Know Yourself: Become What You Are

 

A while ago I was listening to a talk on identity, how our upbringing shapes who we are, good or bad. It wasn’t the most gripping I have ever heard but about halfway through I heard something that was rather wonderful, which I hope is true, but have been unable to verify. Apparently, there is a tradition amongst some of the Bantu of Southern Africa, where people sneak into the rooms of their children at night, as they sleep, and whisper in their ears, 'Become what you are.'

“Become what you are.” I thought to myself how wonderful it must be to have that song singing in your soul as you grew and developed. It got me thinking about who or what I am? Who or what I have been and who or what I might yet become? Throughout our lives we never stop becoming or maybe un-becoming. I try not to be too un-becoming these days.

It got me thinking about who are we, what are we? What shapes us? Is it our environment? Our ancestry? Our culture? How do we become who or what we are? Is there someone or something whispering in all our ears “Become what you are.”

No doubt our upbringings have an influence. We learn how to be social animals by copying the elders in our lives. Our early lives are like a great big game of follow my leader. Do you remember playing it when you were a child? In many ways our whole culture is based upon this, that to be successful we have to look and be a certain way. Just think about the whole advertising industry that is driven by this sense of dissatisfaction because we are not living up to what we’re supposed to be. This is supposedly a good thing, that by seeing what is wrong with us we will somehow become better. We are visually bombarded and our ears are blasted by this ideal of what we ought to be. All of us follow to some degree or another, even if we are not consciously aware of doing so. If only someone or something was whispering in our ears, as we slept at night “Become what you are.” Never mind who you are. Perhaps some of things we follow are not truly who or what we are. Sometimes to stop following unhelpful patterns takes all the courage we can muster.

“Become what you are.”

To “become what you are, requires us to know what we are. For centuries philosophers having been telling us to “Know Thyself”. Socrates learned the motto from the ancient oracle at Delphi. Of course it is suggested that for the ancient Greeks to “Know Thyself” is to know that you are mortal, you are not a God. The greatest danger for the ancient Greeks, was of “Hubris”; the danger that of believing that you are a God, immortal and to forget that you are a mortal human.

Meanwhile in China, the sage Lao Tze said that "He who knows others is wise, but he who knows himself is enlightened." Rabbi Zusya told his followers that on the Day of Judgment, he expected the following inquiry. not "Why were you not like Moses?" but rather, "Why were you not more like Zusya?" In the Gospel of Thomas one of the sayings of Jesus was "When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty ...."

Yes it is vital for us to know ourselves.

Discovering who you truly are is found in many of the great stories, fairy tales and fables. Just think of the ugly duckling that becomes a beautiful swan. The begger who is actually a prince, the rejected step sister who is the one who wins the princes heart. You see discovering who you truly are is like uncovering an unsuspected treasure something you didn't know you had that bestows value and meaning on the rest of life, and which you possessed all along. The great stories describe going out on adventures that always lead the journier to return home with treasure to share. You see the treasure was always there deep within all along, the secret is to uncover the treasure. These are not painless journeys. To truly know ourselves can seem like the hardest journey of them all. That said it is not just knowing ourselves, we have to live our authentic lives, not only for ourselves but for the good of society as a whole. To live our finite lives, as a part of the infinite whole.

“Become what you are”

What though if being who we are is unacceptable? In the past gay people were considered unacceptable. Even when it was no longer illegal, it was still difficult for many people to come to terms with who they were, due to fear of rejection. This has led to a great deal of pain for so many over the years. Gender identity is the next frontier. Can we as a society accept people as they are and thus allow them to accept who they are themselves. Hiding any aspect of our humanity is always destructive. As the worship leader of the communities I serve when I say come as you are, exactly as you are, I mean it, I really do, although I do add, “but do not expect to leave in exactly the same condition”, I mean that too. I hope everyone who comes to the communities I serve feels accepted, wanted, needed and loved as they are, exactly as they. This is true love, perfect love, love without condition.

It is important to feel that we are accepted in order to truly accept others.

