There must be another way — a way to unself just enough to remember each other

It is said that soon after his enlightenment that the Buddha passed a man on the road who was struck by the Buddha's extraordinary radiance and peaceful presence. The man stopped and asked, "My friend, what are you? Are you a celestial being or a god?"

"No," said the Buddha.

"Well, then, are you some kind of magician or wizard?"

Again the Buddha answered, "No."

"Are you a man?" "No."

"Well, my friend, then what are you?"

The Buddha replied, "I am awake"

The Buddha was awake, he was fully conscious to all that is and all that will ever be. He was fully integrated, he did not see himself as separate, well he did not see himself at all.

Now this is not a claim I would or could make about myself. I can be self conscious at times, aware of my short comings and frustrations. I more liberate from this than when I was younger. Some days I feel free and others I can get caught up in my shortcomings.

As a child I was very self conscious about the way I moved. This became excruciating as a teenager. I was born some of the nerve endings at the base of my spine underdeveloped. It was something akin to a less severe form of spina bifida. As a child I had to frequently go for physiotherapy and there was a period when I was not allowed to engage in any sport. I hated the feeling it engendered in me as I looked at the other kids running around in the playground, knowing I wasn’t allowed to join in.

It was a few years later when the pain really hit me though, in my mid to later teens when I was painfully aware of the way I walked. I waddled when I moved, I still do now. I remember walking down the street of the town I grew up in and whenever I saw someone walking towards me, especially teenage girls, I would stand up straight and attempt to push my feet inwards in the vain hope that they wouldn’t think that there was something wrong with me. I must have looked a right sight.

I was just so terribly self-consciousness, locked in on what I believed was wrong with me. As I look back now’ I’m not wholly convinced that the problem was my perceived physical imperfections. I suspect that if I’d been born without this physical difficulty the problem would have manifested in other areas of my life. The problem was the self-consciousness, I was locked in myself and therefore not fully conscious, I was separate and felt alone.

One thing I’ve learnt over the years is that I am not alone in this. So many suffer from self-consciousness, feel lost, lonely and cut off because they are locked in what they believe is wrong with them. Sometimes it is harder to see what is right, than what is wrong. This is a deeply lonely, isolated, way to be.

Socrates said that “The unexamined life is not worth living”. Now while not wishing to argue with the great philosopher I do wonder if the “over examined life” can prove just as worthless. It is so easy to get lost in oneself, wrapped up in our own underwear to such an extent that we do not live at all. We can become so self-conscious that we fail to become conscious of all that is and all that as ever been. It is so easy to become wrapped up in our own perceived needs that we fail to live in the world with others and then complain about feeling lonely. Yes it is important to examine ourselves, to understand who we are and what makes us tick, but that should not be an end in itself, a destination. It is a staging post in the spiritual adventure, but not an end in itself.

I have had several conversations with people recently who have been struggling with severe self-consciously, manifesting as pride. Bruce Lee observed "the core of pride is self-rejection" and Agnes Martin knew when she cautioned that pride destroys freedom, joy and creativity. The ancient Greeks had a word for the ultimate self-consciousness “hubris”; the most destructive form of pride; a pride that puts yourself at the centre of the universe. This strange and terrible kind of total self-consciousness invariably ends in self-annihilation. Think of Narcissus who was so locked into his own reflection that he drowned. The great writers of tradgedy have always understood this, from Sophocles to Shakespeare. We witness it in the monsters of history and some world leaders of our age.

One antidote to such destructiveness is to live creatively. Madeleine L’Engle wrote on this:

“Creativity is an act of discovering. The very small child, the baby, is still unself-conscious enough to take joy in discovering himself: he discovers his fingers; he gives them his complete, unself-conscious concentration.”

Continuing…

“The kind of unself-consciousness I’m thinking about becomes clearer to me when I turn to a different discipline: for instance, that of playing a Bach fugue at the piano, precisely because I will never be a good enough pianist to play a Bach fugue as it should be played. But when I am actually sitting at the piano, all there is for me is the music. I am wholly in it, unless I fumble so badly that I perforce become self-conscious. Mostly, no matter how inadequate my playing, the music is all that matters: I am outside time, outside self, in play, in joy. When we can play with the unself-conscious concentration of a child, this is: art: prayer: love.”

I think we all have activities that make us feel free. Free to be ourselves and be part of something more than our mere selves and part of something larger. I know I am when I sing freely. When I feel confident and comfortable enough with a piece of music. I can express myself freely, but freely as a part of something more than myself.

When I feel free in song I embody those words of Maria Popova:

“There must be another way — a way to unself just enough to remember each other, to grow a little more awake to this world that shimmers with wonder, of which any one self is only a fleck.”

When singing I unself just enough to feel fully part of the “Musica Universalis”, I feel a little more awake in the world that shimmers, I am one self in an incredible interconnected universe.

Negative self absorption keeps us separate, locked into all that is wrong with ourselves or all that is wrong with the world. When you look at your own reflection in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see someone that you love? Do you see who you really are? While we may see ourselves warts and all, how many of us see the beauty spots too? The self-absorption that most people I come into contact with suffer from, tends to be a deeply ingrained negative type. The preoccupation is often with what is wrong with them, with their shame, rather than how wonderful they are. Also the pride is in worrying what people think of them, that someone might just see their flaws and reject them.

This kind of self-consciousness can become so consuming that it takes over our human interactions. I wonder how many of us suffer from this kind of commentary when we meet up with people. “What will they think of me?” “How do I look?” “If I say something, will they think I’m an idiot?” and then as it continues, “He gave me a funny look, he must have thought me a fool. Why on earth did I have to make that stupid remark? Gosh I’m such a freak, they all seem to be staring at me.”

This kind of inner dialogue can be so crippling. It can haunt us from the moment we wake and continue throughout our day, eating away at our every decision. Oh and of course because we doubt ourselves and every decision we make, we assume that everyone else must be doing exactly the same thing. This kind of self-consciousness can be so crippling and it blocks us off almost entirely from the world around us. We can be consumed by this kind of self-consciousness we see the world from our own point of view and it aint a pretty one.

So what can we do about it? How do we wake up to a greater consciousness? How do we break free from this crippling self-consciousness?

In the Gospel’s Jesus taught his followers that they must lose themselves in order to be found. That by emptying ourselves of our self-absorption we begin to be filled with the spirit of neighbourliness. So that when we look deeply into the still waters we are not drawn in by narcissistic self-consciousness and loathing at our own reflection, but rather into a deeper contemplation of our shared lives. We become conscious of all that is, all that has been and all that will ever be. By opening ourselves to and for others we begin to shed that debilitating skin of self-consciousness that is so easy to become imprisoned in.

Gandhi said “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service of others”

The Buddha talked of Nirvana, of being freed from the suffering that was the blight of humanity. He showed that we all suffered and that it was in seeing our suffering as individual that led to this sense of separation. He suggested that we needed to break through our suffering not only to serve others but to reach a higher state of being, true consciousness, to be awake.

Now please don’t get me wrong I am not suggesting that we do not need to know ourselves to understand how we tick. All I am saying is that we must not get stuck there, we must not get lost there and we must not see this as a destination, more a staging post on the journey. The adolescent stage I suspect. Sadly, for many folk, me included, this adolescent stage often goes well into adulthood.

I remember another antidote that probably fuels creativity suggested in Forrest Church’s “Lifecraft”, a book suggesting ways to make life an act of creation, a way to move from self-consciousness to consciousness. He offered three simple suggestions, which he called the three “E’s”, “empathy”, “ecstasy” and “enthusiasm”. The key he claimed could be found in the literal understanding of these words. “Empathy”, to suffer or feel with another; “Ecstasy”, to stand outside ourselves; “Enthusiasm”, to manifest the god (theos) within us.

Empathy is a deep felt compassion. When we open our hearts empathically to another we are courageously refusing to allow self-consciousness to stand in the way of a higher consciousness that comes into being as we feel what another is going through. In so doing we serve both ourselves and the other person, as well as that higher consciousness beyond our singular selves.

Now ecstasy has often been misunderstood as some kind of hedonistic state and therefore self- indulgent, it is far from this. In its truest sense what it actually does is takes us out of ourselves and lifts us beyond the confines of ourselves. In so doing we transcend our self-consciousness and enter a realm in which purpose begins to emerge and meaning is found.

