The "Miracle" of Letting Go

I have a confession to make. Now please try not to be too shocked, but I have something to confess, which might trouble the most rational amongst you who read this "blogspot". I have to tell you this truth, that I didn’t know I believed in, but I do.

I believe in miracles…

Now don’t get me wrong I am not talking about the kind of miracles that are described in the Gospels , that are said to have taken place at Capernaum, by the Sea of Galilee, possibly the most beautiful place on earth. No, I’m talking about every day miracles that seem to come to life as we struggle and resist and then we surrender and something new emerges,

These thoughts came to me as I struggled with finding a way to begin this piece that you are reading. The hardest part of creating anything is how to begin and how to end. By the way it’s the same in life. The hardest thing is to begin something new, or perhaps, in actual fact, the hardest thing is to end something old.

Which one do you have the most trouble with, beginning something new or ending something old?

There was one thing that I experienced in Israel – Palestine that I’m glad I did, but am not sure that I would like to repeat. Can you guess what it was?

Well it was floating in the Dead Sea, the lowest inland spot on earth. By the way it is something that none of us will probably be unable to do in at some point in the future as it is disappearing.

So, I’m glad I did it, but it was not a very pleasant experience. That said as I have reflected on it, it has revealed something of myself to me.

Now I had a feeling I was not going to enjoy the experience as soon as I discovered I had to wear flip flops, something I do not like doing. Actually I’m not a great lover of beaches full stop. I love walking by the sea and staring out at it, but I do not like beaches very much.

Anyhow we booked into a resort and took the trailer down to the Dead Sea. Everyone else there seemed to be from eastern Europe and were having a wonderful time. I took off my robe and began to walk out into the warm water. It was a windy day and the water was choppy. The ground beneath my feet was rocky. I struggled and stumbled in unfamiliar footwear that began to slide off my feet. I stumbled over a couple of times and cut my foot slightly on the rocks. Not something to do in salty water. I had been careful not to shave that morning as I was warned not to have exposed cuts. So I kept on stumbling and struggling and not at all enjoying the experience and then I found myself up to my waist in warm salty water and I began to lay down, holding onto a post with one hand and one of the flip flops, that had fallen off, in the other. I let go of the post, I let go absolutely and let the salty water support me. Wow! What an amazing experience. There I was floating on the water, being moved around by the tide and the wind. I waved and laughed and just floated. It was lovely, if only for a few minutes. I eventually moved back to the post, struggled to put on the flip flop. I succeeded and then struggled to my feet and stumbled back to shore. I did fall over again, but made it back without too much trouble. I then washed all the salty water away and let Sue have her turn. She had similar struggles, but not with the flip flops.

It was a new and perhaps magical experience, but not one I am desperate to repeat. Now you may ask where was the miracle? Well the miracle was in the fact that I was able to let go, to let the water support me and to experience floating on water. Like so many folk, I do not let go, I do not surrender easily to anything. I’m getting better at it.

I was chatting about this with a friend the other day, about the sweet surrender that comes when we let go. As we talked they mentioned the following poem “The Avowel” by Denise Levertov

“The Avowal” by Denise Levertov

As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest upon air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall, and float
into Creator Spirit’s deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.

Gosh if only it was that easy. If we could just lean back and let ourselves fall, believing that this love would sustain us. How often in life do we trust anyone or anything, how often do we trust life at all? How often do we feel we have to control everything and everyone just to get by? Do we trust life? Do we trust each other? Do we trust that the Creator Spirits deep embrace will hold us? Rarely I suspect. The miracle comes, I have come to believe, whenever we act in faith, play our own part in life and not try to control everybody else’s.

Now some people tell me that the struggle is a lack of faith. I do not agree at all. In many ways the struggle is the most faithful thing we ever do.

M. Scott Peck famously wrote in his seminal work “The Road Less Travelled” that “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”

In some ways living faithfully, spiritually alive, is the most difficult thing we do. It is not easy, it is a struggle. Searching for truth is difficult, understanding what we are here to do is difficult, beginning something new is terrifying and letting go of something old even more so. The answers only really come in the struggle as we fight, and wrestle until we finally surrender and often it just comes, from nowhere, as if it were some kind of miracle.

