I set off into Altrincham, to the supermarket and then the gym. I passed two friends I often see sitting outside Café Nero. One of them owns a beautiful chocolate Labrador. She is an old girl, but a lovely one, the dog I mean. As I passed, I didn’t see the dog and I had this horrible feeling in my stomach. There were other people talking to them, one with a dog, but as I passed, I couldn’t see the Labrador. Thankfully when I returned a little later, there she was. It is funny though that I didn’t see her the first time, it said something about the state of my mind and heart.
I went through my routine at the gym. It was quiet for a Monday morning. No doubt folk were nursing headaches from the night before. I got through my routine, but barely spoke to anyone. As I left my head was still down. Oddly this actually helped me on Monday, which is a rare thing indeed. I noticed something I wouldn’t normally see. It was sign right there written into the paving stone outside what used to be Rackhams. It read “Not So Secret Garden: A garden is a delight to the eye and a solace for the soul”. With arrows pointing upwards towards a recently created artificial garden, café and large area of outside seating and play area right in the middle of Altrincham high street. It lifted my head up and my spirits too. I then began to notice all kinds of beautiful and wonderful things that brought solace to my heart and soul. It helped me reconnect and I returned to begin my work, there was much to do after a week off.
Solace was on my mind and how important it is to discover in times of trouble and struggle. We all need help at times, both visible and invisible. I had a day filled with lovely encounters and conversations. Some beautiful messages either direct or passed on to me by members of the congregations. I cannot begin to tell you how it feels to be loved so deeply. So many offering support to both myself and Sue. It touched me deeply.
We all need solace, we all need comfort and consolation in times of distress. It is wonderful to be able to receive both visible and invisible help at such times. I had spent quite a bit of last week with family and friends. It was helpful. I also spent some time offering solace to an old friend from university days who sadly is suffering with severe mental health troubles. He is currently staying in a hospital in the North West, although he lives in London. Despite the fact that he is struggling there was a strange joy in being together, catching up after all this time and rekindling an old bond and friendship. We shared many memories together, many joys and many pains.
Last week spending time with him and others brought a soothing, a comfort to my heart and soul. It is something in the deep bonding and reconnecting. That said it was painful too, seeing an old friend suffering so. Solace isn’t just about comforting as we understand it today, as a “there, there”, in its original meaning there is a sense of pleasure and joy too. As there was in the conversation with my friend, there was laughter too. Solace is about reconnecting with life once again, something I was beginning to feel all through Monday, so many gifts of reconnection came my way.
As David Whyte so beautifully put in his essay on the word “Solace”
“Solace is not an evasion, nor a cure for our suffering, nor a made up state of mind. Solace is a direct seeing and participation; a celebration of the beautiful coming and going, appearance and disappearance of which we have always been a part. Solace is not meant to be an answer, but an invitation, through the door of pain and difficulty, the depth of suffering and simultaneous beauty in the world that the strategic mind by itself cannot grasp nor make sense of.”
Now some have wrongly suggested that the words “solar” and “Solace” are etymologically related, they are not. Solar comes from Solaris, meaning of the sun, from “sol” where as “solace has a completely different root, meaning comfort and consolation.
That said I know just getting up early and watching another sunrise is a beautiful source a comfort to so many, a true solace. On Monday morning a beautiful facebook memory came up, a reflection by Parker J Palmer, on another sunrise, which includes the beautiful poem “The Sun” by Mary Oliver. Mary’s work is another solace to me. Parker wrote of the poem and the sunset:
“Your few minutes with the sun this morning will mean nothing if you spend the rest of the day turning away from the world’s wonders to obsess over your ego-needs.
Do your work, yes. But remember that you're sustained by visible and invisible powers too vast and mysterious to understand. As the day goes on, look out, look up, and simply say, “Thanks."”
I spent Monday being offered this opportunity and taking it. Here is Mary’s poem:
“The Sun” by Mary Oliver
Have you ever seen
Anything
in your life
more wonderful
than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon
and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone--
and how it slides again
out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower
streaming upward on its heavenly oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance--
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love--
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure
that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you
as you stand there,
empty-handed--
or have you too
turned from this world--
or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
Where do we seek solace, when life is difficult? I was thinking of the young footballers who had missed the penalties last Sunday night. They were consoled by their teammates and of course their manager who himself had suffered the very same fate in 1996.
Gareth Southgate was asked what he had said to one the players, the 19 year old Saka to bring him comfort. He said “that it is my responsibility”, not the players. It is rare to see a leader truly take responsibility in our current age. Gareth is a wonderful example of leadership. That said it wasn't he who suffered the abuse, it was the players.
