly out into Altrincham and through to the park. On the way Molly insisted on calling into Café Nero. She loves the place and obviously knows I need a coffee before walking round the park. I had a fascinating conversation with the manager their Keiran. He is a breeder of exotic fish, a growing business for him. He told me he has 1,000 fish tanks now. He also tried to play a trick on me telling me they were having a minutes silence. I know he is a joker so I didn’t fall for it. I told him that we do not have a minutes silence for “Groundhog Day”. We then talked about “Groundhog Day”. He expressed a hope that winter would soon be over.

We then headed to the park and saw the same people I often see when I go there. We nod and say hello and sometimes talk. I got into a conversation with a woman who is there every day and who I rarely get into a conversation with. Whenever we do it is as if we are speaking for the first time, symptomatic of something I am growing familiar with. She told me about her family, her son and grandchildren, all high achievers. We talked about her dog who is the same breed and as my sister’s dog Brian. She then started calling Molly Brian and then she wandered off after I had given her dog and Molly a treat. By the way we also talked about the weather and the desire for Spring. I told her it was “Groundhog Day” , at which point she looked at me like I was mad. As we continued to wander I got chatting to a man and his dog. We always talk when we meet one another. He has a grand dog named Ruby who is a labradoodle. We chatted about our dogs and the weather. I then said it is “Groundhog Day” and we will find out if winter is ending or whether we have six more weeks of it. I then said but it doesn’t really apply as we don’t live in Pennsylvania. He told me his parents used to live there and the winters were never too bad, except for a couple of weeks. They now live in Quebec he told me where the winters are far more extreme. He then showed me a conversation he had with his mother talking about the weather. He asked me if I was always there at this time and I said I come at varied times. I chuckled as I walked off and thought well maybe it isn’t Groundhog Day.

On the way home I bumped into a couple of friends. Both of whom told me about concerns for friends who are being treated for cancer. One seems hopeful the other not so much. I have had several such conversations all week long. Some of which sound like a long winter ahead and others showing signs of spring.

I have been thinking of conversations all week long. Conversations and how our lives are made up of the stories we tell. The stories we tell about ourselves and our lives. On Wednesday I conducted the funeral of Jim Hill. The Hill family have been a part of the Queens Road congregation for several generations. Afterwards I talked with folk who I have known for many years now. We shared our stories and our concerns I also saw several children whose Child blessing service I have conducted. I thought of their stories and their familys stories. I also remembered Alison, Jim’s sister telling the story, on a Zoom service during Covid, when we were joined by Rev Peter Godfrey who had been minister to the congregation in 1950’s and 60’s. I will never forget the delight in her voice and on her face as she saw Peter and reminded him that she was the first child he had Baptised. This is one of those stories I love to tell. The circle of life and of love.

Another friend told me of her ex-partner had being diagnosed with cancer this week. This brought me back to the formation story that led me into ministry. A story of sorrow that I have to tell when folk ask me why I became a minister. He and his family have been in my heart and prayers ever since.

The stories of live. Stories of love, of life and of death. The circle of life.

Our lives are made up of all kinds of stories, that tell us who we are. We connect with one another through the telling of these stories. We all have our stories and we love to hear stories. I was reminded this week of a character I created during “lockdown” Cap’N Dan. Everyday I told a classic tale and recorded it on camera. Many people watched the stories, both young and old. The stories helped people through a difficult time, both children and adults. A friend told me that the stories both entertained and fed both him and his children. His children would probably be embarrassed now, as they are 5 or 6 years older. That said these stories are a part of their life. They helped to both feed and connect them and others.

Our lives are made up of stories.

The author Phillip Pulman has said of stories “After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” I would suggest that in some ways stories give us nourishment, shelter and companionship in a none material sense.

Anthony DeMello wrote...

The Master gave his teaching in parables and stories, which his disciples listened to with pleasure — and occasional frustration, for they longed for something deeper.

The Master was unmoved. To all their objections he would say, "You have yet to understand, my dears, that the shortest distance between a human being and Truth is a story."

We all have our stories and no doubt those that know us have stories to tell about us. It’s interesting that when a person tells a story about you their perception and memory will reveal something of how they see you and know you. It reveals as much about the storyteller as the person they are telling the story about.

I have been thinking of stories, the ones we share when we meet and speak with each other. Whether they be strangers, close friends and or folk you see from time to time. I wonder what stories they will tell of us.

It matters the stories we tell of one another. We all speak of one another we share our tales. It matters the tales that we tell. The words we share. The way we gossip about one another and life.

Gossip is one of those words that has changed in meaning over time. There can be good gossip and bad gossip. It not so much the way we speak about one another but it’s intent, it’s meaning. It matters how we speak about others and how we listen to what others say to us about people. Malicious gossip can be very destructive. That said sharing concern for others and singing their praises can add to the loving creation.

The word “gossip” is derived from words for God and sibling. It originally meant “akin to God”. “God-Sibb” describing a person you were connected to in spiritual kinship, either a sponsor or God parent. When we share stories of one another in such a spirit we are connecting together in shared love and concern. I have shared a week of being engaged mostly in “God-Sibb”, although not always I have occasionally spoken unskilfully, not from this spirit.

