Laughter, Silence and Solitude: Balance and the Paradoxes of Life

Extract from “Creation Spirituality: Liberating Gifts for the Peoples of the Earth” by Matthew Fox

"I sense that the cosmos is not only full of surprises, but also full of jokes. Do all creatures play the role, unwittingly of course, of cosmic comics? Are we here to amuse one another as well as the gods and goddesses, the visible and the invisible? Do the angels laugh at us just as we laugh at them? If life becomes death and death becomes life, and darkness turns into light and light into unbelievable darkness — are there any limits to the amount of jesting that goes on in the universe or the number of surprises that stun us?

"To attempt to live without humor, without awareness of paradox all around us and within us, without the ability to laugh even and especially at ourselves is to contradict the universe itself. Too much sobriety violates the laws of nature. What Eckhart calls 'unself-consciousness' is often expressed in our ability to let go with cosmic laughter; it is a necessary dimension to common survival and therefore to our ethics. Erich Jantsch writes that 'openness to novelty' is part of an evolving consciousness.

"One person I know who dedicated his life to naming the paradoxes of existence was Ken Feit, who called himself a 'spiritual fool.' He challenged persons to attempt to listen to 'the sound of clouds bumping or a car clearing its throat or grass growing or a leaf changing color.' One of his favorite acts was to liberate ice cubes:

"Did you ever liberate an ice cube?
An ice cube, after all, is water that's kept in prison
to serve humans' needs by cooling their drinks
and soothing their headaches.
Well, I sometimes ransom bags of ice cubes
from gas stations,
take them to nearby ponds, and let them go
so they can return
to their water brothers and sisters.

"Is Ken Feit being foolish? Or wise? And what is he bringing out of us by his wisdom, or foolishness, or both? I believe the universe holds the answer."

I have never tried to liberate some ice cubes, but I might just give it a go.

As I returned home from visiting the other day, I popped through Altrincham, and bumped into a couple of people I have got to know, as I wander out and about. The first I know from the dog park. I see him everywhere. He is a delightful Canadian man who has done so many interesting things in his life. He now lives in Altrincham and it has been a delight getting to know him, his wife, his nephew and his two Jack Russell dogs. We talked for a while, as we do, I then moved on headed for home. As I did I bumped into one of my neighbours who I talk with often on the street and in Café Nero. He was asking me about my work, the stresses and strains, he listened and then asked me about meditation. We then shared a delightful conversation about different practices that we have engaged in over the years. I spoke about current practices. We talked and shared and laughed about the times when we have both have got overly serious about our practices. As we were laughing I thought to myself, well sometimes this is the best form of meditation and spiritual practice. Humour literally medicine, or at least it kind of was originally.

A little later I took Molly out to the park. It was a bit wet, but she needed to get out. We met a friend and their dog Ronnie. The dogs had a ball as we talked about both serious and ridiculous things. It began fairly seriously as we spoke of love and loss and grief, the troubles of life. In time though it descended into laughter as we shared stories of our lives and the folk we have known and know. It was a lovely hour of deep connection. One thing I told my friend is that I have never been able to scream. She found this hard to believe and then she began to work it out. As she said I was just born with this strange baritone voice. A child who could talk like an adult before they could walk, but could not scream. They found it hilarious and I found it hilarious as we tried to make sense of this phenomena. I am much too alone, but enough alone, to truly make sense of this. It is phenomena, some people cannot scream. The reason I cannot and have never been able to, is not due to physical damage though, I suspect it is purely psychological. I wonder if anyone else suffers from this, that they have never been able to scream, not one, in their conscious life.

My friend is a writer and I am a minister. We are both observers of life and create from what we see and experience. We make meaning from this. We are also people who spend a lot of time alone and other periods with others. The difference between us though, is that I spend far more time engaging and listening to others than my friend does, it is a requirement of my work. Anyhow I left my friend with the news that you can now watch every single episode of “The Comic Strip Presents” on Netflix.

I had a busy day with folk on Tuesday and as I headed for home I was thinking I need time to be still to let things sink in. I had listened a lot that day and shared somethings from my heart and soul, along as share in some ridiculousness too. So I went home and spent time in silence and stillness, sometime in quiet reflection.

The last few months have revealed aspects about myself, once again, some I like, some I struggle with. Greif and passing through grief, has a way of doing this to person. As I settled down that evening I read the following from Rilke.

“I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone enough” by Rainer Maria Rilke, 1875 – 1926

I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone
Enough to truly consecrate the hour.
I am much too small in this world, yet not small enough
to be to you just object and thing,
dark and smart.
I want my free will and want it accompanying
the path which leads to action;
and want during times that beg questions,
where something is up,
to be among those in the know,
or else be alone.