Enthusiasm means to be filled with spirit, with holy energy. Enthusiasm allows us to be fully involved and engaged in whatever it is we are doing. It allows us to see beyond the confines we have created. Forrest himself states that “Here, once again, consciousness displaces self-consciousness. We escape from our mirrored room. Its mirrors turn into windows. Or the pond grows so still that we can see beyond our own reflection to the trees and clouds and birds and sun. There is, by the way, no higher form of spiritual practice. When we step out of our own shadow, consciousness replaces self-consciousness.”

In so doing we are set free to walk with others in our own faltering ways. Instead of being lost in what we believe is wrong with us we are set free to do what we can in this our shared world and in so doing we encourage others to do the same, as perfectly imperfect children of God.

For me the purpose of the spiritual life is to develop a deepening sense of connection. We all have our troubles and our worries either within ourselves, those around us or wider world. We need to see them for what they are, we need to acknowledge the truth, but we must not get stuck there, for that will paralyse us and stop us doing what we can. We cannot change the way the world is but that need not prevent us from doing what we can do and in doing so we will grow spiritually as we become integrated into all that has been, all that exists and all that will ever be.

As a kind of conclusion I’d like to leave you with one final thought. I think that so much of modern spiritually gets it wrong because it is seeking the wrong thing. There is so much talk of finding ourselves, when in actual fact what we ought to be doing is losing ourselves. What we ought to be striving for, I believe, is integration and remove those aspects within ourselves that block this. We all ask the question “Who am I?” when really we ought to asking is “How am I doing? And if we are still feeling utterly dis-connected we need to ask why? And how can I integrate once again? You see if we can begin to integrate with all that is, all that has been and all that has ever been we begin to truly cohere. In doing so we transcend our self-consciousness and become conscious. We become spiritually mature. We become like the Buddha, awake.

So how conscious are you today? Are you truly awake?

If not. I have found a way to unself just enough so that we remember each other, to remember we are part of something wonderful and greater than our little selves. To feel a little more awake in this world that shimmers. To know that our single selves are just a fleck, but a vital part of the “Musica Universalis”

“There must be another way — a way to unself just enough to remember each other”

Please find below a devotion based on the material in this "Blogspot"

 

Not giving things up, simply giving to and having a good time

Last week I attended two interfaith events. It was wonderful to come together with people from different traditions all working with the same heart and spirit. We may not think or believe alike, but we certainly loved alike. The first event was an entertainment evening. We enjoyed offerings from different traditions; a variety of songs, storytelling, poetry and dance. It was wonderful. We all reflected on the troubles in our world and we all shared joy, blessing and gifts for all to share. I shared songs of Rogers and Hammerstein while telling the story of Hammerstein and how his Universalism had shaped his song writing and his life.

On Sunday afternoon I attended the Mayor of Trafford’s multi-faith Civic Service, organised by Jane Brophy. It was held at Altrincham Baptist Church, where Jane is a member. Several folk from Dunham Road were in attendance. Gwyneth Roper played a huge role in making sure the event ran smoothly and Peter Flower and myself participated. Peter stepped in to play the keyboard at the last minute. Again, this was a wonderful occasion, full of spirit and culture. Wonderful to see mostly community cohesion in these divisive times. Jane insisted that I led the singing which I dutifully did. I do not need much encouragement. Towards the end of the service Jane mentioned that she wanted to share a secret about me to the people gathered. I wondered what on earth she would say, I was a little worried. She teased at it a couple of times and then publicly thanked me for something I had done over 10 years ago. Her son Edwin was very poorly at the time and she said that I had visited him in in the Moorside Unit at Trafford General every week. Edwin had grown up in the Sunday school at Dunham Road and ever since I have been minister there we have always got on well. This has not always been easy has he has one or two challenges. I have to say it brought some emotion in me, which I manged to contain. It is not something I have thought of much since. I was simply doing what I could do and what I thought was right at the time. As I left a woman approached me to talk of a friend of hers named Sheila, who had died in recent times. Sheila would attend both congregations, both services and other activities. She got a lot from her time with us, although the woman said her priest discouraged this. The woman wanted me to know how much she thought of me and welcome she received from both congregations. What a lovely gift to freely offer and in keeping with the spirit of the occasion.

Later that evening I noticed that the video promoting the “OYEZ” share option had been released. “OYEZ” is an art collective that has taken over the running of the town hall in Altrincham. They are doing amazing creative and community work there. The choir I sing with rehearses there. We had recorded a song for the launch of the share option and appeared in the video, as do other local figures, including Barbara Thackray. The whole project is another wonderful example of people giving what they have, from their heart for good of not only themselves, but their community. It gave me marvelous sense of well being. It is also hilariously funny. While I may well be a singer, I am not a dancer.

Here is the video 

Last week I saw another example of people giving what they have from their hearts. I have mentioned my two writer friends in the past. Well one of them has just written his first one person play. It is about to be performed in London. Last week it was being rehearsed in the schoolrooms at Dunham Road and by the weekend it will be performed. It is the first new thing he has written and produced in some time and my other friend, who owns Ronnie the dog who Molly loves to play with is directing it. It is oh so wonderful to see him getting back into what his heart desires, giving what his has from what he has been given.

A week last Saturday Molly, myself and a few friends who are singletons went for a walk together to Dunham Massey, on what was Valentines Day. During the walk a couple of my friends began to talk about the things they are planning to give up for Lent. They were talking of luxury items such as sugary drinks and chocolate. Things they will struggle with no doubt. I did wonder though if this is really what Lent is about. Is it really just about giving up luxury items, or is there more too it? Maybe it is better to think about what we can give to life, from our capacity and perhaps giving up things that get in the way of doing so. What that might be is probably different for each of us.

So, I’ve made a decision. This Lenten season I’m going to attempt to let a different spirit live through me. To see what I can give from my heart and soul and attempt to let go of the things that get in the way of that. To not give up things, but to give what I can and give up what blocks me from doing so. It is so easy to live in cynicism and say well what’s the point, but who does that serve, certainly not my soul. I’m going to live by the examples around me and do what I can. I’m going to live in what I consider the solution is as opposed to what I see as the problem. I am going to give love, even if it’s in small ways. I am going to do so while recognising how difficult that is, even to my nearest and dearest. That said I do know that by doing so my outer world is bound to improve and my inner world will become healed, even if it is just small ways.

I will invoking the spirit of Derek Brown in my activities, whose funeral I conducted this week. To live by his example with people. His warmth, his care, his welcome and his good humour too. These were the natural gifts that he had lived by, in so doing he touched so many lives. He was a man dedicated to his community in Urmston. This was proved by the outpouring of love this Thursday.

Last Sunday Peter spoke of the many forms of love, not just the romantic kind that is celebrated on Valentines Day. The day before on the walk with my friends we were practising friendship or “philia” love. Now the kind of love I want to talk about giving and giving up whatever gets in it’s way is Agape Love. Some call this “Spiritual” Love. It is the kind of love that the faith traditions speak of, although sadly too often fail to practice. It is what everyone was invoking at the interfaith events I participating in; it is was fuelled the songs of Rogers and Hammerstein and it is what I witnessed in Derek’s life. This is a kind of love that is none exclusive, it is open to all, it is supposed to have no boundaries; instead it builds bridges between the walls we create around ourselves.

Agape is the love that Jesus spoke of in the Gospels. He commanded his followers to “Love one another as I have loved you.” He is not talking about something soft and mushy here though, please do not be fooled. When he preaches that we should love our enemies he is commenting on the commandment in Leviticus “You must love your neighbour as yourself.” When Jesus spoke of love he was talking about an action that put someone or something else at the centre of their life, rather than themselves; he is talking about yielding for the good of all, instead of self-interest.

This message is of course not unique to the Judeo-Christian tradition it is the essence of all the “Great Faiths”. It would appear that selfishness and self-centredness has been the root of so many of humanities troubles throughout our history, therefore it is hardly surprising that the idea of yielding for the good of all is at the core of the great faiths; that putting something other than our selfish needs at the centre of what we do is vital to human survival. The great Chinese guide to statecraft “The Daodejing”, authored by Laozi made similar claims. “The only person who is fit to rule is the man who has overcome the habit of selfishness.”

To quote the Dao itself

“The reason there is great affliction is that I have a self.
If I had no self, what affliction would I have?
Therefore to one who honours the world as his self
The world may be entrusted,
And to one who loves the world as one’s self
The world may be consigned.”

Agape was the foundation of Rev Dr Martin Luther King’s ministry, the great champion of civil rights in 1950’s and 60’s America. He saw it as an abundant overflowing love that seeks nothing in return, that is open to all and rejects self interest. It is not sentimental and has nothing to do with whether we like a person or not. It is the kind of love that recognises our common humanity and reveres the other as our self; it recognises the sacred mystery in everyone. It is this that forms the beloved community that he spoke of. You could call it the Kingdom of God, the commonwealth of love, the kin-dom of Love, or simply “Fellowship”.

