To Live in Ever Widening Circles

At the recent Ministerial Fellowship pre-conference meetings we focused on what is often called “small group ministry”. We explored our experiences of leading what are also referred to as “Covenant” and or “Engagement” groups. It was good to hear and listen to other’s experiences. It was lovely to open up to colleagues and to listen to them open up to one other. We truly "engaged" with the subject.

I have been reflecting ever since on the groups I have been a part of in the congregations I have belonged to and I have served. As well as my ministerial support group and other groups I have been a part of and led in other Unitarian settings. I also thought about intentional groups of people I have been involved with in recent years and throughout my life. It seems that I belong and move in a variety of groups of people, small and large. I noticed that many overlap in interesting ways.

I think what I love the most about such groups, is that they allow those who are part of them to truly engage in fascinating ways. When they work really well, they operate in invitational and open ways. What I mean by this is that when people share who they are, they begin to invite the other to do the same. They show me that the most personal is often the most universal. They have also revealed, beautifully to me, what being open with others is really about.

I used to think that to be open, with another person, meant that you told them everything about yourself. I no longer see it this way. Openness seems to me to be more about inviting those you are engaging with to come as they are, exactly as they are, in this moment. Openness, it seems to me, is about opening and widening your circle to include ever more, to invite the other and in so doing they will do the same, thus creating ever widening circles. In so doing people begin to live by what Parker J Palmer has named “Soul Truth”

During the conference Rev Liz Birtles led a group based on the Quaker and educator Parker J Palmer inspired by his book “A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life”, now as you have no doubt noticed I have a love of Parker J Palmer’s approach to life and spirituality. The following is an extract from “A Hidden Wholeness”. Here he describes a way to develop a circle of trust which enables those who find it difficult to speak to share their truth. He writes:

"In Western culture, we often seek truth through confrontation. But our headstrong ways of charging at truth scare the shy soul away. If soul truth is to be spoken and heard, it must be approached 'on the slant.' I do not mean we should be coy, speaking evasively about subjects that make us uncomfortable, which weakens us and our relationships. But soul truth is so powerful that we must allow ourselves to approach it, and it to approach us, indirectly. We must invite, not command, the soul to speak. We must allow, not force, ourselves to listen."

"We achieve intentionality in a circle of trust by focusing on an important topic. We achieve indirection by exploring that topic metaphorically, via a poem, a story, a piece of music, or a work of art that embodies it. I call these embodiments 'third things' because they represent neither the voice of the facilitator nor the voice of a participant. They have voices of their own, voices that tell the truth about a topic but, in the manner of metaphors, tell it on the slant. Mediated by a third thing, truth can emerge from, and return to, our awareness at whatever pace and depth we are able to handle — sometimes inwardly in silence, sometimes aloud in community — giving the shy soul the protective cover it needs."

"Rightly used, a third thing functions a bit like the old Rorschach inkblot test, evoking from us whatever the soul wants us to attend to. Mediated by a good metaphor, the soul is more likely than usual to have something to say. But the fact will count for nothing if we fail to recognize that the soul is speaking or fail to pay attention to what it says."

Here I feel that Palmer captures beautifully what I call spiritual intimacy, creating and holding that space that is open and invitational where new truths can emerge and the circles of invitation ever widens. Such circles can be transformative for the individual involved and can affect how they live in their every day lives. I have witnessed this powerfully with several people who have engaged in the grief group I have been “facilitating” these last two years. That said I have seen it in so many of the circles I move in as they have widened and deepened.

As I was reflecting on all of this a poem by Rilke began to sing in my heart and soul. It seems to speak so powerfully to me of what the purpose of living in an engaged way is all about, as we invite others into our lives we invite more of the true experience of living both in and out., as these circles widen and our experience of life both deepens and widens. I’m not sure we ever truly know more, but we will certainly experience more, which only leads to ever more questions and thus, to quote Rilke, we begin to truly live our way into some kind of answers. Here is Rilke’s poem

"I Live My Life In Widening Circles" by Rainer Maria Rilke

I live my life in widening circles
that reach out across the world.
I may not complete this last one
but I give myself to it.

I circle around God, around the primordial tower.
I've been circling for thousands of years
and I still don't know: am I a falcon,
a storm, or a great song?

Rilke’s poem so beautifully evokes the image of ever expanding spheres, much like ripples on a pond, those concentric cirlces. It brings to my heart the idea of moving from the centre of the circle and expand and stretch ourselves to include ever more of life. As we are expanded we expose ourselves to new experiences and people, this is both exhilarating and frightening all at the same time. As the journey continues fear evaporates even though the circles are never completed, certainly not the last one. That said one is compelled to give their whole life to the experience. This is the classic spiritual journey, as it is not about the destination, this is not the gift, the gift is the journey itself. The beauty is not in the outcome but the experience. The poem beautifully reminds me how wonderful it is to live in such a way, to ever widen the circles so as to include more people, more ideas, more experiences, rather than to live in contracting spaces that seek to cut out that which makes one feel uncomfortable, which just makes life smaller and less fulfilling.

Now sadly, as I look at the world right now, I do not see ever widening circles. In fact what I see more of is ever decreasing circles, people circling the wagons and trying to keep others out. The end result, is the disease of the age, ever more growing distrust and loneliness. As we decrease these circles to keep out those we see as somehow different, as other, distrust and violence grows. This is happening within community and across communities, within nations and between nations. We are closing in and keeping out, building walls, when what we ought to be doing is building bridges.

Well actually maybe we don’t need to build bridges perhaps what we need is to widen our circles and invite the other in. Edwin Markham captured this beautifully in the middle section “Outwitted” from his lovely poem “Epigrams”

Outwitted

He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, a rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!

So what can we do? Well I believe we can do much. Where does it begin? Well I believe it begins in our own hearts and souls, in our own homes and in our own communities. We need to begin to expand our own circles. We need to begin to live more invitationally and openly, we need to invite the other into our circle. This is risky and scary I know but my goodness our world needs it. This to me is our ultimate religious role and task. In so doing we will not only allow others to be less afraid of us and who they are, but we will also liberate ourselves.

Now this is no easy task, of course it is not. That said I believe that it is one that is worth undertaking. I believe it is the challenge of our age. I believe that maybe it is the task and the challenge of the open faith tradition I have found a home within. I believe that it is our task to ever widen our circle so as include all, for there can be no limit to love. This begins by putting love at the core of the circle and to understand that if we see love as the circumference we will see there is no limit, for no one can be excluded from love. For if they are, it is not love.

For love is eternal and love is perfect and love knows no limits.

I will end this "blogspot" with some words by Wendell Berry

The Larger Circle, by Wendell Berry

We clasp the hands of those that go before us,
And the hands of those who come after us.
We enter the little circle of each other’s arms
And the larger circle of lovers,
Whose hands are joined in a dance
And the larger circle of all creatures
Passing in and out of life
Who move also in a dance
To a music so subtle and vast that no ear hears it
Except in fragments.