And when the sweet surrender comes, the same conclusion always follows. A voice somewhere in the core of my being gently speaks to me in a voice less than a whisper, but somehow more than silence "Just keep on doing what you are doing Danny, all is well. Just keep on doing what you are doing." It is not a voice I hear but a deep knowing.

Whenever I think of such struggles with ourselves, with one another, with life, with God I think of Jacob and his struggles in Genesis ch 32.

In the passage Jacob is depicted wrestling with a mysterious man, who it turns out is probably God, although is not clear. As he wrestles with this being, he is grievously hurt, but he fights on. As the night ends and dawn breaks the being tries to leave but Jacob holds on and demands it blesses him as the price for ending the struggle. The being relents and blesses Jacob by giving him a new name “Israel” meaning “one who struggles with God” or as I once heard a friend say “one with whom God struggles.”

Don’t we all wrestle and struggle with ourselves, with others, with life, with God, or perhaps its others, life and God who struggles with us? So many times I have struggled to just experience what was on offer to me for fear of trying something new, or letting go of something old. I am not alone, I know.

What about you? Maybe, maybe not? You decide…

Sometimes we try too hard, sometimes we over think things instead of just allow ourselves to go with life. This seems to happen when we are caught up in storms and or troubles, we try to force it. I am certainly guilty of this, but again I know I am not alone.

I have witnessed a wonderful example of the miracles that can occur when we are able to stop fighting against ourselves, especially our own bodies. I have on a couple of occasions observed and spoken with Martin, an elderly member of one of the congregations I serve. Martin has for some time struggled with walking due to the onset of Parkinson’s disease. Well it seems that his family have discovered a new technique that has helped sufferers to improve their gate and thus reduce falling, the technique is simply to listen to music while moving, it seems that the rhythm helps the sufferer to walk. Who knew that ABBA, Martin's favourite, could bring about miracles. From what I have been told the technique stops the individual from focusing too much on their struggle to walk, instead they get caught up in the rhythm of the music and thus can walk more naturally, it sets them free. It reminded me of “King’s Speech” and how in the film the King was able to overcome his stammer by listening to music while he spoke. It also reminded me of being distracted while taking my driving test and how this allowed me to let go of fear and to simply drive the car. Somehow when we relax and just let things go we somehow find ourselves able to do things that over concentration stops us from doing.
Simple, ordinary, everyday miracles. Not the walking on water types, but the simple walking, speaking and driving kind.

Sometimes all you’ve got to do is surrender to the struggle and suddenly you find yourself able to do the things that you thought you could not.

It’s simple, but it sure aint easy.

Now comes the hard bit, how do I end this "blogspot"? Well the truth is I don’t know. How do I end when the journey continues on? So I thought I’d end with a piece on miracles by Walt Whitman. I will leave it with you and let you form your own conclusions. So please lean back and fall into these words.

“Poem of Perfect Miracles.” By Walt Whitman

REALISM is mine, my miracles,
Take all of the rest—take freely—I keep
but my own—I give only of them,
I offer them without end—I offer them to you
wherever your feet can carry you, or your
eyes reach.

Why! who makes much of a miracle?
As to me, I know of nothing else but miracles,
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,
Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward
the sky,
Or wade with naked feet along the beach, just in
the edge of the water,
Or stand under trees in the woods,
Or talk by day with any one I love—or sleep in
the bed at night with any one I love,
Or sit at the table at dinner with my mother,
Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car,
Or watch honey-bees busy around the hive, of an
August forenoon,
Or animals feeding in the fields,

Or birds—or the wonderfulness of insects in the
air,
Or the wonderfulness of the sun-down—or of
stars shining so quiet and bright,
Or the exquisite, delicate, thin curve of the new-
moon in May,
Or whether I go among those I like best, and that
like me best—mechanics, boatmen, farmers,
Or among the savans—or to the soiree—or to
the opera,
Or stand a long while looking at the movements
of machinery,
Or behold children at their sports,
Or the admirable sight of the perfect old man, or
the perfect old woman,
Or the sick in hospitals, or the dead carried to
burial,
Or my own eyes and figure in the glass,
These, with the rest, one and all, are to me
miracles,
The whole referring—yet each distinct and in its
place.