Although Agape is not soft, mushy or sentimental it is still a condition of the heart, it is a way of being that encompasses all aspects of our humanity; head and heart as well as mind, body and spirit. It is about how we are and how we act. In his sermon titled “Love in action” Dr King preached that “one day we will learn that the heart can never be totally right if the head is totally wrong...only through bringing together head and heart, intelligence and goodness – shall man rise to a fulfilment of his human nature.”

It is wrong to believe that Dr King ministry focused purely on the injustices of society external to him. He also talked of healing our inner violence. None violent action, motivated by love, that he adapted from the teachings of Gandhi was about committing not only to non-violent resistance externally but also internally. Both he and Gandhi knew how vital it was that we transformed our inner lives first before we looked to the world. Gandhi named this Satyagraha (soul-force). They both knew that in order to transform society for the better, they first had to develop themselves spiritually.

Why was this? Well they knew that if a person did not heal the violence within themselves that when they did overcome the injustice they were experiencing they may well end up replacing it with something just as destructive. Just look at the revolutions of the past two hundred years. They began as a protest against tyranny and yet in many cases they replaced the former tyranny with something worse. We must all be wary of the “dark side of the force”, of how corrupting power and self-righteousness can be. Human history is littered with examples of this.

Love is a way of being and this can be tough at times; it is not sentimental and or mushy and it is something I will be focusing on this Lenten season. It always amazes me how something like Lent, which in my view is about self-sacrifice, about giving of self for others, has somehow become so self-centred. As I was reminded by my conversation with my friends, too often people give up things for Lent, but they seemingly do so for their own good. People often given up certain food stuffs, for their own vanity, they do it for themselves. Is this what Lent is about? Well, it doesn’t seem to be the right focus to me. Surely, it’s actually about Agape, about self-giving love, about loving all without prejudice, about recognising the “inherent worth and dignity of all” Isn’t this the example that Jesus gave to humanity, in the same way that Gandhi and Dr King did, they gave themselves wholeheartedly for others. And they were murdered for it. That said their message survived their physical deaths, it lives on today. This loving spirit is timeless, it is immortal, but it needs a body, it needs to be embodied.

So, I’ve made a decision. This Lenten season I’m going to attempt to let this spirit live through my body; this Lent I’m going to focus on giving, instead of giving things up. I’m also going to see if I can give up what gets in the way of me doing so. This Lenten season I’m going to see what I can give to life instead of what I can give up; this Lenten season I’m going to live in what I consider the solution is as opposed to what I see as the problem. I am going to give love, even if it’s in small ways. I am going to do so while recognising how difficult that is, even to my nearest and dearest. That said I do know that by doing so my outer world is bound to improve and my inner world will begin to heal.

I’m also going to have a good time doing so. I’m going to sing more, dance more run and scream and shout more. I’m also going to encourage others to do the same. To live as much as I can from the heart. I’m going to follow the example of those who sang the joy of living in all its mystery. I will invoke the example of Derek Brown and let his spirit live on.

My question to you is what are you going to give to the world from yourself this season? What are going to let go of, that gets in the way of you doing so.

I will leave you with that one.

Please find below a devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"

Desiderata: A Simple Humble Way of Life

“Desiderata” by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Life has felt stormy and loud and aggressive at times of late, both internally and externally. I found myself needing to seek, solace and peace. To find quietness, to be still. I know I am not alone in this, as I have walked and listened and shared with other folk. I have also gone into deeper places of silence, both shared and alone, well apart from Molly. I have been confronted by and revisited some old ghosts too. Seen some of the aspects of myself that I have always struggled with. I am what you might call a “Highly Sensitive Person” for good or for bad. It is who I am and one thing life has taught me is that it is vital that we come to terms with who we are wholly. It will help us understand others and come to terms with who they are too.

We cannot avoid some of the storms of life, but we can find ways to come through them, sometimes alone and at other times together. Often when we come to the other side of the rainbow we find that we are back home but somehow better prepared for whatever the journey might hold. I have felt that powerfully these last few days. The key for each person, I believe, is to find that stillness deep down within each of us, that will sustain us and enable us to be of good use to one another and better accompany each other through the storms of life. Not perfectly of course, for sometimes it is too much for us all. It is important to always remember that.

We don’t need any special power to do so, just the ordinary human kind will do, but we do need to be prepared and this is where spiritual practices comes in. A calm mind and a still heart are the key. It is said that Gandhi loved storms. He began life as a timid child, but he learned to keep his mind so steady that he could face tremendous crises with courage, compassion, wisdom, and even a sense of humour. A sense of humour is vital in helping us through such storms, remember to be in good humour originally meant to be in good health. I have found that again these last few days away with collegues, whilst conducting serious ministry business. We have the capacity to deal with whatever challenges life throws at us, but we do need a calm mind and still heart to draw on the resources deep within us and all around us. I would say in everything. We also need to accompany one another, to encourage each other when it feels too much.

When I consider Jesus’ attempts to teach his disciples I often think that this is where his frustrations came from. I know that this is perhaps an unorthodox view, but I think that this is what he was trying to teach those that followed him, to find that power, that still small voice within. It is certainly something he did as he took time alone, to commune with God. I see this in the extract we heard earlier “The Calming of the Storm”. When he rebukes with “Have you know faith” he is doing so because he knows that they can calm the storm themselves, they just do not have the faith in themselves to do so. He shows them the way. They had after all come through such storms before, this was very common on the Sea of Galilee, where storms would rise up from nowhere. Unfortunately, though they just become enthralled in his ability to calm the sea, rather that having enough faith to come through it themselves. Not alone, but together.

I wonder what holds you, sustains through the storms of life, both internal and external.

I have recently been reading “Desiderata” again. It is something I have come across at different times in my life. I have seen it on people’s walls and always stopped and paused and read. I was given a copy a dozen or so years ago and I find myself going back to it from time to time. It seems to be a beautiful and simple way of living, a design for life.

“Desiderata” is about finding peace of mind in the storms of life. We cannot stop the storms, they are as much a part of life as the sunshine. We may not recognise the storms as being the same. What seems like Heaven to one person may appear as Hell to another. One thing I have learnt and continue to learn is that although we are born of the same flesh and have the same spirit within us, we human beings are a diverse lot. We take in life so differently. I only need observe my brother, to understand this. We are so very different. We are a mass of contradictions too. To badly paraphrase Whitman “Do I contradict myself, very well then I contradict myself, I contain multitudes”. It is important to remember that about ourselves and one another, to understand as the Gospels teach that, “My name is Legion, for we are many.”. That we all have a variety and complex ways of responding to life and to one another. To truly understand this is to become spiritually aware. We are a ball of contradictions and we all possess these contradictions within us all. Our world is large and it contains multitudes and yes we all contradict ourselves. We have to look and listen to these contradictions both within ourselves and each other. We need to look and listen, but not with narrow eyes or hearts or ears closed to the world, no we need to be wide and open. Can we look at the world and see it in each others eyes, those windows of the soul? It is not always easy. I know that there are times when my eyes narrow.

So, I have been revisiting “Desiderata”. It begins with those beautiful words “Go placidly amid the noise and haste” please note it says placidly not passively. In my experience there is nothing passive about living spiritually alive. The spiritual life is an active life. We are not merely observers here, we are active participants and life demands that we play our roles, while not becoming the director and attempt to control the roles that others are here to play too.

“Desiderata” was written a hundred years ago by Max Ehrmann. It was copyrighted in 1927 but was first penned several years previous to this. It has spoken to generations since then. It has developed its own life it would seem, including a myth that attempts to make it timeless, it does have that quality about it. The myth began following a reproduction of it by Rev Frederick Kates for a collection of inspirational works for his congregation in 1959 on church notepaper, headed: 'The Old St Paul's Church, Baltimore, AD 1692' (the year the church was founded). Copies of it were circulated and the myth began to grow. It really took off when a copy was found at the bedside of deceased American politician Aidlai Stevenson in 1965.

I like the myth, it does lend a timeless and universal quality that makes the myth into a true mythos. “Desiderata” is a beautiful and practical poem and in my eyes a wonderful design for living spiritually alive. One that I try to follow, despite the storms of life. It enables me to do what I can. To truly live faithfully and to rest and allow life to be what it can be, while I play my role, the best I can. Whilst accepting my multitude of contradictions and the legion of them throughout the world.