Like a lot of words sadly the word gossip only has negative connotations. In fact, it means the exact opposite to its original meaning. It seems more akin to separation than connection. Gossip as we understand it these days is often deeply destructive.

The way we speak with and of one another can connect us, but it can also separate us; words are incredibly powerful things. Words can begin to bring deep healing or can be deeply destructive. What matters is the intention behind them. What seems to matter is the condition of our heart and soul as we speak what we must speak. It is the meaning behind the words that seems to matter the most.

Words are powerful they can be either destructive or creative. Perhaps an example of “words” creative power comes at the beginning of John’s Gospel and the following lines:

'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.
The same was in the beginning with God.
All things were made by him; and without him was not anything made that was made.'

According to John the spoken word can literally create life, in fact all life. Now of course in the original Greek, which these opening words were written in, the word for “Word” was “Logos”, which roughly translated actually does not mean merely a “word,” but also “speech,” “principle,” “meaning” or “thought.” In Greek philosophy, it is also referred to as Divine Reason or the Mind of God. So, it could mean God speaking life into being, linking it to the first verses from Genesis when God is said to have breathed life into being, remembering always that he saw this creation as “Good”. So “word” here means, in my view at least, that life is the meaning coming into being and Jesus is the example of this in human form. An example we can all aspire to. For we can all incarnate Love, we can all be a part of the Divine creation. It begins in our words and how we say these words for they are an expression of our meaning. It also begins in how we listen to others. Our ability for each to share, an open loving invitation. This is Divine activity. This space between us is the Kin-dom of Love. Conversation can be a Divine activity; the sharing of stories can be Divine activity, if engaged in in a loving spirit.

When we speak we are not merely flapping our lips, vibrating air we are engaged in Divine activity we are creating or destroying life. It is the same with listening. If we listen with ears of heart we are creating sacred space, thus creating the Kin-dom of Love.

So, it is not just about what we say, the words we use, but the meaning behind them. This brings a whole deeper meaning to the phrase “The word (Logos, meaning the Meaning), became flesh and dwelt amongst us.” We embody our meaning through the words we use and how we use these words.

What we say and the meaning behind our language really matters. Our words are our meaning. It is not just about the words we use, but the meaning behind them. It can be deeply creative or destructive.

Ursula K Le Guin the great 20^th century novelist wrote:

“Words are events, they do things, change things. They transform both speaker and hearer; they feed energy back and forth and amplify it. They feed understanding or emotion back and forth and amplify it,”

Words express our meaning and they amplify the meaning of our society and culture. This is why the meaning of words change over time. Remember Logos meant both word and meaning and yet in the English translation of the Bible it is always translated as word and not meaning.

It matters the words we use and the meaning behind them. It matters how we engage with one another. It matters the conversations that we have with each other and ourselves. It matters the stories we tell of one another and of life. It matters.

The way we speak with and of one another can connect us, but it can also separate us; words are incredibly powerful things. Words can begin to bring deep healing or can be deeply destructive. What matters is the intention behind them. What matters is the condition of our heart and soul as we speak what we must speak. It is the meaning behind the words that seems to matter the most. Do we speak as siblings that connect or enemies that separate.

It matters you know, it really does.

Below is a video devotion based on the material in this "Blogspot"

The Hill’s are Alive with the Sound of Music: Universalism Inspired Oscar Hammerstein

A friend of mine sent me a message the other day stating “I’ve never been called a nerd before, I quite like it”. She had been gently teased earlier in the day as she had been showing a group of us an app on her phone showing the number of inclines in the Peak District she had recently climbed and all the ones she has yet to climb. She seemed so thrilled with this. She has in recent times taken to going off on her own on long country walks, buying maps and all sorts of things. She is having a ball and it is wonderful to see such enthusiasm for life. I replied to her message “Climb every mountain”. I meant both metaphorically and literally. I am sure she will give it a go. Later in the week she told me “15 since mid February, so another 80 to go!!!! I’m so nerdy (nerdy these days instead of needy). She later informed me that these little hill's are named "Ethel's". Named after "Ethel Mary Bassett Haythornthwaite (née Ward) MBE (18 January 1894 – 11 April 1986), who was an English environmental campaigner, activist and poet.[1][2] She was a pioneer of countryside protection as well as town and country planning both locally and nationally."

“Climb every mountain” has been on my mind these last few days. I was smiling and singing it as I drove between Urmston and Altrincham last Sunday. The seed had been planted by John Poskitt and Graham Harrison who had heard reference to Oscar Hammerstein II’s childhood and upbringing at what was described as a Unitarian Sunday school in New York and how this was a great influence on his life and work. So, this week I’ve been climbing every mountain myself and explored Hammerstein and the influence of Universalism, a faith based on hope, exemplified in songs such as “Climb every mountain” “You’ll never walk alone”, “Cockeyed optimist”.

