Thursday, 14 May 2020

Respair: A Fresh Hope

This is the eigth piece of devotional worship that I have put together for sharing, during the shutting down of worship due to the Corona virus outbreak. I am posting it before Sunday. If you would like to share it with myself and the two congregations I serve, please feel free to do so. We will worship together but physically apart, either at 10am or 11,30am on Sunday 17th May. All you need is an open heart, mind, spirit and soul. A small candle will be helpful. All are most welcome. come as you are, exactly as you are, but do not expect to leave in exactly the same condition.

You can also enjoy a Zoom version of this service at 11am on Sunday 17th May. If you wish to access the serivce the code is as follows: Meeting ID: 841 9082 8195

This is a recurring meeting so it will be the same code each week and for all future.



Respair: A Fresh Hope
Invocation

I ask that we still ourselves in silence...to invite a loving presence to be here amongst us and to awaken within us...

Chalice Lighting

Opening Words
Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course lie all the verities and realities of your existence:
The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendour of beauty;
For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision;
But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.
Arrtibuted to Kalidasa


First Hymn 201 (Purple) “What shall we say to them” words Peter Sampson Music Diademata S.M.D. by George J Elvey

What shall we say to them
when they all want to know
that god is in the world and feels
their inmost secrets glow?
We all must say to them
what we all know for sure
that there’s a kindness in the world
which ever shall endure.

What shall we do for them
when they are in distress
and anguish burns within their hearts
for which we seek redress?
We all must help them live
with confidence and trust
that if we hold fast to the truth
love lights sup even dust.

What is our vision bright
which we must show the world;
how perfect love can cast our fear
and life’s flag be unfurled?
We may not give up hope;
we will not give up love.
Our lives are grounded in the faith,
in one God we all move.

Prayer

I invite you to join together in a time of prayer…These words of prayer will be followed by the prayer that Jesus taught, the Lord’s Prayer.

Loving God whose temple is the whole universe and whose dwelling-place is in the hearts of all humankind, we know that you are everywhere and that your presences never leaves us...help us to know that here and now...
We give thanks for times and places where we can join in fellowship with one another and join our spirits together with your eternal spirit. We ask that you draw near to us in this place and during this hour...
Help us to pay homage to times gone by, to remember those who came here before us , those who brought their joys and sorrows, their hopes and fears, their victories and defeats...as we do this day...
In this hour bring to us the true meaning of church, a living fellowship of love...
So that those who journey here today and in the days to come can rest safe in the knowledge that as they open their hearts here to one another and to your loving presence they can find, comfort and hope even in their despair...and that here too they can find a place for joy and celebration...
Loving God in this living fellowship of the spirit, made sacred by the prayers of all that went before us, help us to know our own hearts yearnings and in our time of need find the love of those here and the spirit of your eternal love.
Amen

Lord’s Prayer

Story

Sissa was a wise and elderly advisor to the king Balahait, he was the one to whom the king always turned. As a result many other advisors in the Royal Court were jealous of Sissa. One day they challenged him, they said to the King “This Sissa never does any important work for you our King. He only ever pays attention to the small and trivial things, like the complaints of a poor woman or a lost child.”

The King listened to his other advisors and he went away to ponder what they had said. After a while he called Sissa to him. He said

“Sissa I want you to come up with a way of fighting a war that will kill no one.”

Well this really threw Sissa, as you would imagine it would. So he decided to go off into the mountains for a whole month to think it through...Sissa was a deep thinker.

After a month he returned to the King with a game, the game that today we call chess...a battle of wits in which no one dies.

Sissa explained to the King how the game worked, the King was fascinated.
The king decided to play the game with his neighbour the King of the land to the south of him who he had heard was about to declare war.

The two kings began the game and after several days of intense battle no one could defeat the other, so a draw was declared.  As a result The King of the south was so impressed by King Balahait’s tactical prowess that he decided not to declare war after all.

King Balahait sat on his throne content and deeply impressed by Sissa’s genius. He called for him to be brought into his presence and when he arrived he said:

“Sissa you are a genius and my most trusted of servants. For this I wish to reward you, but I can think of nothing appropriate...please name your reward”

All that Sissa asked for was some rice.

So the King sent for some rice. Sissa then asked for a grain of rice be placed on the first square of the chess board and that this was to be doubled one square after the other.

One grain on the first square, two on the second square, four on the third square, eight on the fourth square, sixteen on the fifth square etc...