“Desiderata” means something that is desired, something wanted and needed. In the poem what is described is this need to find peace, search for inner peace in an often chaotic world. So, to travel peacefully through the noise, chaos, haste of the world and those around us. It is not about shying away from life, but to do so amongst all that is happening and to remain of use by being who you are, despite your legion of contradictions. The key is to take with you your inner integrity and peace. Call it peace of mind, or call it faith, or freedom from existential angst. By the way no one ever lives like this all the time, well no one I have ever known. To be human is to be aware of our multitude of ways of being in the world.

The key I keep re-learning is to find silence and stillness, to make time and space for it in our lives. This is why it is at the heart of every religious tradition. It is at the heart of religion, of communal spirituality, whether at home alone or coming together in love. The key is to find what works for each of us. For me it is walking or has been at times, but also just simply sitting in silence, without distraction, sometimes with others and at other times alone. My heart needs it, it always had. It is something I have sought out all my life, from my earliest memories. I would often go and wander off alone. It was a time I felt most safe. When I could walk placidly amid the noise and haste.

Another thing I love about “Desiderata” is the very practical advice it offers, you might say much of it is commonsense, suggesting ways to live that will nurture inner peace. Like being on good terms with people; not comparing ourselves to others; taking time to honestly say what is on our mind and doing so quietly and clearly. These seem like good habits to cultivate a decent way of living in the this sometimes stormy world. You see by making the effort to speak truth quietly and clearly, we are in fact choosing peace for ourselves and others and refusing to get caught up the violence and extremism. When we listen to others, to hear their truth we are respecting them as they are, recognising their inherent worth and dignity, we are choosing peace, we are walking placidly with them.

Of course this is not easy, especially in our complex world and in our lives that are full of so many contradictions. Sometime seeking resolution seems too much, sometimes we get caught up in comparing ourselves. Sometimes it seems all too much and we get weary, as I have been recently.

“Desiderata” offers a path for gently building a better way. It says: do not feign affection; be yourself; accept the changes which come with aging, – “gracefully surrendering the things of youth”; nurture strength of spirit to shield you in times of misfortune.

“Desiderata” is about knowing ourselves, our many multitudes of contradictions and the legions of them in the world. It is about growing to trust what is at the heart of us one day at a time, gradually building upon this, strengthening that inner core so that whatever sudden misfortune happens, you can hope of keeping “peace with your soul.”

Of course, no will be able to always go placidly amidst the noise and haste of life, not all the time. There will be days when we just want the world to go away. I have those days, had them again recently. Remember we are legion, we all contain multitudes of contradictions, as does the world. “Desiderata though offers something to help us keep on going through the storms both external and internal. “Desiderata” to me is to long for that love, that peace Divine. Living by “Desiderata” is one path that can lead us there. I have certainly found it a great solace once again in recent weeks.

“Desiderata” encourages us to live fulfilling and meaningful lives. “Desiderata” offers advice on how to do so by reminding us to be kind and compassionate towards others, be true to ourselves, strive for inner peace, and appreciate the beauty of the world around us. It reminds us to: “Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.”

“Desiderata” is about finding that love, that surely we all truly desire, within life and within ourselves, despite life's challenges and uncertainties. It encourages us to seek the good in ourselves and others and to appreciate what we have in our lives. To love what we have. It reminds us that we are all born from the same spirit and the same flesh, despite our seeming differences, it is our multitude of contradictions that remind me of that.

“Desiderata” reminds me that we are all connected, children of the universe, children of this world, children of God and that we should treat one another, including ourselves with the same respect, with kindness and loving dignity.

May we all go placidly amidst the noise and haste.

Please find below a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"

The Three E’s Empathy, Ecstasy and Enthusiasm: Turning Self Consciousness into Consciousness

I was in the park with Molly on Monday morning. I was feeling tired and somewhat run down. I had woken up with a bad throat. Sunday had been a long day, three services and several other activities. There weren’t many dogs around for Molly to play with so she made her own fun. She is such a happy little dog, full of life and character, at ease with herself and life itself. After a while a woman appeared with her tiny dark cavalier spaniel. I have passed the woman in the street many times over the time I have had Molly. Her little dog was somewhat unfriendly towards Molly as a puppy, the woman said her dog didn’t like puppies, or men for that matter. Even as Molly became an adult the woman never stopped for them to get to know each other. It was different this time though. The woman came talking to me, she seemed upset. She told me her dog was unwell, in fact she had heart failure, she was only eight years old. It was her fifth Cavalier and two of her previous ones had died the same way. I told her I had seen her dog with a walker a few days before and I pointed out to the walker that there something wrong with her. The walker had informed the woman and she had taken the dog to the vet. The woman told me that she was trying to get her dog to go to the toilet, but didn’t want to walk. Then Molly brought her to life and she ran around and played for a little while, before they went off to the coffee shop. The poor woman has some big decisions to make over the next few days, as she doesn’t want her little dog to suffer. I felt for her.

As I walked away I was thinking about the three keys of the spiritual life that Forrest Church had identified, “Empathy”, “Ecstasy” and “Enthusiasm”. They are essential antitdotes to the blight of self-consciousness and lead to connection and consciousness. I was awake, I was conscious that day, despite feeling somewhat low and tired in mood. I had been a few days earlier when I noticed the little spaniel struggling. Molly had too, her empathy and enthusiasm had brought a few moments of ecstasy to that sweet little dog. We were at ease with ourselves, we knew ourselves and thus we were not slaves to ourselves, we were instead awake to the life around us.

Socrates said that “The unexamined life is not worth living”. Now while not wishing to argue with the great philosopher I do wonder if the “over examined life” can prove just as worthless. It is so easy to get lost in ourselves, wrapped up in our own underwear, to such an extent that we do not live at all. We can become so self-conscious that we fail to become conscious of all that is and all that has ever been. It is so easy to become wrapped up in our own perceived needs that we fail to live in the world with others and then complain about feeling lonely. Yes it is important to examine ourselves, to understand who we are and what makes us tick, but that should not be an end in itself, a destination. It is a staging post in the spiritual adventure, but not an end in itself.

I remember at last year’s “Ministry in the Making” I was asked to speak on the purpose of ministry, which literally means to serve. The college principal was somewhat concerned that while the students had a great deal of self understanding this in itself was not all that the spiritual life is about. That it is not just about knowing and understand ourselves. Self awareness and spirituality is something that comes to life in the real world, that its purpose is to fit us to be of maximum usefulness in this life. I thought about my time in the park with Molly, I probably do as much ministry there as anywhere else in life. Monday morning proved that once again.

The spiritual life is about love. Yes love for ourselves, but also one another and life itself and of course whatever it is we believe is at the core of all, what I call God. Sadly sometimes spirituality can tend to be too inner focused and a turning away from life. Such approaches can make us even more self focused and instead of setting us free, enchains us even more.

So yes I agree with Socrates, that “the unexamined life is not worth living”. That said the “over examined life” can prove just as worthless. It can easily become inhibiting and can lead to a kind of self-consciousness that can become so consuming that it takes over our human interactions. I wonder how many of us suffer from this kind of commentary when we meet up with people. “What will they think of me?” “How do I look?” “If I say something, will they think I’m an idiot?” and then as it continues, “He gave me a funny look, he must have thought me a fool. Why on earth did I have to make that stupid remark? Gosh I’m such a freak, they all seem to be staring at me.”

I was talking with a friend on Tuesday morning who described some such interaction at a work event the other day. She found herself becoming consumed by such an inner dialogue. Thankfully she was able to step out of herself and begin to make contact with others, this helped them do the same thing.

This though is not always the case. This kind of self conscious inner dialogue can be so crippling. It can haunt us from the moment we wake and continue throughout our day, eating away at our every decision. Oh and of course because we doubt ourselves and every decision we make, we assume that everyone else must be doing exactly the same thing. This kind of self-consciousness can be so crippling and it blocks us off almost entirely from the world around us. We can become so consumed by this kind of self-consciousness that we see the world entirely from our own point of view, excluding all others.

One of my great frustrations with a lot of modern “so called spirituality” is that it does not seem to be about relationships at all. It seems to be all about the self, almost about protecting the self, from the so called “messiness” of living. It seems to have become almost narcissistic in its nature. Maybe that’s why it can seem so appealing. The truth is of course that all we ever achieve in blocking ourselves off from the messiness, from circling our spiritual wagons, is increase the loneliness and the emptiness.

