Since the beginning, the two tribes have had their philosophies. The "Go away" tribe has always believed that human beings, by their nature, are self-serving and untrustworthy, in need of control. The "Go away" tribe believes in stringent laws and constraints, both moral and legal, to ensure that people don't run amuck. The "Come, teach me" tribe believes that human beings, by their nature, are kind and trustworthy. The "Come, teach me" tribe believes in empowering laws that cultivate freedom, to ensure that people actualize their web of gifts through relationship.
The truth is that we are born into both tribes and can move from one to the other, depending on the level of our fear. The times of genocide throughout history mark the extreme, malignant manifestation of the "Go away" tribe. Distorted by fear, it's not enough just to say, "Go away." For unbridled fear turns to anger, which normalized turns into prejudice and hate. Such deep, embedded fear dictates that we need to make sure that those who are different can't return. And so, we exile them, jail them, hurt them, and in extremely ugly cases, persecute and kill them.
However, the times of enlightenment throughout history mark the extreme manifestation of the "Come, teach me" tribe, which through learning and wonder leads to eras of compassion and cooperation. Empowered by trust, curiosity turns into interdependence and a belief that we are more together than alone. When allowed to blossom, we realize that we need each other and our diversity of gifts to make life whole.”
I recently explored Bronnie Ware’s “Top Five Regrets of the Dying”. One of them being “I wish I had spent more time with my friends”. I have been addressing this of late. To be honest I was already doing so, but Bronnie’s wisdom brought it sharply into focus. Last weekend one of my oldest friends Matthew come to stay, it was great to spend time together. Another very old friend contacted me in the week about going to see a gig later in the year. There are other older and newer friends Who I am rebuilding bonds with. It is feeding my heart and soul and I hope theirs. Old friends and newer ones too are so very important to your soul, you have known each other through thick and thin. These are chosen kin-ship, you get to choose them, much more than those deep relationships you have with family. They are a kind of chosen family I suppose.
Last Tuesday, 14th February was Valentine’s Day, a day set aside to celebrate romantic love, eros love. Did you know that Monday, 13th February is known in some circles as “Pal-O-Mine’s Day”. A day when fans of the “The Dude”, from the Cohen Brother’s classic movie “The Big Lebowski” mark the importance of friendship love, “Philia” love. The Church of the latter Day Dude says of the day “Valentine’s day can put a lot of pressure on couples and be a real drag for those who are single. Instead of celebrating romantic love, the Dudeist Pal-o-mine’s day celebrates pals, friendships and good buddies. Occurs one day before Valentine’s Day so that those who are in romantic relationships can celebrate it as well.” There is an equivalent day for female friends too, also marked on February 13th, this is “Galentines Day” which states that “The female friendships we so heavily rely on are celebrated each year on Galentine’s Day on February 13. Originating from the popular TV show ‘Parks and Recreation,’ the holiday is all about declaring love and affection to the girls who make up our support system. Go Girl Power!”
I think we all recognise the importance of such friendship relationships in our lives, our hearts and souls need them. These are powerful ties, a kind of kinship network, that is beyond ties formed by blood.
Now my little dog Molly is very friendly. She seems to love people and other dogs equally. Havanese are known for it. Like most young dogs she is very playful, especially with others dogs. She loves to chase and be chased. Her favourite thing though is to wrestle, especially on two legs. The hind legs on a Havanese are stronger than their front legs which allows them to spend a lot of time on two legs rather than four.
In the five months that we have lived together she has not yet met another Havanese, well this all changed last Sunday. She met a little boy Havanese named Toby. They had a wonderful time playing together, particularly wrestling, almost hugging and kissing on their hind legs. It was lovely to watch and hopefully they will meet again. People have asked me since if she knew that Toby was the same breed. I don’t know, she did enjoy him and he her, but then this is the way that Havanese are. I don’t know if she saw Toby as kin, or just another dog that she loved playing with. I like to think that she sees all dogs this way, she does mostly. Afterall, she seems to love Big Alf the massive German Shepherd, and she was wrestling with my friend Sophie’s Airedale Terrier Willow the other day. She doesn’t seem to mind the size or shape of the dog she plays with.