To me, every hour of the light and dark is a
miracle,
Every inch of space is a miracle,
Every square yard of the surface of the earth is
spread with the same,

Every cubic foot of the interior swarms with the
same;
Every spear of grass—the frames, limbs, organs,
of men and women, and all that concerns
them,
All these to me are unspeakably perfect miracles.

To me the sea is a continual miracle,
The fishes that swim—the rocks—the motion
of the waves—the ships, with men in them
—what stranger miracles are there?

Let Go(d)

I am told that God is in the wind and in order to experience that power all I need to do is let go. It is interesting to me that “Ruach” one of the Old Testament word’s for God can be translated as “wind”.

I enjoyed a wonderful time with the Urmston folk last weekend, in the sunshine and the wind of Great Hucklow. I felt the force of Ruach pulsing through me at times. I felt it in the countryside as it blew through the branches of the great trees and I saw it in the loving attention and affection that people showed to one another, well most of the time.

I am having to let go at the moment. A relationship, that was very dear to my heart, has recently ended. I am of course sad about this, but am coming to terms with things. I do not let go easily, I am not sure that anyone ever really does. I am though getting much better at it. That said like those old school reports use to say, “could do better!” I do let go though, I have had to learn to. Why? Some may ask. Well to make enough space so that I can actually live the life I have been given.

Perhaps the most important thing that I have had to learn to let go of is the need to control. We all desire control, it’s a natural longing. From birth we begin to attempt to control our bodies, as we learn to use them. If anyone’s spent time with young children, you’ll see how they delight in bossing daft adults like myself around. This battle of control is really what the terrible two’s are all about. I’m sure you’ve all heard the joke. ‘What’s the difference between a two year old and terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.’

So yes we need to learn to control to a certain degree, the problems start when we begin to try to control others and our environment. I'm not even sure we should even be trying to control our inner environment either, our natural instincts, because when we do we just en-shadow and eventually en-power these natural desires and drives. This can lead to real problems in the long-term. It was certainly the root cause of much of the loneliness that use to plague my life.

I have not been trying to control my feelings these last couple of weeks. I have wanted to, but I have let them work naturally through me. I have not fled myself, nor have I fled life. I have felt low at times and revisited some old fears, but never once have I attempted to run from myself. I have always felt held through this, by trusted loving friends and by the love that I find in all life...that great mystery I know as God.

Every life is a journey, which moves from one stage to another. One of the great stories expresses this wonderfully, “The Jungle Book”. It was my favourite cartoon when I was a kid. I remember, in the days before video and DVD we had a vinyl recording of the sound track which I used to love singing along to. I think there is something of Baloo in me still.  The Jungle Book tells the story of Mowgli, a boy brought up by wolves in the jungles of India. Mowgli loves life in the jungle, but when word gets out that Shere Khan, a menacing man-eating tiger is moving into the neighbourhood, Mowgli’s animal friends realize that he has to leave the jungle for the nearby village and the safety of fellow humans.

Mowgli gets sidetracked by Kaa, a hungry python, Baloo, a fun-loving bear, King Louie, an orang-utan, and four vultures who look and sound like the Beatles. Eventually Mowgli, Baloo and Bagheera, their panther friend, defeat the man-eating tiger and end up at the edge of the jungle on the outskirts of the village. Mowgli is hesitant to leave all he knows and loves in the jungle. But eventually he is persuaded to move on to the village, especially after spotting a beautiful girl who is fetching water by the river. Isn’t it amazing how the promise of something exciting can help us overcome fear?

This story tackles the subject of letting go wonderfully. Mowgli had a great time in the jungle living with animals. But to realize his full potential, he had to live among humans, even though he found it tough and frightening at times.