Here is an example of religious influences in the following quote by Hammerstein

“In art the goodness of the human spirit must be fighting for its life. People must leave the theatre the church, or the lecture hall, with a deeper faith and higher interest in human kind, than they brought in with them”.

His optimism grew from his sense in the joy of living. He engaged with what was beautiful in the world and encouraged those who engaged with him to see it too. He was not denying the troubles of life, just pointing to life’s beauty. He sang the joy of living in all its mystery. In so doing he was preaching the Gospel of Hope, the Universalism of his childhood.

Again as he wrote:

“I know the world is filled with troubles and many injustices. But reality is as beautiful as it is ugly. I think it is just as important to sing about beautiful mornings as it is to talk about slums. I just couldn't write anything without hope in it.”

Or in this song from “Oaklahoma

Oh, what a beautiful mornin',
Oh, what a beautiful day.
I got a beautiful feelin'
Ev'erything's goin' my way.

Hammerstein’s father was from a Jewish family and was prominent in New York theatre. His mother was from a British liberal protestant family, I suspect Unitarian. As a child he attended “The Church of the Divine Paternity” in New York. This is now the Fourth Universalist Society in the City of New York and part of the Unitarian Universalist denomination. The Unitarians and Universalist became one denomination in the 1960’s not long after Hammerstein’s death due to stomach cancer.

He carried his spirit of Universalism with him throughout his life and work. It was how he engaged with life. Foundational to him was the following “The Fatherhood of God, the brotherhood of man and salvation by character”. Now of course this is old fashioned language today, man in those days meant every human being, not just males. The God of love that he believed in, loved all equally. You will find Universalist themes throughout Hammerstein’s lyrics; themes such as hope, compassion and the potential for human goodness, were threaded throughout the lyrics of Oklahoma, Carousel, South Pacific and the King and I. It is incredible to think that this joy filled musical theatre was some of the most powerful social commentary of its time.

Just think of the following from “South Pacific” reflecting on the internalised racism of Lt Cable and Nellie

You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught from year to year,
It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear—
You’ve got to be carefully taught!

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a different shade—
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

Hammerstein’s work revealed his Universalism so beautifully; these musicals are a wonderful exploration of his theological depth. In his work you see the Universalists belief in the possibility for change, for hope, for human progress. You see God at the heart of this, a loving God who accepts all, a Divine Unity; you see the possibility for redemption and the restoration of the soul, as well as his belief in the social Gospel and in the assertion of human unity. Perhaps we ought to re-examine some of these musicals in these divisive times. They are filled with joy too, something we all need.

Hammerstein was hope filled, he believed in the God of love and that this love is what ought to be at the heart of what we do. He wrote constantly about love, in its many and varied forms. He also sang about never losing sight of what is wholesome and beautiful in this world. Something I’ve focused on much in recent weeks. As my friend has as she’s been climbing every mountain. The hills are alive with the sound of music. May it fill all our hearts.

Hammerstein faith was about how we engage with this world. It was a conversation fuelled by hope and possibility and beauty, despite the very real troubles we all face. It is important how we face and greet life. The conversations we have with life and the conversations life has with us.

Another friend sent me a message this week. She had been reading a book I gave to her as a present several years ago. It was a funny exploration around the origins of words. The book is “The Etymologicon” by Mark Forsyth

The word was “Ciao”, a greeting that has become universal through the world over the last hundred years. It came from an old Venetia dialect word “S’Ciao” which was translated as “I am your slave”. Clearly it has rather unpleasant origins. That said in time this meaning evolved to mean “I’m at your service” or “I am here for you if you need me”. So, “Ciao” became a way to express deep respect, loyalty and trust. It became a universal phrase that encompassed everyone in spite of social standing. It was a greeting that expressed deep devotion and love. Maybe Oscar Hammerstein ought to have turned it into a song. I would love to sing it, “Ciao baby!”

I received another message from another friend this week. She is back home visiting family in Transylvania. It brought to my mind those beautiful and soulful people and their lovely phrase, which like “ciao” is both a greeting and a way of saying goodbye. The phrase being “Isten aldjon”, meaning “God bless”. I love that both “ciao” and “Isten aldjon” are ways of saying hello and waving goodbye. There is something loving, respectful and beautiful about them. They are lovely ways of beginning and ending a conversation. It matters how we greet the world and how the world greets us.

As I have lived through this week I have been noticing how I engage with people and life. What my conversation with everything is and its conversation with me. Like the spring weather it has been ever changing. Sometimes four seasons in one day.

The poet philosopher and former marine zoologist David Whyte sees our lives as focused on what he calls "the great conversation" we have with ourselves and the great mysteries of life which surround us. He calls this “the conversational nature of reality.” Like Whyte I have come to believe that the essence of any real conversation is attention. It is about paying attention to that space where we meet life and life meets us, I suspect that it is in this space that God truly comes to life, or at least this is what my experiences teach me. This is a song I love to sing, the joy of living in all its mystery.

I love the way that David describes the conversational nature of reality, that we are constantly in conversation, whether we are speaking or not, so long as we are alive, awake and fully engaged.

