Keeping It Real: On WA.I.T.T. & Reality

I remember a few years ago asking a friend what he was doing? He simply answered, “Keeping it real”. I laughed at the time. It was a phrase that was in common usage, almost told as a joke, but actually it has deep meaning. Afterall being real, living real and keeping it real is the only way to live. To live is to inhabit reality and to be fully alive in reality, doing the work we are here to do, for the good of all. To truly live spiritually alive can only occur in the real world, as challenging as it is. Our current life situation can put a strain on this. I know myself I am living an increasingly two dimensional life and this makes creativity difficult. I don’t like it, yes I am having to adjust, but would rather not live this way. That said it is absolutely necessary, only this week we passed the loss of 100,000 souls to this virus in this country alone and over 2million the world over. So we must live this way or God only knows what the death toll would be. We have to live this way, this is life, this is real life.

Life does not work out as you would expect it to, thus we have to constantly adjust and find ways to stay connected fully to reality. We also have to find ways to stay connected to one another. I am growing weary of this situation that we are all living through, but I, well all of us, have to live in this reality; this is our reality and we all have to guard against the danger of attempting to shape it to fit into what we would have it be, just because the world is not working out the way we would like it to be.

I have noticed frustration this week as I have heard some colleagues talk a bit too much about the potentials for growth in this current climate. Yes, there are opportunities to connect with new people. That said let us not pretend that this is not an ideal or even advantages reality. It is not, although it has allowed us to spread our nets a little further, well we could have been doing that anyway. For most of us the pandemic has reduced our experience of reality. We are living through frightening and destructive times. This is the reality of what we are living through. My word I do hope that we are all able to live through it.

So what do we do, we adjust, we adapt. We are doing this as well as we can. It is important to always remember that life rarely works out the way that we expect it to and that this is always the case.

I recently came across the following tale from my favourite Mulla Nasrudin, the holy fool. I love Nasrudin as he has this wonderful way of turning our expectations upside down. Here he acts in an unexpected way, which fools the would be thieves of his slippers.

"Some boys planned to steal Nasrudin's slippers and run away with them. They called to him and pointed to a tree. 'Nobody can climb that tree,' they said.

" 'Any one of you could,' said Nasrudin, 'and I will show you how.'

"He removed his slippers, then tucked them into his belt and began to climb.

" 'Nasrudin,' they cried, 'you won't need your slippers in a tree.'

" 'Why not?' Nasrudin said. 'Be prepared for every emergency, I say. For all I know I might find a road up there.'

Of course Nasrudin sounds ridiculous here. Of course, he won’t find a road up in the tree, even if he expects it could happen. Now while the story teaches that we can find our way in life in unexpected ways, there is a larger point being made. This is that reality is not your enemy, but it certainly can become the enemy of your expectations.

Yes, life often does not work out the way that we expect it to and this can lead to disappointment. The truth is that often life brings experiences that contradict the way we believe it ought to work out. Now when this happens fear can begin to take a hold and this it would appear is what leads to the rejection of reality for some kind of fantasy. It is not reality that is causing the problem, but our expectations about how reality should work out. Why should life work out the way that you and I expect it to?

Life is a constant conversation; we all live by what David Whyte has named “The Conversational Nature of Reality”. Life does work out exactly as we expect it to and we do act in exactly the way that the world expects us to. Reality exists in that conversation, which is never how we expect to be, that goes on between ourselves and one another. To keep it real it requires us to live there, often in the discomfort of reality, where life is rarely how we expect to be. While realising that we are living in this same reality.

Reality is the only place to live. The problem it seems is that for some in order to do so, reality has to be rejected for some other distorted view of life. This it appears to have been an increase in this these last few months, which has led to more and more folk falling down the rabbit holes of all kinds of “conspiracy theories”. These are a distortion of reality into something else, as if there was some kind of plot against the world. It is claimed that reality is not what we are experiencing, that we all living in some kind of Matrix or some other science fiction film. That reality is not real at all. I suspect that the fact that we are living ever increasingly two dimensional lives has helped to fuel this, we are not able to connect as we would like to and for good reason. This can lead to a sense that we are not all in this together.

