Sunday 13 October 2013

Hauling Out Stones: Reconciling Ourselves


In “Eternal Echoes” John O’Donohue wrote:

“When personal guilt in relation to a past event becomes a continuous cloud over your life, you are locked in a mental prison. You have become your own jailer. Although you should not erase your responsibility for the past, when you make the past your jailer, you destroy your future. It is such a great moment of liberation when you learn to forgive yourself, let the burden go, and walk out into a new path of promise and possibility. Self-compassion is a wonderful gift to give yourself.

And D. Patrick Miller wrote “Never forget to forgive yourself is to release trapped energy that could be doing good in the world.”

I wonder sometimes if we ever reconcile, if we ever put things right with ourselves; I wonder sometimes if the reason we find it hard to move on with our lives and do all that we can to serve our world is because we have never released ourselves from our own shame and guilt. How many of us can honestly say they have become fully reconciled with every aspect themselves?

What I mean by this is how many of us have truly reconciled ourselves with our whole selves? I know I still find it hard to truly forgive myself for the way I have been in my darkest days. For the way I viewed myself, others and the world in which I live. It is hard for me to truly recognise that man today, but I know I must if I am to understand everyone I come into contact with; If I am love them without prejudice; if I am to serve life; if I am to minister, which of course means to serve.

Over the last few days I have been remembering a time of my life, just 10 years ago. I have been re-connecting, reconciling myself with the memory. I see this as a truly religious act; remember religion comes from "religare" which means to re-bind. It is an attempt to reconcile myself with this man, something I feel I must do if I am to truly minister; it is something I must do so as to release me to do all that I can in the world.

The image that has been speaking to me is of a reflection of myself in a shop window, ten years ago almost to the day and the utter hatred I felt for that figure looking back at me. It was initially just a glimpse out of the corner of my eye and then I stopped, I paused and realised just how much I hated the man looking back at me in the glass. Now I know this sounds dreadful but it was a real turning point in my life, from that moment forward things began to change. I am so far removed from that figure today and yet this man was me, is me, but I find it very hard to recognise him and there is a part of me that still cannot love him, that doesn’t want to know him, that rejects him.

Of all the stories that Jesus told I think it is the “Parable of the Prodigal Son” (Luke Ch 15 vv 11-31) that speaks most powerfully to me. It is a universal tale that speaks on so many levels about the blessings and troubles with forgiveness and reconciliation. There are three characters in the tale a father and his two sons. The youngest son squanders his inheritance on a hedonistic lifestyle, he loses everything. In desperation he sells himself into slavery and due to a great famine finds himself close to starvation. It is at this point of utter despair and hopelessness that he remembers where he has come from, he remembers his father and reasons that even his father’s slaves have a better life than him. So he returns home to throw himself on his father's mercy, not as his son but as a slave. On hearing he is returning his father rushes to meet him. As his son atones his father does more than forgive him. He kisses him, a beautiful touch of intimacy and orders that the fatted calf be slaughtered and a huge party of much rejoicing be held, to celebrate the return of his son who was once lost but now is found.

The parable of "The Prodigal Son" is a beautiful tale of redemption and forgiveness, but is it a realistic one? If only it was that easy. Well actually there is so much more to this story than has already been discussed, there is another character who does not find forgiveness so easy to come by. There is the other brother who refuses to rejoice and celebrate the returning of his long lost sibling. Quite the opposite in fact, he is angry, he is indignant, he will not reconcile with his brother and is now at odds with his father. In fact he does not even refer to the "prodigal" as his own brother. Instead he names his as “This son of yours” and by doing so disowns him emotionally. He tells his father all he has done for him and yet has received nothing in return for his good and virtuous life. His father pleads with him and then utters the immortal words, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.” He tells his older son that all that is his belongs to him and also reminds him that this brother of his has returned from the dead. He reminds him that he is his brother and therefore a part of him. They were all three of them once bound together and now need to be once again reconciled, they need to be re-bound. Reconciliation is a deeply religious act.