I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection,
never be blind or too old
to uphold your weighty wavering reflection.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent;
for there I would be dishonest, untrue.
I want my conscience to be
true before you;
want to describe myself like a picture I observed
for a long time, one close up,
like a new word I learned and embraced,
like the everday jug,
like my mother’s face,
like a ship that carried me along
through the deadliest storm.

I love being with people, but am also aware how much I need time alone to “truly consecrate the hour. Like many ministers I am an introvert in the Jungian understanding. I am the kind of person who re-energises from spending time in solitude. I tend to give my energy when in the company of others and recharge in solitude. I need to be alone, with my God, to truly feel alive in life. This humbles me in the true meaning of the word. It reminds me I am part of the ground the earth. I always remember that linguistically humanity, humility and humus (meaning the earth), share the same linguistic root.

Ralph Waldo Emerson put it more beautifully than me in the following that he wrote whilst reflecting on the wonder of being in the woods.

“Standing on the bare ground – my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space – all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eyeball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God.”

I love the beautiful paradox here “I am nothing; I see all;” I really love the last part “I am part or particle of God.” As I thought of these words an image of a Meme, I had seen on social media, also came to mind. It goes by the title “Serbian Proverb”, it read “Be humble, for you are made of earth. Be noble, for you are made of stars,” These words and that evening sitting reflecting on my day certainly humbled me and I live in hope that they will enoble me too. I know how important it is that I believe this. These two qualities are vital to a fulfilling life, they are not opposing dualities, more complimentary qualities.

It is emptiness, stillness, quietness that reveals the greatest paradox of life. For it is often in this emptiness that we truly understand how important everything is; it is the emptiness that reveals the fullness of life. As I constantly remember everything matters, every thought, every feeling, every word and every deed. For everything is a part of everything else. The mistake is to fall into the despair of emptiness, although perhaps this is a stage that we may have to go through. This mistake is formed from a superficial understanding of emptiness, for in doing so we may well end up dismissing life as a kind of dream, that doesn’t really matter or exist. In doing so we end up dismissing life itself as empty and unsubstantial, that it doesn’t really matter. If we do we enter that dangerous state of seeing the world with contempt and therefore dismiss the very real suffering of others. There is nothing either humble or enobling in this. To me the very point of emptying and going within is to enable me to truly connect with both the joys and sorrows of life, its difficulties and its successes in a very real way and therefore act in a noble way. It is the very stillness that will hold us in the storms we feel or witness and then not turn away but live in the way of love. Almost perfectly illustrated in the poem “I am much alone in this world, yet not alone” by Rainer Maria Rilke, I shared earlier.

“Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. Between the two my life flows”, said the 20th century Hindu guru, Nisargadatta Maharaj, who taught non-dualism. Carl Sagan once wrote, "For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love"

For me in the silence in the emptiness I find the love that connects me to all that is in a truly loving sense. In the emptiness my cup once again begins to runneth over. In so doing I can once again know the fullness of life and live in such a way that is indeed enobling. This is something both my neighbour and myself understand and something we shared in the street the other day.

By deepening in silence we discover that the apparent emptiness holds no real fear, instead it leads us to true beauty and joy; it leads us to the joy of living. In that space we can discover that we are “a part or particle of God”. In doing so we rest in the infinite space that is life and begin to live in both accord and harmony. This silence brings peace, wholeness and well-being. It humbles us for it allows us to see that we are made of the earth and yet also enobles us for we can see that we are made of the stars.

As I reflected that evening I also began to smile at myself and the people I had met and spoke with that day. I remembered the laughter and the connection we had shared in deep seriousness. How this human aspect is so vital to life. Now I have heard it said that humour is also linguistically linked to humility and humanity. It isn’t by the way, not that this matters. Humour has a whole different etymology, which is itself just utterly ridiculous. To be in good humour, meant to be in good health, that the “Umeres” were in balance, the strange coloured substances that moved around our bodies, were in balance, or so they believed a thousand years ago. Sounds funny today. Well ,no doubt when they look back at us and they write our history, they will probably think we were just as ridiculous. This is why laughter is the greatest medicine.

I need time with people to listen and connect and I need time alone. I need time for tears and I need, oh I oh so need, joy and laughter. They bring into a deeper relationship with life and with God. This is something I know for certain I am not alone with.

John O’Donohue claimed "I think that laughter is one of the really vital dimensions of the divine presence that has been totally neglected.

I often feel when the Divine One beholds us obsessed in our intricate maze of anxiety and planning and intentionality, that She can’t stop laughing.