No doubt they will be fine, they will be supported by their colleagues and clubs and decent supporters. There are many others in life who are not as fortunate as these wealthy and generally much loved young men. People who have little or no support, where do they turn for comfort, for solace? There is much suffering around us, whether on a material, mental health and or spiritual level. I was out with friends on Saturday night and noticed some destitute folk stopping cars in the middle of the road in Rusholm, begging for money. We have a growing homelessness problem in this country and a mental health epidemic that will hit us hard in the next months, particularly amongst the young. Where and how do we offer solace? Where and how do we offer comfort to those in and around us?
To quote Isiah 40 v 1 “Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God.”
Comfort is another of those interesting words that does not mean exactly what we thought it meant. I had a conversation with Hugh, from Urmston about this recently following a Sunday service. He highlighted the origins of the word “comfort”. As we understand it today to offer comfort is to soothe, to offer solace. This though is not what it originally meant.
Comfort comes from the Latin word comfortare, which means “strengthen greatly.” To give comfort is to shore up the mood or physical state of someone else. It may take quite some time to shore up someone when they are lost, in a state or despair, or deep depression. It takes more than just going for a walk, taking flowers, encouraging them to find a love and connection through nature. Yes, these help, of course they do, but you cannot just lift a deep state of depression this way. The support maybe needed for quite some time. To strengthen someone greatly takes some time and effort and above all consistency.
Parker J Palmer has spoken a great deal about the various periods of depression that he has suffered throughout his life. Here is an extract from a podcast shared by “On Being” where he described the responses of friends to a particularly severe bout.
“I had folks coming to me, of course, who wanted to be helpful; and sadly, many of them weren’t. These were the people who would say, “Gosh, Parker, why are you sitting in here being depressed? It’s a beautiful day outside. Go feel the sunshine and smell the flowers.” And that, of course, leaves a depressed person even more depressed, because while you know, intellectually, that it’s sunny out and that the flowers are lovely and fragrant, you can’t really feel any of that in your body, which is dead in a sensory way. And so you’re left more depressed by this “good advice” to get out and enjoy the day…”
…He continued…
“There was this one friend who came to me, after asking permission to do so, every afternoon about 4:00, sat me down in a chair in the living room, took off my shoes and socks, and massaged my feet. He hardly ever said anything — he was a Quaker elder — and yet, out of his intuitive sense, from time to time would say a very brief word, like: “I can feel your struggle today,” or, farther down the road, “I feel that you’re a little stronger at this moment, and I’m glad for that.” But beyond that, he would say hardly anything. He would give no advice. He would simply report, from time to time, what he was intuiting about my condition. Somehow, he found the one place in my body, namely, the soles of my feet, where I could experience some sort of connection to another human being. And the act of massaging just — in a way that I really don’t have words for — kept me connected with the human race.”
It is pretty clear who were the people that helped Parker through this dark time in his life. The ones who offered him solace, who gave him true comfort. Of course, this last eighteen months it has become even harder to offer such comfort due to the conditions we have had to live through in order to try and contain the virus. How though do we offer comfort to one another as we move on through life? Well, we have to become ever more creative.
We have been haven’t we and we continue to do so. Why because we are resilient, and love wins out. There are gifts, there is solace, there is comfort all around us. We can offer it to one another or at least remind one another where to find it. I got my flowers as suggested, although they were not bought from a supermarket or picked from a garden. They were sent to me by an old dear friend who sent a clip of himself playing “Sunflowers” by Paul Weller. Just what the doctor ordered. They brought solace, they brought comfort, just when I needed them most. Thank God my senses were alive enough to receive them.
I’m going to end with these words of blessing by John O’Donohue “For Suffering”
May you be blessed in the holy names of those
Who, without you knowing it,
Help to carry and lighten your pain.
May you know serenity
When you are called
To enter the house of suffering.
May a window of light always surprise you.
May you be granted the wisdom
To avoid false resistance;
When suffering knocks on the door of your life,
May you glimpse its eventual gifts.
May you be able to receive the fruits of suffering.
May memory bless and protect you
With the hard-earned light of past travail;
To remind you that you have survived before
And though the darkness now is deep,
You will soon see the approaching light.
May the grace of time heal your wounds.
May you know that though the storm might rage,
Not a hair of your head will be harmed.
by John O’Donohue
Anything
in your life
more wonderful
than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon
and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone--
and how it slides again
out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower
streaming upward on its heavenly oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance--
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love--
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure
that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you
as you stand there,
empty-handed--
or have you too
turned from this world--
or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
Where do we seek solace, when life is difficult? I was thinking of the young footballers who had missed the penalties last Sunday night. They were consoled by their teammates and of course their manager who himself had suffered the very same fate in 1996.
