Well Actually It Does Matter: Living By Hope

I’m going to begin and I will end with some wisdom from Emily Dickinson. Here’s the opener “If I can stop one heart from breaking|”

"If I can stop one heart from breaking" by Emily Dickinson

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

Seems like a good starting point for a new year, refusing to live in vain.

So how are you feeling as we enter 2020, do you live with and in hope or perhaps carrying some cynicism into the year ahead. Do you feel fear eating at your belly? How was the last year? No doubt you are experiencing a mixture of emotions, I know I am. I lived through and witnessed some wonderful things last year. If truth be told I experienced some of the most wonderful moments of my life. That said there was also much that distressed me, that broke my heart to some degree; there was much that distressed me both close at hand and in the world in which I live and breath. Life broke my heart many times last year. Did this leave me in a state of despair? No not at all.

Last year I lived in and by hope, I planted many seeds of hope, I did not get caught up in the despair, I did not give in. I even saw some fruits grow from seeds of love planted a long time ago.

I witnessed some further healing in my immediate family, as well as much suffering too. A lovely example of the healing came a week last Saturday when myself, my brother Otis and sister Liz, were together at the old family farm for the first time since 1982. Our auntie Catherine thanked me for making it possible. I thanked her for the acknowledgement and then offered an internal prayer of thanks for continuing to find the courage to do what my conscience and my God told me was right these last 16 years. There was also a lovely moment at my mums later that day when she gave each one of her four children a mug with a picture of us together taken from our Liz’s wedding last September. I know that this wedding and mine and Sue’s wedding, that is coming in the spring time, have been moments of healing and celebration for so many of us. Our Mandy said later that day how she was so looking forward to the wedding, a time of joy and celebration for the family, something we all need, after a few difficult years.

There is much suffering in life, but there is also joy. The seeds we plant today will not all bare fruit, they may not be harvested in our lifetime, but it will matter what we plant and how we care for them heading into this new year.

For it matters, it really does…Everything matters..every feeling, every thought, every word and every action…What we do and what we refuse to do matters, it impacts on life…there is no neutrality in life…

As I look forward to a new year, I also look back. I do have regrets for things I did and perhaps more importantly what I failed to do, when fear got the better of me. Some tell me that I need to let go of this, it’s in the past it is of no use to you. I have never been entirely convinced of this. You see I have learnt that the past isn’t as fixed as we sometimes think it is, it is not completely frozen in time, it’s meaning can and does change as time unfolds, all we have to do is pay attention to it. My life is testimony to this. I have gained and learnt far more from my seeming failures in life than my successes. I have also learnt that when I have found the courage to life faithfully and with integrity, through extremely painful experiences that in the end a far greater good has come. I now have a very different view of these past painful events today, than I did at the time.

This brings to mind the following rather wonderful poem by David Ray, inspired by Robert Frost.

“Thanks, Robert Frost” by David Ray

Do you have hope for the future?
someone asked Robert Frost, toward the end.
Yes, and even for the past, he replied,
that it will turn out to have been all right
for what it was, something we can accept,
mistakes made by the selves we had to be,
not able to be, perhaps, what we wished,
or what looking back half the time it seems
we could so easily have been, or ought…
The future, yes, and even for the past,
that it will become something we can bear.
And I too, and my children, so I hope,
will recall as not too heavy the tug
of those albatrosses I sadly placed
upon their tender necks. Hope for the past,
yes, old Frost, your words provide that courage,
and it brings strange peace that itself passes
into past, easier to bear because
you said it, rather casually, as snow
went on falling in Vermont years ago
I’m with Robert Frost and the wisdom shared in this poem, when he was asked, “Do you have hope for the future? someone asked Robert Frost, toward the end. Yes, and even for the past,”

And I too not only have hope for the future, but I live by it and I even have hope for the past.

I know how much I need to look at my past, at the seeming failures and successes, in order to know in which direction to head in the future and thus truly live alive, in hope. in this present moment, as I stare into the open and blank expanse that is this new year; an open and blank expanse that is waiting for us to live in. I have chosen these last few years to live in Hope and I continue to do so. Not blind optimism but open Hope. I will be exercising my hope muscles these next 12 months, will you come and join with me? It will not be easy, but it will be real.

For as Krista Tippett has said

“Hope, like every virtue, is a choice that becomes a practice that becomes spiritual muscle memory. It’s a renewable resource for moving through life as it is, not as we wish it to be.”

I need others to join with me, for I cannot take this journey alone. For as Edward Everett Hale said

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” – Edward Everett Hale

I love this often quoted statement, that is frequently mis-attributed, it dates back to 1902, a far more optimistic time perhaps, before the industrial scale horrors of the twentieth century took hold. I still believe it is relevant though. Sometimes we may feel that we should give up and not do anything, just protect what we’ve got and sink into despair for the world, that no one else cares, but it is important to remember that even the smallest stone can cause a ripple effect, reaching further than we ever anticipated. I have learnt that all big things are made up of lots of little tiny things joined together. I have also learnt that the little thing that we all can do will make a difference to all the other little things that we interact with. A bit like those star fish on the sea that were thrown back, it mattered to them. I am a great believer in the chaos theory of compassion. You never know what your next small act way lead to. Do not be afraid.

Here is the rather beautiful story

“Star Fish Story”

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?” The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.” “Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…” I made a difference for that one.”

I am still by inclination a universalist, my universalism is fuelled by hope. I both believe in and experience a God of love who accepts all and rejects none; is present in all life and yet is greater than the entirety of it all. I also believe that there are many ways to understand and experience this universal love; it makes no sense to me to think that there can be only one way. This has given me a code of hopefulness that I can live by. It sustains me through the vicissitudes of life. As I observe this world in which we all live and breath and share our being I bear witness to the many horrors that we seem to inflict on one another, I don’t turn away and I do not sink into cynical despair and believe that it is the best that we can do. My universalism has also helped me come to terms with my past and the people I have shared my life with and to act and live in ways that impact in the best ways, I believe are possible. I live by what is possible, I live in and by hope.

Universalism is a hope filled faith, but that does not make it an easy path. It is not about sitting back and waiting to be rescued by the God of love it promotes. Instead it declares that salvation, in this life, can only be achieved by facing up to the suffering present in all our lives and dealing directly with the despair that accompanies it.

Like everyone I feel deep sadness at times when I look at the horrors that we seem to inflict on one another. That said I also live with deep hope that I know can fill the void that we all feel at one time or another.

I am very aware how truly blessed I am.

So I am setting forward in hope once again this year. I’m going to be exercising my hope muscle, really working on it day by day. I may not see the fruits of my labours, the rewards may not be mine to enjoy, at least not alone. I will not count any day or anything lost. I will count all the acts done not only by myself by the countless others that I share this life with.

Nothing is lost, certainly not hope.

Now I’m going to end as promised with a little more Emily Dickinson, this is her classic poem “Hope”

“Hope,” as Emily Dickinson once wrote with characteristic truth,

is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.

...Be that thing with feathers, and never stop singing that song of the soul whether you have the words or not.

This "blogspot" was partially inspired by a recent post by Parker J Palmer. It was he who brought the David ray poem to my attention as well as this wonderful sing by Carrie Newcomer. Have listen by clicking on it.

"Writing a Better Story" by Carrie Newcomer