This is beautifully illustrated in his poem “Everything Is Waiting for You?”

After Derek Mahon

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the
conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

I love the way that Whyte, through is words, encourages us to “feel the grand array; the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding out your solo voice.” He insists that the frontier of this profound reality of the world can be and is found in “the intimacy of your surroundings,” in “the way the soap dish enables you, or the window latch grants you freedom.” The key is in this line. That, “Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.” That it is about being alive to everything and allowing everything to be alive to you. This is more than just being mindful, it is about being in conversation with everything and everything with you; with everything in you and you in everything.

Everything is waiting for you. Everything is waiting for all of us. The conversation is reality. The beauty and profound nature of reality is everywhere, in everything, even the kettle boiling as you make that cup of tea for a guest. All we have to do is bring our attentiveness to the frontier between self and the rest of creation, and then enter into conversation with it. We must come out of abstraction and back into the world.

The spiritual life is about living more spiritually alive, in this life. It is about increasing our sensitivity to life itself. It is about being increasingly affected and then becoming more effective in life.

I have come to understand that at its core the spiritual life is about relationships; relationships with life, with each other, with ourselves and with God, whatever we understand God to be. And how do relationships develop? Well through conversation, through sharing ourselves with each other, not by losing ourselves, but becoming ourselves through our conversations with the other, lower and upper case. We relate through conversation and thus we grow spiritually, through relationship.

We have to believe we belong here of course, that we do not reject our humanity. Everything is waiting for us. More than that everything needs us to engage in the conversation of life. Life needs all of us. Everything is waiting for us.

Everything is waiting for us.

So I invite you to join with me in the conversational nature of reality.

When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark.

At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet, silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you’ll never walk alone!

You’ll never walk alone.

Life is alive all around us and within us. We are part of it, and we play a crucial role within it. May the love that is God come alive with in us. Let’s climb every mountain, who knows what we will find at the summit.

For the hill’s are alive with the sound of music.

My heart wants to beat
Like the wings of the birds that rise
From the lake to the trees.
My heart wants to sigh
Like a chime that flies
From a church on a breeze,

To laugh like a brook
When it trips and falls
Over stones in its way,
To sing through the night
Like a lark who is learning to pray!

I go to the hills
When my heart is lonely;
I know I will hear
What I’ve heard before—
My heart will be blessed
With the sound of music,
And I’ll sing once more.

Please find below a video devotion based on the material in this "Blogspot"

Everything Is Waiting For You: The Conversational Nature of Reality

“Everything is Waiting for You” by David Whyte

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

I was recently interviewed by Ken Garrity on Radio Altrincham. He likes to talk to different personalities in the town. It seems I am one of them. I am certainly someone who spends half his life with people in the town, engaged in conversation. I suspect that half of ministry is about conversation in one form or another, some might say it is the whole of it. That is of course if you understand conversation as being more than merely talking and listening. I shared very openly with Ken, perhaps far more than he expected me to. So much so that he himself shared something very deep and personal, which he had only ever told his wife about before. It was a spiritual experience he once had. We had a great conversation. Somewhere in that space we met one another and the listeners to the station certainly met us. Not in the way either of us expected and no doubt not way the listeners were expecting too. That of course is the beautiful power of conversation, it is far more than the sum of its parts and leads to who knows where.

The next morning I went for a walk around Dunham Massey, I had awoken in great spirits and felt deeply connected to everything, it felt like the whole of life was speaking to me, that I was in deep conversation with everything. I don’t believe I have ever felt a deeper sense of connection. I was very much engaged in what David Whyte has called “The conversational nature of reality”. I returned home in good spirits looking forward to the day ahead. It was about 9am and as I passed the chapel gardens I noticed the telephone hanging from “The Wind telephone”. I took a closer look and realised it had been vandalised. I was quite upset by this. I know that the emotion wasn’t just about the damage to the phone, but a few other things floating around in my psyche. During our interview I had been talking about “The Wind Telephone” with Ken and the centrality of grief in my ministerial journey.

There has been a lovely response to what has happened in the wider community and the “Wind Telephone” will soon be repaired. The connection has not been severed, in fact if anything it has helped in engaging in conversations about love and loss. It has helped folk engage in those courageous conversations, the ones that are often difficult to have. I have noticed in the last few days how much every conversations I have had appears to have deepened in meaning. I don’t just mean the spoken word here by the way, I also mean the conversation with life and what I believe is at the core of life, what I call God.

The poet philosopher and former marine zoologist David Whyte sees our lives as focused on what he calls "the great conversation" we have with ourselves and the great mysteries of life which surround us. He calls this “the conversational nature of reality.” Like Whyte I have come to believe that the essence of any real conversation is attention. It is about paying attention to that space where we meet life and life meets us, I suspect that it is in this space that God truly comes to life, or at least this is what my experiences teach me.

