“A Baptism” by Robert R Walsh
She called to ask if I would baptize her infant son.
I said, "What we do is like a baptism, but not exactly. And we normally do it only for people who are part of the church family. The next one we have scheduled is in May."
She said, "Could we come to talk with you about it anyway?"
They came to see me, the very young woman and her child and the child's very young father. She explained that the child had been born with a heart defect. He had to have a risky heart operation soon. She had asked the clergyman of her own church if he would baptize her son, and he had refused because she was not married to the baby’s father.
I told them that their not being married would not be an impediment to anything we might do, but that our child dedication ceremony still might not be what they were looking for.
I explained that our ceremony does not wash away any sin, it does not guarantee the child a place in heaven, it doesn't even make the child a member of the church.
In fact, I said, it doesn't change the child at all. What we expect is that it will change the rest of us in our relationship with the child, and with all children.
She listened patiently. When I was through she said, "All I want is to know that God blesses my baby."
In my mind I gasped at the sudden clarity in the room. I said, with a catch in my throat, "I think I can do that." And I did.
Every week I record my address on YouTube and post it for whoever wants to hear. I have been doing so ever since the lockdown in 2020. I also create a "blogpost", which I have been doing since 2011. The YouTube post used to be a bit convoluted, more of a complete devotion. I still call it a devotion, although I have simplified it over time. I do continue to end with words of “blessing” or at least that is what I call them. I say something like, “I am going to end with some words of blessing, you know we need to bless more, we can all bless, we bless when we give ourselves wholeheartedly to life.” I then offer some words of blessing of my own, that change each week, before ending with words I end each Sunday service with “…and may we do so in all that we feel, all that we think, all that we say and all that we do.” When I think of my ministry and what it means, what is at the heart of it, it could well be described as a kind of theology of blessing. Something we need so much of right now, when everything seems to be getting louder and louder and ever more aggressive. When we look at one another do we see someone made of the same flesh and born of the same spirit; do we recognize that we are born from the same “Original Blessing”. When God saw his creation in Gensis 1, God saw that it was good, each aspect, was blessed and on the sixth day was seen as very good. Now, of course this is not literal, this is metaphor, mythos, but at its heart is this concept of blessing and goodness and the purpose being to become a blessing to life, a creator not a destroyer.
To live by blessing is at the heart of my faith. Not always easy and I fall short every day, including at times failing to see myself as someone born from goodness, with the capacity to live in and by blessing.
I have been thinking about this quite a lot recently, particularly in relation to “Rites of Passage”, for I see blessing as being at the heart of it all, from beginning to end.
Last Monday evening I met with Peter Williams to discuss and plan his mother Margaret’s memorial service. Peter will write and deliver the main eulogy, Barbara will share some personal memories and then we decided to include a little ritual where those in attendance will be invited to come forward, light a candle and share their memories of Margaret. Peter wanted the community to share their memories, as he put it, he wanted folk to share their memories of mum, that it wasn’t about him, or anyone person, but about everyone; that we shared the memories of her life and how we were blessed by it. A eulogy after all is a piece that praises someone. I thought it was a lovely way to remember the blessings shared and a blessing to all.
On Tuesday I conducted the funeral of Marjorie Harrison, she had lived just beyond 100 years. An incredible life and one in which she had beaten the odds so many times, having survived Tuberculosis, Hepatitis, cancer and a severe stroke 26 years previously. As I delivered her eulogy I felt powerfully how many lives Margery had blessed. There many, but one special way, was the gift of holidays to Great Hucklow, something she shared with her whole family and whenever they are there they will feel powerfully that blessing. A blessing that will live for many years to come.
I recently met with a young person and their mother. The young person is thirteen years old. They contacted me to ask if we could create a ceremony where they could commit themselves to life in a new way and whilst doing so receive the support from God parents. They do not have a particular belief system that they follow, they are someone who would be categorized as “None” on the census, but not an atheist, the term often used is “spiritual, not religious”. I listened and asked questions and then explained my concept of “Blessing” to them, they listened with interest. I described what I would do in a ceremony with a child and how we could develop that. We all walked away with ideas buzzing around in our minds and souls, I look forward to creating something and sharing the blessing in the summer.
When I conduct such ceremonies with children, what some call Christenings, or Baptisms, or welcoming and naming ceremonies, I simply call them “Blessings”, I use water, but not to wash away sin, our tradition rejected this concept long ago. I do not believe that any child is born into this world carrying any baggage; I cannot and will not accept that. Instead, what I do is celebrate and bless the life of the child. I touch their brow, their lips and their hands to bless their thoughts, their words and their deeds and ask for promises to be made by the family and God parents to offer guidance, to help them do good, so as to be a blessing to the world. I would think that both Margaret and Margery who were lifelong Unitarians would have had a similar ceremony when they were infants.