Gareth Southgate was asked what he had said to one the players, the 19 year old Saka to bring him comfort. He said “that it is my responsibility”, not the players. It is rare to see a leader truly take responsibility in our current age. Gareth is a wonderful example of leadership. That said it wasn't he who suffered the abuse, it was the players.
No doubt they will be fine, they will be supported by their colleagues and clubs and decent supporters. There are many others in life who are not as fortunate as these wealthy and generally much loved young men. People who have little or no support, where do they turn for comfort, for solace? There is much suffering around us, whether on a material, mental health and or spiritual level. I was out with friends on Saturday night and noticed some destitute folk stopping cars in the middle of the road in Rusholm, begging for money. We have a growing homelessness problem in this country and a mental health epidemic that will hit us hard in the next months, particularly amongst the young. Where and how do we offer solace? Where and how do we offer comfort to those in and around us?
To quote Isiah 40 v 1 “Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God.”
Comfort is another of those interesting words that does not mean exactly what we thought it meant. I had a conversation with Hugh, from Urmston about this recently following a Sunday service. He highlighted the origins of the word “comfort”. As we understand it today to offer comfort is to soothe, to offer solace. This though is not what it originally meant.
Comfort comes from the Latin word comfortare, which means “strengthen greatly.” To give comfort is to shore up the mood or physical state of someone else. It may take quite some time to shore up someone when they are lost, in a state or despair, or deep depression. It takes more than just going for a walk, taking flowers, encouraging them to find a love and connection through nature. Yes, these help, of course they do, but you cannot just lift a deep state of depression this way. The support maybe needed for quite some time. To strengthen someone greatly takes some time and effort and above all consistency.
Parker J Palmer has spoken a great deal about the various periods of depression that he has suffered throughout his life. Here is an extract from a podcast shared by “On Being” where he described the responses of friends to a particularly severe bout.
“I had folks coming to me, of course, who wanted to be helpful; and sadly, many of them weren’t. These were the people who would say, “Gosh, Parker, why are you sitting in here being depressed? It’s a beautiful day outside. Go feel the sunshine and smell the flowers.” And that, of course, leaves a depressed person even more depressed, because while you know, intellectually, that it’s sunny out and that the flowers are lovely and fragrant, you can’t really feel any of that in your body, which is dead in a sensory way. And so you’re left more depressed by this “good advice” to get out and enjoy the day…”
…He continued…
“There was this one friend who came to me, after asking permission to do so, every afternoon about 4:00, sat me down in a chair in the living room, took off my shoes and socks, and massaged my feet. He hardly ever said anything — he was a Quaker elder — and yet, out of his intuitive sense, from time to time would say a very brief word, like: “I can feel your struggle today,” or, farther down the road, “I feel that you’re a little stronger at this moment, and I’m glad for that.” But beyond that, he would say hardly anything. He would give no advice. He would simply report, from time to time, what he was intuiting about my condition. Somehow, he found the one place in my body, namely, the soles of my feet, where I could experience some sort of connection to another human being. And the act of massaging just — in a way that I really don’t have words for — kept me connected with the human race.”
It is pretty clear who were the people that helped Parker through this dark time in his life. The ones who offered him solace, who gave him true comfort. Of course, this last eighteen months it has become even harder to offer such comfort due to the conditions we have had to live through in order to try and contain the virus. How though do we offer comfort to one another as we move on through life? Well, we have to become ever more creative.
We have been haven’t we and we continue to do so. Why because we are resilient, and love wins out. There are gifts, there is solace, there is comfort all around us. We can offer it to one another or at least remind one another where to find it. I got my flowers as suggested, although they were not bought from a supermarket or picked from a garden. They were sent to me by an old dear friend who sent a clip of himself playing “Sunflowers” by Paul Weller. Just what the doctor ordered. They brought solace, they brought comfort, just when I needed them most. Thank God my senses were alive enough to receive them.
I’m going to end with these words of blessing by John O’Donohue “For Suffering”
May you be blessed in the holy names of those
Who, without you knowing it,
Help to carry and lighten your pain.
May you know serenity
When you are called
To enter the house of suffering.
May a window of light always surprise you.
May you be granted the wisdom
To avoid false resistance;
When suffering knocks on the door of your life,
May you glimpse its eventual gifts.
May you be able to receive the fruits of suffering.
May memory bless and protect you
With the hard-earned light of past travail;
To remind you that you have survived before
And though the darkness now is deep,
You will soon see the approaching light.
May the grace of time heal your wounds.
May you know that though the storm might rage,
Not a hair of your head will be harmed.
by John O’Donohue
Please click here to watch a video recording of the materila found in this blog
No comments:
Post a Comment