The other day I listened to a wonderful conversation between David Whyte and my favourite interviewer Krista Tippett, I have listened to it before. It is taken from “On Being” and was first broadcast in April 2016. In it he describes his early career as a marine zoologist, and how scientific language grew inadequate to describe his experiences in the Galapagos Islands. Whyte said, “In Galapagos, I began to realize that because I was in deeply attentive states, hour after hour, watching animals and birds and landscapes—and that’s all I did for almost two years—I began to realize that my identity … actually depended on how much attention I was paying to things that were other than myself—and that as you deepen this intentionality and this attention, you start to broaden and deepen your own sense of presence.”

Later in the interview he describes the “Great Conversation” as finding this meeting point between self and other, stating that he realised that in fact reality lies “at this frontier between what you think is you and what you think is not you.” And that It is incumbent upon people, then, to stop “abstracting themselves out of their bodies, out of their direct experience” and “hold the conversation at that frontier level.” He says that we must enter into what he calls “the conversational nature of reality.”

The anthem of Whyte’s conversational nature of reality is his poem “Everything Is Waiting for You.”, which we heard earlier. Here he encourages us to “feel the grand array; the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding out your solo voice.” He insists that the frontier of this profound reality of the world can be and is found in “the intimacy of your surroundings,” in “the way the soap dish enables you, or the window latch grants you freedom.” The key is in this line. That, “Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.” That it is about being alive to everything and allowing everything to be alive to you. This is more than just being mindful, it is about being in conversation with everything and everything with you, in fact in you.

He makes a profound statement that humans are the only thing in creation that doesn’t want to be itself, that tries not to be itself and that the key is to become ourselves and this is done through conversation, with everything. Everything is waiting for us, waiting for us to truly become all that we were born to be. The problem for so many of us is that we reject ourselves, that we believe there is something fundamentality wrong with us. Nothing else in life feels, thinks and acts like this, only humans. It is only we who refuse to engage in the conversation. Everything is waiting for us.

For Whyte this began during his transformative experience in the Galapagos. Nature is one gateway into the conversation with reality, which of course we are all a part of, sadly at times we try to deny this. The problem we humans have often struggled with is that we have felt a part from, separate from nature.

Everything is waiting for us.

Whye points out that the conversation takes place in and through everything, even the seemingly mundane. In this poem he invokes the everyday familiarity of stairs, doors, phones, kettles, and cooking pots and he ends by harking back to nature ending with these amazing words: “All the birds and creatures of the world are unutterably themselves. Everything is waiting for you.”

He ends by inviting us back to engage in the conversation, to not feel alone and alienated telling us that our true calling is simply waiting for us, it is waiting for us to simply engage. “Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.”

Everything is waiting for us.

I enjoyed a wonderful experience of this earlier this week. In deep conversation, walking and talking with a friend. Also during the “Singing Meditation” on Tuesday evening in the chapel gardens, when through getting lost in joy singing with others, in blending voices and sitting out in nature I felt fully engaged in the conversational nature of everything.

The next morning I woke very early and met a friend and walked down to Dunham Massey. It was wonderful to move through everything, the beautiful countryside, for a couple of hours, with virtually no one else about. We were powerfully alert, alive to everything and it seemed that everything was alive in us. We were in deep conversation with one another, but more than that with everything that we moved through. There wasn’t a prescribed plan we just kept moving, down different paths, some barely trodden, in many directions. We talked about life, our own and others, some real depth philosophy, psychology, theology and a whole lot more. It felt like we were comfortably ourselves, somewhere in that space, more came alive. At the same time we fully engaged with the sights, sounds, smells, noise and feel of everything. The ground at our feet had a particularly profound effect it seems. We even had time to bump into one or two folk we knew and continue the conversation.

Wednesday morning was one of those conversations that you never want to stop, well it doesn’t have to stop, it will continue, we just had work commitments that morning. It was though a wonderful example of the “conversational nature of reality” we met one another, ourselves, life and that which is the core of life as we walked and talked as we got lost in Dunham Massey.

Everything is waiting for you. Everything is waiting for all of us. The conversation is reality. The beauty and profound nature of reality is everywhere, in everything, even the kettle boiling as you make that cup of tea for a guest. All we have to do is bring our attentiveness to the frontier between self and the rest of creation, and then enter into conversation with it. We must come out of abstraction and back into the world again as Whyte did when he left the Galapagos island and began his real work.



The spiritual life is about living more spiritually alive. It is about increasing our sensitivity to life itself. It is about being increasingly affected and then becoming more effective in life. “Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.”



I have come to understand that at its core the spiritual life is about relationships; relationships with life, with each other, with ourselves and with God, whatever we understand God to be. And how do relationships develop? Well through conversation, through sharing ourselves with each other, not by losing ourselves, but becoming ourselves through our conversations with the other, lower and upper case. We relate through conversation and thus we grow spiritually, through relationship. “Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.”

If life has taught me anything it is that it is all about relationships, everything that really matters is about relationships. The key to all relationships is conversation, of some kind, it is about being alive and alert in spiritually intimate ways.

We have to believe we belong here of course, that we do not reject our humanity. Everything is waiting for us. More than that everything needs us to engage in the conversation of life. Life needs all of us. Everything is waiting for us.