I wonder sometimes if I myself have become like the older brother who really would rather not recognise the younger brother who is a part of me. It is not easy to forgive ourselves for our failings. I think sometimes I would prefer to disown that aspect of myself, but I know that this is not the right way, the loving way. I know if I want to truly be of service to this world I need to be fully reconciled with all that I am, so as to be able to love without prejudice. I also need to recognise that in each and every person exists each of the three “Prodigal Son” characters. The one who is returning seeking forgiveness, the one offering forgiveness and the one who can feel rejected and neglected by this expression of love. Reconciliation is a process and one that takes time; it is a long journey but one that is certainly worth embarking upon. It is far from easy, but it is without a shadow of a doubt worth embarking upon.

So how do we begin the journey? How do we forgive ourselves for our own short comings? How do we reconcile every aspect of ourselves? How can we once again be at peace with our distracted hearts and minds? How do we, imperfect as we all are, return home? How do we accept that kiss of reconciliation? How we do we once again accept those aspects of ourselves that have rejected the love offered to us?

Some may ask why do we need to reconcile ourselves? This is all self indulgence; we just need to get on with our lives. Well if only we could. So many people seem to endlessly punish themselves. How often I have heard people in just the last few weeks say that "They are ashamed of themselves" for all manner of small things. I wonder if it is the small things that has caused this feeling or whether it is something much deeper hidden within them. If I have learnt anything in life I have learnt that if we do not forgive ourselves and fully reconcile ourselves with every part of our being we will not be able to fully live in our world and give to our world all that we able to give. The fruits of life are there for all of us to delight in and yet so many still feel unworthy of them, this saddens me.

I have learnt that the journey of reconciliation begins with listening. We need to listen "with ears of our hearts". We need to learn to listen to ourselves and to one another. This allows us to draw closer to one another and to those aspects of ourselves we would rather keep hidden, locked away. This often requires seeking counsel from someone else, someone who can understand in a none judgemental way.

In the Catholic tradition there exists the “Sacrament of Reconciliation”, more commonly known as confession. Now the picture that is often painted of this is that it is an attempt to seek forgiveness from the priest or from God, but there is so much more to it than this. The real gift of this sacrament is that it creates a sacred space where a person can speak openly with another human being about what has been haunting them. By sharing our struggles with another human being we are literally getting them out of our heads and therefore giving these ghosts from the past and or present air to breathe, thus enabling us to see them with new, with fresh eyes. It allows us a new perspective on ourselves and our own lives. It allows us to fully reconcile ourselves with every aspect of our being, something that is difficult nay impossible if attempted alone. This is why intimate friends are so vital, why counsellors and therapists are important and why ministers, priests, rabbis, priestesses and Imams play such a vital role in people’s lives.

We all need a place where we can go, where someone will draw close to us and listen as we come close to who we are in all our hope and despair. Where we can truly reveal all that we are “warts and all and beauty spots too.” Where we can be taken out of our silent isolation, where the stones of our imperfection can begin to be hauled out.

This idea is near perfectly illustrated in the following poem by Nancy Shaffer:

“Hauling Out Stones” by Nancy Shaffer

Once, he said an odd thing:

Forgiving begins with someone

sitting near.

Later, he said, It isn’t for the one

who did the hurting.

It’s the other one who needs it.

One day, without warning,

he wept.

I sat close.

He told an old hurt

in half-sentences and single words

like stones he was coming upon, new;

like tree limbs, broken,

which he needed both arms for hauling aside.

A half-dozen times that summer we sat,

he weeping, hauling out stones,

gathering limbs; I near.

The stones got smaller,

his sentences, longer.

He said, It’s the crying part

I couldn’t do by myself.

And later he said, I feel cleaned out.

A wan smile.

Still later, he said,

I think I’ve done it.

Made a kind of peace, he meant.

He slapped his palm hard against mine.

Laughed. Slapped his palm again.

Reconciliation begins by finding someone we can truly be ourselves with; it begins by finding someone who by drawing close can help us begin to truly reconcile ourselves, which ever son or daughter or father or mother you are. If you are anything like me, which I suspect most people are, you are no doubt a bit of each.

To fully live, to not get weighed down by the past requires reconciliation on every level. To truly be all we can be in this world of ours we must learn to forgive, not to forget quite the opposite actually. We need to remember, we need to re-member, we need to rejoin together all that we are. For me I need to not only learn to smile and love that man who looks back at me in mirror today but the one from 10, 20, 30, 40 years ago. For others that might be something different.. That said I firmly believe that reconciliation begins when we draw closer to ourselves and to one another.