It is true we often create worlds in our heads, that differ from the world of reality. It is a child like coping mechanism. This though can stop us living the life we are here to live, to do the work for the good of all. This alternative reality can at times turn vicious and deadly, and can lead to all kinds of scapegoating, as it has done throughout human history, when one group or other is blamed for all of life’s troubles, QAnon is just the latest example of this. There have been many others throughout the ages. They are taking on more prominence in our time due in no small part to this general sense of physical separation that we are having to live through. We have to live this way, of course we do, but there are many detrimental consequences of this.

This brings to mind a tale from Anthony DeMello’s “One Minute Wisdom”

"The Master claimed that the world most people see is not the world of Reality, but a world their head creates.

"When a scholar came to dispute this, the Master set two sticks on the floor in the form of the letter T and asked, 'What do you see here?'

" 'The letter T,' said the scholar.

" 'Just as I thought,' said the Master. 'There's no such things as a letter T; that's a symbol in your head. What you have here is two broken branches in the form of sticks.' "

Sometimes all we see are symbols. We look at the symbols and fail to see the reality.

Reality is a deeply sacred thing; we need to live in reality. This is where faith comes alive, where we can do our good works for the good of all. We need to love and respect reality and thus bring the spirit to life through it.

In “An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith” Barbara Brown Taylor writes: 

“What is saving my life now is the conviction that there is no spiritual treasure to be found apart from the bodily experiences of human life on earth. My life depends on engaging the most ordinary physical activities with the most exquisite attention I can give them. My life depends on ignoring all touted distinctions between the secular and the sacred, the physical and the spiritual, the body and the soul. What is saving my life now is becoming more fully human, trusting that there is no way to God apart from real life in the real world.”

I am missing three-dimensional connection. I am missing the physicality of interaction and the gritty reality of live entertainment. Yes, there is much we can connect with and there is truly high quality music and theatrical performances being created through modern technology. Zoom is great in helping us to stay connected but none of it is quite the same as living breathing flesh and holistic connection. I miss the feel of being with people of enjoying live entertainment, of seeing the whole of a person, it is tiring making do with reductionist experiences. I miss the physical nature of live entertainment. I miss the vibrations that shake through your body from live music, seeing the spittle as actors spit out there words, I am also missing the smell of everything. Life is too sanitised, I miss the grime and dirt, where so much of life grows and nurtures.

This week I remembered a concert, many years ago, at Cross street Chapel. It was the beautiful physicality of two East Asian musicians that had a powerful effect on me. The flautist moved me particularly watching this tiny body working over time to control the beautiful sound she was creating, as the vibrations moved through my body. I remember thinking of the years of practice that must have gone into creating this beautiful work of art that I was not just experiencing with my ears, but my whole humanity and with others too.

It brought to my mind those wonderful words of Wendell Berry from his poem “How to be a poet”, the second stanza

Breathe with unconditional breath   

the unconditioned air.   

Shun electric wire.   

Communicate slowly. Live   

a three-dimensioned life;   

stay away from screens.   

Stay away from anything   

that obscures the place it is in.   

There are no unsacred places;   

there are only sacred places   

and desecrated places.   

Yes, two-dimensional activity is wonderful, it allows folk to connect and to enjoy so many things that they would be utterly cut off from without it. I am grateful for this and I am fully engaged and conversing with it, but it is not real in the trustiest sense. It does not involve me wholly, it does not touch my spirit in exactly the same way. It is enough for now and must remain so for quite some time, it has to be, but it is not a replacement for the reality of the three-dimensional life.

To live spiritually alive, requires us to engage fully with reality. This is why I have never liked the following phrase by the twentieth century French Jesuit Priest and Philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin who claimed that “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”It is often heard by folk who like to call themselves “spiritual but not religious”. Now while I think I know what people mean by it; it bothers me greatly. The reason is that in my view it appears to diminish the human, the physical life. It seems to suggest that the physical life is of lesser importance, merely a home for the spirit. That what comes before and perhaps follows our physical life is somehow more important than this life. That somehow our human experiences are less than sacred. I am not convinced; dualism has always troubled me. I personally do not see a separation between body and spirit. This disembodied spirituality troubles me. The reason is that if we see the body as somehow less than spirit, or on the other hand see nothing sacred at all in our humanity this can lead to all kinds of troubles. I personally see the body as deeply sacred indeed. For me the body is a beautiful expression of the spirit come to life. Life is a sacred thing.