As we move through our lives - from infancy to childhood to adolescence, adulthood to old age; from primary school to secondary school to higher education to work and then to retirement; from being single to marriage to having children and bringing them up- we let go. Of toys, friends, schoolmates, ideas, girlfriends, boyfriends, beliefs. As we let go we leave behind what holds us back and embrace what can lead us to growth and freedom. Of course we do not let go of everything, we carry much of what we pick up and learn along the way with us, we need it for the journey. If we mature and grow up we let go of what is no longer needed, if we don’t we carry it around with us, being weighed down by it.

I am a fairly new driver and I’m afraid I’m one who does not have great navigational skills. This means that most of the time I get around by Sat Nav. I used Sat Nav to get to Hucklow last Friday. It was a lovely journey, travelling through the quiet roads – most folks were watching the Royal Wedding and all that followed – my Sat Nav got me almost there without any bother. I say almost! As I was arriving at Great Hucklow I misread the directions and missed my turning. So I took the next one, which was a mistake. I ended up going up the wrong path, a broken track not suitable for cars. I thought I was going to break my car. I stayed calm, drove very slowly and came out of the other side unscathed arriving safely at my destination. I sat in the car for a few minutes and quietly prayed to myself. Afterwards I told folk what happened and was able to let go of my silly mistake. I think I may need to update my road maps though, or at least my road map reading sense.

M. Scott Peck in his classic, “The Road Less Travelled.”, talks about how people have to “update their maps.” He believed one’s world view was like a map. When we are young, we have a map of the world. It’s probably not a very accurate one, because we don’t have much experience of life. But as we grow older, have more experiences, learn more things and meet more people, that map has to be upgraded. Has to be updated. It must change to reflect the realities of the world. When we refuse to update our maps, to let go of beliefs, attitudes or ideas that don’t conform to reality, we stagnate, we get left behind, we do not grow up.

I agree with Peck, which leads me to ask the question how do we update our maps and move on? Well I have discovered three keys awareness, understanding and acceptance. These three need to be firmly in place, before we can begin to let go and move forward. We need to be aware of what is holding us back, what is blocking our potential. We need to understand how this is happening and how we are contributing to our own problems. Eventually we discover that this part of our lives no longer serves any purpose, we accept that it is time to face up to the fear of change and move on. Like Mowgli we step out of the jungle out of the wilderness and back onto the right path.

But how do we discover the three keys? There are of course many ways, what works best for me is prayer. Prayer helps me to bring about the awareness, understanding and acceptance that I need to let go and move on. I have become one of life's great prayers. Not bad for someone who use to think the whole thing was just a load of superstitious nonsense. That is one part of my map that I've upgraded, I've let go of the paralysing pure “rational” cynicism that once held me back and weighed me down. That said I don't expect the hand of God to come down and change everything for me. I'm not that self-centred. Prayer for me is about developing awareness and connectedness. Through prayer I connect to that which is greater than me and find the courage to do what is necessary to let go of what is holding me back and move on.

You might ask what I am praying to; well I can't really describe it. I have heard it called the "Great Mystery" and that seems to make some sense. That said I don't think I need to be praying to anyone or anything, in order to connect to that which is within ever fibre of my being and yet beyond all material existence. I've just found that through the practice of prayer I have connected more and more to the mystery of the universe. As a result I've begun to have faith in life itself and begun to trust myself. This has allowed me to keep moving on and letting go of that which serves no purpose.  Prayer gives me the courage to throw myself into the wind and risk what happens. It allows me to throw caution to the wind, something I can’t control by the way. Prayer also allows me to set my sails accordingly, something I do have control of or at least I do if I have awareness. It is a journey though and I've got a long way to go.

Letting go is about our daily lives. Every single one of us has something that is holding us back. It might be a false idea or attitude about life, it might be an addiction, it might be someone, or something.  I have discovered that it is only through self awareness and awareness of that that is greater than self that can give me the answers I seek.

“...I can feel it in the wind, I can feel it in the rain, I can feel it in the face of the storm..."