I was recently present at two funerals. One I conducted, the other I attended. A week last Thursday I conducted the funeral of Hugh Pitcher at Queens Road. The funeral felt like a song of praise for Hugh’s life. Hugh was a truly gifted and humble man. He was a truly gentle and gentleman, one of integrity and humility. It was a pleasure to know him and to be able to conduct his funeral service. That evening, I attended a V.E. Day memorial service at St Margeret’s Church, up the road. I was asked to sing “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen. I spent time learning the song, so I could sing it “A Capella”. I found it a soothing experience doing so, as I got lost in the music. The next day I travelled back home for my friend Stuart’s funeral service. Now while there were elements of songs of praise during the service, especially the music he entered into by “Killing Joke”, the service itself left me frustrated and somewhat empty. Now that was partly how I was feeling, but it was also to do with the service itself. We did sing our own songs of praise to his life as I shared with friends later. We sang our own Hallelujah’s to Stuart’s life. Throughout the day and the drive back and forth, the words of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah were singing and ringing in my heart and soul.

As I have said I spent time learning “Hallelujah” last week. There are many versions of the song. In fact probably the better known version was not the one originally recorded by Cohen. Over the years Cohen himself would sing many different versions of the song. It took him seven years to write the song, re-working it and obsessively immersing himself in it. Some claim that the 7 years mean something deep and profound as the number seven has Biblical significance.

Cohen has claimed that he wrote 180 verses for the song and that he changed the lyrics he himself sang as time went by. There is a universal quality to “Hallelujah” as it blends the sacred and secular. It is not enough to simply call it a song, it is somehow more than that, it also a prayer that beautifully commentates on the nature of humanity. The singer song writer Regina Spektor has said of “Hallelujah”, “You get this feeling of hearing a modern prayer.”

Hallelujah was not immediately successful. In fact it was made famous by other artists, covering it and developing it, as the mystique grew. Jeff Buckley transformed the song into emotional masterpiece while Cohen was on a five sabbatical training to become a Zen Buddhist Monk. Buckley’s version is deeply emotive and following his tragic death the song gained even more prominence. Many artists have covered it and it is now a kind of secular anthem. That said as Cohen sang “It doesn't matter which you heard/The holy or the broken Hallelujah

I sang my own adaptation based on the lyrics of John Cale’s version, last Thursday. I did not sing a laid back version, certainly nothing like Cohen’s original, or Cales adapted version. I sang a song of Praise to God, symbolic in my eyes to the feeling that must have been experienced on that first V.E. Day. How the people must have cried out “Praise the Lord” that war in Europe had ended. I hope we can sing that song again soon. I felt that my version was also an impassioned plea that we humans could one day live in peace.

To me to sing in praise it to sing with passion, to let the spirit take you where it will. "Isaac Watts once likened singing hymns to 'breathing toward heaven.' In so doing we our singing our praise to the God that gave us life with his own breath. It is not just about the words and music, but what is felt in the experience, the emotion and the breath, joining with the Divine breath of life. To sing Hallelujah is to sing with enthusiasm, that Divine spirit within, bursting into life. As John Osborne observes:

“How I long for a little ordinary human enthusiasm. Just enthusiasm — that's all. I want to hear a warm, thrilling voice cry out Hallelujah! Hallelujah! I'm alive.”

With passion and enthusiasm in mind I will sing a version of my own. This time though I will sing the original lyrics that Cohen recorded in 1984

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor falls, the major lifts
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

“Hallelujah” has several biblical threads woven through it, but there is so much more to the song than these stories. There are deeper metaphors, some of which are explored in later verses. There are many stories to found in “Hallelujah”, including our own story which if you look for it, you will find in it. I feel sure that each person who has performed it has found theirs. I found some deep solace last week as I struggled with grief and one or two personal and communal challenges. I have found my own “Hallelujah”

There have many and varied interpretations of the song. Some say it is simply a song about desire, lust and betrayal, themes Cohen explored constantly. Others have spoken of a deep longing for covenant, for putting things right again in our relationships with others and with God. Others see it more literally and claim it is a story about King David’s great mistake. I hear real pain and regret in the song, but there is more to it than this. One verse, that was added later and can be found in many versions recorded since, suggests this

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

To me it is hymn of praise, much like the original Psalms attributed to David. There is real faith at the heart of “Hallelujah”, despite the cries of pain and suffering, as well as despair and regret. The opening verse speaks of “The minor fall and the major lift”, The song only works when the two are sung together, surely this is the song of life, those “Blessings and curses”, that Moses spoke of. Surely this is Hallelujah. I was thinking of this as I reflected on both Stuart’s and Hugh’s funeral services, both so contrasting and yet echoing many of themes of “Hallelujah”.

Now as you know I enjoy my etymology, so I thought I would look at the word “hallelujah” itself. It is word made up of two parts. The first “hallelu” means “to praise; the second “jah”, is an abbreviation for Yahew, one of the many words for God, often translated as “Lord”. So “Hallelujah” means that often heard phrase “praise the Lord”. It is a song of praise to God, the Divine. This can be one of celebration, in a major chord, or a more melancholy one, in a minor key.