The King thought a lunacy commission should be formed and mocked Sissa, as did his other advisors...Sissa is a fool etc...

That said as he saw the rice pile up as he went from square to square and as he kept having to call for more sacks of rice he began to change his tune and began to see Sissa’s wisdom.

The King asked Sissa “what amount would be on the 64th square.” To which Sissa replied “No such number exists, but I will write the amount on the wall of the marble throne room.”

Finally the King began to laugh to himself, for he could see Sissa’s wisdom. He said “Now I see the wisdom in taking care of the small things before they get out of hand...Sissa I want to reward you but you had better make it a big one as there is not enough wealth in all the land to afford another small one.”

All that Sissa asked for was that the rice be given to the poor.

The King did as he was asked and then said to Sissa.

“From this day forward Sissa you will be in charge of taking care of all the small things in this land and all the small needs of my people...then hopefully the big things will take care of themselves.”

Reading

“Here,” by Karen Hering

Here,
where already
you have left behind
by choice or by force
what you knew
what you might have cherished
what you maybe took
for granted.
Here,
where not yet
do you know
where you’re headed
what it will take
what it will give
how it will change you.
Here,
on the threshold
you balance
on a comma
between the no longer
and the not yet.
Now,
may you pause,
breathing in,
breathing out,
on the cusp
in between.
Notice
where fullness gives way
to emptying
as the full moon
each month
sloughs
in its waning
and makes way
for new waxing.
Now,
letting go
of attachments
and assumptions,
may you release
what you’ve clutched
in your fear,
making room
for the stranger
knocking,
who is always you.
Now,
may you discover
what you’ve carried within
all along
but not known, named or needed—
ancestors’ whisperings,
newborn powers,
the hope of the young,
the resilience of Earth and her beings.
Now, these are crucial.
Clear a path
to their wellspring.
Walk it often.
Keep it open.
Now,
may you listen,
one ear turned inward
to your heart
and the body’s knowing.
One ear turned outward
to the suffering—
and the joy—
that will teach us.
Now,
look around you
at the others
waiting with you
on the curl of this comma.
You will need them.
They will need you.
Together
we will round this bend,
cross over
into the not yet,
where,
having let go,
we might finally learn—
anything
is possible
Now,
Here,

Second Hymn 264 “Spring Buds of Hope” words William Wolff tune Lucerna Laudoniae 77. 77. 77. By David Evans

In the springtime of our year
Silver buds of hope appear.
Will the blossom? Will they grow?
We who plant the seed must know.
Will they blossom? Will they grow?
We who plant the seed must know.

Tender shoots thirst for the sun,
Surging with each day begun,
Banish darkness, hate and fear;
Golden fruit will soon appear.
Banish darkness, hate and fear;
Golden fruit will soon appear.

Welcome, children, welcome here,
Silver buds of our late year.
May our harvest still increase
Joys of fellowship and peace.
May our harvest still increase
Joys of fellowship and peace.


Reading

Matthew 5

5When Jesus* saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. 2Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:
3 ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 ‘Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 ‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 ‘Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
8 ‘Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 ‘Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
10 ‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 ‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely* on my account. 12Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
13 ‘You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.
14 ‘You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden.15No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.

Sue’s Address

Forgive me if you’ve heard this before but we were supposed to have a big fat wedding in March and the echoes around here are everywhere ... a shed full of drinks, plates, cups, decorations ready to go up, strings of fairy lights gathered ... waiting, waiting ...

Are we waiting for life to resume as normal? We will have a long wait.
I heard a trailer for something this week, some kind of apocalyptic movie, it announced “there is no going back, just Before and After”

Will we be able to recreate the times that we left before the arrival of Covid-19? Return to the same land and lifestyle? Part of me has certainly spent these last weeks treading water and waiting for things to go ‘back to normal’.

I exist on Facebook but rarely go on. It was a wonderful help in my first months of practice as a celebrant. The organisation I trained with encouraged a closed support group for us to speak and share early experiences and to ask for help if needed, that group continues and I occasionally go on to listen in to the conversation. I have never physically met all but the few on my training course.

Currently there are many celebrants sharing about life ‘out there’ at the crematoria and the graveyards, how strangely overwhelming it can be to make these arrangements with families without physically meeting and within the current restrictions. My friend was mooting that emotional work done via screen and phone is twice as exhausting and I would go with that.

