Stoicism and the Serenity Prayer: What is in Our Power and What is Not

Over the last few months I have got friendly with a family who live on Sylvan Grove. The vehicle for this has of course been Molly. They have their own Molly, a lovely spaniel, a mix of Cavalier and Cocker. They go each morning to café Nero and it is here where we talk for a little while, before I take Molly to the park. I bumped into the David the father of the family the other day as he was hobbling back home. He walks with a stick and was just coming back from the gym. He is on a weight loss program, so we were talking about that. His method is very different to the one I followed as he is on an intermittent fasting regime. He eats for just a very small window of time, early each evening. We talked for some time and the conversation progressed into other aspects of life. As always the troubles we all face as people and the world in general. He told me he had been exploring the ancient Stoics of late. He studied philosophy as a young man, but not in the way he does now. We also talked of prayer, particularly that universal prayer, that seems to epitomise “Stoicism”, at least in its original form, “The Serenity Prayer”

The conversation got me thinking, especially as I watched the news and the troubles close at hand and overseas, how we cope with suffering. I had also had several conversations on Sunday and Monday with friends, family and loved ones, news of death illness and real suffering. It sat heavily in my heart. It all felt somewhat overwhelming on Monday, I have to say.

It is easy to say that we are powerless, but is that entirely true? While we as individuals are not masters of the universe, we are not the Prime Mover, what we do or do not do matters. We each and every one of us leaves an impact of some sort on this world of ours. It matters what we feel, think, say and do or for that matter do not do. It really does matter what we do and what we do not do. No, we are not the ocean, but we are a part of what makes up the seas.

Yes of course we have to accept reality as it is, but that is not the whole answer. It is just an element in the whole process. It really depends what we do from there.

This to me is the essence of “The Serenity Prayer” of which there are many versions. The following short one is probably the best know “God grant we the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference”

The “Serenity Prayer” is one of the great prayers, simple, practical and beautifully universal. It speaks powerfully to the heart and soul of so many people and has been doing so ever since it was first written by Reinhold Niebhur in the 1930’s. I even got into a conversation about it in a remote village in Transylvania when I went on a trip there a few years, an experience that is etched on my heart and soul and will be forever.

As “The Serenity Prayer” teaches, the key to life is always finding the wisdom to know the difference; the key is discernment. We need to be able to discern, to sift out, what needs to be let go of what needs to be accepted and what needs to change either internally or externally for this to happen.

I love the serenity prayer for many reasons, but primarily because it is humble, honest and open. It is not a petition demanding that the universe conform to our will, instead it is asking for guidance and strength to do our part and to see what our part is, while also accepting the realities of the world in which we live. Finally, it also points to the fact that we need to discover the wisdom to know what our stuff is, what our stuff is not and what is in our power to change.

It is not a passive prayer about simply accepting the status quo, quite the opposite. I see a lot of faith and works in these words. It is a prayer about seeking out what we can do and doing it. It sounds like classic Stoicism to me.

I am sure we all of us despair at the world at times. Whether that is looking at the news and horrors of our inhumanity, there is so much suffering in the world. Despair can be deeply seductive at times, but it does not help anyone, least of all ourselves. Sunday and Monday were days of bad news for me. Hearing of the suffering of those close to me. The death of two family members, to dear ones from my broken and complicated family. Suffering within the congregations and even bumping into people in the street who are struggling with family issues and deep grief. I know it is not in my power to relieve anyone of this pain and suffering. It is in my power though to bear witness, to be with them and also to share my suffering and to allow others to be there for me. It is also important to allow myself and encourage others to experience the beauty and joy in life and not feel guilty for it. It is in our power to do this also. Life is mainly beauty and love you know, the problem is that this voice doesn’t shout as loudly as destruction and suffering. I was sharing after meditation with friends on Tuesday morning and I heard cries of pain, but also joy and laughter. Which ones do we respond to, both perhaps. It is in our power to choose it seems.

This brings to mind some wonderful wisdom by E.B White (Author of "Charlotte's Web" and Stuart Little" and much more"

“It’s hard to know when to respond to the seductiveness of the world and when to respond to its challenge. If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between the desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

I spend most of my life these days responding to both the worlds seductiveness and its challenge. Yes, I make plans for my day, but accept that no day will work out as I expect it to. Each is a “Tale of the Unexpected”. Therefore, in truth what I actually do is prepare myself for the day and practice living by the simple principles of “The Serenity Prayer”, it is my moral compass.

I am not a stoic, although I can endure much and I find aspects of classic Stoicism helpful. I am certainly not a Stoic in the modern understanding. To be stoic today is defined as “Someone who does not complain or show their emotions”.I cannot make that claim. Ok I discern where I show my emotions, but usually it is plain how I am feeling, for it is written all over my face. That said there are lessons from the ancient school of “Stoicism”, that I find helpful and guiding, it seems I am not alone in this.

The Stoicism that guides me is that which inspired “The Serenity Prayer”. It can be found in the very first sentence of the famous Enchiridion or Stoic “handbook” of Epictetus: “Some things are up to us and others are not.” A maxim explored throughout stoic literature that followed this principle. This handbook to Stoic life is based upon the “Discourses” which begins with a chapter dedicated to the theme: “On what is in our power, and what is not.” Epictetus begins by explaining the Stoic view that our judgements and opinions are pre-eminently within our power to control, whereas external events, especially sources of wealth and reputation, are ultimately in the hands of Fortune. Hence, the Stoic should always strive to cope with adversity by having ready “at hand” precepts that remind him “what is mine, and what is not mine, what is within my power, and what is not” Epictetus defined Stoicism as the study of this distinction, to learn what things are our own, and what are not. The purpose of Stoicism is to cultivate continual self-awareness, as our thoughts and judgements are within our control, whilst learning to accept the things that are out of our control.

Or to repeat the “Serenity Prayer”

“God grant we the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference”

Now all this reflecting on the Stoicis, the “Serenity Prayer”, on what is in our power and what is not, in this our beautiful and also painful world, brought me back to an old favourite Viktor Frankl and that classic quote:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

This all sounds classic Stoicism to me, or at least the Stoicism that has informed “The Serenity Prayer”

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The key of course is finding the wisdom to know what is in our power and what is not.

No one can take away the suffering that is a part of life, but we do not have to fall into utter despair. Some things are beyond our power. That said there is much that is not. We cannot do everything, but we can do something, it is our task, our duty, our purpose, our meaning, to do so.

The key is to find what is in our power and what is not. To do what we can for the good of others and ourselves, for the good of all.

So, let’s take good care of each other and ourselves in whatever ways, big or small that we can. I love you all.

Please find a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"