Leonard Cohen himself has explained what he was trying to express in the song. He said, “It’s a desire to affirm my faith in life, not in some formal religious way, but with enthusiasm, with emotion…It’s a rather joyous song.”

Alisa Ungar-Sargon has said that ‘The song’s central premise is the value, even the necessity, of praise in the face of confusion, doubt, or dread.’ The song speaks of the whole of our humanity, our capacity to achieve greatness and also destructiveness. King David the primary character being the ultimate example of this. That both the holy and the broken exist within each of us. Something also explored in another famous song of Cohen ‘Anthem,’ and that classic line, ‘There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.’

“Hallelujah” is a song about humility, but also about grace and faith, that no matter how far we have fallen we can still sing our hallelujah and no matter how much we achieve, we can still be humbled by life.

The key for Cohen is to remain open and that no matter how many times we fall we can rise again. This is exemplified in that final verse of “Hallelujah”.

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

“Hallelujah” has a universal quality. Leonard Cohen explored many themes through his music. There are both Jewish and Christian dimension, as well as other traditions, such as Hinduism. He spent five years studying in silence at a Zen Buddhist monastery in California after being brought to his knees again when he was swindled out of all his money. Perhaps the solitude appealed to him; perhaps he felt a need to quiet himself, to get away from the rush and tumult of the entertainment business and the hard labor of seeking after fame. But it did not suit him well, as he notes in two poems: "The Lovesick Monk" and "Leaving Mt. Baldy." In the first, he gently pokes fun at the austerity of the place and the rigors of Zen practice. In the second, he admits:

"I finally understood
I had no gift
for Spiritual Matters."

His love for women was probably too much too, another theme that Cohen constantly explored. Zen Buddhism was not for him in the end, the denial of this physical life, His spirit was far too embodied. There were cracks in him, that needed to let in the light, and he wanted to sing “Hallelujah”

These two themes are powerful message, the cracks and the joyous sing to my heart and soul, in this time and place, of all times I suspect. This is the beauty and the joy of living.

The song “Anthem” took ten years to write, three years longer than “Halllelujah”. The line, “there is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in”, might well be Cohen’s credo, the beginning and end of his personal theology. This is something he revisited in in other songs, although from slightly different angles, like “Suzanne,” with the following line “look among the garbage and the flowers / there are heroes in the seaweed,” and again in “Hallelujah”, “There’s a blaze of light / In every word / It doesn’t matter which you heard / The holy or the broken Hallelujah”.

Havinf said all this it is “Hallelujah” that calls out to me. So, it is back to “Hallelujah” that I am going to return as I come to an end. That “secret chord” of King David, that flawed hero, 'the baffled king,' who sang songs of praise to God, songs of hope and despair. Those four original verses and the hundred plus Cohen has written since describe this human need to sing our praise, even if the song is only to life itself, to sing the joy of living. It’s the praise that saves us, that lets the light into the cracks and out of them too. It is in the singing that we light the flame once more in our own hearts and one another’s too. It is something I experienced several times last week, when amongst people who were remembering with love, friends and family and the sacrifice of previous generations.

Those cracks in our hearts, let the love both in and out. It allowed us to come together in that same spirit and to sing out in praise, to sing the song of love.

You see I have heard that it’s not so secret that chord
We can all sing and play, it will please the Lord
Because you have the music in you, don’t you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor falls, the major lifts
We’re cracked open by love, let’s all sing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Please find below a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"

The Missing Piece: Practising Imperfection

Please watch this clip before reading the rest of the blog...

Ring the bells that still can ring,

Forget your perfect offering.

There is a crack, a crack in everything,

That's how the light gets in.

Leonard Cohen

I love this story by Shel Silverstone. I really relate to it as I’m sure many others can too. It can be understood in many ways and I’m sure people take something different from it. What fascinates me about is this search, this struggle for completeness, this drive for wholeness and yet when it happens, when the piece is found that creates the perfect circle it does not bring happiness at all. In fact the circle rolls on at an ever increasing pace. So much so that it can no longer sing; it can no longer sing its little song nor can it appreciate all that surrounds it; it could no longer talk to the worm, or smell a flower, the butterflies could no longer land on it. Eventually it saw that it was no longer happy in its completeness, because it could no longer appreciate and or relate to life. So it rejects the missing piece and continues on imperfectly and once again begins singing its song.

"Oh I'm looking for my missin' piece
I'm looking for my missin' piece.
Hi-dee-ho, here I go,
Lookin' for my missin' piece."

Like everyone it didn’t really learn his lesson, it’s still looking for whatever will complete it.

There is a fear that haunts so many of us; it’s certainly taken its toll on me over the years. This is the fear of criticism. It can squeeze the life out of us and stop us doing whatever it may be that we want and need to do in life. I have often been held back myself, less so today, but it still lingers. It’s part of being human I suppose.