24 comments:

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    1. I am one of those people who said, “I’ll never call a psychic or a magician or whatever” to help me with my problems – least of all my love problems, but I reached the point where I knew I needed some guidance, and I’m so glad I found this man called dr.ajeghe. When I nearly lost David in one of our stupid,fights (he broke up with me), I thought I had lost everything.i cry all day and think that he will never come back to me again.i read so many testimony about Dr. ajeghe love spell,how he help to bring back ex lover back.I quickly email him.and also get back my husband with his love spell. And when I was at my most desperate,he didn’t take advantage of me. You performed a very good service for a person in true need. I don’t know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know is, IT WORKS!! David my husband and I are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to dr.ajeghe email him for any kinds of help is very capable and reliable for help ajeghespelltemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +2349069171173

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  4. I Thank You Dr Dros because my life is back!!! After 6 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted you and after I explained my problems to you. In just 12 hours, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr Dros you are the best spell caster i really appreciate the love spell you casted for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again Dr Dros at Drossuva@gmail.com incase you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: Drossuva@gmail.com or contact him through his website at http:drossolution.webs.com CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: Drossuva@gmail.com or contact him directly on his website at Drossuva@gmail.com HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

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  7. Dr Dros HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX GIRL FRIEND BACK TO ME. Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex girl friend that i love so much. Am from USA. i had a girl friend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her girl friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girl friend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this when ever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me. i was so confuse cos i cant live witout her one day i decided to contact a spell caster and i emailed him with his email Drossuva@yahoo.com and he replied me so kindly and help me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for a months. Am so happy and all thanks to the GREAT Dr Dros . that help me with his white love powers. If you have any kind of problem email him now for help with his email
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  8. my name is lana rose, I must make this testimony know to all. I’ve been to other spell casters and psychic readers before, but in my opinion you are the best. I just wished I came to you earlier, but hey I got the best for last, and that is Dr.Aza. My ex was gone for a year and I went everywhere and other spell casters for help but no result until my friend introduce me to Dr.Aza After the Love Spell was done.I finally got calls from him out of no where within 48 hours. He came back with full of love and flowers. Him and the other lady broke up and we are going to get married next month… You are truly God sent to fix broken relationship. To everyone who is looking for a real spell caster for relationship help, contact Dr. Aza .Email azaspellcaster@gmail.com or you can whats APP his number on +2348107155060 Thanks

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  9. How I Got My Husband Back........... My Names is Monica Brown ,AM from United states .i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in June last year on a business summit i meet a man called Dr Aduwawa, is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love s gone misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job i m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 4weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3 year i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try and in 6 days when i returned to taxes my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help his email address: aduwawaspiritualtemple01@gmail.com

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  10. My name is SYLVIA, I never thought I will smile again, My husband left me with two kids for one year, All effort to bring him back failed I thought I'm not going to see him again not until I met a lady called Jesse who told me about a spell caster called Dr.KEN, She gave me his email address and mobile number and I contacted him and he assured me that within 48 hours my husband will come back to me, In less than 48 hours my husband came back started begging for forgiveness saying it is the devils work, so I'm still surprise till now about this miracle,i couldn't conceive but as soon as the spell was cast,i became pregnant and gave birth to my third child(Michelle) if you need any assistance from him you can contact him via email; [drkenlovespell@gmail.com] his telephone number is +1(903) 847-0267

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  11. MY name is kapil weafer, I feel very happy to share my great and wonderful testimony with everyone on this site..: I was married for 4 years to my husband and all of a sudden another woman came into the picture he started hating me and he was abusive. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost.... He filed for divorce and my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do, he moved out of the house and abandoned me and the kids... my very close friend told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster so i decided to try it. although i didn't believe in all those things then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2 days, my husband came back and was pleading that he had realized his mistakes I just couldn't believe it, anyway we are back together now and we are happy in case anyone needs help here is his email address; driraborspellcaster@gmail.com His spells is for a better life OR call his number +13019098775

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  12. This is my testimony about the good work of Dr UZOYA who help me.... I'm VIOLET from London. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog sit, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me after contacting this man, I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on; driraborspellcaster@gmail.com you can call him on +1(301) 909 8775