Life is all about relationships; the spiritual life is all about relationships. Relationships with life, with each other, with ourselves and with God, whatever we understand God to be. And how do relationships develop? Well through conversation, through sharing ourselves with each other, not by losing ourselves, but becoming ourselves through our conversations with the other, lower and upper case. We relate through conversation and thus we grow spiritually, through relationship.

Everything is waiting for us.

So I invite you to join with me in the conversational nature of reality. “Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.”

Everything is waiting for us.

Below is a video devotion based 

on the material in this "blogspot"

Conversation: The Nature of Reality

I recently had the experience of being cut off from folk, from being able to communicate, to converse. I have been having mobile phone trouble. I phoned my mobile phone company over a couple of days and discovered that my software had become “corrupted”. It is not easy to speak with your mobile provider when your phone isn’t working, but thankfully I was able to use my landline. I was told that I would have to remove everything from my phone, save it to my laptop, relaunch the phone and then add everything back to the phone. This was a task way beyond my ability and so I had to call the company who made the phone and I was put through to a man named Alban. Alban who is originally from Albania. What followed was a three hour telephone conversation as he carefully guided me through all the steps, including several twenty minute phases where we waited for things to upload and download and other various technical things. During these blocks we got to know each other. We talked about our lives the things we have done in the past. Views about life, philosophy, politics, religion, music, sport, family, entertainment, the current pandemic and a whole lot more. It was a wonderful conversation, with a complete stranger I will never meet, in fact I will never speak to him again. It was a wonderful encounter, a beautiful conversation, and my phone seems to be working now.

I have been thinking about conversations ever since. I am discovering that they are deeperning, they seem more precious at this time. Whether that be the conversations in the supermarket, taking place behind masks, or the brief ones in the gym or street as I pass folk, moments of connection that are so precious. As well as the various phone calls I receive and all those Zoom conversations and other video based ones I have all week long. Last Monday I hosted the grief group, it was a quiet one, with only a few in attendance and yet it was so deep and rich in meaning. I loved the conversations we share in the poetry group. I reckon we share less poems each week and spend more time talking about the many varied things that the poems bring up.

I find it amazing how even though we are spending far less time in the company of people I am experiencing increasingly deeper conversations in my life. Thank God for that and thank God for modern technology, even social media. Where would we be without it.

Life is about conversation, good conversation. We spend most our lives in conversations, on all kinds of levels. Conversations are not of course always spoken, we are constantly in conversation with all of life, constantly engaging, speaking and listening.

Krista Tippet from “On Being” who spends much of life interviewing and engaging with all kinds of folk claims that “Good conversation is an adventure”. She states:

“I think of a good conversation as an adventure. You create a generous and trustworthy space for it, and prepare hospitably for it, so the other person will feel so welcome and understood that they will put words around something they have never put words around quite that way before. They will give voice to something they didn’t know they knew — and you will be a witness to thinking, revelation, in real time. This is one reason radio/podcasting is such a magical medium: everyone who listens joins that room, becomes a witness, the moment they push “play.” They are also there for the revelation. It’s a form of time travel. And if the conversation is edifying (one of my favorite, underused words), we all sync up in some mysterious way across time and space and grow a little together.”

Life is made up of conversation. We as humans have conversed in all kinds of ways over the years. People communicate in different ways in different cultures and sub-cultures within cultures, there has always been an etiquette in conversation. Now while conversation style has morphed and the methods of communication grown and expanded I suspect that the measure of good and bad conversation has remained the same. To quote William Spielgelman in “Senior Moments: Looking Back, Looking Ahead”

“Here are some adjectives that do not apply to the best conversation: 'one-sided,' 'monopolizing,' 'condescending,' 'preachy,' 'abrasive,' 'hectoring,' 'loud,' and 'rude.' However many people it involves, conversation is, like chamber music, an exercise in intimacy, of give-and-take, of what Plato, who recorded the talk of one of history's first and finest talkers, called 'dialectic,' a word etymologically related to 'dialogue.' Conversation moves forward, or back and forth in starts and stops, like drama itself. That philosophy, democracy, and drama all began in fifth-century Athens says a great deal about the far from incidental relations among them.”

Conversation is not only about the ability to articulate oneself, it is about engaging in relationship with ourselves, with others, with life and with whatever we experience at the core of life. “The Creative Interchange” is a form of conversation. I am delivering this worship, this address but it is actually a part of wider conversation with life, with you who are listening and with all that came together to create it. You who are listeners will hopefully engage with the words shared and then engage and feed life in someway from it, leading to further conversation, engagement with life.

The goal of conversation is create understanding and connection between our thoughts and words. As Richard Saul Wurman has said “…conversations are an understanding machine, an imminently satisfying forum for the exchange of information.” I have noticed that tithey can be transformative too, they can change my whole psyche, my persona, they can bring to life my whole soul. So many times in the last few days I have felt transformed by a simple conversation.