To know yourself is a vital aspect of the spiritual life. Why some may ask? Well because the more that we know ourselves and just as importantly are able to accept ourselves, then the easier it will be to see the truth about life and to accept one another. Conversely, the less we know ourselves and are able to accept who we truly are the more distorted our perceptions of life and others will be and the less likely we will be to accept one another.

As I stated earlier, this is not merely a concern of the new age, but the ancient sages too. There is great wisdom in Lao Tze saying “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.” Self-knowledge takes us beyond mere information into that elusive thing called wisdom, wisdom that can never be attained, no matter how intelligent we may be, if we remain ignorant about ourselves.

Jesus was touching on a similar theme to Lao Tze when he said, “Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?” Only by becoming aware of and dealing with our own shortcomings, he was saying, will we be able to see clearly enough to be helpful to others. In other words: know yourself.

To know yourself is to accept yourself warts and all and beauty spots too.

When we become aware of the “log” in our own eye we won’t make the mistake of going around trying to “fix” other people. Rather, we will relate to them with the compassion that comes from having faced our own struggles honestly, without such compassion healing can never happen.

Hence the line, I like to say “but do not expect to leave in exactly the same condition.”

Knowing ourselves also opens the door to our freedom. When we are ignorant of the belief systems, assumptions and behavioral patterns that are operating within us, we remain in captivity to them, unable to make wise decisions for ourselves, unable to overcome the self-limitations that may have been instilled in us, unable to recognize when we are being manipulated by those who may consciously or unconsciously seek to activate our fear and prejudice for their own purposes.

The more we come to know ourselves the more we will be able to invite healing and transformation into our lives, to embody compassion, to face our challenges as opportunities for growth, and to experience life as a meaningful adventure.

By the way it’s never too late. Actually I suspect that it’s probably only later in  life that we finally get to know ourselves. A wonderful example of this can be found in the following poem “Now I become myself” by May Sarton

 

“Now I Become Myself” by May Sarton

Now I become myself. It's taken
Time, many years and places;
I have been dissolved and shaken,
Worn other people's faces,
Run madly, as if Time were there,
Terribly old, crying a warning,
"Hurry, you will be dead before—"
(What? Before you reach the morning?
Or the end of the poem is clear?
Or love safe in the walled city?)
Now to stand still, to be here,
Feel my own weight and density!
The black shadow on the paper
Is my hand; the shadow of a word
As thought shapes the shaper
Falls heavy on the page, is heard.
All fuses now, falls into place
From wish to action, word to silence,
My work, my love, my time, my face
Gathered into one intense
Gesture of growing like a plant.
As slowly as the ripening fruit
Fertile, detached, and always spent,
Falls but does not exhaust the root,
So all the poem is, can give,
Grows in me to become the song,
Made so and rooted by love.
Now there is time and Time is young.
O, in this single hour I live
All of myself and do not move.
I, the pursued, who madly ran,
Stand still, stand still, and stop the sun!

To know thyself, to be who  and what we truly are, who we were born to be, is no easy task. Sarton wrote this poem when she was 83 years old. It would seem that it took her a long time to truly know herself and become who she really was.

It is no easy task to know yourself to be who and what we truly are, to live openly, to live whole and holy lives. To “find our path of authentic service in the world.” You see we learn by following others from the day we are born. We learn to be like those others we are surrounded by, who made us who we are, rather than becoming who we truly are. It takes a long time to let go of the stabilisers of others and become wholly ourselves. For May Sarton it only really began after the death of her parents during middle age, actually about the age I am now. 

This is the key of course. This is what it means to live holy lives. This is how we become a holy, an authentic presence in the world. This is how we serve the world by our presence, and you know what it is never too late. It can begin right here right now. May Sarton was 83 years old when she wrote “Now I become myself”. Maybe, we only truly become our true selves at the end of our physical being. That said we need to begin somewhere and the only place to begin is right here right now. Right here, right now is the only place we can not only know ourselves, but truly be ourselves and to offer our unique gift to life.

Can it be so?

Let us make it so.

Below is a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"