I was talking with a friend on the other day who had got herself in a bit of a "tizzy". She was starting a new job the next day and had basically driven herself mad in her attempts to prepare for it. She bought a new computer program to practise because she wasn’t sure she’d be up to the job and all kinds of other things. She wanted to be perfectly prepared for her first day and was terrified she would not make the perfect first impression. She had sought advice from all kinds of people and had desperately tried to download the program but it had gone horribly wrong. To calm herself she had practised what seemed like hours of meditation, but to no avail. In the end she stopped and realised that what she needed to do was to be with people, to sit with people and to simply say I can’t do this on my own. Within ten minutes of her simply sharing her troubles, it didn’t seem so bad at all. She had calmed down and realised that all would be well, she just needed to get a good night sleep and step into the new place of work the very next day.

The conversation brought to mind similar experiences in my life. A friend recently reminded me that I vowed I would never drive. Truth be told I only actually learnt because I had to. Now I can come up with a thousand and one reasons why I never learned, but the truth is I was terrified. I never thought I would have the right kind of co-ordination. Not true, it turned out; I got there in the end. It was a hard slog, a painful slog, but I got there in the end. I remember when I was learning I drove myself almost mad with anxiety as I got ready to begin my lesson. Each week I tried a different pair of shoes or trainers, the ones that would give the best feel on the clutch. After about 10 weeks I reckon I stumbled on the perfect ones. Truth be told, on reflection, I had probably just about learned about clutch control by this time. Each week I would spend an hour in prayer and meditation trying to get over the anxiety, which never really subsided. The only real cure was walking in the park and connecting to life. After about twenty weeks, the fear seemed to subside, as I found I could actually handle the car.

I did eventually pass my test and have been driving for over three years now. I’m never going to be Nigel Mansell, but I can drive. I stuck at what I needed to do; I found the courage to keep on going, despite my fear and error strewn early days

The biggest difference about my life today, compared to the first thirty some years is that I have faith and courage. I have found that something that sustains and holds me and guides me despite my doubt and fear. I can practise imperfection, incompleteness these days. There is far less fear of the criticism of others.

I love the following meditation by Forrest Church, it really chimes with me. It is titled “The Imperfectionsist”:

"The reason I’ve been able to produce so much is that I’m not a perfectionist – I’m an imperfectionist. I’m confident that everything I say can be improved upon by others, and that’s my great strength, because I know that it won’t be improved upon by others unless I take the first step. When we only do things which please us, or don’t frighten us, after a while fewer and fewer things please us. Over time, our circle of options diminishes until we are prisoners in gardens of our own making. The more decisions you make in your life, the more times you act, the more certain it is that you will be wrong. To be fulfilled we need to recognize, all of us, that the world doesn’t owe us a living – rather we owe the world a living. And in the brief time that is given us, we must somehow learn to give ourselves away."

I really believe that what we need is more imperfection, more incompletion. More people who are unafraid to do what they can, however falteringly so that others can improve on their beginning. Think about it if we all held back until that perfect moment, nothing would ever get done; nothing would ever happen; nothing would ever change. We would just sit around complaining about our lives and the state of the world where in, I have wasted a lot of my life doing precisely this. These days, thank God, I have enough faith to practise imperfection.

It is ok to be imperfect; in fact I would suggest that it is rather lovely. It makes us fully human. No aspect of life is perfect. I do wonder where this drive, this need to be perfect comes from, to escape our humanity. Maybe that is exactly where it does in fact come from? It is an aspect of that drive to somehow transcend our humanity. I am reminded here of the text from Genesis I. When God looks at his creation he does not suggest that is perfect, he sees that it is good. Some translations suggest that it means “fit for purpose”. This fascinates me. Perfection is not part of natural life and yet we so often cripple ourselves in our attempts to strive for it, to prove ourselves worthy of life. We forget that to be imperfect is to be incomplete and that there is nothing wrong in this, it is to be fully human. To be incomplete simply means we have not yet created the perfect circle and thus we can roll through life singing and enjoying all that is life, with all that is life. We can journey together in love. In our perfect imperfection.

I believe that by practising imperfection we can bring ourselves closer to one another and encourage one another to be all that we can be; imperfectionism gives us the courage to be all that we can be. If we can learn to celebrate imperfection within ourselves, then we can learn to celebrate it in one another. It will bring us closer to one another and we can begin to encourage one another to be all that we can be. We can then work together to build a better life for us all. Perfectionism is a manifestation of selfishness, it’s all about the individual. Where as imperfectionism draws us out of ourselves and encourages us to encourage one another to what ever we can. You never know we may end up doing more than we ever dreamed was possible, for the good of ourselves and the good of all.

I say lets practise being perfectly imperfect children of life, children of love, children of God. Let’s continue singing our song.

"Oh I'm looking for my missin' piece
I'm looking for my missin' piece.
Hi-dee-ho, here I go,
Lookin' for my missin' piece."


Amen