Conversation though has been challenged for all of us these last six or months due to having to separate, to varying degrees, physically. We have had to adapt how we converse with one another. We are probably talking to one another less and perhaps this is why the conversation have deepened in meaning. I have also noticed a deeper conversation that can be had, that is often unspoken, a conversation with life itself and whatever we consider to be at the core of life, what some of us would call God and others give a different name. We are always in conversation; it is just that sometimes we speak and listen to words.

The philosopher poet David Whyte often speaks of “the conversational nature of reality.” He says that he became a poet, after a successful career as a marine biologist, because he felt a deeper need to communicate his experiences. As he states in a conversation he had with Krista Tippet:

“I went back into poetry because I felt like scientific language wasn’t precise enough to describe the experiences that I had in Galapagos. Science, rightly, is always trying to remove the “I.” But I was really interested in the way that the “I” deepened the more you paid attention. In Galapagos, I began to realize that because I was in deeply attentive states, hour after hour, watching animals and birds and landscapes — and that’s all I did for almost two years — I began to realize that my identity depended not upon any beliefs I had, inherited beliefs or manufactured beliefs, but my identity actually depended on how much attention I was paying to things that were other than myself — and that as you deepen this intentionality and this attention, you started to broaden and deepen your own sense of presence.

I began to realize that the only places where things were actually real was at this frontier between what you think is you and what you think is not you, that whatever you desire of the world will not come to pass exactly as you will like it. But the other mercy is that whatever the world desires of you will also not come to pass, and what actually occurs is this meeting, this frontier. But it’s astonishing how much time human beings spend away from that frontier, abstracting themselves out of their bodies, out of their direct experience, and out of a deeper, broader, and wider possible future that’s waiting for them if they hold the conversation at that frontier level. Half of what’s about to occur is unknown both inside you and outside you. John O’Donohue, a mutual friend of both of us, used to say that one of the necessary tasks is this radical letting alone of yourself in the world, letting the world speak in its own voice and letting this deeper sense of yourself speak out.”

I love the way that David describes the conversational nature of reality, that we are constantly in conversation, whether we are speaking or not, so long as we are alive, awake and fully engaged.

This is beautifully illustrated in his poem “Everything Is Waiting for You?”

After Derek Mahon

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the
conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

We are constantly in conversation, even if we haven’t spoken with someone for sometime. Life is about conversation, big and small. Conversation can happen anywhere and in any situation. Our tools for conversation are constantly changing and evolving. To enjoy a good conversation all that is required is for us to engage with life, to be alive and awake to the life around us, to take it in, to absorb it, to hear what it has to say and to respond in kind.

So let is join in the beautiful conversation, to engage in the conversational nature of reality.

Amen

Friendships and Relationships: Conversations of a Kind

I was invited to lead worship back at Cross Street Chapel this week. The minister is on Sabbatical and I had agreed to cover the Wednesday lunchtime service there. It took me back to a cold January lunchtime back in 2005 when I first walked through the door of the chapel. I was greeted by Peter Sampson, at the door, it was lovely to see him there again.There were only a couple of people present who would also have been there back then. so much has changed since and yet this place has remained the same, a spiritual oasis in the heart of the busy city of Manchester, a beacon of free and inquiring religion. Back then John Midgley's service spoke to my heart and soul and I began a new relationship with a tradition I felt I could belong within. A conversation began that day as I listened. The conversation has a continued as the relationship has developed.

I had come to the Unitarians, as I had other traditions, seeking answers to many questions I had begun to experience a spiritual awakening in the proceeding months. The questions have not been answered but my relationship with the Great Mystery has continued and the conversation has developed. I found a home amongst these seekers.

I listened to much, I have shared quite a lot, I have sat in silence, I have sung songs, I have laughed and I have wept. I have grown spiritually.

I have come to understand that at its core the spiritual life is about relationships; relationships with life, with each other, with ourselves and with God, whatever we understand God to be. And how do relationships develop? Well through conversation, through sharing ourselves with each other, not by losing ourselves, but becoming ourselves through our conversations with the other, lower and upper case. We relate through conversation and thus we grow spiritually, through relationship.

Now there are of course many ways to relate, to converse. It is not just through the spoken word. There is a wonderful song in the latest New Model Army album “From Here” it is titled “Conversation” it is a song about a need to connect when lost in a desperate situation. The essence of the song is this desire to connect to make conversation of any kind. The last few lines of the song follow:

And though nothing much is said
It’s a conversation of a kind
You take any companion you can find

All those flickering lights across the town
Crackling connections and animals running
There are ghosts everywhere and the night watching

Call me any time, call me any time
And though nothing much will be said
It will be a conversation of a kind
Call me any time, call me any time

If you click on this link you can hear the song

Conversation

By the way I saw New Model army in Manchester last night. They were immense. We have been sharing an amazing conversation for decades now. It was wonderful that Sue could come along with me and join in the conversation too. I bumped into an old friend too, I knew I would.

I am sure that all of us, at one time or another, have felt a desperate sense of disconnection when we would give anything to connect to a conversation of some kind, to begin to relate once again.