We miss the nuance of face to face conversation. The pauses, the body language, the glance from one member of the family to another when something significant is said. By being present and drinking tea and listening in a family home there is, without doubt, a richer process and a more satisfying encounter both ways. I am working hard to simulate this but longing to get ‘back to normal’.

It’s happening in closer relationships too. But there it has another dimension; intimacy is in transformation.

There are people I know who might not have spoken in person for years but now find themselves in a family WhatsApp group and find that they are learning and sharing all sorts about each other.
Daily check ins can become a sort of semi-public journal which when a family has been estranged or at best distant can gently build bridges that might span all sorts of ancient mistrusts and grudges. Those not used to communicating are finding a new way.

I have been observing my teenage daughter keep in touch with her friends at this time. ‘Before’ she would have used face time and Instagram in the gaps between meeting up in person. I remember my own teenage years and my dad going nuts about how long I could spend on the phone to a friend of an evening despite having seen her at school that day and being due to see her the following day .. my friend’s dad even had a payphone installed in their house!

Connection through conversation, but the phone was just an interim measure between meetings.

I know this is not exclusively the case for Lucy, she certainly has friends she only ever meets in this virtual space and those relationships are not being tested by lockdown. The Facebook friends or distant family we connect with this way. The people we only see once or twice a year, they are currently not under the same strain.

But what about those we are used to seeing in person, regularly?

My usual way of staying close to both my best friend and my son is with a regular face to face catch up.

To keep the contact with my son, which was strained almost to breaking by the divorce from his dad and various other life issues, managing his struggles with his own mental health we have been finding a way to be close and yet careful with each other.
Sitting in the car outside the house he shares with his dad was the solution for a while. We would spend an hour or so talking about the family dogs, my work, good series on Netflix, nothing too deep but a chance to hug and finish any meet with ‘I love you’ and for me to give him vast quantities of my cheese sauce for the freezer. First steps in the rebuilding of something broken.

We then graduated to my dropping in most weeks during a busy working day, we called them my ‘pit stops’, a comfort break and a chance for him to make me one of his delicious coffees at his home but without his dad there. We were both feeling more comfortable, he didn’t have to keep messaging me that he was alright and I had the chance to spontaneously check in and talk and hug (the hugs were important).

In another of my most important relationships with my best friend we don’t feel the need to message all the time or see what each other is doing on Facebook. What we do is meet up about every 3 weeks in a lunch break. We have 35 minutes to eat egg and chips and talk non-stop about our lives and families before she rushes back to school to teach and I head off back to my working day. The staff at the pub we go to know us and smile as they say “the usual” and whichever of us is there first pays for lunch. It is familiar, regular and comforting and just the right amount to keep us close and in touch with each other’s lives.
We hug (hugs are important) and tell each other we are doing our best with whatever life and motherhood is bringing on. It suits us.

This best friend also happens to be my son’s godmother and we know that we can call on each other in between meetings, but we rarely do.

Now take away the face to face, the being with each other physically and we are in uncharted territories.
I am as resistant as they are to picking up the phone, we certainly spent the first weeks just waiting to resume normal contact. However as the conditions continue and we all start to accept that this is not going away any time soon, what to do? Never mind how things will be ‘After’ how do we do ‘Now’?

*********

The most successful social interaction of this housebound chapter has been hippy dancing with a group of women via zoom! This is a practice I enjoy once a month( I call it my ‘hippy’ dancing because any talk of the shamanic or energetic medicine tends to scare the horses, so I stick to ‘hippy’).

The music is already playing as we arrive at the church hall in Chorlton on a Friday night and we dance for 2 hours, taking pleasure in welcoming spiritual nourishment through movement, I like twirling and a good skip around the room. It is bonkers and it is beautiful. So last week on Friday night my wonderful friend and mentor who lays on this treat did it via zoom. There we all were in our different bedrooms and lounges sharing a playlist and so much more. Of course there were technical glitches but that almost made the experience more precious. Against the odds, we made it ...!!

No words, no catch up, no “how are you doing?”. But smiles and connection and a freedom from the constraints of the 4 walls. We are going to be sitting in a virtual Moon Lodge next month for the Solstice, how exciting!
This is a circle of women I feel ultimately safe with. Words are not often needed. Yes there is a talking stick but we often eat lunch in silence and there is emphasis on meditation, chanting and ritual which uses very few words.

So often words get in the way and I say that as someone who writes and delivers hundreds of words a week.