My whole theology, my belief is of blessing, that we are here to live our lives as a blessing, that the dash between our dates of birth and death should be about blessing, both giving and receiving as much as possible. By the way this is not something I have made up myself, there is a long and rich history to it.
In “Original Blessing”, Matthew Fox claims that blessing runs like a thread through the whole creation story. He says “ ‘Original Blessing’ underlies all being, all creation, all time, all space, all unfolding and evolving of what is.” And quotes Rabbi Herschell who said “Just to be is a blessing, just to live is holy”
He does not claim that humanity is incapable of wrong doing, even evil. Quite the opposite, as history has shown. As the present shows. Of course there is human frailty and obvious limitations. There is no denial of sin, just a rejection of “Original Sin”. What he is saying is that this brokenness can never outweigh the many gifts that we do have to offer and that life has to offer us. That we can live a life of blessing and thus be blessed by life.
He says that:
“A theology of blessing is a theology about a different kind of power. Not the power of control or the power of being over or under, but the power of fertility. Blessing is fertility to the people of Israel and to the Native American and other pre-patriarchal religions.”
These teachings are close to the earth, to the cosmos. They are linked to Jesus’s teachings expressed in the Beatitudes “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness; blessed are the peace makers...” There is nothing new in the teachings he is simply saying that we share our blessings by giving of ourselves to others, by being a bright spot in people lives. It is an active, living, breathing way. It is “Love’s Way”.
Or as I say we need to bless more, we can all bless, we bless by giving ourselves wholeheartedly to life…In all that we feel, all that we think, all that we say and all that we do.
As I was driving back from Margery’s funeral, I was reflecting on some of the people who have blessed my life. I was also a little caught up in some serious concerns, that were weighing heavily on my heart. The type that keep me too much in myself. I took Molly out for a walk. She had been really good as I left her maybe five or six hours, which is too long. She was pleased to see me, but was calm about it. As we headed out I said hello to a few folk I met in town, the staff in Café Nero waved and smiled at us as we walked on by and we went to park where Molly ran free, what a blessing and utter joy it was watch her so happy, so free.
As she played with a little dog she has played with since they were both puppies, Molly is just two weeks older, I was reminded of a beautiful piece of wisdom from Forrest Church’s masterpiece “Love and Death: My Journey Through the Valley of the Shadow”, written while he was dying of esophageal cancer. He asked, "knowing that we will die, what should we do?" To which he answered, "we should live, we should laugh, and we should love." He then recalled a lesson he learnt from his children, about living. One day, when they were young, he was walking them to school, on a busy New York street. Suddenly a car swerved round a corner and almost killed them all. Forrest was incensed by this, but he remembers, "my kids just laughed, romping blithely down the sidewalk, jumping from tree to tree as they always did, trying to touch the leaves." The kids were celebrating, nay singing the joy of living, and they "had the right idea. Why didn't I think to jump and touch the leaves?"
This is surely a tale of blessing. Forrest believed that it was living, loving and laughing that took real courage, they required heart, while dying didn’t really take much courage at all, in his eyes that just came naturally. Something he was experiencing as he wrote these words. Words that have been such a blessing to my ministry.
Now to really live Forrest suggested a simple little mantra:" Want what you have. Do what you can. Be who you are." He didn’t suggest that this would be easy but it is the only way to live and in so doing we will live in such a way that our lives will prove worth dying for by the love we leave behind.
Perhaps somewhere in that little mantra is an answer as to how we live by and through blessing. It is to want the things that make up our lives and not wish for something else and in so doing we might just begin to be who we truly are, instead of wishing we were someone else. In so doing we can do the things that we are able to do and thus bring deep meaning to the little bit of the dash that we are living right now. In so doing we will bless life, and it will bless us in return.
This is the gift of life, the beautiful gift of being alive in this ordinary moment, a moment that can become deep and meaningful, not only for ourselves but for those we get to share our lives with. This is blessing, this is live by and through blessing. For we never know how long we’ve got left how close we are to the end of the line, the last part of dash. Nore, do we know how close those we love are to the end of theirs. How much time we have left to bless and be blessed.
Peter has requested a poem to be read at Margaret’s memorial service. He said he decided on it when he was reading the names of the wall of “The Garden of Remembrance” at Dunham Road, how it states their names and their dates of both birth and death, but nothing of their lives. He made a powerful point. It says nothing of how they blessed and how they were a blessing, that is for those who live on to know and hopefully share. I thought that what peter shared with me was a blessing in its self.
So with this in mind, I am going to end this morning with the poem, which I have shared before, “The Dash” by Linda Ellis
“The Dash” by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak at a funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning…to the end.
He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears but said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash. What matters is how we lived and loved and how we spend our dash.
So, think about this long and hard; are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.
To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile…remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you lived your dash?
Amen
Please find below a video devotion based on the material in this "Blogspot"