The spiritual life is about relationship. We need to be in what I have often heard called right relationship, with ourselves, with others and with whatever it is we connects all of life, what is often called the Divine, to live spiritually alive.

I can usually get a good measure as to where I am at spiritually by simply checking where I am at relationally with myself, with others and with God, they are all interconnected and inter related.

So what can we do about it? How do we wake up to a greater consciousness? How do we break free from this crippling self-consciousness? How do we become better inter-related.

According to the Gospel’s Jesus taught his followers that they must lose themselves in order to be found. That by emptying ourselves of our self-absorption we begin to be filled with the spirit of neighbourliness. So that when we look deeply into the still waters we are not drawn in by narcissistic self-consciousness and loathing at our own reflection, but rather into a deeper contemplation of our shared lives. We become conscious of all that is, all that has been and all that will ever be. By opening ourselves to and for others we begin to shed that debilitating skin of self-consciousness that is so easy to become imprisoned in.

Gandhi said “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service of others”

The Buddha talked of Nirvana, of being freed from the suffering that was the blight of humanity. He showed that we all suffered and that it was in seeing our suffering as individual that led to this sense of separation. He suggested that we needed to break through our suffering not only to serve others but to reach a higher state of being, true consciousness, to be awake to the life in which we live.

Now please don’t get me wrong this morning I am not suggesting that we do not need to know ourselves to understand how we tick, “The unexamined life is not worth living”. All I am saying is that we must not get stuck there, we must not get lost there and we must not see this as a destination, more a staging post on the journey. The adolescent stage I suspect. Sadly for many folk, me included, this adolescent stage often goes well into adulthood.

So how do we move from self-consciouness to consciousness. Well as I mentioned earlier Forrest Church in his wonderful book “Lifecraft” offered three simple suggestions, which he called the three “E’s”, “empathy”, “ecstasy” and “enthusiasm”. The key he claimed could be found in the literal understanding of these words. “Empathy”, to suffer or feel with another; “Ecstasy”, to stand outside ourselves; “Enthusiasm”, to manifest the god (theos) within us.

“Empathy” is a deep felt compassion. When we open our hearts empathically to another we are courageously refusing to allow self-consciousness to stand in the way of a higher consciousness that comes into being as we feel what another is going through. In so doing we serve both ourselves and the other person, as well as that higher consciousness beyond our singular selves.

Now “Ecstasy” has often been misunderstood as some kind of hedonistic state and therefore self- indulgent, it is far from this. In its truest sense what it actually does is takes us out of ourselves and lifts us beyond the confines of ourselves. In so doing we transcend our self-consciousness and enter a realm in which purpose begins to emerge and meaning is found.

“Enthusiasm” means to be filled with spirit, with holy energy. Enthusiasm allows us to be fully involved and engaged in whatever it is we are doing. It allows us to see beyond the confines we have created. Forrest himself states that “Here, once again, consciousness displaces self-consciousness. We escape from our mirrored room. Its mirrors turn into windows. Or the pond grows so still that we can see beyond our own reflection to the trees and clouds and birds and sun. There is, by the way, no higher form of spiritual practice. When we step out of our own shadow, consciousness replaces self-consciousness.”

In so doing we are set free to walk with others in our own faltering ways. Instead of being lost in what we believe is wrong with us we are set free to do what we can in this our shared world and in so doing we encourage others to do the same, as perfectly imperfect children of God.

For me the purpose of the spiritual life is to develop a deepening sense of connection. We all have our troubles and our worries either within ourselves, those around us or wider world. We need to see them for what they are, we need to acknowledge the truth, but we must not get stuck there, for that will paralyse us and stop us doing what we can. We cannot change the way the world is but that need not prevent us from doing what we can do and in doing so we will grow spiritually as we become integrated into all that has been, all that exists and all that will ever.

So much of modern spiritually gets it wrong because it is seeking the wrong thing. There is so much talk of finding ourselves, when in actual fact what we ought to be doing is losing ourselves. What we ought to be striving for, I believe, is integration and remove those aspects within ourselves that block this. We all ask the question “Who am I?” when really we ought to asking is “How am I doing? And if we are still feeling utterly dis-connected we need to ask why? And how can I integrate once again? You see if we can begin to integrate with all that is, all that has been and all that has ever been we begin to truly cohere. In doing so we transcend our self-consciousness and become conscious. We become spiritually mature. We wake up to the world in which live and breathe and share our being and we will know the joy of living, in all its mystery.

Below is a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"

Be right enough to be wrong, for that is the essence of the truth

I was talking with a friend recently about memory and how it changes over time. He told me how strange he found it that when you speak with people who were present at the same event that he was at, how they remember it oh so differently. We talked about how memory is rarely pure. Often it is not always the memory itself but how the story of the memory is remembered. This is often particularly true of cultural memories, that are simply re-telling of communal stories, of which no one still alive was present at. We tell them, but how do we know that they are actually true. I told him what fascinates me is how memories can often be varied due to those experiencing the same situation differently. It is not just that people remember differently, they also experience life differently. How people experience reality can be oh so different, something I am increasingly aware of. I was reminded of this powerfully this week at “Summer School”. It is oh so very important to understand this in order to even attempt to empathise with others, to actually try and walk in their shoes. Humanity truly is a rich diversity. We weave a fascinating tapestry. This is something not merely to accept, or even understand, but to truly celebrate. If we work together we can create something incredibly beautiful. That said if we do not celebrate diversity, or attempt to make others confirm to one or other truth, we create nothing but destruction. I see ever more clearly that people experience reality in such diverse ways. While I accept neuro diversity, I think it is even more than that, something deeper perhaps, something of our souls and spirits. We need to share them with one another in order to understand reality in all its diversity, even then none of us truly even get a glimpse of the whole of the moon.

When a person shares something that is way beyond the bounds of experience to look at them with utter incredulity is a dismissal of their humanity. Again as I have listened intently with people this week I have witnessed a rich diversity in the way that people experience reality. I have found this both beautiful and incredibly moving.

This got me thinking about truth claims about anything; this got me thinking about the nature of truth; this got me thinking about the truths we believe about ourselves, one another, and life in general. There are many things that we hold true, without really questioning. Why do we? It also got me thinking about who we trust for our truth, what are the sources. According to John’s Gospel, Jesus said “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” How do we know what is true though? This is especially true when thinking of memory and how and others remember events we were present at.

“Truth” itself is an interesting word. It comes from a Germanic root which also gives rise to another word “troth” as the vow of old "I pledge thee my troth." A word used as people enter a covenant with one another, as Parker J Palmer put it “a pledge to engage in mutually accountable and transforming relationship...to know in truth is to become betrothed, to engage the known with one's whole self...to know in truth is to be known as well.”

Truth is a pledge made between people, it is relational in nature, a covenant of trust. So, who do we trust, who do we covenant with? What is the “truth”? Truth is not something we claim, it is more about how we live by what we claim. You can’t really hold the truth, but you can live by it.

In recent years a new word came into public consciousness. At the end of 2016 “The Oxford Dictionaries” announced that they had chosen “post-truth” as the word of the year, offering as a definition: “circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief.” The Oxford Dictionaries' Casper Grathwohl said post-truth could become "one of the defining words of our time".This was in response to a particularly tumultuous time politically, both in the UK and USA, I suspect that things have become more so ever since. Partisanship has grown, with all sides claiming that the others are engaging in Orwellian doublethink and that the organism of the state is working against them.

I am not entirely sure this is such a modern phenomena. There have always been opposing truth claims. When I think back to philosophy at university and claims about human nature, there has never been agreement. Are you with Hobbes in thinking that humanity is basically corrupt and needs authority to curb our destructive natures or are with Rousseau and his belief that we are basically decent but corrupted by society. The arguments about authoritarianism and democracy are not new. The difference today is the volume of these truth claims have been amplified, we seem bombarded by them. Society on the whole seems to shout louder and yet can hear less. Everyone is talking and yet so few seem able to listen.

Truth has always been subjective. We may claim pure rational, but I suspect this is in some way dishonest, emotional and personal belief have always played a part in our truth claims. I suspect that people have also always experienced reality in a variety of ways. There is nothing new in recognising truth as being subjective. Mohandas Gandhi said that “What may appear as truth to one person will often appear as untruth to another person, but that need not worry the seeker, where there is honest effort, it will be realized that what appear to be different truths are like the countless and apparently different leaves of the same tree. Different parts of the same elephant; different leaves on the same tree; different paths up the same mountain; different windows open to the same light; one truth, many manifestations.”