Whether it be the loss of the regular catch up and hug or the perhaps self-inflicted pressure to share more about my daily life than I am used to, I don’t like it. I grieve for the interactions that are lost, temporarily but will there ever be a ‘back to normal’. How can there be when all of us who survive will be changed by the very experience. The river of life has flowed on and we have new toes to be dipping in to the shallows. My most delicate relationships will need time in transformation and it will be fascinating and rather scary to rebuild ‘after’.

The Karen Hering poem is very significant to me. It came along last year at the end of a transformative spiritual journey taken in circle with other women, it came just after Danny had proposed and life was set to change in so many ways. It brings me a lot of comfort now.
The closing lines again:

“Now,
look around you
at the others
waiting with you
on the curl of this comma.
You will need them.
They will need you.
Together
we will round this bend,
cross over
into the not yet,
where,
having let go,
we might finally learn—
anything
is possible
Now,
Here”

*************

Meditation

Let us now share some time together in quiet meditation. Let us quieten our minds…quieten our thoughts…Let us just still ourselves…Let us connect to our bodies…to our breath…to our heart beats…let us listen to the spirit in the silence…Let us be still and let us be silent…

Long Silence approximately 5 minutes

Amen

Music for meditation (Choose something that speaks to you personally)

Third Hymn “This Little Light of Mine”

This little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine
Oh, this little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine

This little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine
Let it shine, Let it shine, let it shine

All around the neighborhood
I'm going to let it shine
All around the neighborhood
I'm going to let it shine
All around the neighborhood
I'm going to let it shine
Let it shine, all the time, let it shine.

Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm going to let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm going to let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm going to let it shine
Let it shine, Let it shine, let it shine.


Reading

"Lost" by David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

-- David Wagoner

Danny’s Address

As many of you know one of my favourite places on earth is Crosby Beach and those 100 identical sculpture’s that go by the title “Another place”. There they stand staring out to sea, perhaps looking for another place, any place but here. These naked, lonely scarecrows staring out into the great big nothing, dreaming of another place. I am sure that we have felt at times these last few weeks that we could be in some other place. The truth is that in regards to our current predicament there really is no other place that any of us can go to escape this virus. It is here with us. There truly is no other place for any of us.

Often in life when trouble strikes we all ask the question why me? Why is this happening to me? It is a question born from taking life personally, it is a self-centred question and one that is probably the curse of our age. The truth is that when bad things happen they are not just happening to us personally, they are happening to others too. In this case it is happening to all of us.
The question “Why me?” always brings that 1960’s classic film to mind “Zulu” just before the camp is about be attacked the soldiers are waiting and the Dutch missionary is being sent away crying out “you are all going to die, can’t you see that, you are all going to die.” The camera then focuses on one private who has fear written all over his face he asks the question out loud “Why, why us” to which colour Sergeant Bourne answers “Because we’re here lad and nobody else, just us.”
Because we are here, we have been given the most precious gift that is life. We have been given the opportunity to live life. Yes sometimes that is hard and painful, but it is life, a privilege I have not always appreciated.
I was reminded the other day of a conversation I had with my grandad on his ninetieth birthday. I recalled him telling me how grateful he was to have lived his life. He died just eighteen months later. My grandad was grateful, every day, for the life he had been given, a life denied to so many of his generation who lost their lives, including his best friend from childhood Percy Hepworth. At 18 both young men joined the Royal Navy and went to sea during the war. My grandad came home, Percy was lost at sea. My grandad prayed every night in gratitude and promised he would live as long as he could for both his life and Percy’s. He rarely wished for another place, he lived the life he had and was grateful for it. He had his share of pain and suffering made many mistakes, but he lived his life and not only for himself. Every night he offered a prayer of gratitude and made his pledged to his friend Percy.
I cannot make that claim about my life. How often have I wanted my life to be different. I think we are all experiencing these feelings at the moment. Many folk are grieving a loss of much of their usual life, I know I am as are many around me. I am a person who likes solitude, time and space alone, but I am also an active person I love to be in an amongst people. I miss this, my heart and soul craves it. I hear so many others yearning for the life that was just a couple of months ago. We are grieving the loss of the lives we had not so long ago.
Now while it is true that we miss the life we had, but it is also true that was not without its troubles back then. I know from talking to folk that many were not happy about the state of their own lives, their families, their communities, their countries and this our shared world. And yet there is this desperate desire to get back to what we once had. As the song goes “You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til its gone.” We have nostalgia for the recent past but is it exactly as we remember it.
Now nostalgia is an interesting word. Like so much of the English language it doesn’t necessarily mean what it once did. Originally it meant “severe homesickness considered as a disease” from the German heimweh (home+woe) homesickness. It is rooted in the ancient Greek words “algos” meaning pain, Grief, distress and “nostos” meaning homecoming. Nostalgia is a painful homecoming. It is a yearning for some other place, or a yearning for how this place used to be. Nostalgia is neither accurate nor healthy, things are never what we remember them to be. I always remember something my other granddad used to say, there was no such thing as the good old days, things were not better then. Those who grew up in the first half of the twentieth century were always in danger of all kinds of diseases, and other health issues that thankfully we no longer have to worry about. My other grandad lost his younger brother Harry from a burst appendix as a child. I am told he was so fond of me, because I reminded him of his beloved brother.
No I am not going to look back, with the ache of nostalgia, I prefer to look forward, towards a new hope, to create something better, a new hope that can grow from the ashes of our current despair.
A friend of mine recently sent me a tweet published by Suzie Dent of Countdown fame, it read “I’ve just discovered the beautiful word “respair” (15th century), and it feels like we need it today: fresh hope,; a recovery from despair.”

