Come and take a seat. We can talk, maybe even walk side by side

Last week I came across a fascinating article that described several towns up down this fair land that had designated some public seating as “chat benches”. I thought to myself what a wonderful idea. I remember thinking that this would be a great idea for Trafford and thought I will contact the council about it. I posted about it on social media and lots of other people, from all over the world agreed that it was a great idea. I’ve been talking about it ever since. Last Thursday during the “Living Questions” engagement group we spoke quite extensively about it. This was during a conversation which centered around finding ways to connect to people; how difficult it can be to meet new people when you come into a new community alone, a stranger. On Tuesday morning while enjoying company and coffee after being in meditation with friends I spoke of it once again. I had over the last few days noticed just how blessed I am to have the friends I share my life with. I realised just how truly wealthy I am, as I have so many people who I share my life with, people I can walk and talk with or sit and chat with.

The clock turned 9am and we all left to get on with our daily business. I set off to the gym. As I left Café Nero I looked at the bench outside and noticed a sign on it, which read “Happy to Chat Bench.” Well I could not believe my eyes. There it was right in front of me. I wonder how long it had been there. Perhaps some in the town had already responded the same article I had read. Perhaps it had been there for years and I’d only just noticed it. I took a picture and went off tto he gym with a broad beamer on my face. As I walked in someone asked “Why do you looking so happy?” So I explained. Again I’ve been going on about it ever since.

The benches, that can be found up and down the land have a sign which reads “The ‘Happy to Chat’ Bench: Sit Here If You Don’t Mind Someone Stopping To Say Hello.”

The purpose of the benches is to offer an opportunity to people who feel isolated to make a connection with someone new. There are many people who feel isolated in communities up and down the land. The initiative was initially launched to coincide with United Nations World Elder Abuse Awareness Day.

It seems that Sainsbury’s has started something similar. Sue has often spoken of how the café in Sainbury’s in Sale is a kind of community centre for people who are isolated and struggle with life. As she says “They get looked after in Sainsbury’s”. Well it seems this is not an isolated example. for many Sainsbury’s café’s have begun to include “Talking Tables”. The initiative is similar to the “chat benches”. It is space set aside for people to come and chat with others.

“The Campaign to End Loneliness” estimates that there are 1.1 million people over the age of 65 who are chronically lonely in Britain. The campaigns executive director Laura Alcock-Ferguson claims that “Long working hours and a culture of constant ‘busyness’ means people do not prioritize reaching out to lonely older people,” Last year they launched a major campaign calling for people to commit to acts of kindness for this “Missing Million.” The problem has been recognised on a governmental level, early in 2018 Tracey Crouch M.P. was appointed the “minister for loneliness”. Loneliness is not just a problem for the isolated elderly, but also the young. In fact, “The Office for National Statistics has reported that “young adults are more likely to feel lonely than older age groups.” It is claimed by some to be a chronic health crisis amongst millenials. One study found that 83% od 13-34 year olds say that they feel lonely as do a third of new mums. This is something that the Sainsbury’s café are recognising.

We have never lived in a more connected time. We can talk face to face, with virtually anyone on earth and yet people are increasingly experiencing a sense of disconnection and isolation. We are living in what has been described as “the age of loneliness”. Perhaps the problem is not so much that people do not talk, its more that we don’t talk enough about the things that really matter. This is certainly something that has been discussed over and over again in the engagement groups I lead in both communities that I serve. It seems to be the thing that those who attend are most grateful for. A place to talk about the things that really matter and to do so while sitting side by side in circle with others.

There are many theories as to why people feel lonelier than ever in this age of incredible communication. Why do we feel so lonely? I believe that part of the problem is that we do not see ourselves in each other. There seems to be less of a sense of our common humanity. We do not see the sacredness of one another’s lives. People seem ever more divided from one another and thus do not listen and or share one another’s joy and suffering. We all know joy and we all know suffering.

So what can be done? Well perhaps it’s the job of the new churches and cathedrals, the shopping centers and the supermarkets. These are the places that people frequent. Places of worship are no longer the hub of the community. That said the church was never the building, it was always the people. The “Kin-dom” of love is within each of us and it is all around us if we would create it. It is not some place beyond life, but in this life right here and now and I believe it is our task to create it, in and through our lives and how do we do it? Well by inviting the folk in our communities to come and sit with us, to walk and talk with others, shoulder to shoulder and side by side.

To be open with another is to invite them into your space as they are, exactly as they are in this moment. The challenge is how to offer the invitation? I suspect it can't be by being direct. Maybe it begins by walking and sitting with them. Maybe by sitting on one of those benches or perhaps creating our own and begin to talk and to invite the other to begin to speak too.

It will have to be done side by side. I have noticed that the most open conversations I have with people occur when walking or sitting with them side by side. People just seem to open up more that way. Maybe its because it equalisers the relationship or perhaps it allows for a deeper honesty than the directness of face to face conversation, which can be combative at times.

Perhaps by sharing and listening, side by side, deeper connections can be built, as that spirit of love and life awakens in hearts and souls. This is the language of the heart that needs to be listened to "with the ears of our hearts". We need to learn to listen to ourselves and to one another. This allows us to draw closer to one another and thus dispel the aching loneliness. In so doing we begin to create a sacred space where a person can speak openly with another human being about whatever it is they find so hard to speak of.

We all need a place where we can go, where someone will draw close to us and listen as we come close to who we are in all our hope and despair. Where we can truly reveal all that we are “warts and all and beauty spots too.” It does not have to be a special place. It could be a bench, or bus, or a café chair.

Now a bench is simply an object for sitting on, who would of thought it could be a place of transformation and healing, a sacred holy site. It can if used in the right way. It can become a place where people can begin to find themselves, to find someone who will listen and begin to share their heart. A place where the spirit of love can come to life and incarnate in this our world and a place where the kin-dom of love can begin again. It begins by a someone finding someone else to draw close to and begin to heal this our fractured and hurting world.

It begins with you and it begins with me, you never know your next conversation may just save the world.