So we may see the same thing and yet still come to a completely different conclusion about this. This maybe because we are approaching the truth differently. We bring our own needs and our own biases, it is vital to recognise this, this though does not mean that the one drawing a different conclusion has bad intent, quite the opposite actually. This is true of people and all life for that matter. It is also important to recognise diversity in experience, how people process reality in diverse ways. This is so beautiful when fully understood, accepted and celebrated. I also feel that this is more than merely neurological, it may be deeper than that, what about soulful or spiritual diversity?

To quote the philosopher of science Karl Popper

“All things living are in search of a better world. Men, animals, plants, even unicellular organisms are constantly active. They are trying to improve their situation, or at least to avoid its deterioration.”

Popper argued that because the identification of error is so central to the problem solving process, therefore its corrective, the truth, is a core component of our quest for betterment. Mistakes are constantly made; all life makes mistakes. No one has absolute foresight, can see what is coming. That said to maintain trust it is vital to admit when one is wrong and to rectify the error. The problem I suspect in modern times is that admitting you are wrong is increasingly considered a weakness rather than a strength. This has caused a truth vacuum in the field of expertise. People do not trust experts as they once did. I suspect one of our greatest troubles of recent times is that people do not trust. Trust, it seems to me comes from having the humility to admit when we make mistakes. We need to be right enough in ourselves to admit when we are wrong.

So often we see our piece of truth as a rock that we must cling to, that is absolute and must not be questioned. This often leads to disputes as people find that in order to hold onto their truth, they must prove the truth claims of others wrong. Such reasoning lacks humility, because the truth is that whatever we believe or disbelieve about truth we never see the whole truth completely, instead we merely glimpse at the truth, or a piece of the truth. Who can honestly say that they know the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I suppose some do, they claim to know the whole truth about everything, an expert at everything. I would be very wary of trusting such folk. Just because someone says it is so, it does not make it true.

This brings to mind this little snippet from Anthony DeMello’s “One Minute Wisdom”

"To a visitor who described himself as a seeker after Truth, the teacher said: “If what you seek is Truth, there is one thing you must have above all else.” “I know,” answered the student, “an overwhelming passion for it.” “No,” said the teacher, “an unremitting readiness to admit you may be wrong.”

To seek the truth, one needs humility and openness and enough self-esteem to see that we are wrong sometimes and of course the capacity to admit to this. If we cannot, we will not be able to see the truth, even when it is right in front of us. It is so easy to become blinded by what we think we know. We need the openness that comes with true humility, it is a truth that will set us free.

It is also vital to remember that people experience the same situation differently. There is a diversity of experience within life. As a wise man once taught me, “To be right, you don’t have to make another wrong.” No you just need to seek the truth, as your experience teaches you, in relationship with the experiences of a diversity of other folk. Not so much people who think alike. I cannot think of anything worse than spending my life in the company of folk who think just like me. What would be the point of that. It sounds like a living hell to me.

It is our responsibility therefore to seek our truth, to bring to life our experiences. What we remember and to share it without apology. We need to do so for our own sanity and for the good of others, they need to receive what is within us.

In the Gospel of Thomas Jesus says, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

Whilst Lao Tzu wrote in the “Tao Te Ching” “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”

You will never bring forth what is within you while ever you are afraid of what is within you. There have been times when I have been afraid to bring forth what is within me and I have witnessed the same fear in others too. After all is not a little less scary to receive our truth from elsewhere rather than to let it come forth from within ourselves.

It can appear safer to accept the truth offered to us, rather than to seek it out ourselves. So often in life we want certainty, absolutes black and white and not a thousand shades of grey. So often we seek the illusion of certainty. This though just closes us in, builds those walls and keeps us closed.

The key to truth seeking is openness, born from uncertainty and humility. Openness is a way that enables us to experience new previously unseen truth; a truth that will set us free. It will allow us to bring forth what is within us and by doing so we might just uncover what will save us from the delusion of what we think we know about ourselves, one another and life itself. The world needs to at least have a chance of experiencing the whole of the elephant, the whole of the moon.

Do we trust ourselves enough to seek out the truth and therefore to bring forth what is within us or would we just rather stick with the safety of what we think we already know of what someone has taught us or told us is the truth.

We can trust what we unearth if we learn how to truly live in the questions of ours and others truth claims. Trust is vital. We have to learn to trust what we discover, what we unearth, whilst not putting a fence around what we see as the truth today; the key is an open attitude whether that’s in finding your own truth or in offering truth to another. Now the challenge of course comes in dwelling in the ambiguity of truth without becoming overwhelmed or paralysed by it; the challenge comes in maintaining a deep commitment to the openness that truth seeking requires and not allowing ourselves to become closed down.

This is not for the faint hearted. This takes courage. This is not the easier path, but it is definitely the one worth taking, for it is the one that will set us up to live in and through truth.

You know its ok to get it wrong to make mistakes. It’s ok to feel lost and confused about life at times. That is so human. There is something both glorious and beautiful in this.

If we want to be a seeker of truth, then above everything else what we need is an unremitting readiness to admit that we may be wrong. Wrong about how we view ourselves, wrong about how we view life, wrong about how we view other people.

The truth is of course is that once we can see we are wrong about something, admit we are wrong about something, do whatever we can to put right what was once wrong, then we are no longer wrong, we are right. The key is to feel right enough in our humanness to be able to admit that we can only ever vision the partial truth and to be open to the truth of others…

The key is in being right enough to be wrong, for that is the essence of the truth…

Below is a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"

Are You Awake? Consciousness and Self-Consciousness

Sunday’s have been extra busy these last few months. After leading worship Molly and myself have been going to puppy school. Before Christmas she passed puppy class and these last few weeks we have been working towards the Bronze Award of “The Kennel Club Good Citizen Dog Scheme”. When working with her at home she has been doing great. The problem is when she is with other dogs; when Molly is with other dogs she just wants to play. All the commands have been going well, except recall. In the park this one seems the most difficult.

Last Sunday was the examination, for the Bronze award. Things did not begin well. For some reason she chose this Sunday to turn her nose up at the training treats I had. Thankfully one of the other owners leant we some cheesy ones which she loved.

The assessment began. I found myself feeling anxious about it. It actually felt worse than my driving test, but I kept centering myself and saying “The fear prayer” over and over, under my breath. “God please remove my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be. Molly was her usual calm self. Just playing in-between the different tests. Things went well. There was a moment during the stay command, when the dogs are to stay still for a whole minute. A motorbike went past and misfired loudly, this caused a couple of dogs to move, but Molly just looked up, and stayed still. The only test that proved difficult was recall, I knew that this would be the case. She did, just not with the rushed enthusiasm of the other dogs. She came, but slowly at her own pace.

We passed the exam and will now move onto the silver award in a few weeks time. An observer of the test had been the woman who had instructed us during the first puppy classes. She said some lovely things to me about Molly and our relationship and how far she had come, saying that we must have been working hard on our relationship. I cannot tell you how much this meant to me.

One thing I have noticed since Molly came into my life has been an increase in old feelings of self-consciousness. Not so much about myself but how others perceive me, through Molly. People do offer comments all the time about her and I have taken on board the odd critical one. On the whole though she is a lovely dog, very calm, friendly and sociable, pretty fearless too. She is smart and knows her own mind. She is not at all self conscious, she is fully conscious of herself and the world in which she lives and breathes and enjoys her being. She is teaching me so much. Molly is a treasure and fully awake.

As I was reflecting about Sunday this week I was reminded of a story attributed to the Buddha.

It is said that soon after his enlightenment that the Buddha passed a man on the road who was struck by the Buddha's extraordinary radiance and peaceful presence. The man stopped and asked, "My friend, what are you? Are you a celestial being or a god?"

"No," said the Buddha.

"Well, then, are you some kind of magician or wizard?"

Again the Buddha answered, "No."

"Are you a man?" "No."

"Well, my friend, then what are you?"

The Buddha replied, "I am awake"

The Buddha was awake, he was fully conscious to all that is and all that will ever be. He was fully integrated, he did not see himself as separate, well he did not see himself at all.

Now this is not a claim I would or could make about myself. I believe I am more awake these days than I have ever been in the past, but I am very aware of a sense of separation from time to time. That said I am more conscious than I ever was before. There is a simple reason for this, I am less self-conscious than I once was. Of course, I am not yet the perfectly self-actualised enlightened being. It is highly unlikely that I ever will be, but I am not crippled by self consciousness these days, it does not paralyse me. I feel more connected, at one, with all that is, than at any other time in my life. I feel conscious, I feel awake, but I used to be terribly self-consciousness and I suspect that it was this that was the very root cause of so much of that aching loneliness that used to eat away at me. I felt, separate, cut off, alone. How many of us feel like this, it is so much the plague of the modern age.