Life is a sacred thing, and we are all in this together. Something that two-dimensional living can sometimes lead us to lose sight of. We are in this together, we must not forget this, if we do we will be able to do the work we are here to do, for the good of all.

We need to remember W.A.I.T.T. it needs to become the acronym of our time, it may well be the acronym of the last twelve months; “W.A,I.T.T” “We Are In This Together”, “W.A.I.T.T.” We are bound to each other and this planet, our bodily home, across races, ethnicities, gender identities, economic status and nationality. Every person matters, everything matters and yet at times, due to our physical separation we can lose sight of this, it can seem like a fantasy, something that is not real and two-dimensional living can exacerbate this.

We must not lose this sense of “W.A.I.T.T.”, we need to embody this reality and find ways to build ties to one another and widen our circles of concern. This is the work of faith, this is faithful living. This is not easy, it is hard work and our current situation make it even more difficult.

From Sincerity to Authenticity

“We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.

When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances of joy.

It’s like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real. Our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world but to unglove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold and the car handle feels wet and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being, soft and unrepeatable.”

From "The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want By Being Present to the Life You Have"

“Our deepest calling is to grow into our authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks; we will also find our path of authentic service in the world.”

Parker J Palmer from “Let Your Life Speak”

The greatest danger to living the authentic life, to living with sincerity and integrity is what I think I know; what I think I know about myself, others, life and the spirit that is at the core of all being, that I call God.

With this in mind each morning as I awake, as I begin my morning devotion and open myself in humility, I say a few words of prayer asking that I can lay aside whatever I think I know. I lay myself open to the mystery at the core of life and ask that whatever I believe I know about the four realms of existence does not become a barrier to new experiences. The four realms as I understand them today are of the mind, the body, the heart and the spirit. As a result I am finding new truth being revealed to me constantly; as a result I am finding myself less inhibited by my own self-created fears and the fears created by others that they can attempt to pass on to me.

How many times in life are we held back not only by our own fears, but by taking on board the fears of others.

“Keep it real” it’s a phrase you hear quite a lot these days. It’s about being authentic, living with integrity. Some people go to extremes to prove the realness of who they are. It seems to me that if you feel the need to prove it, then in some sense you are not being real at all, that you are not living with integrity as you feel the need to seek the approval of others.

I remember many years ago the tragic Richey Edwards, second guitarist and lyricist from the Manic Street Preachers, infamously carving the phrase “4 Real” onto his arm in an attempt to prove to “The NME” that they were who they claimed to be. A few years later he disappeared, presumed dead by his own hand. A sad end for such a talented young man.

How many other people have been destroyed by this need to be seen as authentic to others, how many of us have found ourselves standing their naked seduced by the delusion that is “The Emperor’s New Clothes”?

In this age of “Fake News” it is hard to discern what is real. Who and what do we trust? There seems to be little or no sincerity and integrity in life. Dishonesty it seems is not only acceptable, but kind of expected today. This saddens me.

We see this obviously in politics and in the spoken and written news. We also see it very clearly in sport. The Olympic spirit is gone. As money and ratings have become the God that such people worship, the idea of integrity as all but died out. The last Olympics Games was shrouded in questions about drug cheats, no one trusts cyclists. Even in cricket no one trusts the batsmen and fielders any longer. Perhaps the only sport where such integrity exists is in golf where it is still highly regarded.

Does sincerity exist any longer? Is integrity dead?

I recently attended the funeral of my “Auntie Josephine”. Josephine was my dad’s cousin, she had no children of her own. As a result she would take me and my siblings for birthday treats when we were children. Sadly over the last few she has lost who she was through dementia. At her funeral one of the readings was taken from John’s Gospel Ch 14 vv 1 – 7. After the service I was talking with Josephine’s brother my uncle Billy who said about the reading something like “I don’t go for much scripture, but those words speak powerfully to me.” They describe both his and many people’s faith. The service was held in my dad’s side of the family’s church, St Francis of Assisi’s Roman Catholic Church, Morley West Yorkshire. A place I spent many Sunday’s at as a child and one I occasionally attend for family weddings and funerals these days. During the funeral Mass the priest offered communion or to those who are not Catholic a blessing. I went forward for a blessing, as mark of respect to my family and to the occasion even if I do not believe as they do. After the service several friends of the family had also gone forward, but they had offered themselves for communion at which the priest asked them if they were Catholic, they were not they were Anglicans and thus he indicated he could only offer a blessing. They were upset by this and asked me afterwards why it was? Gosh why do I always get these questions, perils of the job I suppose? The truth is that the priest was acting with integrity with regards to his own beliefs. Whether I or others agree with him, is not the real question he was acting with integrity with regards to his own beliefs. I for one respect him for that.