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  13. i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my ex husband after divorce, i and my husband have been married for 8 years with 2 kids, we have been a happy family. Last year his behavior towards me and the kids changed, i suspected he was meeting another woman outside out marriage, any time i confronted him, he threatened to divorce me, i did all i could to make hings right but all to no avail until i saw a post on a "love and relationship forum" about a spell caster who helps people to cast spell on marriage and relationship issues, when i contacted this spell caster via email, he helped me cast a re-union spell and my husband changed and came apologizing to me and the kids. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage issues via this email: chiefdrlucky@gmail.com or Whats App him on +2348132777335 Website: http://chiefdrluckysolutionhome.website2.me/ Good luck

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  14. I am one of those people who said, “I’ll never call a psychic or a magician or whatever” to help me with my problems – least of all my love problems, but I reached the point where I knew I needed some guidance, and I’m so glad I found this man called dr.ajeghe. When I nearly lost David in one of our stupid,fights (he broke up with me), I thought I had lost everything.i cry all day and think that he will never come back to me again.i read so many testimony about Dr. ajeghe love spell,how he help to bring back ex lover back.I quickly email him.and also get back my husband with his love spell. And when I was at my most desperate,he didn’t take advantage of me. You performed a very good service for a person in true need. I don’t know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know is, IT WORKS!! David my husband and I are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to dr.ajeghe email him for any kinds of help is very capable and reliable for help ajeghespelltemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +2349069171173

    ReplyDelete
  15. I had struggle relationship with my husband in the past which led to divorce with my first husband. After i and my ex husband got divorced, i had another chance to re-marry again and just 5 years of my second marriage there was another divorce which almost killed me emotionally. I stayed for another two years been unmarried and a single mother. Honestly I wasn't really happy it because every woman need a man in her life, there was a time i saw my first husbands photo and i realized how much i loved him and have missed him. I tried to get to him but i was told that he moved on with his life and we may never been together again. I wept bitterly that night thinking i have lost the man that i have had so much love for. I asked for advise on what to do and a friend of mine gave me a contact of Osasu Solution Temple, i consulted him and to his very best with his powerful spells he helped me with a Reunion Marriage Love Spell to returned my ex husband back to me, in just 9 days i had enchanter with a spiritual reunion prayers with priest Osasu everything turn around for good in my life, I am now happily living with my first husband again and sort out the divorce issues. with the help of Osasu temple, his a man of wisdom and care. Thanks and i appreciate all the help you have rendered to get my ex husband back into my life again. I testify here today that Osasu temple is powerful it can resolve all problem in a broken relationship with love once. contact him for solutions to any kind of relationship problem. Email....(drosasu25@gmail.com) You can also call him or add him on WhatsApp +2347064365391

    ReplyDelete
  16. I had struggle relationship with my husband in the past which led to divorce with my first husband. After i and my ex husband got divorced, i had another chance to re-marry again and just 5 years of my second marriage there was another divorce which almost killed me emotionally. I stayed for another two years been unmarried and a single mother. Honestly I wasn't really happy it because every woman need a man in her life, there was a time i saw my first husbands photo and i realized how much i loved him and have missed him. I tried to get to him but i was told that he moved on with his life and we may never been together again. I wept bitterly that night thinking i have lost the man that i have had so much love for. I asked for advise on what to do and a friend of mine gave me a contact of Osasu Solution Temple, i consulted him and to his very best with his powerful spells he helped me with a Reunion Marriage Love Spell to returned my ex husband back to me, in just 9 days i had enchanter with a spiritual reunion prayers with priest Osasu everything turn around for good in my life, I am now happily living with my first husband again and sort out the divorce issues. with the help of Osasu temple, his a man of wisdom and care. Thanks and i appreciate all the help you have rendered to get my ex husband back into my life again. I testify here today that Osasu temple is powerful it can resolve all problem in a broken relationship with love once. contact him for solutions to any kind of relationship problem. Email....(drosasu25@gmail.com) You can also call him or add him on WhatsApp +2347064365391