It got me thinking about how humans are with one another. Do we always see each other as kin, as the same? Do we always show another form of love, the love expressed at the core of the religious traditions, towards one another. This is Agape Love, selfless love, which is an empathic love, without prejudice towards everyone. This maybe the most challenging love of all, especially to those we see as different somehow, as not kin. Human history, religious history, is littered with violence towards those we see as different. People have preyed on this suspicion of the other, on stranger danger thorough the ages. It still happens today. Witnessed currently in the demonisation of transgender people and migrants. It has happened here in the North West only this week, examples being the violence towards refugees housed in Knowsley and the murder of Briana Ghey in Culcheth, in Warrington.
Do we see all people as kin, do we offer kindness to all people without prejudice, or are we suspicious of those that we see as different? I am sure that everyone can think of times when they have not lived up to the sacred command that we love one another.
This brings to my mind the parable of “The Good Samaritan” found in 10th chapter of Luke’s Gospel vv 24-37. It begins with: “Blessed are the eyes that see what you see! 24For I tell you that many prophets and kings desired to see what you see, but did not see it, and to hear what you hear, but did not hear it.’”
The parable is about paying attention and acting from Agape love. For love is an action, it’s about what we do and do not do. In the story both a priest and Levite go by and they both see an injured half dead man on the side of the road, but they walked on by, they passed on the other side of the road. Then a Samaritan (who would be the enemy of the traveller from Jerusalem to Jericho) also saw him and when he saw him he was moved to action and not only helped him he brought him to place of safety and paid for his boardings and lodging etc. He wanted no recognition or thanks for his actions, he was motivated purely by compassion, this is pure altruism, this is agape love.
Now I think this story is teaching something very simple and vital, each of us is capable of all the actions that take place here. We are all capable of walking on by and we are all capable of being Good Samaritans. We can all be good neighbours. I believe that to see the world through the hopefulness of our potential goodness is what kin-ship, radical love, accepting all, building the kin-dom of love here is about. It’s about seeing the good and becoming the good, so that others can see it too.
Sadly, so often in life we do not see one another as kin, we see the other as different and not part of the one human family. The religious traditions at their worst have often perpetuated this, but it isn’t the essence of their teachings, just the way that some have taught and practiced. The first book of the Bible Genesis in chapter 1 depicts humanity being created in God’s image. So, if one is to be a follower of the book then surely every act done by one person to another is done by and to a person made in that image, that all are part of the one human family. There is a similar suggestion in the Qur’an which in the fourth chapter declares 'Oh people, be conscious of your Lord who created you from a single soul and created from her, her mate; and from them, many men and women scattered far and wide.' Thus, suggesting a deep unity within the one human family and that all people are not only created by God but are descended from a single soul.
Buddhism extends this familiarity beyond merely humanity but to all sentient beings. Seeing all individual beings as being like waves on the ocean. Although each wave has a sense of its own separateness (its 'lesser self'), it is better understood as part of the ocean (its 'greater self'). Suggesting that the key is to awaken to the larger truth that not only are we a part of the ocean but that we are in fact in essence the ocean. Or to paraphrase Jesus “What you do to the least of them you do to me. This is more than interconnection it is deep kin-ship, in the family of life itself.
We are all part of the one family of life. We share a common heritage, but not only that, we share a common destiny too. We are deeply interconnected, in deep kin-ship.
Love of self, love of neighbors, and love of God are the foundational stones of the great religious traditions, the Golden Rule of Compassion is there at the core of them all. A classic example of this comes from the following story from the Jewish tradition:
“Standing on One Foot”
A man came to talk with Rabbi Shamai, one of the most famous of all the rabbis, nearly as famous as Rabbi Hillel.
"I would like to convert to Judaism and become a Jew," said the man. "But I don't have much time. I know I have to learn the entire book you call the Torah, but you must teach it to me while I stand on one foot."
The Torah is the most important Jewish book there is, and this crazy man wanted to learn it while standing on one foot? Why, people spent years learning the Torah; it was not something you can learn in five minutes! Rabbi Shamai grew angry with this man, and he pushed the man away using a builder's yardstick he happened to be holding in his hand.