It’s great for people, actually, to laugh, too. I love a sense of humour in a person. It’s one of my favorite things, because I think when somebody laughs, they break out of every system that they’re in.

There’s something really subversive in laughter and in the smile on the human face. It’s lovely and infectious to be in the company of someone who can smile deeply.

I think a smile comes from the soul. And I also love its transitive kind of nature—that if you’re in the presence of someone who has a happiness and a laughter about them, it’ll affect you and it’ll call that out in you as well.

Your body relaxes completely when you’re having fun. I think one of the things that religion has often prevented us from doing is having really great fun. To be here, in a way—despite the sadness and difficulty and awkwardness of individual identity—is to be permanently invited to the festival of great laughter."

We humans are complicated and paradoxical creatures, balls of contradictions. I know that I am. Just like the weather these past few days, we can experience four seasons in just one day. Just like the weather our moods and experiences constantly change. This si why it is so vital to remember to “Be humble, for you are made of earth. Be noble, for you are made of stars,”

None of us knows what the coming seasons will bring. There will be tears, but not always of sorrow, there will be joy and laughter too, if we can but stay open hearted and refuse to retreat back into those shells of self-protection. Let’s not be afraid of our tears, for there are tears of laughter too. Let’s enjoy every season for none of us know how many seasons we have left; let’s not forget, in the words of Conrad Hyers "The first and last word belong to God and therefore not to death but life, not to sorrow but joy, not to weeping but laughter. For surely it is God who has the last laugh."

Below is a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"

The love of contradiction: The power of paradox

Last week I spent some time in London. It was wonderful to get away and visit a few sights and sounds. It was a time of contrast, you might even say contradiction. On the Tuesday Sue and I set off to the Victoria and Albert Museum of Art and Design, the aim was to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit “Making Herself Up”. We travelled through the hustle and bustle of the city as people went about the business. As we got off the tube we noticed a couple of women who were obviously going to the exhibit, they looked and dressed just like Kahlo. It was a beautiful exhibit using her work and her unique style of dress to tell her moving and remarkable life story. In many ways her whole persona was a work of art, making the most of who she was and her struggles both physical and, emotional, identity and political. A life of contrast and in some ways contradiction. I found it deeply moving. Beautiful actually.

After leaving the exhibition we spent some time enjoying some of the beautiful gardens in and around the V and A, particularly Kensington Gardens. Sue taught me about the different flowers and how well they go together. We also observed the rich variety of people going about their lives. We had a lot of fun just goofing around before heading towards Highbury to watch Lukas Nelson in concert. Another wonderful night. Lukas is the son of country music legend Willie Nelson and his music was a mixture of so many styles. You could hear an eclectic mix of influence in his music. It made me think of the all the great artists he must have met growing up as the son of Willie Nelson.

It contrasted beautifully with the Kahlo exhibition and yet at the same time complimented it. They were both influenced by their upbringing, Kahlo had a German father and Mexican mother and was influenced by the communist revolution of her time, she rejected her Catholic faith and yet her art and her life were obviously influenced the deep spirituality of her ethnically Mexican roots and of course the physical difficulties she struggled with all her life. Nelson’s joy and abandon in his music was just a beautiful spiritual experience. I particularly loved a new song of his in which he suggested that we turn off the news and stop getting wrapped up in the negative aspects of life and go plant a garden or create a family and bring some love and beauty into the world. A sentiment that rang in my ears over the next few days as I became overly absorbed in the troubles of Brexit and the insane visit of Donald Trump both here and all over Europe. I cannot change the world I cannot stop the pain of life, whether personal or global, but I can do something positive and loving in this world. I can create some love and beauty. Something we can all do.

I learnt once again last week that if I want to know life’s beauty all I have to do is be involved in creating it. By merely creating beauty I know beauty I come a part of life’s beauty.

My word what a week of contrast…and contradiction…

Barry Lopez said in “The Big Questions” by Lama Surya Das

“One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once, life would collapse. There are simply no definitive answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.”

I do love people, even when they irritate me. The thing I love the most is perhaps how contradictory we can all be. People constantly surprise me in loves and dislikes, none can ever be put perfectly in a box. It is the same with life really, it is full of contrast and contradiction.

Now the area where life’s contradictory nature is clearer than anything is in the spiritual aspects of life and living. At the core I have discovered is contrast, contradiction and paradox. Religion and spirituality is not common sense, it is by contrast uncommon sense. You cannot put it in a box and seal it, it is unbound, but then so is life. Our lives, like Frida Kahlo’s, if we are going to truly live spiritually alive ought to be works of art. We are here to create love and beauty, to plant a garden, to make a family, to create Beloved Community.