    ReplyDelete
  17. I had struggle relationship with my husband in the past which led to divorce with my first husband. After i and my ex husband got divorced, i had another chance to re-marry again and just 5 years of my second marriage there was another divorce which almost killed me emotionally. I stayed for another two years been unmarried and a single mother. Honestly I wasn't really happy it because every woman need a man in her life, there was a time i saw my first husbands photo and i realized how much i loved him and have missed him. I tried to get to him but i was told that he moved on with his life and we may never been together again. I wept bitterly that night thinking i have lost the man that i have had so much love for. I asked for advise on what to do and a friend of mine gave me a contact of Osasu Solution Temple, i consulted him and to his very best with his powerful spells he helped me with a Reunion Marriage Love Spell to returned my ex husband back to me, in just 9 days i had enchanter with a spiritual reunion prayers with priest Osasu everything turn around for good in my life, I am now happily living with my first husband again and sort out the divorce issues. with the help of Osasu temple, his a man of wisdom and care. Thanks and i appreciate all the help you have rendered to get my ex husband back into my life again. I testify here today that Osasu temple is powerful it can resolve all problem in a broken relationship with love once. contact him for solutions to any kind of relationship problem. Email....(drosasu25@gmail.com) You can also call him or add him on WhatsApp +2347064365391

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  18. I had struggle relationship with my husband in the past which led to divorce with my first husband. After i and my ex husband got divorced, i had another chance to re-marry again and just 5 years of my second marriage there was another divorce which almost killed me emotionally. I stayed for another two years been unmarried and a single mother. Honestly I wasn't really happy it because every woman need a man in her life, there was a time i saw my first husbands photo and i realized how much i loved him and have missed him. I tried to get to him but i was told that he moved on with his life and we may never been together again. I wept bitterly that night thinking i have lost the man that i have had so much love for. I asked for advise on what to do and a friend of mine gave me a contact of Osasu Solution Temple, i consulted him and to his very best with his powerful spells he helped me with a Reunion Marriage Love Spell to returned my ex husband back to me, in just 9 days i had enchanter with a spiritual reunion prayers with priest Osasu everything turn around for good in my life, I am now happily living with my first husband again and sort out the divorce issues. with the help of Osasu temple, his a man of wisdom and care. Thanks and i appreciate all the help you have rendered to get my ex husband back into my life again. I testify here today that Osasu temple is powerful it can resolve all problem in a broken relationship with love once. contact him for solutions to any kind of relationship problem. Email....(drosasu25@gmail.com) You can also call him or add him on WhatsApp +2347064365391

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  19. HOW I GOT MY EX HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF REAL AND EFFECTIVE SPELL FROM DR Osasu My This wonderful cast called Dr Osasu help me return my husband back after he abandoned me and the kids for 2 years without visiting. A friend of mine told me how the powerful spell caster helped her and i contacted him via the email address my friend gave me, i told him my problem and he assured me victory, in less than 48 hours after i did all he instructed me to do, he called me for the first time after he left me, he pleaded for my forgiveness now we are living happily. if you need his help you can reach him on his personal email (drosasu25@gmail.com) or call him +2347064365391

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  20. ​I had struggle relationship with my husband in the past which led to divorce with my first husband. After i and my ex husband got divorced, i had another chance to re-marry again and just 5 years of my second marriage there was another divorce which almost killed me emotionally. I stayed for another two years been unmarried and a single mother. Honestly I wasn't really happy it because every woman need a man in her life, there was a time i saw my first husbands photo and i realized how much i loved him and have missed him. I tried to get to him but i was told that he moved on with his life and we may never been together again. I wept bitterly that night thinking i have lost the man that i have had so much love for. I asked for advise on what to do and a friend of mine gave me a contact of Osasu Solution Temple, i consulted him and to his very best with his powerful spells he helped me with a Reunion Marriage Love Spell to returned my ex husband back to me, in just 9 days i had enchanter with a spiritual reunion prayers with priest Osasu everything turn around for good in my life, I am now happily living with my first husband again and sort out the divorce issues. with the help of Osasu temple, his a man of wisdom and care. Thanks and i appreciate all the help you have rendered to get my ex husband back into my life again. I testify here today that Osasu temple is powerful it can resolve all problem in a broken relationship with love once. contact him for solutions to any kind of relationship problem. Email....(drosasu25@gmail.com) You can also call him or add him on WhatsApp +2347064365391

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  21. I am very happy today with my family. My name is lisa tommy living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Jato a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email jatolovespell@gmail.com Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without stress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (jatolovespell@gmail.com) or contact him on his whatsapp mobile line +2348140033827.

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