The man hurried away, and found Rabbi Hillel. "I would like to convert to Judaism and become a Jew," said the man. "But I don't have much time. I know I have to learn the entire book you call the Torah, but you must teach it to me while I stand on one foot."
"Certainly," said Rabbi Hillel. "Stand on one foot."
The man balanced on one foot.
"Repeat after me," said Rabbi Hillel. "What is hateful to you, don't do that to someone else."
The man repeated after Rabbi Hillel, "What is hateful to me, I won't do that to someone else."
"That is the whole law," said Rabbi Hillel. "All the rest of the Torah, all the rest of the oral teaching, is there to help explain this simple law. Now, go and learn it so it is a part of you."
Simple I know but not easy, unfortunately we fear the other, we fear otherness. We do not always see ourselves in the people we meet face to face, especially if we perceive some aspect of their humanity as different.
Fear can eat away at the very foundations of our humanity. Fear can block us from the love at the core of our being, the love present in life. We can become afraid to risk ourselves in love; we can become afraid of what love can teach us and turn away.
Love is a universal principle. Universalism preaches the Gospel of Love for all, there is no partiality in such love. This is Agape Love. It offers an ever widening, deepening love, it preaches what Russell Miller has titled “the larger hope”. It is a love that embraces all life, engages in every aspect of existence, a universal love. It is born in the come teach me tribe. It holds out its loving arms and says come as you are, exactly as you are but remain open to loving transformation.
I am by instinct a Universalist, I am at home in the “Come, teach me” tribe, depicted in the story I shared earlier by Mark Nepo. That said, like everyone, I have not always made camp there. Fear has at times taken over me, fear of the other, fear of the stranger, I am as human as any of us. I have taken residence with the “Go away” tribe. I have at times mistaken which tribe I was in too. I have thought I was in the “Come teach me” tribe, when In truth I have taken up residence in the “Go away” tribe. This has usually been when I have not wanted to spend time with the fearful and negative, that I have somehow believed I was above these things. I have rejected the call for love, because I was afraid of becoming vulnerable because of it. I have been like the priest and Levite in the classic parable of the “Good Samaritan”, I have walked by on the other side because I was afraid of getting caught up in the suffering of others. I have averted my eyes, I have been unable to see what is in front of me. This is very human. I attempt each day to begin again in love, I return to love.
We can all begin again in love. We all know fear at times. We turn away from suffering. We all feel fear of the unknown, those we consider different. The truth is though that we all belong to the same tribe, the one human family. There are not actually two tribes, there is just one. Love calls us to recognize that in each other and of course in ourselves, so that we can live by the sacred command to love one another, including ourselves.
So I say to you, lets continue on in love, walking side by side. We need not fear the stranger, the unknown, the unfamiliar, we can all be kin and we can begin to build the kin-dom of love right here right now. For after all, a stranger is a friend we just don’t yet know.
I’m going to end with the following “Beginning again on the continuous Journey” by Marta I Valentin, which I invite you to listen to prayerfully
“Beginning again on the continuous Journey” by Marta I Valentin
By the grace of the Divine Power,
which is larger hearted than we can ever imagine
we are constantly given the opportunity
to begin again
as the signposts along the continuous journey
suggest twists and turns we had not brought into view,
for the focus was on the mountain just up ahead
beyond the ridge….
By the faith of the Divine Power
that lives through the trust of our human ability
we are constantly offered the challenge to test the waters,
not just smooth the inevitable ripples
to a satiny gloss finish as if
that were the goal in life,
losing all character by not realizing:
the swells are what make life
interesting, intriguing, and indescribable.
By the law of the Divine Power,
whose very core is compassion
for our earthly missteps on this journey,
we are constantly given an opening
to remember that we each have a place
in the kin-dom* of humanity,
and the knowledge”
and courage to begin again toward a faith-filled,
loving grace that is our birthright.
*from Ana Maria Isasi-Diaz
Please find below a video devotion based on the material in this "blogspot"
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