I see faith and life through very different eyes. I am a Universalist in every sense of the word, but I would not expect someone else to subscribe to my truth if they didn’t look at life through the same kaleidoscopic lens.

Whatever we believe about life, ourselves, the world and whatever we believe about what is at the core of it all it is vital that we are sincere about it, whilst also respecting that others will come to various conclusions. It is not enough to simply tolerate that there are different truths, to me that still sounds somewhat judgemental, tolerance is not enough. I for one want to celebrate the difference and to lay myself open to the truths of others. I never want to become a slave to what I think I know.

Sincerity is no easy thing. It is not easy being sincere about who we are, to show the world as we are, to live as we truly are “warts and all and beauty spots too.”

There is a phrase I often here in spiritual communities that irritates me. It is used as an attempt to get people started but to me I find it not only unhelpful but in the long term quite damaging. The phrase goes something like “You’ve got to fake it to make it.” I have found the opposite to be true. In my experience if you attempt to fake it you will never make it. I suspect that the most unspiritual thing a person can be is insincere.

If you attempt to fake it you won't truly make it...just because it rhymes it doesn't make it real...

The key is authenticity, being real, being honest, living by faithful uncertainty...giving it an honesty go.

Now “Sincerity” is a fascinating word and anyone who knows me will know I love etymology. Well there is a disputed theory about the Etymology of the word “Sincere.” One theory suggest that it is rooted in Latin and that it literally meant "without wax"

It is said that during the Renaissance, in Italy, sculptures were in plentiful supply & stones were sold everywhere. It seems that not all stone sellers were honest & some of the stones they sold were imperfect, they had cracks which were filled with wax. They tried to sell these stones as flawless when in fact the cracks were filled in with wax. So an honest stone seller became one who was “sin cere”, without wax who sold his stones revealing the cracks.

For me the spiritual life has to be the same. There are cracks in my belief, but it is honest. Each day I turn in faithful uncertainty and experience toward a life I never dreamed possible. I do so honestly, with integrity in humility which I have found leads to a greater openness.

Is sincerity enough though? John O’Donohue suggests otherwise, he believed that what we really needed was authenricity. That is what it means to be real. To live with our cracks fully exposed and open to life. That it is this that allows us to truly feel life, to live without our gloves on. He stated that:

“Another way to approach this is to look at the huge difference between sincerity and authenticity. Sincerity, while it's lovely, is necessary but insufficient, because you can be sincere with just one zone of your heart awakened. When many zones of the heart are awakened and harmonized we can speak of authenticity, which is a broader and more complex notion. It takes great courage and grace to feel the call to awaken, and it takes greater courage and more grace still to actually submit to the call, to risk yourself into these interior spaces where there is very often little protection. It takes a great person to creatively inhabit her own mind and not turn her mind into a destructive force that can ransack her life.”

It seems to me that live with authenticity is to be truly open in all four aspects of humanity, the four realms of being, mind, body, heart and spirit. I suspect it’s about truly being who you are.

Forrest Church suggested that to “be who you are” is perhaps the hardest task of all. To be who you are is to not "fake your existence." He claimed "each of us is unique, with unique flaws and gifts. The world doesn’t owe us a living; we owe the world a living, our very own." The key is to answer your own calling, going on to say "To envy another’s skills, looks, or gifts rather than embracing your own nature and call is to fail in two respects. In trying unsuccessfully to be who we aren’t, we fail to become who we are."

It seems to me that to live with sincerity, with authenticity is to truly be who you are. Do you know what our world needs us to live authentically; it needs us to be truly who we are, warts and all and beauty spots too. It needs us to be unafraid to revel our cracks, because in so doing we encourage others to be who they are. We need to expose who we truly are to give ourselves fully away to life and thus encourage others to do the same. In so doing we may just begin to create that kin-ship of love right here, right now…

So let’s keep it real, let’s be who we are, let us be unafraid to live the sincere life, to show our cracks, let us live with authenticity…For our world needs us to be...