It has been interesting to notice how I have been revisited by some of these feelings recently. I was terribly self conscious as a child, there are many reasons for this, or should I say I found many reasons for it. One being a birth defect. I was born with some of the nerve endings at the base of my spine being underdeveloped. It was something akin to a less severe form of spina bifida. As a child I had to frequently go for physiotherapy and there was a period when I was not allowed to engage in any sport. I hated the feeling it engendered in me as I looked at the other kids running around in the playground, knowing I wasn’t allowed to join in.

It was a few years later when the pain really hit me though, in my mid to later teens when I was painfully aware of the way I walked. I remember walking down the street of the town I grew up in and whenever I saw someone walking towards me I would stand up straight and attempt to push my feet inwards in the vain hope that they wouldn’t think that there was something wrong with me. I must have looked a right sight.

I was just so terribly self-consciousness; I was just so locked in on what I believed was wrong with me. Today I have come to understand that the problem was not my perceived physical imperfections. I suspect that if I’d been born without this physical difficulty the problem would have manifested in other areas of my life. The problem was the self-consciousness, I was locked in myself and therefore not fully conscious, I was separate and felt alone.

One thing I’ve learnt over the years is that I am not alone in this. So many of us suffer from forms of self-consciouness. We feel lost, lonely and cut off because we are locked in what we believe is wrong with us. Sometimes it is harder to see what is right, than what is wrong. This is a deeply lonely, isolated, way to be.

Socrates said that “The unexamined life is not worth living”. Now while not wishing to argue with the great philosopher I do wonder if the “over examined life” can prove just as worthless. It is so easy to get lost in oneself, wrapped up in our own underwear to such an extent that we do not live at all. We can become so self-conscious that we fail to become conscious of all that is and all that has ever been. It is so easy to become wrapped up in our own perceived needs that we fail to live in the world with others and then complain about feeling lonely. Yes it is important to examine ourselves, to understand who we are and what makes us tick, but that should not be an end in itself, a destination. It is a staging post in the spiritual adventure, but not an end in itself.

Now this form of self-absorption has been labelled Narcissism. You remember the ancient Greek story of the boy who fell so in love with his own reflection that he fell into the water and drowned. I’m not sure that it is entirely correct to label this form of self-consciousness this way. There seems very little love there at all. Quite the opposite in fact the pre-occupation is with what is wrong. When you look at your own reflection in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see someone that you love? Do you see who you really are? While we may see ourselves warts and all, how many of us see the beauty spots too? The self-absorption that most people I come into contact with suffer from tends to be a deeply ingrained negative type. The preoccupation is often with what is wrong with them, with their shame, rather than how wonderful they are.

This kind of self-consciousness can become so consuming that it takes over our human interactions. I wonder how many of us suffer from this kind of commentary when we meet up with people. “What will they think of me?” “How do I look?” “If I say something, will they think I’m an idiot?” and then as it continues, “He gave me a funny look, he must have thought me a fool. Why on earth did I have to make that stupid remark? Gosh I’m such a freak, they all seem to be staring at me.”

This kind of inner dialogue can be so crippling. It can haunt us from the moment we wake and continue throughout our day, eating away at our every decision. Oh and of course because we doubt ourselves and every decision we make, we assume that everyone else must be doing exactly the same thing. This kind of self-consciousness can be so crippling and it blocks us off almost entirely from the world around us. When we become consumed by this kind of self-consciousness we see the world from our own point of view and it aint a pretty one.

So what can we do about it? How do we wake up to a greater consciousness? How do we break free from this crippling self-consciousness?

In the Gospel’s Jesus taught his followers that they must lose themselves in order to be found. That by emptying ourselves of our self-absorption we begin to be filled with the spirit of neighbourliness. So that when we look deeply into the still waters we are not drawn in by narcissistic self-consciousness and loathing at our own reflection, but rather into a deeper contemplation of our shared lives. We become conscious of all that is, all that has been and all that will ever be. By opening ourselves to and for others we begin to shed that debilitating skin of self-consciousness that is so easy to become imprisoned in.

Gandhi said “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service of others”

The Buddha talked of Nirvana, of being freed from the suffering that was the blight of humanity. He showed that we all suffered and that it was in seeing our suffering as individual that led to this sense of separation. He suggested that we needed to break through our suffering not only to serve others but to reach a higher state of being, true consciousness, to be awake.

Now please don’t get me wrong I am not suggesting that we do not need to know ourselves to understand how we tick. All I am saying is that we must not get stuck there, we must not get lost there and we must not see this as a destination, more a staging post on the journey. The adolescent stage I suspect. Sadly for many folk, me included, this adolescent stage often goes well into adulthood.

So how do we move from self-consciouness to consciousness. Well Forrest Church in his wonderful book “Lifecraft” offered three simple suggestions, which he called the three “E’s”, “empathy”, “ecstasy” and “enthusiasm”. The key he claimed could be found in the literal understanding of these words. “Empathy”, to suffer or feel with another; “Ecstasy”, to stand outside ourselves; “Enthusiasm”, to manifest the god (theos) within us.

Empathy is a deep felt compassion. When we open our hearts empathically to another we are courageously refusing to allow self-consciousness to stand in the way of a higher consciousness that comes into being as we feel what another is going through. In so doing we serve both ourselves and the other person, as well as that higher consciousness beyond our singular selves.

Now ecstasy has often been misunderstood as some kind of hedonistic state and therefore self- indulgent, it is far from this. In its truest sense what it actually does is takes us out of ourselves and lifts us beyond the confines of ourselves. In so doing we transcend our self-consciousness and enter a realm in which purpose begins to emerge and meaning is found.

Enthusiasm means to be filled with spirit, with holy energy. Enthusiasm allows us to be fully involved and engaged in whatever it is we are doing. It allows us to see beyond the confines we have created. Forrest himself states that “Here, once again, consciousness displaces self-consciousness. We escape from our mirrored room. Its mirrors turn into windows. Or the pond grows so still that we can see beyond our own reflection to the trees and clouds and birds and sun. There is, by the way, no higher form of spiritual practice. When we step out of our own shadow, consciousness replaces self-consciousness.”

In so doing we are set free to walk with others in our own faltering ways. Instead of being lost in what we believe is wrong with us we are set free to do what we can in this our shared world and in so doing we encourage others to do the same, as perfectly imperfect children of God.

For me the purpose of the spiritual life is to develop a deepening sense of connection. We all have our troubles and our worries either within ourselves, those around us or our wider world. We need to see them for what they are, we need to acknowledge the truth, but we must not get stuck there, for that will paralyse us and stop us doing what we can. We cannot change the way the world is but that need not prevent us from doing what we can do and in doing so we will grow spiritually as we become integrated into all that has been, all that exists and all that will ever.

So there you have a solution to self-consciousness, a way to develop consciousness, the three “E’s”, “empathy”, “ecstasy” and “enthusiasm”. “Empathy”, to suffer or feel with another; “Ecstasy”, to stand outside ourselves; “Enthusiasm”, to manifest the god (theos) within us.

As a kind of conclusion I’d like to leave you with one final thought. I think that so much of modern spiritually gets it wrong because it is seeking the wrong thing. There is so much talk of finding ourselves, when in actual fact what we ought to be doing is losing ourselves. What we ought to be striving for, I believe, is integration and remove those aspects within ourselves that block this. We all ask the question “Who am I?” when really we ought to asking is “How am I doing? And if we are still feeling utterly dis-connected we need to ask why? And how can I integrate once again? You see if we can begin to integrate with all that is, all that has been and all that has ever been we begin to truly cohere. In doing so we transcend our self-consciousness and become conscious. We become spiritually mature. We become like the Buddha, awake.

I was thinking this as I watched Molly rolling and dancing and frolicking with several other dogs in the park the other day, what a joy, what a freedom, oh to be so awake.

So how conscious are you today? Are you truly awake?

Below is a video devotion based on the material in this "Blogspot"

Calm in the storm: We are in the boat together

Recently instead of meeting folk in coffee shops for a chat I have taken to go for a gentle walks, side by side down to Stamford park in Altrincham. I love to wander round side by side listening and talking. In some ways conversations like this seem to flow more freely. This is how it should be, neither leading or following, simply accompanying one another. As we walk it is lovely to watch all the little creatures, the dog owners and all the dogs in so many shapes and sizes. One of my favourites is a woman who sits and reads on a bench with her faithful terrier by her side. She is obviously not bothered by the cold as she is always there, no matter the time of the day.