It was originally published in 2017 but it seems to me something we need today, perhaps more than ever. I feel that things will not return to what we call normality, certainly not in the short term and actually they will never return to exactly as they were before. Nothing in life repeats, in exactly the same way. To quote Heraclitus “no one steps in the same river twice, because the river is not the same and neither is the person” We will change and society and life will change in some way. This ought to breed despair, although no doubt we have all experienced this at times, I have. So how do we turn back and live in Hope, born from that same despair. Well perhaps the solution is a fresh hope, a new hope a recovery from despair, perhaps what we actually need is respair.
But where to begin, you may well ask. Well it begins in this moment now as we are trying to get by day by day. This is where “respair grows. This is where we begin, where new hope is born right here right now. We need to begin to give birth to it, to live in and by respair.
It begins close at hand; it begins with the first step right here right now. This brings to mind a favourite poem by David Whyte “Start Close In”

start close in ~david whyte

Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take.
Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting
the conversation.
Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people’s questions,
don’t let them
smother something
simple.
To find
another’s voice,
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes a
private ear
listening
to another.
Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don’t follow
someone else’s
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don’t mistake
that other
for your own.
Start close in,
don’t take
the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take.

~David Whyte, River Flow: New and Selected Poems

Respair begins here now and it begins close in with the first step.” It begins with our own question. It begins by giving up on others questions. It begins by trusting what is within us, with trusting that there is a goodness within us.

Respair begins close at hand. We need to seek not only the answers but the right questions and begin to live them. I’m not sure that there is a clear road map, we have to begin to trust ourselves, trust what we are formed from, what we are made of, but we will only do that if we can trust what is within us. We have to believe that we are the light of the world, that the light is within us if we are to begin to build the kin-dom of love right here now, to build a new future for all, to not merely repair society but to truly bring respair to life, to create a new hope, a fresh hope to bring about a recovery from the current despair.

So let’s begin to respair, to give birth to a fresh hope, a new hope and let’s begin close with the first step, the step we don’t want to take.

Amen..

Fourth Hymn 133 (Green) How Can I Keep from Singing” words (Early Quaker Song) Music Singing 87. 87. D Iambic American Gospel Tune

My life flows on in endless song above earth’s lamentation.
I hear the real though far off hymn that hails a new creation.
Through all the tumult and the strife I hear the music ringing.
It sounds an echo in my soul. How can I keep from singing!
What though the tempest ’round me roars, I know the truth, it liveth.
What though the darkness ’round me close, songs in the night it giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that rock I’m clinging.
Since love prevails in heav’n and earth, how can I keep from singing!
When tyrants tremble as they hear the bells of freedom ringing,
when friends rejoice both far and near, how can I keep from singing!
To prison cell and dungeon vile our thoughts to them are winging;
when friends by shame are undefiled, how can I keep from singing!
 
Closing Words

May the Eternal Bless you and protect you!
May the Eternal smile on you and favour you!
May the Eternal befriend you and prosper you!
May we carry the song of the eternal with us in all that we feel, all that we think, all that we say and all that we do.
Amen

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