The world’s religious and spiritual traditions are no stranger to paradox. Taoism is full, or do I mean empty, of them. Here is one example:

Fullness and emptiness give birth to each other.
Difficult and easy complete each other.
Long and short shape each other.
Tones and voice harmonize with each other.
Front and back follow each other.
Therefore wherever the sage is, he dwells among affairs by not doing.
He teaches without words.
The ten-thousand things arise, but he doesn’t impel them.
He gives birth, but he doesn’t possess.
He acts, but he doesn’t rely on what he has done.
He has successes, but he doesn’t claim credit.
So by not claiming credit, he is never empty.

The teachings of Jesus are firmly grounded in paradox. He said “the first shall be last”; “empty yourself and be filled”; “lose yourself and be found” The epistle Paul wrote “As dying, and, behold, we live”; he said of his fellow Christians “As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing, as poor, yet making many rich, as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.”; and he said of himself “When I am weak, then I am strong”

Aristotle saw this as absolute twaddle of course. He is the great grandfather of scientific methodology, of all who pride themselves on their critical faculties and all who claim rationality. He talked of the law of the excluded middle. Put simply something cannot be both hot and cold at the same time. How can anyone argue with such logic? We cannot be rich if we are poor; we cannot be first if we are last; we cannot experience joy if our lives are full of sorrow.

Is he correct? Well he sounds like he is making sense.

Yet the religious sages seem to disagree. They speak an uncommon sense it seems.

How on earth can we receive when we are giving? It does not seem to make sense, when we think logically. Life though is not pure logic, we are more than the sum of our parts. Just look at a garden. It is made up of many and varied flowers, each uniquely beautiful but who come alive as they blend together, they are far more than the sum of their parts. It is the same with our lives that are made up moments but that are made beautiful by the meaning that emerges from these moments, good and bad and oh so beautiful.

Of course a paradox does not make sense in a purely logical sense, it is in its essence uncommon sense, but to expect it to do so is to fail to understand its purpose. It is the tool that broadens the framework in which we see reality. It stretches the boundaries of truth. Through our imaginations we push truth past its seeming limits. Without imagination, without foresight we would probably never have come down from the trees, or out of the caves. A paradox cannot be solved by conventional truths, it requires unconventional truths. It stretches common sense to the point where it becomes uncommon sense and thus moves our experiences of life forward. It challenges the status quo and the understanding of any given time. This is of course what the great religious sages did, they brought new understanding to their time and place.

Here’s a little wisdom on the paradoxical nature of spiritual living by the Sufi mystic Kabir. It is taken from “Songs of Kabir: A Fifteenth Century Sufi Literary Classic” by Rabindranath Tagore

"I am neither pious nor ungodly,
I live neither by law nor by sense,
I am neither a speaker nor hearer,
I am neither a servant nor master,
I am neither bond nor free,
I am neither detached nor attached.
I am far from none: I am near to none.
I shall go neither to hell nor to heaven.
I do all works; yet I am apart from all works.
Few comprehend my meaning: he who
can comprehend it, he sits unmoved.
Kabir seeks neither to establish nor to destroy.”

Our lives are riddled with paradoxes. How often have we heard the following statements? “I am surrounded by people and yet I am lonely” “My life is so full of choices, that I can’t make a decision about anything” or on the more optimistic end of the scale “I am skint and yet I am happy” or “I have so much, because I have so little”

The wisdom of paradox challenges our desire for certainty and perfection. The only thing that I know for certain is that my body will not last forever. We humans though do not like to believe this we like to think that we are all powerful and all knowable. We are mortal we are not God. The book “The Spirituality of Imperfection” by Ernest Kurtz & Katherine Ketcham, which was based around the authors work with alcoholics recognises that our attempts to achieve perfection have been our most tragic mistake. It highlights that one of the central theme of the spiritual traditions is the insistence that honesty, particularly honesty with self about self, is an essential requirement for any religious quest; that the greatest and most insidious dishonesty is to deny or refuse to accept our mixed human nature. We are not saints, nor are we sinners. We possess qualities of great goodness as well as the capacity to do great evil within us. We are beautiful balls of contradiction, made up of all kinds of thoughts and emotions and yet somehow far more than the sum of our beautiful parts.

So what I am trying to say is that we need to learn to not only accept but glory in life’s messiness. Let’s not get bogged down in worries and concerns, well not too much. I’m not saying we merely passive accept things, no not at all. Let us instead make something beautiful from life’s contradictions and paradoxes, let’s become artists of our lives. Let’s form something beautiful from our hearts, grow a garden, a family or a community, let’s live by this beautiful and sadly a little too uncommon sense.