I love to pause at the ponds and stop for a while, talking while watching the ducks and the geese. These graceful creatures who seem to be floating along, seemingly effortlessly. Of course they are not, all the work is going on beneath the service and yet they appear totally calm. There is one creature that always floats along alone, he seems to bully the mallards, they don’t get too close. He is a type of a duck I would guess, but he is much bigger than the mallards, more the size of the Canada geese. He has the head and plumage of a male mallard and yet some of the colouring of the geese. My imagination plays tricks with me at times and wonder if he is mixture of the two. I often joke with the folk I stand with about this.

We are currently in storm season, Eunice and Dudley this week. By giving them names, they sound friendly, which of course they are not. Such weather often leads to much devastation. It has in the south of England and Wales this week, not such mere here in Cheshire. There are other storms brewing too. Troubles in eastern Europe and of course a looming economic crises, fears about the rising cost of living and how folk will cope. There are other more personal storms too. My phone hasn’t stopped all week, so many folk struggling and suffering with one thing and another. I have met with many people this, week. I have listened and shared with so many. It would so easy to have become overwhelmed by it all, to think this is too much. Each demand was completely unaware of the next. So I have continued to paus, to centre down, to connect to that place of stillness and calm and continue to do what I am able to do, one thing after another. Now don’t get me wrong I haven’t been as graceful as a swan, a duck will do for me. I have kept on returning to that calm, to the still small voice, deep within me, within everything, it has enabled me to face most of what has needed to be faced. It has done so for many years now, but it does take effort and like the ducks it doesn’t mean I don’t flap about from time to time and I do duck under too, but never for long. At the end of each day I spend a little time quietly reflecting, tying up the loose ends and then sleep. I have been sleeping deeply all week, I have not been awoken by the storms outside my window. I begin again the next day with my consideration of the little things I have witnessed the day before. None of this stops the storms, nor does it protect me from the damage that will inevitably be wrought. That said it does keep me safe and enables me to repair the damage that is done. It also enables me to journey with others as they sometimes become overwhelmed by the storms of life. Several times this week I have driven with friends to one place or another, talking but mainly listening to either their troubles or the troubles of those in their lives. I have walked and talked with others, several have called round and I have visited folks in their homes and the hospital. We have faced the storms together, side by side. It has felt, at times, like we have got in the boat together and faced the storms of life. Not rescuing one another, but actually sailing through the storm together, side by side.

Storm seasons brings to mind a favourite story. It is an extract from a book titled “Have a Little Faith” by Mitch Albom. The book is set over an 8 year period and explores the lives of two seemingly ordinary, but actually extraordinary men. One is the authors childhood Rabbi Albert Lewis and the other is a former drug addict criminal Henry Covington who spends his time serving a community of homeless people and addicts in a run down former town church. Both characters describe coming through many struggles and storms and doing so with grace and love, and by the power of service, whilst accompanying others through the storms of life. It describes the power of living by just a little faith, what a difference that makes. These are lives full of questions, struggles and doubts, but yet a faith to live by. The following extract is from a sermon delivered by the Rabbi:

“A man seeks employment on a farm. He hands his letter of recommendation to his new employer. It reads simply, `He sleeps in a storm.’

The owner is desperate for help, so he hires the man.

Several week pass, and suddenly, in the middle of the night, a powerful storm rips through the valley.

Awakened by the swirling rain and howling wind, the owner leaps out of bed. He calls for his new hired hand, but the man is sleeping soundly.

So he dashes off to the barn. He sees, to his amazement, that the animals are secure with plenty of feed. He runs out to the field. He sees the bales of wheat have been bound and are wrapped in tarpaulins. He races to the silo. The doors are latched, and the grain is dry.

And then he understands.

`He sleeps in a storm.’

My friends, if we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love and behave in line with our (beliefs), our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces will be tight. We will never wallow in the agony of `I could have, I should have.’ We can sleep in a storm.

And when it’s time, our good-byes will be complete.”

Wonderful isn’t it…

We cannot stop the storms from striking, whether this be the stormy weather, or the troubles caused externally to us, by forces way beyond our control, or the ones that strike close at hand, or the ones that grow from deep inside our own being. That said there is much we can do about how we are during these storms, how we live within them and how we accompany one another through them. We don’t sail this ship alone. One thing is for sure is that none of us have to face the storms alone. We don’t need any special power to do so, just the ordinary human kind will do, but we do need to be prepared and this is where spiritual practices come. A calm mind and a still heart are the key. It is said that Gandhi loved storms. He began life as a timid child, but he learned to keep his mind so steady that he could face tremendous crises with courage, compassion, wisdom, and even a sense of humour. A sense of humour is vital in helping us through such storms, remember to be in good humour originally meant to be in good health. We have the capacity to deal with what ever challenges life throws at us, but we do need a calm mind and still heart to draw on the resources deep within us. We also need to accompany one another, to encourage each other when it feels too much.

When I consider Jesus’ attempts to teach his disciples I often think that this is where his frustrations came from. I know that this is perhaps an unorthodox view, but I think that this is what he was trying to teach those that followed him, to find that power, that still small voice within. It is certainly something he did as he took time alone, to commune with God. In Mark ch 4 during a passage titled “The Calming of the Storm”. Jesus rebukes the frightened disciples who have woken him “Have you know faith” he is doing so because he knows that they can calm the storm, they just do not have the faith in themselves to do so. He shows them the way. They had after all come through such storms before, this was very common on the Sea of Galilee, where storms would rise up from nowhere. Unfortunately, though they just became enthralled by his ability to calm the sea, rather that having enough faith to come through it themselves. Not alone, but together, side by side in their boat.

When the storms strike we do not have to face them alone, although it is our responsibility to play our role fully. Our responsibility is to support one another in the storms of life. There is a real power in being together, so long as it does not lead to unhealthy dependency. It is important that we get in the boat together at times, side by side, not so much to rescue each other, just to be there when the wind is really blowing and life seems too much.

We do not need to fear the storms that will come in life. We cannot stop them and when they come we cannot avoid them. That said we do not have to be destroyed by them. We have all that we need to come through within each and everyone of us. It is vital that we take care of this and bring it to life. It is equally as important to stand side by side with each other as we face the storms together. Not so much to rescue each other, but to from time to time journey in the boat together, to help each other to face the storms of life.

The storms will strengthen us as we move forward in life and we will be able to encourage one another when we are afraid to face the storm as it is brewing, as everyone loses the faith that they can weather another storm, from time to time.

Have a little faith.

I am going to end this devotion with another story. It is taken from “Rites of Justice: The Sacraments and Liturgy as Ethical Imperatives” by Megan McKenna

"Once upon a time there was a master violin maker. His instruments were exquisite, and the sound that could be drawn forth from them was beyond description. He only accepted a small number of apprentices, and he took them through the long and arduous process of making a violin from the choice of the tree to how to string the piece at the very end, after the varnish. There was one apprentice, an especially adept one, who had trouble with only one aspect of the process: the choice of wood. He had mastered all the other levels but would balk at the choice of which tree to mark and cut to form the base of the violin. Finally the master took him out to the forest again.

"It was the dead of winter, a frightfully cold and windy day, with snow swirling and ice thickly hung in all the trees. They walked north and the master starting marking out the trees.

" 'Why?' the apprentice queried. 'Why these?'

"The master answered, 'They face due north and they take the brunt of the wind, the chill, and the ice. They make the best violins.'

"They returned. The storm grew stronger, and the student asked his teacher, 'Master, doesn't it bother you to think about the trees that you marked standing alone in the wind, standing against all this ice and fury? Have you no pity for them?'

"The master eyed him and smiled, 'No, not at all. You see, they are being tuned!' "

Maybe that’s what happens to us as we come through another storm, maybe we become better tuned so that we can encourage one another, when the storms strike and it all seems too much. We can get in each others boats and encourage one another to keep on sailing through the storm.

Remember Gandhi loved storms, for he believed that the trials and tribulations brought out the best in him. They often do with us, that is if we have taken care of what we can, for they enable us to become more loving and sensitive to the needs of others, thus we will understand when we need to accompany others, journey side by side with them and encourage them to face whatever storms come their ways. Also, when the time comes, when we lose faith in our ability to face the next storm, that we will be equipped to allow others to get in the boat and journey with us too.

Through all the tumult and the strife, I hear the music ringing: It sounds and echo in my soul – How can I keep from singing!

below is a video devotion based

 on the material in this "blogspot"