In “The Art of Conversation: A Guided Tour of a Neglected Pleasure” Catherine Blyth suggests that:

"When it works, conversation can come close to heaven. Be it sharing a laugh with a stranger, transforming a contact into a friend; that joyful moment when you click, share a joke, or spark a new idea; or just letting off steam with someone who knows how to listen — there are countless adventures between minds out there, waiting to happen, in each encounter, each day of our lives.

"Networking is part of conversation's value, although the word sounds chilly and strategic. Conversation is something bigger: It is the spontaneous business of making connections, whether for work, friendship, or pure, fleeting pleasure.

She suggests that conversation is more than words, it is music: "Its harmony, rhythm, and flow transcend communication, flexing mind and heart, tuning us for companionship."

Conversations whether spoken or not, build and deepen relationship.

Losing connection and thus feeling like you can’t converse any longer can be deeply disconcerting. Something we are not use to in this age, but it can and does happen. We were recently without internet connection due to problems in the area, it is amazing how quickly it affected us, it certainly interfered with my work and Sue’s too, as well as her daughter’s social life. We all felt a little cut off from our usual connections.

If you ever want to witness someone experiencing an existential crisis just observe them when their battery has gone on their Smart or I Phone, or if they can’t get wi-fi access. It is like watching someone who has crossed into the realm of non-existence. As they lose their connections they feel that they can no longer relate to life. It seems that we desperately need to be engaged in this seemingly artificial conversation all the time, or somehow we feel lost and alone.

It would appear that Wi-Fi connection is one of the most valuable commodities we can possess. I suspect that this desire symbolizes something deeper. We have confused connection, conversation, spiritual intimacy with technological connectedness. Today we have so many ways to keep in touch with each other, to communicate and yet I wonder if these conversations actually lead to the connections that we so deeply crave. So many of us describe feeling lonely, so deeply lonely. There is this craving for connection, for community, for spiritual intimacy.

Perhaps instead of better Wi-Fi what we ought to be seeking is deep conversation and true relationship with each other, with life, with our true selves and with our God. Communicating through a small screen is nothing in comparison to looking deeply into the eyes of another and communicating soul to soul. Sometimes nothing needs to be actually said for it to be a conversation of a deep kind. All it requires is presence, being with each other.

One of my favourite things in the world is to sit silently with others. There is something more in it than sitting silently alone. Yes it is silence, but it is a conversation of a kind; between our hearts and souls and the greater soul of life.

Relationships with each other are vital. Some of the most important ones come through friendships. Friendship allow a deeper spiritual intimacy and they develop a deeper conversation over time.

I get married this March and it has been a struggle whittling down who Sue, my fiancé, and myself would be inviting. There are many people we would like to invite but the chapel just won’t hold them all. It has caused both of us some pain and guilt as we have been unable to invite many folk, I hope that it doesn’t spoil connection and further conversation. I trust that those who we cannot invite will be friends enough to forgive us, I certainly do not want to end the conversation or lose the connection.

This brings to mind some wisdom from David Whyte, on friendship.

“FRIENDSHIP is a mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness. Friendship not only helps us see ourselves through another’s eyes, but can be sustained over the years only with someone who has repeatedly forgiven us for our trespasses as we must find it in ourselves to forgive them in turn. A friend knows our difficulties and shadows and remains in sight, a companion to our vulnerabilities more than our triumphs, when we are under the strange illusion we do not need them. An undercurrent of real friendship is a blessing exactly because its elemental form is rediscovered again and again through understanding and mercy. All friendships of any length are based on a continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendships die.”

Friendship’s allow a deeper intimacy in life, they are vital to it. Such deep intimacy and true face to face friendships are as important to young people today as they have always been. They may appear that they are lost in the artificial, but they are not. People are the same as they have always been. I suspect that such friends are the first deep intimacies that any of us experience as we get to know ourselves through relationship with others. They allow us to find ourselves in life and thus connect to that which as the core of life. Perhaps the ultimate of all friendships and intimacies is the relationship we enjoy with our God.

A friend is someone you can trust, you can rely upon, someone who will be there for you, and certainly my friends have always been there for me. We have laughed and we have cried together. We have enjoyed some wild and crazy times together and we have grieved as we have lost one of our number. I have lost a lot of friends over the years, far too many. I will be thinking of those friends and family on our wedding day.

If life has taught me anything it is that it is all about relationships, everything that really matters is about relationships. The key to all relationships is conversation, of some kind, its about being with each other in spiritually intimate ways and forming friendships of some kind.

Life is all about relationships; the spiritual life is all about relationships. Relationships with life, with each other, with ourselves and with God, whatever we understand God to be. And how do relationships develop? Well through conversation, through sharing ourselves with each other, not by losing ourselves, but becoming ourselves through our conversations with the other, lower and upper case. We relate through conversation and thus we grow spiritually, through relationship.

Nothing much needs to be said, to form a conversation of some kind. A relationship can be formed in any situation and circumstance all you have to do is be open to it.

Call me any time…